Weirdphoenix wrote:

Epiphany

A Ranma 1/2 Fan fiction.
By Tripolar Disorder and Dragon Dagger

We do not own the characters from Ranma, nor do we want them.
We just wish to borrow their likenesses to present another view
on the Ranma story.  So please don't sue us.

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She was walking down the street, clutching her bundle.  Her
heart was barely holding itself within her chest.  Though she
wished to run, her Kimono and her pride prevented her from doing
so.

  'Kimono' needn't be capitalized, since it's an article of clothing, not a proper name.

  If, for example, it was a shirt named 'Kimono' or a bullet-proof jacket called 'the Trench', then you would want to capitalize it.

Nodoka stopped in from of the Tendo home.  She had been informed
that her son and husband were back from their training journey.
Ten years ago she had agreed to allow Genma to take Ranma to
teach him the art.  Ten years she had spent alone, wondering if
either of them would ever return.

  from -- front

  This bit could use a tiny bit of expansion, since it seems to be very central to the plot.

She called to the house.  Kasumi opened the gate and recognized
her immediately.  Nodoka noticed that Kasumi had been crying.

  Noticed that she had been crying how? Red eyes, tear tracks across her cheeks, a city official from Flood Control actively draining the lost water... ?

"Auntie Nodoka." she exclaimed.

  Nodoka," she -- comma instead of a period. Though an exclamation point could work, too.

Nodoka noticed the obvious state of the family room.  Kasumi
must have been in terrible shape.  Her normal absolute tidiness
had given way to piles of tissues.  Nodoka also was tackled by
a crying Akane not three steps into the room.

  Suggest removing the 'also' from the last line.

<They are much like their father. > Nodoka thought to herself.
She sat and tried to hug each girl, a task along the lines of
juggling.  She was hoping that Soun would come home and help
straighten the girls out.  They were acting as though someone
had died.

  Hmm... that last line seems to fall flat, but I'm not sure what to suggest.

"What did you say Ranko?" Nodoka was a bit confused.

  say, Ranko?" -- (commage)

As Nodoka started to come to she first realized that she was
lying down and there were several soft voices about her talking.
Remembering a little of what had happened in the moments before
she lost consciousness she very slowly brought herself about and
looked up at the Tendo Girls and the girl that called herself
Ranma.

  Commage.

"Ranko?  I thought I heard you say that you were my son
Ranma..."  She trailed off as Nabiki came out of the kitchen
with a pot of hot water and poured it over the Saotome scion's
head turning her from the redheaded girl into a taller, well
built young man.

  son, Ranma. -- (Unless it's a DB/Z x-over, then you'll want to capitalize the 'son'.) :p

"I wanted to tell ya mom.  I'm Ranko, It's just a curse."  He
shrugged as he sat uneasily by his mother's side and changed
out the dressing that was laid across the woman's forehead. "It
is a curse that we picked up in China.  Pops took us to this
trainin ground but he didn't know how ta read the guidebook, and
so he turns into a Panda, and I turn into Ranko.  I just look
like a girl, my brain don't change or nuthin."

  First 'Ranko' should be 'Ranma', right?

  trainin -- trainin'

  nuthin -- nuthin'

  Should that second 'Ranko' be in quotation marks?

Nodoka looked at Ranma, and put her hand on his face.  "Why were
you afraid to tell me?  Did you think I would love you any less
because of it?"

Ranma Hesitated.  "Pops told me about the contract.  He thought
that you would not see me as a man amongst men.  I wanted to
tell you, but....<pausing to collect himself> Pops thought you'd
make us commit seppuku.  I really wanted to see you again, so I
had to lie to you.  Pops was going to make us disappear for a
few days each time you showed up, but I wouldn't let him."

  Hesitated -- hesitated

  Not sure the <pausing to collect himself> works as well as -- but..." He paused, collecting himself. "Pops thought... --

Nodoka looked at Ranma, her eyes filling with tears.  "I guess
that I am at fault for making you scared to come to me.  I knew
that I would regret the contract."

Nodoka began crying.  She turned away from Ranma, looking at
Kasumi instead.  "I have mourned the death of my son too many
times already.  I have seen you die in my nightmares.  I hear
your calling out to me like the day you left with Genma.  I hear
it every time I see small children playing in the park.  I
thought you were never coming back to me Ranma.  I will never
acknowledge the existence of your pledge.  Please promise that
you will never hide from me again for any reason."

  me, Ranma.

  Though this all seems way too easy. :/ Missing out on some dramatic tension, there.

Nodoka sat up and wrapped her arms around him, still crying.
Ranma returned the embrace.  A single tear ran down his cheek.
"I promise mother."

  promise, Mother."

Nodoka, Kasumi and Ranma were walking away from the morgue.
They had been called down to positively identify the bodies.

