$Whee! This was frickin awesome. Here's some C&C by way of thanks.
Slayers: Return
A Slayers Altiverse Fanfiction
By mrthou
Author's notes, warning, and disclaimer moved to the end.
This fanfic contains spoilers for the first two TV seasons of The
Slayers.
==========
Begin Chapter 1
==========
Lina Inverse gazed warily across at her opponent, weapon poised
to strike.
$So obviously about food it's painful.
He was good, she had to admit. Almost as good as herself.
Certainly, if she weren't careful, she could lose. What an unbearable
thought that was! She needed a plan of attack.
The setting sun was at her back, hiding her features in shadow,
and giving her hair an intimidating fiery cast. The landscape was
$intimidating, fiery cast.
bleak: where only hours before it had been heavily populated, now it was
nearly barren, with only a few bones and pieces of broken ceramic
scattered around in silent testament to its former habitation. The rich
aroma of cooked flesh permeated the atmosphere, raising her fighting
spirits.
Clash!
Quickly, she lashed out, only to have her weapon parried
expertly by her opponent. There gazes locked momentarily, and then he
struck.
She dipped her shoulder, allowing the sunlight to shine directly
into his face. He slid to the left and blocked her counter-thrust.
Back and forth they battled, matching wills, weapons flashing in
the dying light. Neither one could gain an advantage. The air around
them was alive with the sometimes musical, sometimes rasping sounds of
metal on metal. Lina briefly considered tossing off a few spells, but
thought better of it. There were rules to this particular contest,
after all. And besides, how could she prove her dominance if she
cheated?
She started lobbing insults with her strikes, trying to distract
him, but her opponent seemed unfazed. With an expression of serene
calm, seeming to border almost on stupidity, he parried blow after blow,
seeming to put little effort behind each precise movement.
Lina felt truly alive. This was what life was about: living for
the moment, the contest, the doing, not the watching. Life, after all,
was not a spectator's sport. With a rush of adrenalin, she powered
forward, pushing her opponent momentarily off balance.
Before she could take advantage of the opening, he slipped under
her guard and attacked. Frantically, Lina blocked, and quickly found
herself on the defensive.
They disengaged, and backed away, panting from their exertions.
<Damn it!> Lina thought. <I'm not getting anywhere. All right, that's
it. Kiddy gloves are off, now.> She raised her weapon and prepared to
strike.
Suddenly, he launched himself forward, lashing out with a left
handed strike. NO! Lina Inverse dove forward, deflecting the attack at
the last possible second. With all her strength she slashed at her
opponent's weapon.
Ching!
Her opponent lost his grip, and his implement flipped up and
away.
She looked smugly at him, and knocked his weapon out of the air,
away from them. Ah, the thrill of victory. She smiled.
So did he.
Uh oh. That wasn't right. Quickly, she glanced over to where
his weapon had fallen, and saw... a spoon.
She looked down at the table, and saw his fork firmly embedded
in the last sausage.
$Knew it. Heh heh. Good fight scene, very Slayers-typical.
"Noooooooo!" she cried, collapsing to her chair. "I lost!"
"I win!" Gourry said happily. "Hey, Lina, what do you think of
my new technique?"
Lina looked sorrowfully up at her protector, and said
mournfully, "What?"
Gourry nodded once and smiled, "I call it, Way of the Fork!"
With surprising speed and power, Lina punched him in the face.
Then she took the last sausage.
$Heh, she took Gourry's sausage. No, wait, this isn't a lemon.
"Lina-san, that wasn't very nice," Sylphiel admonished. She
was sitting two tables away. She had seen Lina and Gourry eat before,
after all, and knew better than to come between them and food. It could
prove to be hazardous to her health. "Gourry-sama defeated you fairly.
Don't you think he deserves the... reward?"
$Slayers: Reward. Yeah, there's the lemon.
"He hasn't eaten it yet. It's fair game."
"Yes, but punching him wasn't in the rules."
"It wasn't _not_ in the rules either." Lina gestured over at
Gourry. "Besides, he should've expected it."
Sylphiel just looked at her accusingly in response.
"Ahhrrg!" Lina said irritably. She waved her arms around
theatrically. "What was I supposed to do? He stole my sausage!"
$Me: A very Freudian response. Let us talk more about your father.
Lina: Uh, I never knew my father.
Me: Whoops, I'll be back after the end of this chapter. Byebye!
Lina:...?
"Lina-san..." Sylphiel said.
"I mean, I paid for it after all! And besides ..."
$paid for it! (DOn't need after all.)
"Lina-san..." Sylphiel said again, this time a little more
forcefully.
"... he can take it. Why don't you just ..."
"LINA-SAN!!!" Sylphiel shouted.
Lina blinked a few times. Did Sylphiel just shout at her? "But
I..."
Sylphiel just looked at her.
"It's not..." Lina started. Sylphiel's glare silenced her
again. "... but I want my food," she whined.
There was something about Sylphiel that really annoyed Lina. It
wasn't the fact that she was constantly mooning over Gourry (at least
that's what she told herself). It wasn't that she was almost useless in
a fight. She wasn't even bothered by Sylphiel's rather strong moral
code. After all, Amelia was just as bad, if not worse. But Amelia was
rather easy to manipulate. The annoying thing was that Sylphiel was
not. For someone who was so wishy-washy, she picked the oddest places
to stand her ground. And once she stood, she didn't back down.
