Disclaimer: I'm not the sole arbiter of excellence of fanfiction, so
take these opinions for what they're worth.

Trishna Malhi writes:

Ranma is sitting in the Nekohanten awaiting an order that Shampoo is
supposed to be serving.  Shampoo, being Shampoo, has decided to try a
new spice to win Ranma's love and his hand in marriage.  (standard plot
device because I really can't think of a more creative way to do this)

    Worst part is it's a standard fanfiction plot device, and not something
Takahashi used a great deal. When she did, it was generally a bit more
creative than the overused love potion idea.

This spice is one however that the amazons have never tested and which
they have been forbidden to test by their ancestors, who were guarding
it for someone else.

    Shampoo may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but this is so
incredibly stupid I would probably stop reading the story right away, unless
it were explained why Shampoo would try something like that with no idea what
was supposed to happen.
 

Ranma takes one bite of the Ramen with the spice in it, and collapses
unconscious.  Shampoo becomes frantic.

At that moment, Cologne returns from the shopping trip she was on while
Shampoo was serving Ranma (yes, I know that there's a discrepency in the
plot and that Cologne does all the Nekohanten's cooking...but it's only
an idea...it can be improved) and discovers Ranma's prone body on the
floor and Shampoo trying frantically to wake him up.  She demands to
know which spice Shampoo has used and when she discovers which one it
is (Fruit of Past Life), she disowns Shampoo from the Amazon tribe.

     If this is something important to the entire tribe, why is Cologne
keeping it in Nerima? It would be safer back in the village. If she is
keeping it, she would have to be an absolute idiot not to have warned
Shampoo about it, and the consequences of using it.

     Since your goal here is to return Ranma's past life, I'd suggest
doing it in the usual Yu Yu Hakusho fashion: have it happen during a
battle to the death. You could use an alternate ending to the Saffron
fight, or perhaps the Herb fight if you want to use an earlier Ranma.
Ranma is near death, when he taps into a previously unknown source of
power. He wins the fight, but begins to show signs of a personality
change - tapping into the power of his former youkai self has begun
to awaken his memories of his former life.

     My main problem with this is the same one I have with a lot of
similar stories - you're getting rid of one of the main reasons I'd
be inclined to read the story - Ranma - and replacing him with someone
I don't know, who, frankly, probably isn't as interesting. I don't care
whether it's Ranma's past life from the Silver Millenium or the female
version of him from an alternate universe, I generally drop stories
that start off by getting rid of Ranma and replacing him with someone
else fairly quickly. This is only, of course, my opinion - others
may in fact delight in such a story. In fact, I've read and greatly
enjoyed stories with alternate Ranmas - "Ill Met By Starlight" and
"Paint It Black" spring to mind - but it's still something that makes
me regard a story with some trepidation.

Several hours later, Ranma awakens, but his personality is completely
different and it is discovered that he is the reincarnation of a Chimera
named Kuronue.  Although his personality has reverted to that of Kuronue
(that is, he becomes a very sly and very competent thief who has no
aversion to tricking people if it suits his purposes) he has retained
all his memories as Ranma, and because he can no longer tolerate all
the idiocy that goes on around him, he leaves Nerima and goes to
Sarayashiki.

    What sort of Chimera are we talking about? Not the Greek kind, I trust.
I've only seen YYH through the Sensui arc so far, so I don't know if any
chimera turn up there.

    Why on Earth would a thief bother going to Sarayashiki? Ranma knows
the Umisenken and could probably rediscover the Yamasenken, or steal the
scrolls describing it - with those he would be the greatest thief in the
world, so why wouldn't he just resume his criminal career on Earth?

(This is a Yuu Yuu Hakusho crossover, so at some point, he's going to
come into contact with the Reikai Tantei ie. Yuusuke, Kuwabara, Hiei
and Kurama...his meeting with Kurama will be particularly interesting
as they used to be best friends and partners in crime before Kuronue died)

    If the Fruit of Past Life is the same thing as (or similar to) what
Urashimataro used on Kurama during the Black Martial Arts Tournament,
Ranma could have been returned to being a full, or at least partial,
youkai. If, as I suggested above, he returned to stealing, I could see
Yusuke being tasked with tracking him down and stopping him.

    You'd have to carefully consider when to place this in the YYH timeline,
as well. Kuronue would be probably be about the same power level as original
kitsune Kurama, no more than C, I'd guess, and by the end of the Sensui
arc he'd be completely overpowered by Yusuke's gang, unless you decided
that Ranma's own power and training, added to Kuronue's, pushed him up to
at least A class, if not S.

    Anyway, those are my thoughts - do with them as you will.

Reid Carson
rcarson@rcarson.com

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