Hey, Morgan!

Well, I couldn't help but notice that the newest chapter of one of my
favourite series had finally been posted -- after all, you posted it three
times! ;-p

So yay! And let's send some comments, criticism (perhaps), and a few general
thoughts and questions that come to me as I read Dark Crusade. I hope you'll
find them useful, somehow. Sorry it took me this long, but I did warn you
I've been kind of busy lately -- who would've though College was so
time-consuming? As always, these are but my personal flawed opinions; you
can either agree with me, or ignore me blatantly. As long as you keep
writing, I won't mind, not really.

Now, I'm of course replying to your third mail, but I thought it'd be a pity
if our fellow FFMLers missed the introductory text of the other two posts.
After all, that's what I call first-rate pleading -- they should add this in
the FAQ, and teach newbies how to beg for C&C _and_ don't sound whiny or
pushy. Though C&Cing for other people also seems to work. ^_^

Well, here we are. It's the start of a new Ronin Summer chapter, and that
means I need to strap on my kneepads and make with the begging.

See, this is what I call a classy opening. Learn, people, learn!

So, in the spirit of begging, let me take this opportunity to beg, plead,
and otherwise urge you to send me some C&C on this. Even if it's just to
say "Hi", I'm always glad to hear from you people! You can press the
"reply" button, or, if for some reason that doens't work, you can always
just type my address in the old-fashioned way (you can find it in both
the "From:" and "Cc:" lines of this very e-mail, as well as lower down
in the fic proper).

Or you can do all of them at the same time, and flood Morgan's inbox!

*Whew!* Well, as I always say, an ounce of C&C is worth a pound of pride
any day of the week... ^_^

I don't know about pounds, but I can honestly say I'd pay many pesos of
false pride for some comments. ^_^

In the interest of helping out anybody new to this series, feel free to
check out my webpage at http://dataraven_659.tripod.com/roninsummer.html
for all the previous chapters of this story arc, and for all of the
previous story arcs in this series.

Yeah, this is definitely the place to go for all of you who haven't read the
previous story arcs of Ronin Summer. Believe me, going thought the 60
something previous chapters may take you some time, but it's definitely
worth it. ...Though, truth be told, you haven't updated the site in
awhile -- chapter 15 is labelled as under construction, and I bet many would
want to read it. Just a thought.

And, if you just feel like some of the finest cross-over fanfiction on the
Web, visit Joy Lyn's webpage, over at
http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Shores/5533/index.html
and make yourself at home. Just wipe your feet, and remember: if you break
something, it wasn't me who sent you. ^_~

Heh. Definitely the best crossovers archive I know of. You can actually find
non-Ranma crossovers there -- not that I have anything against them.
Seriously. I mean, I write one! ...Put that club down!

Now... On with the story!

...Which _did_ hit the FFML, believe it or not. I thought the new FFML
inserted the attachments into the body of the e-mail automatically, but...
Technology sucks. :-p

On with the C&C!

**********

OBLIGATORY LEGAL DISCLAIMER : Some of these guys aren't mine. The
Sailor Senshi belong to DIC and Kodansha, while the Troopers are owned
by Sunrise and Graz Entertainment. Okay? So don't bother suing me. I'm
a student.

MORGAN: And if you sue me, I'll have to disclose my _real_ surname. And you
_don't_ wanna know it's Gates, believe me! ...Er, did you read that? Yes?
Heh heh... It was a joke, really! My true surname is... Bush, that's it!
...What's wrong, guys? ...Guys? Ack! *runs away from lynching mob*

                   RONIN SUMMER VI : DARK CRUSADE

         A Sailor Moon / Yoroiden Samurai Troopers cross-over

             by Morgan Hudson (dataraven_659@excite.com)

Chapter Sixteen : The Iceman Cometh

...Okay, so I'm curious now. The Iceman? Cometh? ^_^

Why do I suddenly have this mental image of Sano screaming "The Cock will
layeth the smackdown on each and every one of your chicken asses!"? And if
you don't know why, you should read more MSTings -- they're the stuff of
life!

Youja didn't bleed; they couldn't. There was no blood, no
flesh behind their armoured shells. The forged metal plates, with
their almost seamless joins and carefully meshed joints, embraced
nothing more substantial than smoke itself. And yet, arguably,
something infinitely more precious - at least to the youja in question.

Um, though I know what you mean, I think there's something amiss in this
sentence -- it lacks a verb, and though that's not always wrong, it reads
weird to me. Perhaps you could rephrase it somehow? Like:

"And yet, arguably, that same smoke represented something infinitely more
precious - at..."

The swirling, sooty mist that burbled inside their armour, that poured
from their wounds and drifted off into the void, was the very essence
of their selves, the core of their astral beings.

Astral beings... Why am I suddenly thinking in a great YST/Saint Seiya
crossover? ^_~

Youja didn't bleed, but they could bleed to death.

Ah, nice line. Frame it.

Certainly, Yoen thought as he futilely clutched one gauntlet
to the side of his cuirass, there had been enough of his troops doing
so over the past few days. First had been Enka, he recalled, who had
fallen at the hands of a vile creature in human form that Yoen now
knew was called 'Thraw'. Yoen had seen, on the night of that fateful
raid, as Enka was struck from behind by a dirk that tore straight
through his breastplate and gouted his essence faster than a tilted

Gouted? I don't know the word...

bucket emptied itself of water. Ichimatsu had been next, gone mere
minutes later when that same monster had relieved the youja of his
head. In the space of those few moments, two of the most experienced
members of the Guard had been exterminated, and Yoen had been helpless
to save either.

Don't worry, Yoen: knowing Anubis, Thraw won't live to see the next story
arc. ^_~

Which reminds me of something I noticed while reading your glossary the
other day -- I'd never got around to it for some reason, but it helped me
understand some things about the series and the fic itself. Anyway, I
couldn't help but notice that you'd listed "Anubis" as both the name the
Wolf Masho favored and one of Shuten the Oni Priest's (don't you love this
alias? I've just made it up myself :-p) nicks. Was that a mistake, or
perhaps something else?

The Guard had done their best that night, he knew. They had
been caught off-guard, outnumbered, and woefully unprepared for the
enemy they fought, yet had nonetheless managed to do their duty. The
Lady had been protected from those foul creatures, and that was worth
any cost to themselves. But still... the thought rankled him. Twelve
youja, the best, the most highly-trained and empowered members of
their breed, and their numbers had been halved in a single night.

Hmmm...

I remember, some chapters ago, that one of the youja (was it Shien? Or
Kokuen?) told another something like "She only created you two weeks ago!"
Actually, I'm not sure it was _two_ weeks, but the idea still stands. How
can they be trained in such a short period of time? I had supposed they
were, er... born... with their skills.

There had been Enka and Ichimatsu, yes, but then to lose Kusuburu,
Ippuku, Endan, and Kemuri as well! A mere day later, and Thraw had
claimed two more of their number; bold Hakuen and brave Baien, their
spirits lost in a vain attempt to prevent the capture of the Lady. And
after she had endangered herself to save them, no less!

We never saw what happened after the "egg bomb" incident, didn't we? But I'm
guessing it was a _very_ mad Thraw and Kayura going "Oopsie?" :-p

This Thraw creature was a devil, Yoen thought, as he watched
the black smoke ooze sluggishly from the piercing wound in his side,
tightening his gauntlet's grip over it. Had Thraw been spawned from
the Abyss? Did he exist solely to return them all to the nothingness
that had spawned them? Of twelve, eight destroyed in the space of two
days! Only four remained, maybe fewer; there was no way of knowing if
young Shien and Kokuen still existed.

I wonder just how much it takes out of Kayura to create them. An army of
these "elite youja" would definitely prove useful in the upcoming battle.