Lina sighed. For once, she didn't really feel like arguing.
"Alright, fine." With that, she tossed the sausage at her unconscious
guardian, into his open mouth. Reflexively, he chewed, swallowed, and
smiled. Lina got up, and walked to the stairs.
"I'm going to bed," she announced. "Don't bother me." And she
stomped up the stairs, to her room.
$stairs to her
Lina was bored, that was the crux of the matter. She hadn't
fried a bandit in over a week. She hadn't raided some ancient holy
ruins in more than two. Sylphiel refused to engage in either activity
on moral and ethical grounds, with surprising vehemence. And to make
matters worse, Gourry had actually backed her up! How the hell was she
supposed to get rich and famous if she couldn't smack around bad guys
and go treasure hunting?
Lina sighed, and entered her room, closing the door behind her.
She couldn't even enjoy her battles with Gourry! It was just a
game, couldn't Sylphiel see that? It kept their skills sharp, their
minds and bodies active. Besides, it was fun! What was so wrong with
that? It wasn't as if Gourry ever complained.
$Gurry: Lina, but I really don't like-
Lina: Be quite Gourry, I'm thinking!
Lina opened the window and gazed out at the cloudless sky.
Below her a stream babbled joyously, carrying leaves and grass and water
bugs out toward the nearby lake. A few children were down there,
merrily splashing around and giggling while a few adults -- their
parents, perhaps
$Or random child molesters, one could never be sure.
-- watched from the sidelines. Lina smiled to herself,
and told herself that _this_ was why she did what she did. So that
ordinary people could live like they were now, so that children could
enjoy their childhood.
And so she could become rich and famous and eat lots of exotic
and unusual food, of course. That was pretty important, too.
Lina sighed, watching the children play in the light of the
setting sun. Gold and red leaves were dancing in the wind, being blown
to and fro, in seeming randomness. In a rare moment of introspection,
Lina wondered if her life was a bit like those leaves, drifting
aimlessly on the wind, never quite sure where she was going.
Occasionally, the wind would swirl in tiny whirlwinds, bringing leaves
together and tossing them around. It was like the way she attracted
friends, she supposed. No obvious rhyme or reason, just a random
collection of people caught up together, carried along for the ride.
The fragrant autumn breeze carried with it the smells of the
fallen, floating leaves, combined with the crisp, clean scents of the
nearby lake, reminding Lina a little bit of home. A sudden gust ripped
apart the swirl of leaves she had been watching, and a solitary red leaf
continued on its lonely way. She wondered when her own little group
would be disbanded by the wind. For some reason, it caused her a great
deal of pain to think about it. Martina and Zangulus were busy
rebuilding Zoana. Xellos had disappeared right after returning the
Sword of Light. Zelgadis had gone off following another lead on a
possible cure. And Amelia had accompanied him, despite his protests.
Now it was just her, and Gourry, and Sylphiel. She wondered who the
wind would carry off next.
Lina shook herself, and stepped away from the window. She hated
it when she got introspective. She wasn't very good at it, and usually
ended up depressed. Besides, brooding wouldn't solve her main problem,
which was this: what could they do that would be exciting, profitable,
and acceptable to Sylphiel?
Then she got an idea.
$Prostitution! It was the obvious solution! Sylphiel did work at a
shrine, after all, and Lina liked to consider herself as working for a
living. They could pimp out Gourry.
----------
It was a rainy autumn morning, not exactly the best type of day
to be traveling on. Still, Lina had badgered her companions into
traveling. Gourry, of course, had no complaints, or if he did, he
didn't vocalize them. Sylphiel was a bit of problem, but came around
after a few minutes of skillful argumentation.
Lina was beginning to think she had made a mistake.
Oh, sure, it was just a little rain. At first. But then the
wind started blowing, and the rain abruptly changed from the vertical
kind to the horizontal kind.
They had stayed at the inn for several more days after Lina's
little epiphany, and during those days, she had gone out and found every
bandit gang in the area. Instead of blowing them up, however, she
simply dropped a few false rumors about a wealthy merchant passing
through the area.
And so she had prepared the perfect trap. The bandits would
wait along her chosen path, and ambush her party as they passed by.
After all, how could a gang of bandits resist robbing a few harmless-
looking travelers while they waited for the merchant to come along?
Sylphiel would have no objections to killing bandits in self defense,
and Lina would get some much needed stress relief. Yes, the bandits
would never know what hit them.
$That's actually pretty clever. I like it.
A perfect trap, indeed.
The ambush was set for today, which was why she had pushed so
hard to get moving. The problem was, this was the type of weather that
all people, even bandits and self-important merchants, would find every
excuse to stay out of.
As if to reinforce this thought, the clouds became bored with
rain, and decided to hail for a bit.
Several minutes and a weak barrier spell later, the three
travelers reached a crossroads.
"Which way, Lina?" Gourry shouted. He had to shout to be heard
over the steady clattering of hail on magical barrier. It was a spell
of her own invention, a derivative of Defense -- useless in a fight, but
very good for keeping the weather off one's head -- and one she was
particularly thankful for at the moment.
"To the left!" she shouted back, pointing in the appropriate
direction.
"Lina-san, I really think we should return to the inn," Sylphiel
said. Lina barely heard her.
"Not a chance! I have places to go, ruins to explore, that kind
of thing. A little bad weather won't stop Lina Inverse!"
"Hey, Lina, where are we going again?" Gourry asked.