  Nodoka, Kasumi, and Ranma...

"Auntie Saotome, There is much to be done in a little time."
Kasumi reminded the elder Saotome with tears still in her eyes.
Looking at Ranma she tried hard to show a proper face but the
fact that Nodoka lost her husband and Ranma lost his father all
in one evening was too much for her as the tears started to
creep down her face as she quietly started to weep again.

  There -- there

  Commage. Repetition of 'as'.

Ranma had no idea how to deal with all this and his bloodshot
eyes and quieter than usual demeanor told all too clearly that
he was still in shock over the news and that he had been trying
to put the girls first before his own need to grieve.

  Commage.

"He was an ass, but he was my pop.  I can't imagine that idiot
getting killed by falling into the canal.  he knew that rout
better drunk than he did sober."  The anger was starting to
manifest itself as part of him still screamed in denial that
Genma was gone.

  he -- He

  rout -- route

Nodoka stiffened at Ranma's last outburst.  "Ranma, Genma and
Soun were killed.  I did not wish to say anything at the time,
but I noticed the bruise at the base of their throats.  It is
a technique created by the fonder of the anything goes school.
It can mean only one thing.  Hopposai is still alive and decided
to enact his revenge."

  Why didn't she mention this? The authorities would be interested in knowing that...

Ranma's eyes were instantly ablaze and few could have missed the
aura that lit up around him.

"Hopposai.  I should have known.  For this and every other thing
that the little pervert has done, he will DIE!!"

  Allways thought it was 'Happosai', hence the 'Happi' joke. :p

Nabiki was shuffling some papers with a worried look on her
face.  "I tell you Kasumi the government can split us up.  You
don't have a source of income and without one, you won't be
allowed to be our guardian.  Our house will be sold to settle
daddie's estate.  Then we will be split up."

  you, Kasumi, the government

  daddie's -- Daddy's

  Commage

"Ahem" said Nodoka.  "I guess then there is only one answer
left.  I wish to fulfill the wishes of the dearly departed, and
join the schools.  Originally that involved one of you marrying
Ranma.  But now the schools will be joined and you will not be
broken apart.  Ranma... I would like you to meet your soon to
be adopted sisters, Nabiki and Akane."

  "Ahem,"

  And what about Kasumi?

After they all calmed down, they all agreed to the plan, and
so Nabiki began getting all the paperwork and arrangements ready
for Nodoka to become their Mother.

  Mother -- mother

Nodoka calming sipped her tea, then replied.  "you aren't dear.
I am a professional photographer.  I take pictures of people
for magazines and advertisements.  It provides me with a solid,
yet entertaining source of income.  I love doing it."

  replied, "You aren't...

"I am Morima No-Chan.  That is just a nickname that a foreign
model called me once.  The Morima means mother in her language.
She said I reminded her of her own mother.  The name stuck."

  'The Morima' -- maybe just 'Morima'? Or 'The word Morima'?

Nabiki was awash.  She had a famous photographer in her home,
and didn't even know it.

  Awash? Is that the word you're looking for?

Several times one of girls was asked to help out in the shoot.
Nabiki showed talent in taken pictures, surprising Nodoka.  It
was if Nabiki had studied on the subject.

  taken -- taking

Afterward Nodoka asked Ranma who had done her makeup.  Ranma
blushed again.  Kasumi admitted that she had convinced the boy-
turned girl that she would make the man very happy and he would
go away by trying to look good.  Nodoka complimented Kasumi on
convincing Ranma, and for such a good job.

  boy-turned-girl

Ranma went and took a bath to change back and clean off the
makeup.  When he returned he was not complaining about the event
or the item which he had been asked to wear.

  item -- items (?)

Nodoka had spent as much time with Ranma trying to get to know
him.  She had also been watching him and trying to help him deal
with the loss.  Some of the problems she discovered about her
son would cause chills to her spine.

  As much time as what?

She opened the door slightly and saw him curled up into a ball.
He was protecting his face and his neck, and between cries for
help she heard him whimper "Mother please help."

  whimper, "Mother

"Was he having the nightmare again auntie?  The one where he
calls out your name?"

  again, Auntie?  -- it's being used in leiu of a proper name here.

An Epiphany is the comprehension or perception of reality by
means of a sudden intuitive realization.  I realize there are
several definitions to epiphany, but that is one of them.

Nodoka finding out that Ranko Tendo is really her own son, would
be an epiphany.

  Well, I suppose, though I would consider this to be more of a revelation than an epiphany.

But that is not the only discovery to be made.  We will hope to
continue on this theme.

  It's hard to tell where you're going with this -- and I'm surprised that Ranma isn't hunting Happosai down... but it's interesting.

if you ever played Everquest, you will know what this means .......
"Wanna see something funny?  Watch a snared Ranger try to catch a snared
Spider."