He felt a wave of concern wash over him, and turned to look
at Shouen. Without the presence of any humans or youma, there was no
need to primitively vocalise their thoughts to each other. In response
to his comrade's worry, he gave the mental equivalent of a pat on the
shoulder as Shouen uncorked a small container at his hip and poured
gunpowder down the barrel of his musket. All is well, Yoen thought to
the crimson youja. No need to be worried.

This is one of the things I love about this fic. You never know just how
much can the characters do, or how powerful they really are. Whenever you
think they can't surprise you any more, you come and pull out something like
this. Good work.

But you are worried, Shouen responded silently. I can feel
that as surely as you do. Why mourn for those gone? They are gone.
Enka, Endan, Kemuri, Ippuku, Ichimatsu, even Hakuen and Baien... they
are merely names now. Meaningless. The stuff of their essence has
returned to the source, defused itself back into non-being. They are
no more.

SHOUEN: They were, but they won't be! They aren't even worm food, they're
beyond second rate, ex-ether! Out of sight, out of mind, so forget 'em!
Kahpoot! Finito! D-E-A-D!
YOEN: Geez, okay, I get the picture.

But they WERE, Yoen argued. They used to be. From the day that
the Lady drew their essence from the Astral Plane, bonded it to their
shells, they existed. Their skills, their experiences, their LIVES...
All are gone. Is it any different from the death of a human?

SHOUN: Well, for one, it isn't nearly as messy. I mean, corpses? Yuck!

Humans have souls, Shouen noted as he drew a lead ball from
the pouch he wore over his shoulder and wrapped it in cloth, sliding
the bullet down his musket's barrel with brisk, powerful thrusts of
his ramrod. We do not. Our existence was formed from ether, and to
ether we return. Our quondam members are now as they were before the
Lady formed them; nothing. Even their shells have evaporated by this
point. There is nothing to remember them.

"Quondam". Nice word. ^_^

BTW, this is a very interesting discussion (even more so for a youja  ^_^),
but I think Shouen's reasoning is flawed. After all, what is a soul, and who
says they haven't one? Perhaps they're nothing _but_ souls, trapped in a
shell. ...Not that I know how you will explain their creation, but it's a
thought.

Heh. "Ghost in the Shell" would be a good title if you ever write a chapter
that focus on the youja. Too bad it's been used before. :-p

As there will be nothing to remember us, Yoen thought with a
psychic sigh.

Well, the thousand or so decaying gigantic bugs they'll probably kill before
dying would be a subtle reminder now, wouldn't it? ^_^

The Lady is well, Shouen reminded his leader. Uncorking the
small container at his hip yet again, the youja placed some powder on
the pan of his rifle and snapped the frizzen down to cover it.

You know, I had thought of this before, but I didn't think of mentioning it
until K'thardin did. Isn't a musket, old rifle or whatever, too weak a
weapon to fight enemies such as youma, youja, or the like? Unless it's
magically enhanced or something, even the most skilled marksman could only
do as much with it.

What about... Atomic Youja? No, that's already been done. :-p

And... kill me now, but what the heck's a 'frizzen'? ^_^;;;

There is that, Yoen admitted. We have protected her. And we
shall continue to do so - she gave us existence; we owe her that much
in return.

Hmm... Are they loyal by nature? If all that makes them serve and protect
Kayura is a certain feeling of debt, they could easily decide they're too
precious to risk their lives after some soul-searching, right? I know, I
know, this is far-fetched at best, but it'd be something new. And new is
always good, ne? :-p

KAYURA: "If you love somebody, set 'em freeeeeeeeee...."

Despite his bold thoughts, however, he could already feel
himself growing weaker. The battle with those strange insect creatures
had cost him dearly; his silver shell was pitted and scratched from
blows dealt by their blade-like arms, and the metal plates had been
rent in several places. His wounds were not major, but there was no
way for any but the Lady herself to heal them, and with every second
that passed another part of his essence drifted away on the breeze. It
might take days, even weeks, but eventually there wouldn't be enough
of him left to hold together. His armour would collapse, and the last
vestiges of his identity would float into oblivion.

Well, I guess a good smith could also heal them, by repairing their armor.
OR they could just buy two or three boxes of Band-aids -- that should do it.

Youja didn't bleed, but they could bleed to death, and Yoen
knew he was doing so.

YOEN: It's sure foggy today, isn't it?
SHOUEN: Uh? No, not really.
YOEN: Oh? ... *looks down* Crap! I'm hurt!

Shouen, as well, had tried with little success
to staunch his wounds; Yoen sensed the ripples of pain that writhed
around his colleague with every motion. As he watched, Shouen bent

So they can feel pain? I'd have expected them to steadily weaken as their
essence drifts away, but why would they be in pain? After all, they have no
flesh, nor soul, according to what they said.

over and grabbed a thick tuft of millet that was growing wild between
the brambles, brush, and pine needles that littered the forest floor.
With a sharp tug, the youja tore the coarse grass from the ground and
held it over a gash in his pauldron, black mist seeping through the
matted plants.

YOEN: Oh, I hadn't thought of that! You'll stop the bleeding using grass and
mud, right? You're definitely the cleverest youja She has created!
SHOUEN: Huh? This is only camouflage.
YOEN: ...

I've already read the chapter, so I can tell I'm not going to find any
grammar errors or typos. They used to be there, but you've definitely gotten
much better over the chapters and story arcs. Nowadays, it's almost
impossible to criticize your grammar, and I find myself "enjoying the ride"
most of the time. So kudos, and keep at it. ^_^

But then don't complain if I snip... ^_~

<YEP!>

"Are you ABSOLUTELY sure this is the right way?" The speaker
had a sprightly tone, mocking and yet cheerful at the same time.

Gee, I wonder who said that... ^_~

BTW, I've been waiting to read more about Jun and the Dream Team for awhile
now. I love how they blithely walk into the lion's gaping jaws, and still
manage to escape unscathed most of the time. Of course, "most" is the key
word in that sentence, as a certain sentient sword which will likely cause
our hero-wannabe a lot of troubles would point out.

"Ask me that one more time and I'm gonna stretch you until I
look you in the eye, kid! For the last time, we're not lost!" Unlike
the first voice, this was uttered in a dull rumble that caused the
branches overhead to tremble.

TAKENOKO: We're _not_ lost! We just don't know where we are at the moment,
but we're not lost!!
RANDOM FEMALE: Idiot...

"Fine," the first voice replied, coming closer. "I mean, I'm
only asking because we've been walking for a VERY long time..."

TAKENOKO: "Very" is such a subjective word...
JUN: But it's been two days of non-stop hiking though the forest now!
TAKENOKO: And aren't you much healthier now because of it? The fresh air,
the exercise... it's great for those stressed muscles!
JUN: I'm starving!
TAKENOKO: Oh, shut up. You were pretty chubby to begin with...

The bushes rustled, and a small human with short dark hair
popped out of the brush like a rabbit. He was dressed in dark slacks
and a shirt which might once have been white, before a healthy blend
of grass-stains, dirt, blood and sweat had turned it into something
more like an impressionist painting. His collar hung open, and had
long since lost any starch that it may have once possessed. He jolted
to a stop, looking up at the two armoured figures looming over him
with an air of utter resignation as they slowly lowered their weapons.

JUN: Lemme guess. Now I'll have to let ya borrow my shirt so you can keep
that black mist thingie inside of that rusty armor of yours, and you'll
probably want my pants to clean your damned musket or sumthin'. Why do I
always have to be the nice, "always ready to help you" guy?! I wanna be
selfish for once!

^_^

Sorry 'bout that, but I suddenly had this picture of Jun as a sort of
modern-day Tarzan, travelling thought the jungle wearing nothing but a
loincloth and with Icestorm/Lightstorm/Thunderstorm Janes walking behind
them. ...Don't ask. I don't know why, and I don't want to find out. :-p

"Okay," he sighed, "are you here to arrest someone new, or
just back up the other pair? And do you, by any chance, have anything
vaguely edible? We haven't eaten since I got here, and I don't like
the way all these youma have been eyeing me."