"Idiot!" she yelled irritably, and punched him. "How many times
do I have to tell you?" Gourry stumbled back.
"Lina-san, that wasn't right," Sylphiel said. "You _never_ told
us where we were going."
Gourry rubbed his jaw, then smacked his fist into his palm. "Ah
ha!" he remarked. "That's why I don't remember!"
Lina and Sylphiel shared a glance, then ignored him and started
walking.
"So, Lina-san, where exactly are we going?"
"Oh, just a small town a few days away. I have a friend there
who usually has a few odd jobs for traveling adventurers..."
The girls continued to talk, and more importantly to walk,
leaving Gourry in the falling hail.
$Heh, that's mean.
"Hey, wait up already!"
----------
Evening was swiftly approaching, and the weather hadn't improved
significantly. True, it was no longer hailing, but it was still pouring
rather heavily. Lina was wet, cold, and tired, and worse, she was still
bored. That bandit gang hadn't bothered to show up, and that was making
Lina more than a little bit peevish.
Currently, Sylphiel was trying to engage Gourry in conversation,
but not really getting anywhere. Gourry was seemingly oblivious to her
attentions, and as Lina knew perfectly well, Gourry was a rather bland
conversationalist. It was clearly distressing the dark-haired shrine-
maiden.
Lina really wanted to blow something up.
When an explosion occurred in the woods just a short distance
away, she happily realized that she might get a chance.
She took off into the trees. "C'mon, let's check it out," she
called back.
Lina felt the blood pumping through her veins as she ran. The
monotone hissing of the rain filtering through the leafy canopy and the
sounds of her own heavy breath combined with the wet smell of mud and
decomposing leaves to create a rich atmosphere of vibrant life, adding
to her anticipation. She didn't know what was up ahead, and she didn't
really care. All she really cared about was the chance for some action.
Lina heard an unfamiliar soprano voice call out.
"Source of all power, crimson fire burning bright, FLARE
ARROW!!!"
A woman, then. She didn't know of too many men with a voice
pitched that high. She readied her own spell, mystical energies
gathering around her hand.
An ugly man dressed in dirty, mismatched rags jumped out in
front of her, waving a rusty, pitted sword around menacingly. He didn't
even have time to be surprised before Lina's fireball knocked him into
oblivious unconsciousness. A few yelps of pain from behind indicated
that Gourry had taken care of a few ruffians as well.
She jumped over the ugly's steaming bulk, and rushed into the
clearing, followed shortly by Gourry and then Sylphiel. The sight that
greeted them surprised them all.
On the other side of the clearing, a small boy, with soggy red
hair spilling down to his knees was illuminated by the light of a small
campfire. He was grinning confidently. On the other side of the
clearing, and right in front of Lina, Gourry, and Sylphiel, was a
cluster of seven bandits. The glade was pock marked with blast craters,
each one containing one or more well-done bandits.
"You little demon!" A rather tall man, dressed a little better
than the others shouted. "We're gonna send you to HELL! Get him!"
The other six men charged at the boy, weapons raised.
"FLARE BIT!!!"
$Lina: Bah, that was _weak_.
"Owowowow!!" Six bandits ran away.
The leader shook his fist at the boy and shouted dramatically,
"You haven't seen the last of the Dragon Claw gang! We will have our
revenge!"
$What is it was dragon body parts and why are gangs always named after
them? Makes you wonder if there isn't a Dragon's Gallbladder or
Dragon's Pituitary Gland gang.
Lina's second fireball caught him square in the back. He
blackened, toppled and coughed.
"You've seen the last of us," he wheezed.
$Heheheh. I like that line a lot. Great dialog.
"Damn it!" Lina screamed, rubbing her hands though her hair in
frustration. "After all the trouble I went through to set this up and
someone else gets my bandits and I haven't been able to blow up anything
in almost a month!"
"Lina-san, what do you mean by that?" Sylphiel asked.
"I mean, I... er..."
"Lina-san, were you trying to hunt these bandits?"
$Lina: Sort of not exactly?
Lina waved her hands in front of herself placatingly and smiled
nervously. "Now wait a minute, Sylphiel. Whatever gave you that idea?
We were just walking along and..."
"Lina-san, you planned this, didn't you?" It wasn't a question.
"Now, Sylphiel, just calm down," Lina said, backing away.
Seeing that the girls were busy, Gourry decided to talk to the
little boy instead.
"Hey, kid, you okay?"
"Heh, yeah. Those guys were losers," the boy said dismissively.
"That was pretty impressive, kid. What's your name?"
"Cyan. Who are you?"
"Me? I'm Gourry. Gourry Gabriev."
Cyan's eyes widened. "Gourry Gabriev?! _The_ Gourry Gabriev?"
$Gourry: I dunno. I always thought so. Why, are there any more?
Gourry scratched his head in puzzlement. "Yeah, I'm Gourry..."
"As in Lina Inverse and Gourry Gabriev?" The boys eyes were
shining with adoration.
"Umm, yes. How did you know about that?"
"Are you kidding? You guys are famous!" Cyan smiled excitedly.
"Wait 'til I tell my friends. They'll be so jealous. I got ta meet a
living legend!"
"I'm famous?" The thought hadn't really occurred to him before.
"Of course you're famous!" The child continued to babble in
mindless hero worship.
