Doctor Nightfall wrote:

Okay, this has been a while in the making. If you want to read the first part again, just drop me a line, and I'll repost it.

  I think I remember the first part.

C&C welcomed!

  Well, that's the whole point of the list, isn't it? ;)

The Whack Pack

Part 2

By Matthew Harrison

*****

Certain Characters and Situations property of Gainax, Inc.Not used for Profit in any way.

*****

The door quietly clunked shut as Shinji returned to the house. There was noone about; it was, as Misato called it, "silly o'clock in the morning". And everyone was, as they should be, fast asleep.

  noone -- no one (?)

"I guess some of Misato's rubbing off on me."

Shinji had the presence of mind not to dwell on the image that that summoned.

  Heh, I rather like that line.

"You really thought you could trust Kensuke to keep silent? Baka. He checked on what you wanted him to access, and then had a quiet word with me to make sure you didn't do anything silly."

  Didn't check well enough, apparently, if Kensuke let it happen...

Her eyes narrowed. "You obtained a gun. You weren't just going to wave that around, now were you? AND you've had a shower- not to mention that the bag you had isn't with you."

  Shinji: Damn. You caught me. I was out clubbin' -- you know I'm not really the spineless wuss I pretend to be... Left my gear at one of my women's place...

"Out with it. Or I'll tell Misato exactly what you asked of Kensuke."

He told her.

  I'm surprised he didn't try to lie about it.

"Yes." He looked down. "I'm not proud of it," he mumbled.

  Gendo: Why not? I'm _plenty_ proud of you, boy?

  Shinji *shoots Gendo*: Shut up.

  Gendo *gasping for breath*: I couldn't die a happier man...

"You did the right thing, Shinji. There was a debt to be paid."

  Asuka's that cavalier about the entire thing? I would have expected her to be doubtful... not that she'd let him see it. ;)

"I just couldn't let them get away with... with..."

  Shinji: Polka dots _any_ plaid? They had to die.

  Asuka: Point.

Asuka watched in vague horror as Shinji trailled off, his eyes filling with tears. She thought he might have been bottling things up a bit, and maybe, just maybe, Shinji's emotional state was more of a can of worms than she had thought. He hadn't cried at the funeral, come to think about it...

  'vague horror'? Very nice.

Introductory psychology from college came back to her. Closure. He hadn't been able to grieve properly until he felt closure.

And there was no more definite closure, she felt, than executing the murderers of a girl he seeemed to have loved.

  Well, there's a certain lack of closure concerning the fact that Shinji never got to say farewell to the girl, but this is from Asuka's PoV, and considering how poorly she dealt with her _own_ problem (and lack of closure), that scene seems fitting.

The tears seemed to be flowing, now, and his shoulders began to shake. Asuka did the only thing she felt she could do.

  This part, perhaps, seems a tad off to me. I would think that Asuka wouldn't really know how to deal with it, at first... wouldn't be surprised if she wanted some kind of emotional support herself (more in general, than for a specific issue), and helping him was a viable way to experience closeness without her having to apparently open herself up to the entire thing... ie., Shinji wad initiated it, and it's 'safe' insofar as probably no one can find out to mock her moment of weakness... and if they do, they couldn't really fault her for it.

Shinji was barely aware of Asuka's arms as she pulled him to her, resting his head on her shoulder. He was just glad of the company; if he'd started thinking about what he'd done, and what had happened, and what they'd done to Kaede- he hadn't been there, but in his minds eye he could see the two leering as they thrust into her under a tree at night, then fastening the belt of her dress round her throat-

  minds -- mind's

He didn't realise it, but he was crying quite loudly now. Out of instinct, his arms went round Asuka, and he fell into his grief.

  realise -- realize

Asuka held Shinji tight as he cried, and the sobs slowly reached a crescendo. It was painful, she realised. She thought of him as a compatriot, a fellow soldier, and felt that he had bottled up more than just the past three weeks. She knew how much losing someone very close felt... best not to go there now.  But all she could do was hold him, and wait for him to recover. 'Big Boys Don't Cry', was the maxim, but in every rule had an exception. And this was definitely an exception...

  'in every rule had an exception'? You mean, 'every rule has an exception', or 'there are exceptions to every rule', etc. ?

  Neither do 'Big Girls' in Asuka's book. This is an awful lot of respect for Shinji, though. I was under the impression that she generally resented his superiority -- whenever it emerged...

Eventually, the sobs tailed off, and Shinji staggered out of her arms, into his room and into restless sleep.

  Repetition of 'into'.

Rei awoke that morning to the sound of her alarm. It would surprise noone that her radio alarm was set to the news channel; at six thirty there was generally an accurate weather forecast, and there was a good chance of being alerted to incoming angels before NERV became aware of it. (The reasons for this latter item eluded her; she had no idea how their intel was better than NERV's. She could only assume that NERV's byzantine beaureacracy resulted in a delay in the dissemination of information.) However, as she lay in bed for a few minutes- her only vice was her bed, as she felt reluctance to leave it first thing in the morning.

  noone -- no one (?)