JUN: Now I know how candies fell...
LIGHTSTORM: Did you say lollipop?  ^____^
JUN: ...

BTW... What youma? The only youma in that group so far is Takenoko, right?
I'd think Jun would be able to tell youma from youja, considering his
previous "close encounters" with the creatures. Not that youja need to eat,
based on what Shouen said later on. Perhaps some youma have already joined
the party?

<MINI-SNIP>

"Okay, so they're here to arrest the Storm Senshi again.
Poh-TAY-toe, Poh-TAH-toe." The boy put his hands in his pockets and
shrugged. "Really, Takenoko, you shouldn't get so worked up over
little details like who's under arrest and who isn't. It's not good
for your blood pressure!"

YOEN: You're under arrest!
SHOUEN: To protect the world from...
JUN: Oh, no! It's the Dirt--
TAKENOKO: Don't say it!

Mystery Fusion, the missing chapter.

It's either this, or you actually make mistakes in the next chapter. You
choose. :-P

At roughly that moment, a lithe, athletic woman in a golden
leotard skipped around a tree and vaulted onto the minotaur's
shoulders, resting her elbow on his head as she cupped her chin with
one gloved hand. Large bows of midnight black graced her chest and
back, while a pleated skirt of the same velvety material swirled
around her hips. Blonde hair framed her face to hang at her shoulders,
a far cry from her once ankle-length mane, and her lips were quirked
in a smile.

Oh, the wonderful Storm Senshi, or, as I like to call them, "The Spicey
Storm Senshi". Y'know, I still don't forgive you for taking Firestorm out of
the series -- she was hot! :-p

BTW... Kayura's the sovereign of two kingdoms, right? IIRC, Pedri's invasion
met so little resitance because the Dark Kingdom was caught off guard (which
is understable considering what had happened in the DK two or three story
arcs ago). I'm not sure how many days have passed since the first battle (as
they tend to stretch for chapters and chapters in your fics, not that I'm
complaining), but I was expecting some kind of reaction from the Dynasty's
troops. Word of the war should've reached the ears of the people in charge
of the army by now, don't you think? After all, you can't go killing a
village and expect it to remain a secret for long.

I'm not saying that this should worry Pedri. After all, he's got more than
enough troops himself to fight off such an offensive, but I think a mention
of this would be in order. Or perhaps the troops _are_ coming, and Jun and
co. will meet them soon? THEN they'd have an army to back them up. ^_^

"Gee," she said whimsically, "Empress Kayura sure seems to
want us pretty bad. And to think, we never even knew that she was
interested..."

Heh. Now _that's_ a subplot I wouldn't mind you exploring. :-p

"Sure," a tall and leggy brunette woman groaned as she
stumbled over an exposed tree root and nearly fell face-first into
the clearing, "just go traipsing off without a care in the world, and
leave me to do all the grunt work, as usual. I mean, it's not like I'm
weighed down, or unbalanced, or anything! Don't worry about me!" She
was dressed in a navy blue sweater that was far too small for her; the
sleeves ended at her forearms and the hem strained to cover her hips.
The only other thing she wore was a smaller woman in a blue leotard,
carrying her like a living backpack. The petite, blue-haired girl
seemed to be sleeping, chewing absently on her comrade's ponytail as
she slumbered.

THUNDERSTORM: Hey, guys, she's talking in her sleep. *grins*
ICESTORM: ...must...study...arithmetic...grades...school...
THUNDERSTORM: ... ... ... ... Oh, crap! We've got the wrong one!

"Very well," the blonde replied airily, "I shan't." Raising

Hah! A classic. ^_^

an eyebrow, she turned her attention back towards Yoen and Shouen,
somehow managing to give the impression of an eagle staring down at
some mice from her lofty perch. "Now then," she sighed, "I suppose
you'll be giving some boring speech about how my sister and I have
abandoned our posts and blah, blah, blah, treason, blah, blah, blah,
placed in custody, blah, blah, blah, executed at earliest possible
convenience." She smiled. "Is that about it? Because we'd really like
to get around to ignoring you as soon as we can."

"Yeah, okay," the dark-haired boy interjected. "Hang on a
minute there, Lightstorm; I think these guys were going to tell us
something about food." He was wringing his hands and gazing hopefully
at Yoen and Shouen as the two youja shared a confused look.

JUN: Food... me wants food... *drools*
YOEN: *Um, Shouen, I do not like the look this human brat is giving me...*
SHOUEN: *Ah, don't worry. After all, we are nothing but mist, smoke,
remember? No flesh.*
YOEN: *Oh, yeah. Phew. Thank Kayura for small miracles.*

Though, if I were Takenoko, I would watch my back. He's part bull, after
all, ne? :-p

Yoen shrugged and shouldered his bisento, his other arm snaking
around his torso and clamping down on the wound in his side. Shouen
glanced briefly at the boy and let his eyes dim slightly. They vaguely
recalled the small human from earlier, but he had seemed mostly
harmless, and not worthy of much attention.

Well... he still IS mostly harmless. Of course, being surrounded by three
incredibly powerful girls and a minotaur, and acting the part of the leader
of such group might draw some attention to you.

And then there's the cursed sword... _that_ will make him popular. :-p

The brush rustled one more time, as Kokuen and Shien emerged
and joined the rest of the straggly group. On noticing their
companions, Shien's eyes flashed yellow and a wave of unadulterated
glee surged throughout the clearing, so vivid that it seemed as if
Yoen could cut it with his blade. Kokuen, on the other hand, looked
ready to hide under a convenient rock.

Um, I have to wonder about this. You've showed us that these youja have
telepathic abilities of some sort. Shouldn't they have been able to sense
each other, to notice the presence of their comrades when they were so close
to each other? After all, I doubt a telepathist can only talk to people in
his field of view.

"HAH!" Shien blurted out, pointing at his ebon-armoured
partner. "You're not in command any more, Kokuen! That means I don't
have to let them live!"

_Let_ them. Oh, sure. I wonder what went through Shien's head when
Thunderstorm became a catlike monter of pure light... "Oh, so the electric
chair is out of the question. Ah, what the hell, we still have the
gallows."??? I mean, it should be obvious to him by now that killing the
Storm Senshi will NOT be so easy, at the very least, unless he's not only
stubborn but thick-headed.

Besides, I thought he _had_ realized how powerful the gals actually were. He
did tell Kokuen that tying them would have been a waste of time and a very
stupid move. ...Okay, so maybe he wasn't that emphatic, but my point still
stands. ^_^

"That's nice," the human said absently, waving one hand at
the pair of youja as though to fan them away. "Now, uh, you DID say
you had food, right?"

Heh. Writing Jun, just like in Naaza's case, must be fun. Their characters
just lend temselves to witty dialogue -- which doesn't make _writing_ that
dialogue any easier. Good work there.

The sarcastic remarks, though, those are all Rajura's. ^_^

"Woah!" Lightstorm leapt to her feet, causing Takenoko to
wince as her high heels dug into his shoulders. "And just who the
hell said you were LETTING us live, jarhead? Don't go getting any
fancy ideas just because we've been nice to you..."

...and the rest.

K'thardin is right, y'know: they _are_ getting nicer as the chapters pass
by. Soon, they might even start to act like their respective... templates.
Thunderstorm will start mentioning his old sempai every so many minutes,
Lightstorm will call herself Sailor L, and Icestorm... okay, so she'll never
be like Ami. But that was to be expected. :-p

"Uh, about that food..."

The saying "You can't think on an empty stomach" is certainly accurate in
Jun's case, don't you think?