Gourry turned to see Lina and Sylphiel arguing rather heatedly
about something. He didn't know what. If he were a wiser man, or at
least one with a better memory, he might have realized that interrupting
their fight would be a dangerous thing.
Gourry Gabriev was many things. Wise was not one of them.
Forgetful was.
"Hey, Lina. Are we famous?"
Lina and Sylphiel stopped for a moment, looked at him, blinked,
and went back to arguing. Gourry tried again.
"Lina. Hey, Lina!"
"You stay out of it!" Sylphiel shouted. Lina didn't bother to
yell, she just caused the ground to explode under his feet.
"Wow! She cast a Dil Brand without even saying anything," the
boy said admiringly. "That's so cool!"
"Ow," Gourry agreed as he landed.
$Yup. Heh.
----------
The rain had finally stopped, and for the first time Lina
noticed how eerily quiet the woods were.
Lina had done a lot of traveling, and had always paid very close
attention to her surroundings. There was no such thing as silence in a
forest; there was always the low level hum of insects and the sounds of
small rodents slipping through the underbrush. Not to mention bird
calls, and the assorted grunts and groans of other forest creatures.
The sound only increased with the setting of the sun.
That had happened over half an hour ago, yet the woods were
absolutely still, the only sound that of a light breeze blowing through
the leaves above. No owls hooting. No rodents rustling through the
fallen leaves. No crickets chirping, or frogs croaking. Nothing.
It was making her nervous. She glanced side-long at her
companions; the boy and Sylphiel were talking, completely oblivious to
the oddness of the night. Gourry was looking around warily. Obviously,
he could sense something was wrong, as well.
"Gourry..." she said.
"Lina?" He met her gaze for a moment, and returned to scanning
the surrounding trees.
"There's something wrong."
"It's too quiet." After a moment, he looked at her again. "You
want first watch? Or do you want second?"
With night gradually becoming longer with the approach of
winter, and an extra companion along for the trip, they could afford the
luxury of three. Second watch was always the worst, since it met
splitting sleep-time into two separate segments. Unspoken was the fact
that if she took the second watch, Gourry wouldn't wake her when it was
her turn. He could be so considerate sometimes.
"I'll take first watch," she said, and lay back onto her cloak.
"This silence is so unnatural..."
"Hmm... maybe the animals were scared away by your personality."
Of course, then he would say something like that.
*POW*
"Owie."
"Go to sleep. I'll wake you when it's your watch."
$I bet she will, too.
----------
Lina Inverse dreamed about food. There was nothing particularly
unusual about this; in fact, it would be more unusual if she had not.
However, usually in her dreams, she was the eater and food was the
eatee, and not the other way around. Lina wasn't quite sure why her
subconscious chose to put six inch fangs on a twelve foot tall walking
carrot, but she was fairly certain she didn't like it.
It wasn't the carrot that got her, though. Nor the potatoes,
headless chicken, pot roast or the spoon-wielding bowl-of-stew. No, it
was the pygmy tribe of asparagus-throwing pork sausages that eventually
did her in. So now, here she was, tied to a spit, and being carried in
an altogether undignified manner to a fate similar to death, but not
quite as permanent, since this was -- after all -- just a dream.
Then, just to make things even more bizarre, the pygmy sausages
were attacked by a twenty foot rampaging oyster.
$Well, if it was a clam I'd wonder if this wasn't all a latent
homosexual attraction to Sylphiel.
The sausages dropped
her, and ran into the forest of broccoli and Brussels sprouts, making
distinctly pig-like squeals of fright. And to top it off, the oyster
picked her up, looked at her, and popped her into its mouth.
And then she was falling down the rabbit hole...
Lina wondered where the oyster had come from, and what she had
ever done to it. The sausages were explainable, and the carrots,
potatoes, etc. But sea food? Maybe the oyster was getting some obscure
revenge. After all, she hadn't had an oyster in several months. If she
were food, she supposed she would be insulted if no one ate her.
To her left, a clock sprouted wings and started flying. A
disembodied hand decided it was a good time to start clapping, and
fourteen oysters marched into the open mouth of a rather portly walrus.
A tree fell in the woods, but Lina was there, so the question remained
unanswered.
Lina wasn't quite sure what to make of all this. She realized
she was no longer gagged and bound to an oversized chicken bone. She
found that if she flapped her arms quickly, she could slow her descent.
A white rabbit paused briefly to look at her, then ran off, screaming
"forty-two" at the top of its lungs.
$Does anyone have any tea?
This falling bit was getting old quickly, especially since the
ground seemed to be getting closer, also quickly. Lina realized that
hitting the ground at her current speed would probably hurt quite a bit,
and decided to do something intelligent. Like cast levitation.
Apparently, though, the spirits weren't listening, since she
utterly failed to miss the ground.
If this had been anything other than a dream, the following
sequence of events probably would have occurred. There would have been
a lot of screaming and flapping of arms, and then a spectacular impact
with the ground, which would in turn cause a lot of dirt and rocks to be
displaced from the ground, and a lot of pain to the faller.
$I'd figure it would be a splash.
This would
be followed almost immediately by a merciful loss of consciousness, and
possibly then followed by death. As this was, in fact, a dream, the
last two steps were skipped, leaving Lina Inverse with just the falling,
flapping, and violent impacting with and rearranging of terra firma.
And, of course, a lot of pain.
After a few moments of experiencing that particular step, Lina
picked herself up, dusted off, and looked around. What she saw didn't
really surprise her very much.