She had also heard Doctor Akagi talking about a very specific MAGI hack, using passwords known to them- into the electronic locking systems.

  When had she heard this? Hadn't Shinji just done it the night before? Or was Rei there late?

There was one other piece of evidence: Commander Ikari had ordered her to ignore it. Commander Ikari would, she knew, protect his son above all others. And when she considered that the Third Child had experience of killing...

  'of killing' -- 'with killing' (?)

It had to have been Ikari. There was no other possibility.

  Kaji: Well, actually...

Shinji looked through the paper as he quietly munched his toast. Noone else was up at this hour, there being nothing going on that they needed to attend to. He was only up because he had slept so badly that night. He felt better than he had- but that wasn't difficult. Anyone who watched him would have seen a slight jauntiness in his manner- though, to anyone who didn't, they'd have thought he was a gloomy teen, worse off than the others in terms of angst and would have recommended Prozac in hefty quantities.

  noone -- no one (?)

  Heh.

His mood darkened slightly as he saw that a man recently charged with a murder had walked free on a technicality of law. It was suspected that he had performed at least three murders, all of children- but due to a point of law and a smart lawyer, he had escaped the law.

  Repetition of 'law'.

(A good observer might at this point have noticed that he developed a slight twitch under his left eye as he read this piece.)

  Then again, why's Shinji getting upset? The man's bad, but Shinji's a killer, too.

However, he soon came back to the fact that he had nothing to do of any importance that day. He was broke until his father put his allowance into his account.

  I thought he got paid from NERV?

He grabbed his jacket, and, as he opened the door, came face to face with Rei, her finger on the doorbell.

"Good Morning, Ikari."

  Morning -- morning (Capitalization)

  Not 'Ikari-kun'?

"Good Morning, Rei. What are you doing here?"

  Morning -- morning (Capitalization)

"How do you know?"

She told him.

"I see. Well... Are you doing anything today?"

  Shinji: I'll just have to kill _you_ now, too.

  Rei: ...

"Besides Ice-cream? It's a special of theirs. A Bloody Sundae."

  Ouch.

"Life. Death. And if you could do me a small favour."

  Ouch again.

"I have seen your taste in pornography, Shinji. I will not take a spanking from As-"

  Rei: If you want to watch Ritsuko spank me, we can talk.

  Though I thought Rei's lack of will was pronounced enough that she _would_. :p

"What sort of Items?"

  Items -- items (capitalization)

"I don't do dead body storage."

  Rei: Ritsuko might be able to help on that one, though.

They spent a while shopping. Shinji spent a large amount of money; Rei idly wondered where it was coming from, but was intrigued that he felt it was a good idea to buy a pair of sunglasses that cost twenty-five thousand yen and a leather jacket that cost, in her opinion, much more than was practical to pay for a coat.

  Repetition of spent.

  Shinji as the sleek urban asassin. Heh. Hehe.

"Why did that coat cost twenty-five thousand Yen?"

  Yen -- yen (Capitalization)

Sure enough, There was the request he expected.

  There -- there

He sent three emails.

  Hm.

Shinji walked down the street slowly. He had heard a lot about this person, the one who'd killed those girls. He was rich. He was, apparently, well connected in the Yakusa.

  'those'? Maybe 'the', since they were last refered to some paragraphs ago?

He would be well protected.

He was also worth three hundred million yen dead.

Shinji could see the gate ahead. It was a massive wrought iron construction.

It was easy to climb over.

  Nah... nah... he's going about this all wrong. Probably the best he can hope for is to get lucky, and be taken under the wing of someone who _does_ know the right way to go about it. :p


  Though I do have to say, he sure got into it, after that initial attempt. Too bad about the jacket, isn't he going to have to lose once it's over, like he did the clothes from the previous altercation?

Gendou Ikari looked at his desk for a minute. There was nothing else he had to do that day; it was time to terrorise the bridge bunnies for a little while, and then he could go home.

  Heh.

He hit the button that summoned Kaji less than two seconds into it.

  Interesting.

Rei walked quickly to Misato's apartment. She'd recieved a phone call from the Commander that confirmed everything she'd suspected; He'd paid Shinji for what he'd done the night before, and was being as helpful as he could. However, he knew he wasn't as close to his son as perhaps he should be, and was a little concerned about his mental state.

  He'd -- he'd

"Is Shinji  in?"

  Extra space in that line?

Rei's Phone rang. She answered, and Asuka waitied patiently.

  Phone -- phone

"Good. I need you to deliver something with Kaji to Shinji."

  'with Kaji to Shinji' sounds awkward. Perhaps you could reword it?

  Only a suggestion, of course, and as I always say, you can feel free to ignore me. :p

"But  I don't know where he is."

  Extra space in that line?

"Kaji does. Shinji's about to get himself killed."

  Toldja so.