TAKENOKO: Damn! Isn't that Pedri, his six brothers and sisters, and an Army
of thousands of minions bent on the destruction of this dimension?
JUN: Oh, I'll go ask them if they have some spare food. You never know...

"You are prisoners of the Empire, girl," Shien intoned. "I
should think that your ultimate fates were obvious. Having been found
guilty of treason, our Empress will no doubt have you executed on
sight."

KAYURA: Execute them, my loyal youja!
YOUJA: Right away, oh, Kayura!
[The YOUJA die in the blink of an eye. Oops.]
STORM SENSHI: Okay, who's next?
KAYURA: Oh, yeah? Go, my dear Masho!
NAAZA: ...er, Nasuti, is that you? Wait, I have something I wanted to tell
you! *flees*
ANUBIS: ... ... um, er... right! I have to go choose the tuxedo for our
wedding, my Queen. I'll be back in two or three... months? *flees*
RAJURA: ...Don't even look at me.

No, but seriously, I doubt even the Masho could beat the three of them of
together in a fair fight, IF they're pissed off and feel like fighting back.
Especially if they go all "elemental" on them. :-p

"I keep telling you," Kokuen argued testily, "had their deaths
been the wish of our Empress, I feel she would have included such in
our orders. We were merely sent to find the Storm Senshi and return
them to her. She said nothing about execution at all!"

Yoen hemmed thoughtfully as he overlooked the two bickering
youja. Both Shien and Kokuen had valid points, but he wasn't sure he
approved of the zealousness with which they seemed to be anticipating
the Lady's wishes. It bordered on insubordination, to assume they knew

Um, actually, only Shien was "anticipating" her wishes". Kokuen, in fact,
just wants to follow her orders as closely as possible. I think Yoen would
realize as much.

<SNIP, AT LAST!>

"What? No food?" Jun looked as though the youja had just told
him there was no Santa Claus. "Why not?"

NASUTI: Jun... there's something I have to tell you. There's no Santa Claus.
JUN: Okay. Do you have food? Food! I want food!

"We are youja. We do not eat, drink, sleep or breathe. To us,
rations of any kind would merely be excess and useless baggage."

SHOUEN: We are youja. We do not pee, do drugs, or vote. To us, there's only
ally or enemy, black or white, raw or overdone. We. Are. Youja.

Geez... this is beginning to look like a MSTing. Please, give me something!
A typo, a run-on, something! :-p

"Huh." Jun scowled and placed his fists on his hips. "Right
then. Well, can't blame a guy for trying, right?" A look of

LIGHTSORM: Sure we can. Right, girls?
THUNDERSTORM: *nods*
ICESTORM: You're, like, guilty until proven innocent. *giggles*

concentration on his face, the dark-haired boy looked around the
clearing. Suddenly he froze, his body stiffening as though electricity
were coursing through him.

THUNDERSTORM: Gotcha!
JUN: Argh!

BTW, you should give these girls new names. First, their actual nicks must
be impractical, not to mention having an actual name would be important to
them if they really consider themselves humans. Second... it's a pain to
type the actual ones while holding the 'shift' key down. And I always forget
'caps lock'. :-p

"Takenoko," he asked calmly. "How hungry
are we? I mean, seriously."

TAKENOKO: *GRRRRRRRRRRRR*
JUN: Hey! No need to growl at me.
TAKENOKO: That was not me. T'was my stomach.

"Starving," Takenoko answered, rubbing his muscled stomach
with a hand the size of a serving platter. "Why?"

Heh. Nice... simile? ^_^;;

"Because we're gonna eat something, man. We can't keep walking
like this, or we're bound to keel over." Jun cleared his throat and
walked over to where one of the mantid corpses lay sprawled on the
ground, ichor pooling from where Yoen's bisento had cleaved it from
thorax to abdomen.

"Hey, Takenoko," he asked, "you ever have lobster?"

TAKENOKO: Yeah, sure. I ordered lobster every time I went to my favourite
French restaurant, down there at the Pit... *shakes head* Idiotic kids these
days...

"Those aren't lobsters, Jun. They're giant bugs."

The key word being 'bugs'. How does he even know they're edible? Their flesh
might be poisoned, and not checking such things could be fatal...

"What did I tell you about getting worked up over little
details like that?" Jun asked with an amused smirk.

One word: Ewww! :-p

<SNIP!!!>

"Yep," Jun said with a smile, "and since the sun moves from
east to west, that means that the shadow we see is pointing east.
We walk in the other direction, and we'll know we're heading west.
Neat trick, huh? I learned it when I was a kid."

On Earth. K'thardin is right here: this IS another planet.

I might expect Jun to overlook this --he certainly has many other things to
worry about at the moment-- but shouldn't the youja correct him? Of course,
you could have it that the shadow also points east in that planet, but I
think someone should point this out to Jun.

"This is really humiliating," Takenoko grumbled from his seat
against a tree that seemed to be leaning slightly under his weight. "I
don't get lost THAT often."

TAKENOKO: It's a conspiracy! They want to make me look like a fool, and
change the landmarks when I'm not looking! Bastards!
RYOGA: I hear ya.

<SMALL SNIP -- YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN>

"Okay!" A small voice drifted down from the girl as she did her
best to graft herself to the branch she was hanging from.

Graft? I guess it's okay, but it's not the commonest of verbs. At least not
among the ones you can use here.

Grumbling under his breath, Jun slid a katana blade out of the
belt loop in his pants and tossed it aside. No point letting it get
caught on something, he figured.

Like his body. Sharp thing do tend to stick into your body when you fall on
them.

Now that I think about it... the Masho's armors are repaired every time they
use their Yoroiden, right? If this is true, Naaza should have all of his
katana the next time he uses his, and thus the one Jun has would...
disappear? Or maybe a copy is created? How does that work?

Rolling up his sleeves and rubbing
his hands together, he turned to the tall young woman standing next
to him.

"Mind giving me a boost, Thunderstorm?"

THUNDERSTORM: Sure. *deep breath* You can do it, Jun! Go, go! You're da man,
my hero! Climb like the wind!
JUN: ... That's not what I meant.
THUNDERSTORM: I know.

The brunette stared blankly at him, then laced her fingers
together and held her hands out at waist level. Jun stared at her
hands, and placed his hands on his hips.

"Bit of a high step for a boost, isn't it?"

"If you're expecting me to bend over," Thunderstorm replied
calmly, "you should've lent me a longer sweater. Jump up, and I'll
boost you."

Ah, I hate you Morgan. You really have to work on your fanservice. As in, I
want more! :-p

<SCISSORS TIME>

"Hey Icestorm," he called up to the petrified girl dangling

Hey, Icestorm...

...Can... Can it be true?! A NITPICK! Finally!

And here I thought I wouldn't be able to find one this time around. Thank
God. ^_^

above his head. "Take a look over there, to the west. Is it just me,
or are we all a few hours away from walking into the weirdest blizzard
ever?"

Resolutely, the young woman shook her head and clutched her
branch even harder. The branch, which had been creaking and groaning
for some time in an attempt to drop some discreet hints against such
action, finally gave up on the effort and splintered into a lifetime
supply of toothpicks instead. With a yelp of shock, Sailor Icestorm
dropped towards the earth like a blue-haired meteor. Reacting on what
what was probably instinct -but which he would later argue was sheer
idiocy- Jun thrust out his arms and lunged forward in an attempt to
catch her.