She was in a dark, dank, cavernous... somewhere,
$Again with the Freudian references. Clearly, she has returned to the
womb.
with organ
music playing eerily in the background. There was an ominous glow
coming from nowhere in particular, providing just enough light for Lina
to see a tall, dark, cloaked figure with no discernable features, while
mysteriously illuminating Lina as if in full sunlight.
"Gee, you'd think I could be a bit more original," she said to
no one in particular.
"LINA INVERSE," came a deep, menacing and vaguely familiar
voice.
"Why can't the bad guy ever have a ridiculous squeaky voice?"
she asked while looking around at the imposing darkness. "Wouldn't that
be more interesting?
$Saw a cheesy H anime movie where the bad guy had a squeaky voice. Was
funny as hell.
Noooo. Instead they all have --"
$To speak in capital letters.
The figure called again, "LINA INVERSE."
"-- to have a deep, voice that shakes the ground and makes the
stalactites fall of the ceiling. This is my dream, damn it!"
"SHUT UP."
"If I want a high, squeaky irritating villain, I should be able
to get one."
"I SAID, SHUT UP."
Lina sighed theatrically. "Oh, fine. Whatever. Can we skip
ahead to the part where you pull out the big sword and chase me around,
but no matter how fast I run I can never get away because this is a
nightmare?"
Lina Inverse took a moment to breath. The figure took full
advantage of her temporary silence, and reached inside his cloak to
pulled out...
A fried chicken leg?
And not just any fried chicken. Lina had a highly developed
sense of smell, and could instantly determine by scent alone thousands
of different foods. It was clearly the world famous Kalmaart Fried
Chicken, extra crispy recipe. She hadn't had any of that in nearly a
year!
"DO I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION NOW, LINA INVERSE?"
Lina had to admit that he did.
$Heh heh. Very nice.
"GOOD. I TALK, YOU LISTEN. AFTER YOU LISTEN, YOU EAT.
ACCEPTABLE?"
Lina was incensed. How dare this figment of her imagination put
conditions on food? Especially of the world-famous variety. Was his
offer acceptable? Of course it wasn't. So she did the first thing that
came to her mind. She lunged for the chicken leg.
The cloaked figure was evidently rather surprised by this
tactic, because Lina managed to embed her teeth in the poultry before
the man in black could move. She misjudged her leap however, and also
managed to embed her teeth in the shadowy figure's hand.
What happened next would have appeared very comical to any
outside observers.
$Very.
It wasn't very comical to either of the
participants.
The dark figure screamed, and vigorously shook his arm, trying
$screamed and
to dislodge the redheaded sorceress who had quite suddenly become
attached. He dropped the chicken leg, and consequently, Lina as well.
Then he pulled out a rather large sword made entirely of neon red light.
"VERY WELL, WE WILL PROCEED TO THE CHASING."
Lina bolted with the bird leg. The dream went downhill from
there.
$Heh heh heh. This is quite nice. Very good example of all that I
liked about Slayers.
----------
"Hey, Lina. Time to get up!"
Mornings, in the opinion of Lina, were for sleeping through.
Mornings only existed for two reasons, as far as she could tell. The
first was to prevent afternoon and night from bumping into each other
$prevent afternoon
in the wrong direction. The other was to provide an excuse for another
meal.
"Lina, come on. Breakfast time."
She considered the second reason to be more important.
"Mst... hv... fud..." she mumbled. Groggily, she crawled out of
her tent and opened her eyes. Catching a ray of sunlight full in the
face, she promptly closed them again, then opened them, and squinted.
"Waz fr brekfst?"
Gourry just looked at her strangely. "Huh?"
Lina rubbed at her eyes, and looked over at Gourry. "I smell
coffee."
"Oh, yeah. Sylphiel made it. You want some?" He offered her a
cup.
Coffee was another thing Lina had relatively negative opinions
about. Gourry was rather fond of the stuff, and Zel just loved it.
Herself, she just couldn't understand why anyone would want to subject
their taste-buds to that particular bitter torture. As far as she was
concerned, coffee's only redeeming value was that if you drank enough of
it, it would wake you up. She never managed to drink enough to notice
it, though.
"Um... no thanks. I'm fine." She crawled over to the fire and
sat down.
"More for me, then." Gourry took a sip. "Bad dreams last
night?"
"Hmm, I guess so. Something about being chased by food, and
then some weird guy in a cloak." Lina shrugged. "Anyway, where are
Sylphiel and the kid?"
"Went down to the stream, over that way," said Gourry,
gesturing vaguely at some spot to his left. "They should be back soon."
Five minutes later, which Lina spent dozing and Gourry spent
drinking his third cup of coffee, Gourry's prediction came true, and
Sylphiel and Cyan entered the small clearing.
Sylphiel immediately sat down next to Gourry and started
chatting. Under normal circumstances, that would annoy Lina. However,
she was currently dealing with a slightly different annoyance.
"Hi!" Cyan said.
"Go away. I'm trying to sleep," Lina mumbled.
"Guess what."
"I don't wanna. Go 'way."
This is, of course, exactly the wrong way to get rid of little
boys.
"C'mon. Guess what!" he insisted.
Gourry whispered loudly across the cooking fire. "Watch out.
Her bite is worse than her bark!"
$Well of course. She's not a tree, but she is infamous for eating
everything.
His advice was rewarded with a rock to the side of his skull.