He had only brought two clips of ammunition for the spare pistol he had, and he was down to the last three rounds.

  I've, er, been corrected on this one myself. A lot. You probably mean that he brought two magazines, not clips.

There had been more people there than he'd expected, and the video surveillance was more than he'd wanted.

  So he's killed a lot of (potentially) innocent guards, too?

He could run; but then he'd probably get killed. If not, noone would ever hire him for 'services rendered' ever again.

  noone -- no one (?)

"Scheisskopf! How dare you go kamikaze on us!"

  Shinji: Well, like this, I guess. Why?

  Asuka: ... Nice jacket.

Asuka grabbed him in a bearhug, clouting him on the back of the head with the HKMP5 she was holding in her hand as she ran up to him. Rei, holding an old service revolver, walked quietly past him and checked that the  bad guys were definitely dead. Over her shoulder, he saw Kaji lighting up a cigarette, a fancy-looking shotgun leaning on his shoulder.

  HK-MP5? Ow!

  Does Kaji have a Pancor Jackhammer? That seems fitting. :p

  One possible problem with 'bad guys', since that term might not work as well as you'd wish. Perhaps 'targets' or just 'fallen men'.

Kaji grinned round his cigarette. "It seems that the commander didn't want you dead, so he sent us round ho give you a hand. Oh, and this is for you." He handed the shotgun to Shinji. He looked at it curiously; it had a stubby magazine, and a short slide almost flush with the barrel.

  round -- around -- 'round (though you probably want to avoid that in prose)

  ho -- to

"Mandrax Industries Widowmaker. Sorry I used it before you, but it looked like you were in trouble."

  Well, it's not as cool as a Pancor Jackhammer. :p

"I'll ID these fellers. You never know- there might be a price for these guys too."

  Woah. Trippy. Asuka doesn't seem to have the slightest remorse for what she's doing.

It was, after that, a fairly quiet cleanup. There were only three more guards in the mansion, and they were quickly dispatched, Shinji turning one into little more than a red mist, Rei almost absently shooting one between the eyes as she walked past his hiding place, and Asuka cutting the last one in two with her now paired MP5's (she'd pickewd up another one from somewhere).

  pickewd -- picked

Shinji, Rei and Asuka sat in the back of the car as Kaji drove them back to Misato's place. It was going to be a short night ahead, as it was nearing three in the morning.  Kaji had ID'd the eleven guys they'd killed, and had given Shinji the names. Shinji had eneterd them into the handpad along with confirmation of the kill that he'd initially taken on.

  eneterd -- entered

  Though asking for a bounty on someone who's already dead doesn't often do much good... er... or so I hear, anyway.

"I recommend that we keep this as low a profile as possible. But it may be worthwhile taking a few more jobs on as well."

  Who says this line?

"It has already been proven that we can work as a team. There is the possibility that it may also be a good idea to recruit at least one other personage into this team. Preferably someone with a good working knowledge of firearms and computers."

  Poor Aida.

Shinji nodded. "That makes sense. That way we can cover our tracks with CCTV amongst other things... and it'll make sense if we want to hiode our accounts."

  hiode -- hide

Asuka chipped in. "We could well do with someone good with a sniper weapon of some sort. Waltzing in with all barrels blazing isn't always the best idea."

  Rei's good with sniper rifles, isn't she? She's used them in her EVA.

The three children were nearly passed out on Shinji's bed. Each of them had their own thoughts about the evening... and the ideas passes around afterwards.

  passes -- passed

Asuka was thinking about Hikari. It wasn't a well-known fact tht Hikari was actually a corporal in the local OTC (and found it quite amusing that her beret badge had a maple leaf on it, representing the military unit it was afiliated with). Even less well known was the fact that Hikari was on the Marksmanship team, and, in fact, was a competition winner from eight hundred metres. That, she felt, was a pretty good skill. And if Shinji could arrange for a proper shiper's rifle...

  shiper's -- sniper's

Rei was thinking about Touji. She knew that he'd had an artificial arm and leg fitted as a result of his accident in EVA-04, and that those prostheses were actually based on military cybernetics prototypes- they had greater strength and were deeply linked into his skeleton because of that. He could almost certainly be able to heft a piece of heavy ordinance as a result. He could carry and balance it with his left arm, while actually operating it with his right. That would certainly give them the edge in a firefight...

  Well, yes, but do any of these people have the right frame of mind to actually DO such a thing?

Dropping the handheld back on the bed, she went back to the kitchen, and downed three beers in quick succession.

  Gee, is that her answer to every problem?

  Misato: Let me have a few beers and get back to you on that one.

She DEFINITELY needed to have a talk to him... after she remembered to close her mouth and stop shaking.

End part two.

  Well, I must say, it's certainly interesting.

  I do worry that the latter half of this chapter feels a bit rushed in places, and the cast has a generally casual attitude about the entire ordeal... but it's still interesting. Keep up the good work!

What am I doing here
half asleep
and the rest of me
still in bed
making coffee
with tea bags...?