Oops. Well, wouldn't have the sword saved him if things had taken a turn for
the worse? After all, I doubt it'd let Jun break the blood pact that easily.
So jump away, Jun! You only might lose your free will. ^_~

Given his own somewhat untenable position at the time, this

Untenable? Um, I'm not sure if this adjective fits in here. Heck, the first
time I read this I thought you'd misspelled "unstable". Which might be the
case, but I doubt it.

was not the best of tactical decisions. Jun felt a sudden jolt as
the girl landed in his arms, followed immediately by the queasy feeling
of his balance shifting as his head and feet rapidly switched
orientation. By the time he actually registered the sensation of his
toes scraping off of the branch -and one shoe off of his foot- both
branch and shoe were distant memories. The world was a blur of green,

Though I know what you meant here, this sentence is a bit awkward, IMO. I
think it's the parenthetical statement that doesn't do it for me -- how does
a shoe scrape off of a foot, anyway? Dunno, perhaps it's just me, but I'd
reword it.

and one which was blurring far faster than he wanted it to. The sound
of screaming filled his ears, and his lungs burned as he fell. Smaller
twigs and needles scratched at his face and body like skeletal
fingers, and Jun actually had a moment to hope that they didn't wind
up splattering themselves on one of the wider, stronger tree limbs
below them.

Nice description. I really felt like I was there. That deserves...

<...A SNIP!>

"Hey, Takenoko," he said, in an attempt to make conversation
while he waited for the feeling to return to his feet, "What's the
weather usually like around here? I mean, do you get many freak
snowstorms this time of year?"

...feet, "what's...

or

...feet. "What's...

"None, ever." Takenoko crossed his arms across his barrel-like
chest and huffed. "We're too far south for that kind of weather, Jun.
At least, at this time of year. Maybe up closer to the poles there's
blizzards right now, but if there's any around here, it'd be the first
time in about a thousand years. Why?"

So they're in the planet's northern hemisphere, uh? I've always wondered
whether the Dynasty and the Dark Kingdom were the only ones in the planet...
It seems improbable, and it'd be interesting to know more about the land.
Just a thought.

BTW... did you ever tell us HOW did Pedri choose the Dark Kingdom as his
next victim? Maybe it was just back luck... A lottery gone awry, if you know
what I mean.

Jun explained what he had seen while in the tree, and watched
as Takenoko's expression slowly shifted from one of polite interest
to intense disbelief and, finally, thoughtfulness. The youma narrowed
his small eyes and scratched his muzzle, his thick fingers rasping
against the stiff whiskers that grew there. He looked down at Jun with
a question in his gaze, then snorted and shook his head, placing his
hands on his hips and examining his hooves as though someone had
written the answer he was looking for there. This must be what uffish
thought looked like, Jun decided, and waited patiently for the
minotaur to finish.

"Uffish"? Um, I have to brush up on my vocabulary. What does it mean?

<TINY SNIP>

Sailor Lightstorm sat up and watched the proceedings with
interest as Jun scrabbled around on the ground like a cute little
puppy looking for its ball. Kokuen and Shouen joined the boy in his
search, as Shien and Yoen checked the makeshift bandages that covered
each other's armour, tightening a few that had been loosened during
the march and begun to leak black smoke. With a sigh, she rested her

Um... Shien and Yoen couldn't possibly be checking the bandages that covered
"each other's armour", as Shouen was the other injured youja, ne? Shouen and
Yoen are the ones that have just joined the group, if I'm not mistaken.

hands on her knees and bit her lower lip thoughtfully. Far be it from
her to do more than the absolute minimum her duties required, but the
little munchkin looked so worried... and he WAS pretty cute. Sighing
again, the blonde woman stood up and began looking around.

I bet Jun would shudder if he could read her mind. ^_^

I have to wonder how Hotaru is going to react when she finds out that his
boyfriend has suddenly shown potential as a... ahem... latin lover, and has
three grown up, extremely beautiful and desirable --down, fanboy, down!--
girls after him. THAT will be fun. I can already imagine Haruka "talking" to
Jun, and trying to make him see reason. ;-p

Something gleamed softly in the scrub, and Lightstorm glanced
over in its direction. Whatever it was, it was hidden pretty well in
the snarl of brambles and brush that grew so prolifically between the
trees of the forest. No way Jun threw his sword hard enough for it to
land in there. Probably not what she was looking for, she decided, and
turned away.

SWORD: No, come back!
LIGHTSTORM: Uh? Who said that?
SWORD: Not me.
LIGHTSTORM: Phew. And here I thought it might have been a supernatural
entity of sorts.
SWORD: Yeah, I hate those. Now pick me up, hand me to Jun, and let me suck
his soul. Thanks!

Hey, a classic is a classic. ^_^

Except... why did she keep getting the nagging feeling that it
WAS what she was looking for? Turning back, the young woman saw
whatever was in there gleam again. It certainly did have a metallic
sheen, she thought, and took a step closer. Her hand moved down
through the thick underbrush, deftly avoiding the thorns and brambles
as she closed her fingers around the object. It felt so weird, almost
as if it wanted her to pick it up. Stepping back again, she drew her
acquisition out of the cover and into the light.

Argh! How can they be so obtuse?! I thought someone with experience in magic
and living in the friggin' Dark Kingdom would realize something is tampering
with her mind the moment she started thinking "I don't know _why_ I'm doing
it, yet I'm doing it." It's so frustrating...

Sunbeams shone coldly off of the smooth surface of the curved
sword blade, and Lightstorm smiled. There it was; the same katana she
had seen hanging on Naaza's hip about a dozen times before. With a
cheerful nod, the Senshi turned and walked over to where Jun was still
searching through the forest litter.

Actually, Naaza has six katana, ne? If I'm right, it should be: "There it
was; a katana just like the ones she had..."

"Hey, Jun! This what you're looking for?"

JUN: Is it Naaza's katana?
LIGHTSTORM: Nope. It's that cursed sword again.
JUN: Oh. ...Um, why are your eyes glowing, Light-chan?

The dark-haired young man glanced up and grinned, his eyes
lighting up at the sight of the katana in her hands. "Hey! You found
it! Way to go, Lightstorm; thanks!" He reached for the blade eagerly,
and she quickly pulled it away, holding the sword behind her as she
pushed on Jun's chest with her other hand.

"Now, what's the big hurry, Jun? I'd say a little finder's fee
would be in order, after all the trouble we went through. Nothing big,
maybe just a little show of your gratitude..."

LIGHTSTORM: Strip!
JUN: Huh?!?!
LIGHTSTORM: Okay, okay... it's not "little". You have nothing to be ashamed
of, really.
JUN: ... Why? Why me?

"I said thanks." Jun stared at her with uncomprehending eyes.
"What more could you possibly want?"

"How about a kiss?"

JUN: YES!!!!!!! ...I mean, what're you talking about? I, uh, I have a
girlfriend. Yeah.
LIGHTSTORM: Uh-huh.

"Ah, GEEZ! Couldn't I just give you money, or something?"

"Hey, I am NOT that kind of girl, Jun Yamano!" Lightstorm
grinned mischievously, a twinkle in her eye. "No kiss, no sword."

LOL. ^_^

"But my girlfriend-"

LIGHTSTORM: Nothing you say will change my mind.
JUN: --can destroy the entire planet in a minute.
LIGHTSTORM: Here. *hands him the katana*

"Isn't here, and the last I heard you were fighting with her,
anyway. Do you want the sword, or what?"

JUN: Well, there's the sword, and then there's my body, which I want to keep
in one piece, thankyeverymuch.

Writing Jun is fun! ^_^

Jun scowled and fumed in silence for a minute or two. Sailor
Lightstorm took the opportunity to pull off one glove and examine her
nails. She really needed to get a manicure, one of these days...

"Okay," he said after another few minutes, and stepped forward,
grabbing the sword as he lightly pecked her on the cheek. "Thanks for
the help, Lightstorm; you're a great girl."

...

Gee, and here I thought Jun was doomed. Nice move! Of course, I doubt it'll
work twice. ^_^

Lightstorm looked shocked for a moment, then shrugged
philosophically. So it hadn't been exactly what she had in mind. She'd
still take it. Besides, the jealous looks that Thunderstorm and
Icestorm were giving her made up for any disappointment in the outcome.
Wait until she told them that she'd already gotten a better kiss
from him a few days ago...