Sylphiel obliviously continued talking.
$Heh. Figures.
"I heard that," Lina said, dusting her hands off. She turned to
the kid. "You heard him. Beat it."
"Not until you guess what!" Cyan said again.
"Alright, fine. What?" Lina said irritably.
The boy frowned. "No. You gotta guess."
"Fine," Lina snorted. "Is it animal, vegetable or mineral?"
"Huh?"
"Never mind. Is it about last night?" Lina asked. The boy
shook his head.
"Is it something you just saw?" A nod, this time.
"Is it dangerous?"
Cyan thought for a moment. "Not to you. Maybe to a normal
person."
"You saw some local wildlife?" Lina guessed.
"Nope."
Lina sighed. She really wasn't in the mood for guessing games.
"Alright. I give up. What is it?"
"You know those bandits we blew up yesterday?"
"You saw them!?" Lina exclaimed. Gourry woke up. Sylphiel
finally looked at him and started fussing with the bump on his head. "I
thought you said this didn't have anything to do with last night."
"It doesn't," Cyan said innocently. "That was last night. This
is today. They're just sitting there in the woods."
Lina groaned. So did Gourry, but for a completely different
reason.
$Heh.
"I do _not_ want to deal with this," Lina said. "Gourry, you
deal with it."
No response. Lina looked over at him.
"Get up, jellyfish-brains!" she shouted. "I didn't hit you that
hard!"
Sylphiel glared at her. "Lina-san, did you do this?"
"It wasn't even a very big rock! Damn. Now _I_ have to deal
with it." Lina stood up, and turned her back to the fire, facing the
woods. "Alright, bandits, thugs, goons, and assorted other criminals.
Come out with your weapons drawn, so I can burn you all to a crisp. Or
run away like cowards. Either one is fine with me."
A ragged group of men, covered with small cuts and burns,
emerged for the bushes. A tall man with a very long and crooked nose
stepped to the front. The others huddled behind him.
"You should've ran!" Cyan shouted.
"You!" bent-nose said. "You're the one who sold us that
information about the wealthy merchant. You bitch. You lied!"
Lina glared. "Would you care to say that again?"
The man spat. "You bitch. You caught us by surprise last
night. But tonight, you're gonna sleep six feet under." He drew his
$night, but now you're gonna
sword.
"Do you have any idea who you are dealing with?"
"Yeah, wench. Tell us your name. We'll send you to the
underworld with curses."
"Lina Inverse," Lina said with a superior smirk.
"Lina... Inverse?" the leader asked. "Any of you ever heard of
her?"
"Yeah," another one said. "Some no-talent sorceress from up
north. I hear they call her the 'Dragon-spooker.'
Lina clenched her fists at her side. She ground her teeth in
anger. Her eyes hardened. The bandits didn't notice.
"Yeah, 'cause she's so freakin' ugly, the dragons are afraid to
look at her!" The bandits laughed.
"Darkness beyond twilight..."
"You'd better run..." Cyan said.
"Her lack of size is legendary!" bent-nose said, making
suggestive gestures at his chest.
$That's true.
"Crimson beyond blood that flows..."
"Yeah, the Enemy of all who live!" said a short, ape-like man.
Everyone laughed again, then stopped.
"What!?" was the collective cry. They looked at Lina.
"Buried in the flow of time..." Lina chanted. She raised her
arms over her head.
"Is she supposed to glow like that?" asked another.
"I think this might be a Bad Thing..." said bent-nose.
"I'd suggest running," Cyan said. "Now."
"In thy great name, I pledge myself to darkness..." A large,
ominous ball of red light formed between her hands.
"Holy Shit!" The bandits bolted.
$Yes, it's Holy Shit, one of the little known white magic spells.
(shit doesn't need to be capitalised.)
"Let those who stand before us be destroyed by the power you and
I possess...
"Too late." Cyan shook his head.
"DRAGON SLAAAAAVE!"
Over the next hundred years, the stream that ran nearby
gradually filled up the depression, forming a lake that was nearly
perfectly round. The trout from that lake were often said to be the
finest fish on the continent, and fetched huge prices all across the
globe. At the moment, however, there was merely a large crater in the
middle of the woods, with the corpses trees and a few bandits contained
$With the what? That needs cleaning up. Good description otherwise,
though.
therein.
"I feel much better now," Lina said. "Gourry, wake up. We're
leaving."
"I warned 'em," sighed the redheaded boy. "How come no one ever
listens to me?"
----------
The carrot was back again, and Lina was wondering why she
couldn't have some more normal dreams.
"Can't you find someone else to bother, tonight?" she yelled at
the carrot as she ran.
It was the same dream. Exactly the same as it had been the
previous four times in a row. And once again, it wasn't the carrot that
got her. Nor the potatoes, headless chicken, pot roast or the spoon-
wielding bowl-of-stew. It was the pygmy tribe of asparagus-throwing
pork sausages that did her in one more time. If they seemed a little
more rabid this time around, Lina didn't consider it significant.
The oyster showed up right on schedule, only twice as large this
time, and with large, green, pebbled legs and a tale.
$At least it wasn't escargo. That would have been funny.
The sausages
dropped her, and ran into the forest of broccoli and Brussels sprouts,
making distinctly pig-like squeals of fright once again, perhaps just a
little more terrified than before. Lina, being rather bored with the
whole adventure, just sat perfectly still, and stared at the oyster.
