Benjamin Goldberg wrote:

      Mamoru was shocked fully awake by this revelation.  "You
mean, you found something?"
     Ichiro smiled and held up a manila envelope, "Mostly on
your Mother's side of the family."
<<<<<

This implies he found a little on his father's side, too, but I don't
see that anywhere.

  And Mother's -- mother's, since it's not being used in place of a proper name.

That just sounds wrong... I mean, she might not pick the right streets
to go on, but surely she can stay on the road under normal
circumstances.  Perhaps you should have the PI respond with:
     "I wouldn't say that, exactly.  She was a decent driver, according
to the records, but she probably wouldn't have been on that dangerous
road in the middle of a storm if she'd not been lost."
    Or something like that... otherwise, you've got a parent with a problem
she knows about, or should know about, causing her and her husband's
death and orphaning her son... which is kinda depressing, having similar
emotional impact as if you'd said she crashed because she was driving
drunk, or had an epileptic seizure, or had poor eyesight.  An accident
due to natural causes [a storm, or a poor road with a steep gully, or
something like that], even if complicated by a disability, is rather
different emotionally from a crash due *entirely* to a disability she
/should have known about/ is another.

Of course, if you're *trying* to paint his mother in a bad light,
nevermind me.

  Actually, to me, the real risk seems to be that it sounds somewhat... comical... when the curse gets her killed, and I'm not sure that's appropriate.

This seems new.  Since when is Ranma willing to train Akane... and just
as important, since when is Akane willing to ask Ranma to train her?

One might assume that it's due to character development, but nothing in
particular seems to have happened to *cause* it.  Did they just start
magically getting along?

  They don't always get along so badly, though. Granted, this seems to be a bit of a jump ahead in how close together they're getting, but I had thought it was backstory that would be explained later, when Ranma gets some time for introspection.

      "When you're ready."  He shrugged,  "Right now, I don't
think your ready."
     "Alright then.  What do I need to do to be ready?"
     "Take the Art seriously.  I can't train ya seriously
until you take the Art seriously yerself."  Ranma paused for a
moment and watched her face slowly turn red.  "Let's face it
<<<<<

Where's he suddenly getting this insight from?  Sure, he could figure
out that this is her problem if he thought about it, but since when does
Ranma ever use the stuff between his ears unless he absolutely has to?

  And repetition of the word 'ready', though it's in dialogue, so that actually happens. Feel free to ignore any of my C&C! ;)

      "That's quite enough of that!"  Soun said sternly, "I've
told the both of you before that this dojo is for training, not
brawling!"
     "You worry me, boy.  I taught you better than this."
Genma said as Ranma and Akane knelt in front of their fathers
in preparation for another lecture.
<<<<<

Who are these pod people who have replaced Ranma and Akane? Kneel in
front of their fathers to listen to a lecture?  Yeah, right.

  They do/can. Whether or not they actually pay attention is questionable, and Ranma will typically listen until he's pushed just a tad _too_ far, much like Akane, and then All Hell Breaks Loose. (TM)

      "No way!  No way am I going to be married to such a
pervert!"  Akane snapped.
     "Like I want some uncute tomboy like yerself!"  Ranma
half yelled back, a flaring red handprint on his cheek a silent
<<<<<
This dialogue sounds, but...

     "There's too many differences Dad!"  Akane retorted.
     "No kidding, you're a klutzy, uncute tomboy that can't
even boil water without written directions and close
supervision!"
<<<<<

This doesn't.  Ranma generally doesn't insult her unless she's insulting
him, or in him saying he won't marry her.  Also, he might use uncute
tomboy, but not klutzy unless she's just moments ago [or currently]
trying some kind of martial arts stuff and screwing up, or while she's
attacking him and not succeeding... he wouldn't use it *before* they
fight, while they're still just talking.

  This is the author's perogative. I get the sense that things haven't quite been well between Ranma and Akane for some time in this fic, but like I said earlier, I expect it to be introspected on later. Ranma's not exactly gotten a lot of time to himself to think, in this story.

      "So,"  Ryouga said sadly, "Aunt Yuriko died a long time
ago.  Mom always did wonder why she stopped writing."
<<<<<

Wouldn't Ryouga have been pretty small when this happened?  How would he
have remembered his mom mentioning this?

  They do leave notes for him when they're home. Seems logical that they might leave letters for one another.

      "What?"  Ryouga asked, totally confused by Ranma's change
in attitude.
     "You'd dare to leave Akane here alone?"  Genma demanded.
<<<<<

"Here" ? "alone" ?  It's her house, she's lived there her whole life. Where is he leaving her that would be so bad?  Especially since from the
way he phrased it, it sounds like he's just planning on leaving for the
afternoon.

  Actually, that seems pretty normal for Genma to me. Anything to say to counter Ranma leaving Akane, etc.

  It clicked for me perfectly, but then, millage varies.

      "Feh.  The way I see it, I'll be able to live fer a while
without gettin' pounded every time I turn around!"
<<<<<

Ok, now he indicates he's planning on moving out... sudden upgrade from
taking an afternoon walk.

  Teenagers often say rash things that they don't really mean... like, "the engagement is off!" in the Ranma is engaged to Nabiki arc of the manga.

  OTOH, this seems to me that something he could say in a fit, and then be too prideful to apologize for later.

      Ryouga looked over at where Akane and Ranma continued to
argue until she finally pounded him into the floor.  "Well, it
would be good if he came along to keep me there for a while."
He admitted haltingly.
     Ranma sprang up, "Great, I'll go get my pack!"
<<<<<

Ehh?  When did Mamoru say Ranma could come?  Or is he just presuming?

Also, the whole idea of Ranma leaving... what's wrong with the standard
cliche'd item of Ranma's mom's house being in Juuban?