Heck, I'm amazed that she didn't tell them the moment after the kiss. Many
days have passed, after all, and it _would_ have given her (the impression
of) an advantage over her sisters. Or perhaps she's not as devious as I
think...? :-p

"Funny," Jun mused as he held the katana before him and
examined it critically. "It feels kinda... different, somehow. Heavier,
maybe. I mean, it LOOKS right, but, well, are you sure this is the
right sword?"

JUN: Oh, what the heck. As long as it doesn't try to take over my body, and
forces me to kill thousands of people in a massacre to horrible to describe,
any sword is fine by me.
SWORD: Funny you should mention that...

What else does he need, anyway? Maybe if the katana bites him in the ass as
it floats in mid air and a chorus of demons chant "the cursed sword will
getcha, the ccursed sword will getcha" while this happens, he'll realize
it's a different one.... Then again, maybe not.

"Oh, come on, kid!" Takenoko called out impatiently. "Of
course it's the right sword! How many swords do you THINK would be
lying around on the ground waiting for you to pick them up? Just stick
it back in your pants and let's go check out that weird snowstorm!"

Um... must... not... write... hentai... joke...

^_^

<TRIP!>

Shien tilted his helmet to first one side, then the other.

"... helmet first to one side, then..." perhaps? Might be stylistic, but it
sounds better to me.

Shouldering his naginata, the youja grabbed Thunderstorm by the wrist
and slung her onto his back, lifting her free of the snow.

"I have been told that youja armour is warm," he said casually.
"Tuck your feet under you and press them against my backplate."

Who told him that, anyway? A fellow youja is out of the question for obvious
reasons. Perhaps...

ANUBIS: Oh, such a cold nich, isn't it, Kayura?
KAYURA: I'm afraid you're quite right, darling. My feet are so cold!
ANUBIS: That's easily fixed: Shien, come here -- lie on the ground, please.

"I thought you wanted us dead," Thunderstorm said suspiciously,
doing as he had instructed. Be damned, she thought, youja actually were
pretty warm. It was better than before, that was for sure. Of course,
if anyone said anything about it, she'd have to kill them.

THUNDERSTORM: I wanna see them make fun of me! I'll kill 'em, you'll see!!!
ARAGO: Hah hah! Thunderstorm is getting hot thanks to a youja!
THUNDERSTORM: Wha--? *recognizes the speaker* ... er, heh heh heh heh.
You're _so_ funny...
GALACTUS: Can't wait to get into his armour, can you?
THUNDERSTORM: Who--? *looks up* ...Oh, you're right! Heh heh heh...
HOTARU: You hussy! First Jun, now you're going after the youja?
THUNDERSTORM: Oh, _you_ I can handle. Prepare to die!
HOTARU: Death... Reborn...
THUNDERSTORM: ... ... ... I can't get a break, can I?

Shien looked over his shoulder at her, his eyes blank pools
of white as they swirled in the shadow of his eyeslot. He looked mad,
but then, the faceplate always kind of looked like it was frowning at
her. "Yes," he agreed, with a slight nod, "dead. Not suffering."

SHIEN: So, the way I see it, you have two options. You can let me carry you
all the way through the snowstorm, or you can walk barefoot -- but if you
pick the latter, you'd be suffering, and hence I'd have to kill you. Because
I want you dead, but not suffering. I'm sure you understand the logic in
this, right?
THUNDERSTORM: ...er...

Actually, all of the youja seem to be okay guys. Which is, as I've told you
before, something you don't usually see in fanfics -- or anime, for that
matter. It was high time someone gave this poor monsters a personality!

Yoen marched past the pair, his bisento resting easily in his
hand as he used the butt of the weapon to test the snow ahead of him.
The weather itself was no problem for his breed, but the snow might
hide any number of traps and snares, natural or deliberate. Suddenly,
he stiffened perceptibly. The bisento chopped through the air as it
fell forward, slapping against his other hand as he spun it into a
battle-ready position. He sensed Kokuen doing the same with his
scythe, even as Shouen dropped to one knee and began to load his
musket. Carefully, the silver youja began to edge backwards, covering
his crimson companion as the other youja hurriedly rammed a ball down
the musket barrel and applied powder. Kokuen was standing on the other
side, facing outward and instinctively covering that approach. All of
his troops could sense it; something was out there, lurking in the
snow.

Something that was angry.

Hey, maybe it's that thing from the one-shot you wrote some time ago! Are
you running out of monsters for Ronin Summer, I wonder? :-p

<BIG, REALLY BIG SNIP>

BTW, nice way to introduce a new character, and very good description. I
still think it's scary Icestorm felled Jackie so easily, but I guess I'll
have to live with the knowledge of her power. As scary as that may be. :-p

Seriously now, it was a very interesting scene, and it allows us to measure
the extent of the SSenshi's powers. Especially considering Jackie was able
to catch four elite youja off guard, which isn't to be sneezed at. (Though I
did notice that Shouen was able to see him...) I can't wait to see the other
"special" youma I'm betting you'll show us when --if, rather-- Jun and the
girls come back from their mission. That's going to be fun. ^_^

The first thing that Kousou could do to help them, Jun had
suggested, was offer them a bite to eat. Dried bug was okay for the
first few days, but it got old pretty fast. As an end result, most of

Um, there's something off there. Revise this last sentence.

the group wound up crammed around a small wooden table with a rather
acceptable feast spread before them. Better than dried bug, at least.

It was... dried watermelon!

Sometimes I see on TV those guys that eat bugs. Blech. How can the do that?!
...Of course, if I were _really_ hungry... let's just say I'd follow after
Jun. After all, they say bees taste like nuts. :-p

Jun had commandeered the only chair, leaving the Storm Senshi to make
do with whatever boxes, stools, or overturned flowerpots they could
scavenge.

I can imagine how that arrangement came to be...

ICESTORM: I want the chair!
THUNDERSTORM: Think again! After all, I carried you for hours!
LIGHTSTORM: Hey, hey, who's the leader her?! I'll get the chair!
ICESTORM: But, but... sniff... WAAAAAAAHHH! YOU GUYS ARE SO MEAN!
THUNDERSTORM: Hey, quit the whining!
JUN: Enough!!!! I'm getting the chair, and that's it!
ICESTORM: ...
THUNDERSTORM: ...
LIGHTSTORM: ...
ICESTORM: I pick Jun's lap!
LIGHTSTORM: Not so fast! I should be the one to sit on Jun!
THUNDERSTORM: Says who?!
JUN: Argh!!!!

Takenoko, for reasons of height as well as girth, had deemed
it best if he sat on the floor. The youja, having no need to eat,
merely stood nearby and kept a wary eye on their newest associate.
Given the speed with which he'd managed to attack them before, they
weren't taking any chances.

I doubt Jackie could beat them, now that they're ready for him. After all,
being able to communicate telepathicly (um, I'm not sure whether you spell
it this way -- oh well) does give them an edge. I wonder why the insist in
using words, BTW, when they don't need to.

For instance, in the scene Yoen bid... Baien? farewell, just before the
latter was killed by Thraw. I can't remember the youja's name, but you must
remember the scene I mention. If they really are that much more comfortable
not having to use words, why did they talk aloud in such an important
moment?

Kousou, as it turned out when he finally got around to
lowering his hood, was actually quite human-looking. In fact, Jun
mused as he munched happily on a biscuit drizzled with some kind of
honey, the wiry youma could have been a model back on Earth, if not
for his coloration. His hair was short, slightly wavy, and as white
as bone. So were his eyebrows, which made a stark contrast with the
dark blue skin of his face. Still, a little makeup and some hair dye
and he'd have no problem blending into the human population. Of course,
the silver facial tattoo on his right cheek would still be a little
odd, but not too inhuman to draw attention to itself.