$still and
The oyster stared right back.
$Well, yes, it is seefood.
Lina didn't move.
Apparently, this confused it. The oyster sniffed around
carefully, shell bare inches away from her position. It nudged the
ground in front of her, then roared.
Lina still didn't move.
The oyster roared again, then lifted a giant, clawed foot, and
$foot and
stomped at the ground in frustration.
Lina still didn't move, again.
Upset with the whole episode, the oyster turned, knocked over an
outhouse that had materialized just then, and ate the upper half of the
man sitting on the john. Then oyster, half-eaten corpse, and outhouse
vanished quite suddenly.
$Heh. That's what I thought. The man was just there to hammer the
reference home, I suppose.
Lina was somewhat relieved, until the ground did the same.
And then she was falling down the rabbit hole... again.
$Again.
----------
After much assorted falling, flailing, and failure to fly, Lina
hit rock bottom, or rather, metal bottom.
This was definitely different. Before, she had always fallen
into a dark room, with a dark figure waiting to talk with her in general
terms about the Wars of the Mazoku and betrayal and fate and destiny,
and then concluding with an invitation to join him.
She was on a small, narrow walkway made of some greyish metal
she'd never seen before. Said walkway was sticking out horizontally
from a large metal thing, which Lina might have thought looked like the
vertical tail of an old-fashioned aeroplane, if she knew what an
aeroplane was. Since she didn't, however, it merely looked vaguely
wedge-shaped, and appeared to float in the air with no visible means of
support. The entire structure seemed to be enclosed in a very large
metal tube, and there was a rather stiff breeze blowing from any
direction at all.
All of this was certainly strange enough, and quite different
from her previous dream, but her surroundings were not of particular
interest at the moment. Rather, a mysterious black-cloaked figure, who
_did_ look familiar, and who was also on the walkway, captured a
majority of her attention. Well, at least _that_ hadn't changed.
The mysterious character was standing between her and the large
metal wedge-thing, which meant Lina had nowhere to run to except to the
end of the walkway, and another long fall. Also of interest, the man
was holding what appeared to be a sword of light, glowing an evil shade
of red. In her own hands was another light-sword, projected from a
cylindrical handle with no hand guards, glowing green.
$Ah. I see. One wonders who will lose his hand?
Well, at least she had a weapon this time.
"Lina, it is time for you to join me."
"Who are you?" Lina asked.
The cloaked man extended a hand. "Come with me..." Lina could
hear his labored, almost mechanical breathing. In -- out -- pause. A
click. Then in -- out -- pause, and another click. "It is fate."
"Look," Lina said, "I don't know who you are, or what you're
doing in my dreams, but frankly, I don't care. Just get the Hell out!"
The figure gave a low chuckle, a sound that chilled Lina to the
bone. "I've known Hell, Lina. I have no desire to go back. No, Lina
Inverse, if you will not join me by choice, then you will die."
"This is a dream. You can't kill me."
"Oh?" And the cloaked figure swung his sword at her.
Lina jumped back. She could feel the intense heat radiating
from his blade as it passed within inches of her body. "Ow! Watch
where you're swinging that thing."
The dark man didn't reply, he just swung again. Lina blocked.
"Alright buster, you asked for it!" And she attacked.
The battle raged across the expanse that Lina wouldn't have
called a cat walk, but was, and Lina found herself gradually giving
ground. She was a competent swordswoman, but nowhere near gifted. It
was obvious her adversary was only toying with her. As he backed her to
the end of the walkway, he knocked her to the ground, and held the
burning tip of his weapon inches from her chest.
"You are beaten. Don't make me destroy you." He tapped her
with the tip of his light-sword.
Lina felt pain. It started as a burning sensation between her
breasts, where he had tapped her, and quickly spread throughout her
whole body. Then, all at once, it felt like her whole being was flipped
inside out, and then back again, in the space of a second.
Lina did the only sensible thing. She screamed.
$Cute.
----------
Gourry watched with concern as Lina tossed and turned in her
sleep. It was a nice night, and they had all opted not to use tents, so
she was clearly visible by the light of the fire.
$Which she promptly rolled into with all her thrashing. Suddenly her
dream was about fire.
Whatever she was dreaming about seemed to be upsetting her.
Lina normally slept like a stone, with only a few happy mumblings about
food or treasure or bandit hunting. The last four nights, she had
mumbled about food alright, but she hadn't seemed at all happy. And
then, she would wake up, and refuse to talk about it, saying she'd
forgotten what her dream was about.
Gourry was not a smart man, and he knew it. Still, he had been
with Lina for almost two years, and he could usually tell when she was
telling the truth.
This was not one of those times.
"Ah, well," he sighed. "Nothing for it, I guess."
He had breifly considered asking Sylphiel to approach her on the
subject, figuring it might be one of those girl things he didn't
understand, but over the last few weeks, he'd come to a startling
revelation. Lina didn't seem to like Sylphiel much at all, and Sylphiel
didn't seem to like Lina.
He hadn't quite put it together yet. There were a lot of things
he hadn't put together yet, actually.
$That 356 piece 1/8 scale model of a Sailoon drag-stagecoach, for one.
But this one seemed the most
important just now. Lina seemed to be upset when he talked to Sylphiel,
and Sylphiel seemed to be upset when he talked with Lina. Neither one
seemed to be particularly upset when he talked to the little boy. It
was an interesting puzzle.
