Just a couple of comments to make... nothing much, really.

If the Mercury and Jupiter were my younger sisters, looking
to me as a kind of mom Mars was my Goth twin sister, angry
at the world, and now with the raw power to burn the world.

'angry at the world and now with the raw power to burn it.' would work
better, I think.  Less repetitive.

At times I ownder what would happen if Ami werent around to
arose her latent protective impulses.

'arouse her latent' I suppose is what you're trying to say?  Odd way of
putting it, regardless.  It seems to work even though it's somewhat jarring
to see such an unlikely phrase.  Oh, and it should be "weren't", by the way.

I shivered as I felt a voice saying, "Soon."

******************

"Soon."

"Hey, old Ghoul, ya ok?

I didn't really understand this, but I'm hardly the most comprehending of
people when it comes to subtelty.  Straight out 'this is this', and 'that is
that' is pretty much all I ever see, so... *shrugs*

I do have to admit that I didn't read the original story all this discussion
is springing up over.  I'm torn between hunting it down by looking through
my mailbox, and deciding to never read it simply out of laziness and a
rather inane idea (yes, I'm hunting for justification) that denying myself
what appears to be a very good (or at least passable enough to cause a good
deal of comments) builds character.  I expect that I won't be reading it, to
tell you the truth. ;)

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