BTW, I skimmed through your answer to K'thardin't C&C, and I noticed you
said that the tattoo covered half of his face. That's not the image that
comes to me when I read this description -- this sounds more like the
tattoos Belldandy has, in fact. Cute, small, and sexy -- well, maybe not
sexy, but I like Bell. ^_^

_Anyway_, I'd suggest that you clarify this somehow.

"I'm sorry about the lack of furniture," he was explaining
at the moment, as he stirred a type of soup that Jun was unfamiliar
with. Its main ingredient seemed to be some kind of turnip, or radish.
"There really isn't much need for it, around here. I'm usually on my
feet most of the day, and I've converted a lot of the rooms of this
place to make room for my experiments."

KOUSOU: Igor takes care of the house while I'm away. What, you haven't met
Igor yet? That can be... arranged. BWAHAHAHA!
JUN: ... another nutcase. Great. I wonder if there is _one_ sane youma out
there...
TAKENOKO: Hey!

"Still looking for a cure?" Takenoko mumbled through a mouthful
of sandwich.

KOUSOU: Yes... Who'd have though a snow youma would have a propensity to
catch colds? It's not fair! ...Aaahchhooooooo!

"Maybe," Kousou admitted with a nervous tic of a smile. "Not
having too much progress, but we've got nothing but time around here.
Well, time and money. We're the richest farm in these parts."

"Why?" Jun asked, taking a sip from the tumbler in front of
him. "What's the reason?"

KOUSOU: We have the only farm in the province.
JUN: D'oh!

<LIP!>

Finally, he reached his goal. There, sitting in her frozen
throne, was Mistress Carlin. The delicate fingers of frost had begun
to creep up over her draping sleeves, stiffening the velvet fabric and
beginning a process that would eventually freeze them to the chair
itself. Her robe caressed her curves, looking almost like a night-gown,
and her face, if he were to pull back her fur-trimmed hood far enough
to see it, would no doubt be as composed and serene as if she were in
fact merely slumbering. The truth was far more serious - no fog rose
from her mouth or nose, her chest neither rose nor fell, and her skin,
if he had dared to touch it, would have seemed as cold and lifeless as
the icy seat that held her.

Well, he _did_ dare to touch her skin two paragraphs later. :-p

So Carlin is frozen, unable to move, to talk or to breath naturally. She
interacts with only one person, who is in fact truly devoted to her. Um...
for some reason, all this sounds familiar...

Seriously now, first Mother, and now Carlin? I mean, I'm beginning to see a
pattern here. ^_^

Yet she lived. He knew it. A simple glance at her necklace
revealed that the large opal resting in the valley of her breasts
sparkled with as much lustre as it ever had. Were she to die, that
same stone would be as dull and worthless as a piece of dried clay.

KOUSOU: Or was it the other way around...? Oh, I can never remember, anyway.
Now open up, Carlin!
CARLIN: ...
KOUSOU: Oh, yes, I'll bring dessert later.
CARLIN: ...
KOUSOU: You're welcome, Mistress Carlin!

Maybe he's Pedri's long lost brother?

Kneeling next to her, he gently shifted the hot bowl of soup
he carried to balance on a single hand as he used the other to reach
into the depths of her hood and grip her face, gently pushing against
her cheekbones and forcing her head to tilt back. Moving his fingers
slightly, he proceeded to pull down on her jaw and open her mouth.
It was entirely by touch that he rested the edge of the bowl against
her lips and tilted it, pouring a small measure of the soup down her
throat and taking infinite care not to spill a drop on her robe. His
hand moved in a slow rocking motion, allowing the hot broth to trickle
past his mistress' lips as his other hand carefully prevented any
fluid from leaking out of the corner of her mouth. Soon enough the
bowl was empty, and he sighed in a mixture of disappointment and
relief. Disappointment, as every time he saw her, that she had not
somehow come back to life, and relief that she was at least still
swallowing. Gem aside, is served as a panacea to the eerie feeling that

"...aside, it served..."

he was tending to a corpse.

PEDRI: But she talks to me! She can't be dead!
KOUSOU: Uh, dude... I think they were talking about me.
PEDRI: Oh. Right. Sorry about that.

Kousou looked downward and saw a shadow move in the single beam
of light cast by the doorway. But he was the only thing in the entire
room that was able to move, and it hadn't been him. That had been a
shadow that didn't belong. Scowling, the tall youma stiffened his
fingers and shook his arm in such a way that the dagger up his sleeve
fell down into his palm. Not that he didn't know who it had to be, but
old instincts died hard and he saw no reason to let them.

Heh. Another nice line. You seem to have many of these in each chapter...
^_^

"Nice place," Takenoko snorted. "Reminds me of the one you had
back in the Pit."

"Get out!" Kousou replied, his voice a threatening snarl. "My
mistress doesn't wish to be seen like this!"

CARLIN: ... ... _!_
KOUSOU: Now you've done it: she's mad!

"Man," Jun commented as he stepped past the doorway and looked
into the room, "is it ever cold in HERE! I thought it was bad outside,
but this is definitely worse." Noticing the robed figure seated next
to Kousou, the small human bowed respectfully. "Sorry to intrude," he
said in an amiable manner, "but we wanted to let you know that your
friend here has been very hospitable, and you're very... dead. Ooh.
I think you're right, Takenoko: I could have done without knowing
about this."

LOL. ^_^;;;

I can imagine a RS spin-off: Carlin meets Mother!

CARLIN: ...
MOTHER: ...
CARLIN: ...
MOTHER: ...
CARLIN: ...
MOTHER: ...
CARLIN: ...
MOTHER: ...

It'd make for a very challenging staring contest, ne?

"She is not dead!" Kousou snapped.

JUN: Oh, yeah? She's even decomposing!
KOUSOU: She's not!
JUN: She's too! Can't you smell it?
KOUSOU: That has nothing to do with decomposition or anything like that!
It's just that... well... she's eaten beans for a few days, and you know how
_that_ goes.

"It's more like a coma," Takenoko expounded. "Although I had
kinda hoped the lass would have snapped out of it a little by now."
Frost crunching under his hooves, the giant minotaur tromped over to
where Carlin sat and squinted into the shadowy depths of her
ermine-trimmed hood. "Doesn't move, or talk, or blink, or breathe, or
speak, or anything. Hell, nobody's even sure she knows what's going on
around her."

Actually, if she swallows, she's moving, if slightly, right?

"And how is that different from dead?" Jun asked curiously.

"I can't cure death," Kousou responded.

"You haven't cured this yet, either," Takenoko noted with a
clinical snort. "Not that you haven't tried your navy blue ass off for

"Clinical" snort? I think you meant "cynical".

about sixty years. I'll give you credit where it's due, Jackie-boy; at
least you're a DETERMINED crackpot. You know what's expected of you.
That's an important thing, in crackpots. Otherwise you all just run
around pulling cursed swords out of walls, and such."

Ouch. That was below the belt. :-p

"Hey!" Jun yelled. "I already said I was sorry about that,
okay? It was an honest mistake! Besides, that sword's long gone, now!"

SWORD: Sure I am... heh heh.
JUN: Uh? Anyone said something?

"I am not a crackpot!" Kousou yelled, at almost the same time
as Jun. Unlike Jun, the slim youma's body had tensed suddenly, and
his face was contorted with rage. "I know a cure! I can save her!"

Um... wouldn't it be: "Unlike Jun's, the..."

<THE LAST ONE!>

"Bullshit," Takenoko spat, before adding "if you'll pardon the
expression. First of all, I know all about the goddamn Orb of
Cailleach, remember? It used to be right on Carlin's index finger. So
if that was all you needed, why wait this long? And why don't she
have it no more?"