$So he should just spend all his time with the boy, and really upset
them both.
Further musings were interupted by Lina's sudden scream.
----------
"Join me, or die."
Lina regained her wits, and quickly knocked his sword away,
screaming, "Shut up! Don't you have anything else to say?"
They exchanged a few more blows, and then Lina caught him with a
nasty blow to the shoulder.
"Aaaagh!" With a few expert strokes, he disarmed her, sending
her light-sword spinning into the abyss below.
$No hand? Aww, dammit! I want blood!
The cloaked man held his
sword once again at her chest.
"There is no escape. Don't make me destroy you." Lina took a
cautious step back, then another. "Lina, you do not yet realize your
importance. You have only begun to discover your power."
$Aww hell. She's going to destroy the world, isn't she?
Lina took one
more step back, and bumped into a small spire. There was nowhere else
to run. "Join me, and I will train you. With our combined strengths,
we can end the destructive conflicts between the Mazoku and the Ryuzoku,
and bring order to the world."
"I'll never join you," Lina declared defiantly. She didn't know
why, but it seemed the right thing to say.
"If you only knew the true power of the Golden-Dark Lord."
Then, in an apparent change of subject, he said, "Luna never told you
what happened to your father."
"She told me enough," Lina said. "She told me he died before I
was born."
"No Lina, I am your father." And he threw back the hood of his
$No, Lina, I
cloak, and Lina saw a very familiar face.
$George Lucas is going to sue someone over this, you know.
It was the face of Gaav, the Demon-Dragon King.
"No," Lina cried. "That's not true. It's impossible!"
"Lina, you have the power to destroy the Ryuzoku and the Mazoku.
They have forseen it. Even now, they send out agents to destroy you.
Join me, and together we can rule the world. It is your destiny."
Lina crawled back, and clung to the spire overlooking the abyss.
"No. This can't be," she cried. "It can't be true."
"Come with me. It is the only way." Gaav extended one black-
gloved hand toward her.
----------
Sylphiel and Cyan had both woken up with Lina's first scream.
Together, with Gourry, they had tried without success to waken her.
"Lina, wake up!" Gourry cried. "Your having a nightmare!
Lina!"
Suddenly, she sat up, screaming, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Lina looked to her left, then to her right. Her eyes focussed
on the innocent face of the red-haired child. "Stay away from me," she
snarled.
The boy backed away in fright.
"Lina-san!" Sylphiel exclaimed. "Don't scare him like that."
"Why are you all staring at me like that?" Lina demanded.
"Uh, Lina, you woke us all up with your screaming," Gourry said.
"Screaming? What screaming?" Lina babbled. "I don't scream in
my sleep. Never have, never will. Besides, it was just a little
nightmare, no big deal, we've all had them before."
"Lina-san, would you like to talk about it?"
"No, no, of course not. I'm perfectly alright. Just perfect."
Lina stood up, and picked up her blanket. "Now if you don't mind, I'm
going back to sleep."
Gourry sighed. "That sounds good. Everyone back to sleep.
False alarm."
Everyone moved to comply. But if Gourry had been watching
closely, he might have noticed that while Lina and Sylphiel had haunted
expressions on there face, the little boy did not.
What Gourry might have seen, but didn't, was the feral, almost
evil little grin that stretched across the boy's face.
$Unhuh. Thought so. It's the red hair.
==========
End Chapter 1
==========
Warnings:
This fanfic may contain profanity, sexual situations and
innuendo (about the same level as the Anime), angst, assorted bits of
darkness, excessive violence, WAFF, humor, and a plot to take
over/destroy the world. It may also contain examples of pointless
slapstick, bad puns, yogurt jokes, and overused fanfic cliches. You
have been warned.
$Oh, sure. Put the warning at the end, why don't you.
Notes:
This story starts a few weeks after Slayers NEXT, and assumes
the events in TRY have not happened, and never will happen. Everything
contained within is based on what I've seen from the Slayers Anime,
which includes all three TV seasons, the first Slayers movie, and the
first three OVAs (OAVs?)
$Don't ask me, I never got it straight either. What were the first
three? I've never even heard of them. I've only seen the first two
seasons and one movie, so I'm not doing nearly so well.
, and my own imagination. Most spells and their
effects are taken from http://www.inverse.org, with a few original
(read: borrowed from other fanfics) spells thrown in for good measure.
C&C welcome, flames ignored. Emails complaining about not
following Slayers cannon will be ignored.
$Canon or no, this is so close to the original, in style and flavor
that is, that it's almost like reading a novelization. Plot, jokes,
characterization, you've got it as on target as you can get. Incredibly
good job, and I had lots of fun.
Emails requesting that I
match up character A with character B will be ignored. Emails
complaining that I didn't match character A up with character B will be
ignored. However, comments about style, characterization, grammar,
spelling, fluency, plot, etc. are very welcome.
$That's what I do. And here they are. By and large, there wasn't much
to nitpick about, even as bad as I do.
Disclaimer:
I didn't create Slayers, nor do I own any of it's characters.
Fanfiction is a marginally legal activity which I choose to participate
in anyway. If the owners or creators of Slayers tell me to stop writing
this, I will.
Also, apologees to George Lucas, and the late Douglas Adams,
whose works also greatly influenced this fanfiction.
$Bet Lucas sues anyway. Hope not, cause I want to see more. You are
continuing this, right? I certainly hope so.
-Ragun
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