Um, perhaps you wrote it this way on purpose. Prehaps you didn't. Anyway,
correct grammar would be "And why doesn't she have..." -- and Tokenoko
doesn't seem to be the kind of... minotaur... to make a mistake like that
one.

"I never used it because I didn't know I could!" Kousou
explained, backing slowly away as the giant black minotaur advanced
like a stormfront. "It wasn't until a few weeks before we broke out of
the Pit that I found the scroll that told me about it! It's one of the
ingredients I need to cure her, Takenoko. I gathered all of the others,
but by then the Orb was gone!"

"What, it walked away? You think I got solid muscle between
these horns? You think just because my eyes are bad I won't see through
your story?" Takenoko snorted a small cloud of steam, his red eyes
sparking angrily as he stepped forward yet again.

Heh. I wouldn't like to be Jackie right now... Though, rereading Inner
Battles yesterday (hey, I wanna have my canon just right before C&Cing!
^_^) I noticed that Takenoko lost to Darien in his first battle in the
Pit -- when he wasn't able to use magic, and hadn't the Rose as an edge. And
Darien -- as opposed to Tuxedo Kamen -- isn't that powerful an opponent,
methinks. Unless he IS that powerful, and I'd never noticed.

"I'm telling you the truth! It was taken!"

"Who? Who took it? Who could so bad that you'd be afraid of
them? You move faster than a bad rumour, Jackie-boy, and the last time
I checked, you weren't afraid of anybody. So who?"

KOUSOU: My mother-in-law!
TAKENOKO: *gasp*
KOUSOU: Yes, she said I wasn't good enough for her frozen daughter, and then
took the ring, saying I'd probably spend it on booze or something like that!
TAKENOKO: Poor guy...

Kousou smiled nervously. "Would you believe Daija?"

"Holy flaming shit. Are you crazy? You're going to let those
kids go after Daija? She'll have them for breakfast!"

Um... Daija. Why do I have the feeling you have one helluva fight planned?
^_^

"She'll have ME for breakfast, or at least she wants to. You
know she's always hated Mistress Carlin, and she'll do anything to keep
me from getting the cure! She stole the orb off of Mistress Carlin's
finger when I was fighting in the Pit, once. That's why I'm afraid to
leave Mistress Carlin here unguarded! She'd be totally helpless if
Daija slithered in here and I was gone. I attacked the way I did
earlier because I thought you might be her, or working for her."

KOUSOU: Yep, that's me. Attack first, ask question... never!

"Me? For her?" Takenoko harumphed. "Not likely. The woman's a
total loon."

"She's nesting a few miles from here. I set up our farm nearby

"Nesting"...? Um... intriguing. ^_~

And I'm beginning to suspect that Jackie's friends never reached their
destination because they were intercepted by this Daija woman. I wouldn't be
surprised if Jun and Co. end up fighting them for some reason. It sound
so... Morgan Hudson-ish.

<I LIED! HAHAHAH!>

"You don't know what you're getting into, Jackie. That Jun
kid - he's got this way of getting his nose in stuff. Don't get me
wrong; he's a great kid, he means well, it's just... Things got this

You need a period here, either after "kid" or after "well".

habit of going straight to hell around him. He's, like, a karmic
hurricane, or something."

RANMA: Been there, done that.

"All the human needs to do is keep his head down, Takenoko,
as I intend to do myself. Daija may be dangerous, but I doubt even
she would have much of a chance against those three -and I use the
term figuratively- girls." Kousou raised his hands placatingly and
smiled slightly. "You do realise what kind of creatures you're actually
travelling with, don't you?"

TAKENOKO: Yes.
KOUSOU: I feel your pain, man. It must be horrible travelling with...
TAKENOKO: Teenagers. C'mon, you can say it.

"Yeah," the minotaur grumbled, rubbing the back of his thick
neck. "I kinda figured it out a day or two ago. One of 'em accidentally
changed into her true form. Took me a while to realise what I'd been
looking at, though." The heavy head suddenly snapped up, beady eyes
narrowing in suspicion. "Wait a minute... How in the hells did YOU
figure out what they are?"

MORGAN: Damn! Good question... er... uh...

^_^

"The blue-haired one," Kousou answered. "I'm a snow demon,
Takenoko, remember? Don't you think a bobcat like me can recognise a
tiger like her when I see one? It's like looking eight steps up the
food chain. Once I realised what she was, I figured the other two had
to be the same. I just don't understand what they're doing slumming
around with lower life forms - no offence."

Okay, _this_ is where I started to tell myself "What the hell..." This was a
very unexpected plot twist. As I said at the beginning of the C&C, this is
one of the aspects of the fic I enjoy the most. You think you know these
characters, and suddenly...

"None taken. I thought they might be stuck the way they are,
but that brunette was able to switch her bodies around like she was
changing socks. At least, when she got mad enough, she could. And why
would she change back, if she'd gone back to normal?"

It might have taken more of her than Takenoko realizes. After all, she was
unconscious when she came back, which makes me believe the change wasn't all
that smooth.

The tall blue youma shrugged. "Beats me, but if they're willing
to take a few rounds out of Daija for me, I want to let them. You told
anybody else what you know?"

"What, that the Storm Senshi are a bunch of friggin'
elementals? Who would I tell? I'm pretty sure THEY already know. None

And HERE is where I fell off my chair, and decided to reread Inner Battles,
and see what I'd missed. :-p

My question is the obvious one: how can they be elementals (which are, I
think, beings of pure magic based on the forces of nature -- correct me if
I'm wrong), when they are supposed to be human clones? Unless Wiseman lied
to Jadeite, and the Storm Senshi only _look_ human, if you know what I mean.

And I did notice the tiger that appeared behind Thunderstorm when she met
Jadeite for the first time. Talk about plotting ahead... Of course, it won't
be so easy with the rest, but let's see if we can guess the other two's true
forms. You did describe a sort of "web" when Icestorm came into view, so a
spider isn't out of the question. Of course, I don't think a spider is cute
enough for such a gal, so... a bear? Like a big teddy bear, but just meanier
and scarier? ^_^

And Lightstorm, I don't have a clue (a bird of some kind? A phoenix? Or
maybe I'm just watching too much Robotech?). But I'm going to think real
hard, so beware!

of the tin soldiers would believe me, and the kid wouldn't understand.
He's a human. Probably doesn't know an elemental from a hole in the
ground."

JUN: Hey, I read manga, y'know!

<SNIPpy>

"I'll be waiting," he said darkly. "And I'll be counting, too,
Jackie-boy. Three girls. One kid. Or no you."

"I understand," Kousou responded, as he exited, "but Daija
might have different ideas."

**********

To Be Continued...

...or I'll be in trouble, because rereading the story Latin_D has just
remembered all about the HHHH.

Damn, this was good. And long, which in my book makes it all the better.

Sorry again it took me this long to send you some comments, but the length
and my own messy life kept me from C&Cing more than a scene at a time,
believe it or not. Next time, I'll try to write more timely comments.

Anyway, what else is there to say? I could tell you had fun writing this
chapters, because I sure had fun reading it. Jun, much like Naaza, lightens
up the story, and the Storm Senshi are crazy enough to back him up. As
always, the new characters were --so far-- well developed, and... so special
that they fit in the DK perfectly. Dialogue was as witty as always, and the
description had your usual quality.

The "elemental" approach was definitely unexpected, and I want to see how
you explain it in the following chapters. Not to mention I still want to
know what their true forms really are. I shudder at the thought of those
missing Outer Senshi (or maybe not Outer Senshi, and something else?) clones
being elementals, too... Ah, we'll see.

Next chapters we should see more of Pedri, and Haruka and Michiru, right?
And if we're lucky, we might get some Tuls.... ^_^

Hope to have helped, somehow. Talk to you later, and take care,

Latin_D

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