  Because it's a cliche? Personaly, I have to applaud Mr. Bradley for avoiding that... so far. ;)

      "You ain't going nowhere, boy!"  Genma yelled.
     "And how do ya think you can stop me?" Ranma retorted.
     "Simple!  I get rid of him!"  Genma replied as he leapt
to attack Mamoru.
<<<<<

Oh, come on, this isn't sensible, even for Genma.  What does he hope to
accomplish?  Kill Mamoru?

  Agreed, seems a little over-the-top for Genma, but this scene could be altered. Perhaps Genma could attack Ranma directly, like he normaly does, and Mamrou could try and step in the way of what he considers to be abuse before any blows are landed.

  Of course, this is Mr. Bradleys perogative, not ours. ;)

  Merely suggestions, take them or leave them.

      With a great splash, Genma landed in the pond, soaking
Ryouga.  With a despairing squeal, P-chan worked his way out of
his clothes.
     "R-R-Ryouga?!?"  Akane gasped, "You, you're... P-chan?!?"
<<<<<

Sigh.  Pig-boy's managed for a year or two to avoid her discovering his
curse, why does it have to be now?  Don't you think you're going a bit
fast?

  This scene, to me, felt a little rushed. It could be expanded on, and that could help it a lot.

  Perhaps...

  Akane can watch it, and then go ahead and describe the transformation, and instead of her being instantly angry, just have her be stunned, and shocked.

  Then Ryouga can apologize, and _then_ everything can click into place for her. That is to say, she isn't sure what to think, until Ryouga essentially confirms it by apology. _Then_ the loss of temper might be more appropriate.

      Usagi looked on, horrified.  She couldn't believe that
Akane was kicking the poor piglet.  One particularly powerful
kick sent P-chan hurtling into her chest, knocking her off her
feet.  She looked down at the battered form of P-chan and held
him protectively as Akane walked over.
<<<<<

"The poor piglet"?  Did she not see him change, even though she was
standing right there?  Surely it would be "She couldn't believe that
Akane was kicking her Mamo-chan's suddenly pig-shaped cousin" or
somesuch.

  Either could work, though wouldn't Usagi think that it was some power of the negaverse? Maybe wanting to keep P-chan away from Akane to protect the girl from the youma? ;)

  Of course, things would be explained later...

      "Chill out Akane!" Ranma said as he moved between them.
"The way I see it, it was you who decided that Ryouga was going
to be your little pet piggy!"
     Akane turned her glare towards Ranma.  "And just why
didn't you tell me about this?  You're just as bad as he is!"
     "Man, what is it with girls?  Do they always get like
this before... um.. er... never mind... Uh oh..." Ranma winced
as he saw Akane go from volatile to full-blown fury.
<<<<<

I would expect him to say, "I made a promise, dammit!  Man, what is it
with you?" etc..  And "like this before..." is she about to be on her
period or something?  What is he refering to, and what does she think
he's referring to?

  "Chill out, Akane!" --

  I thought it was obvious that Ranma was refering to the fights and arguments that they'd had before.

Also, "Just being near them can be dangerous.  They may unwittingly
destroy Crystal Tokyo, maybe even the Earth."  This is like blaming
butterflies for hurricanes.  She's exaggerating, or at least not stating
it very well -- it wouldn't be *them* destroying, it would be their
actions indirectly resulting in the destruction, etc.  Ok, pretty big
butterflies :)

  I'm not to sure about Setsuna's persona, but from what little I've heard, this actually is IC.

"Keepin' bacon breath from bleedin' on ya."  Ranma said
as he stuffed a tissue into each of Ryouga's nostrils.
     "I thought the blood was supposed to rush elsewhere..."
Ami commented before suffering the startled looks of her
friends.  She looked away, her face as red as a tomato.

*laugh* :)

  Yes, very clever bit. ;)

      "I'm not sure, but it was almost as if they concentrated
a portion of their life energy into an attack."
     "Emotions..."  Sailor Mars gasped, "Such overpowering
emotions!"
<<<<<
I thought she was a trained Shinto miko, and knew how to use her ki [for
doing fire readings, for charging ofuda, etc].  Surely she shouldn't be
this overwhelmed.

  Theoreticaly, Ranma and Ryouga's ki is many times more powerfull than what she's used to. This makes sense to me, at least, though Mr. Bradley might want to include it in his story to make it clearer. ;)

"I'm sorry I couldn't help..."  Sailor Chibi Moon said, a
bit shame faced.  Sailor Mars smiled and patted the top of her
head.

Hmm, I guess Ranma and Ryouga aren't in Crystal Tokyo, or at least
Chibi-usa doesn't recognize them.  Erm, nevermind, of course they're not
in CT, since their being around disrupts/prevents it.

  shame faced -- shamefaced

  As to the other comments, who's to know the nature of a paradox? ^_^ This is the kind of thing we won't know until we try. :p

      Minako thought back to what Usagi had said right before
the Daimon attack.  "Wait a second, is your curse why, what's
her name?  Akane, was so mad at you?  You never told her did
you?"
<<<<<

How'd she jump to such an intelligent conclusion?  I mean, this *is*
Minako talking here.

  Well, one in a million jumps might make it to the right conclusion. ;)

Anyway, it's an interesting plot, the prose is good, I didn't spot any
typoes or grammoes.  There were some [minor?] plot holes ("Mostly on
your Mother's side of the family." and then no mention at all of
Mamoru's father, no mention at all of Ranma's mom), and some major
OOCness between Ranma and Akane, but most or all of it should be fixable
without *too* much effort.

  Agreed. Sorry for not C&Cing the story myself (Trying to C&C so much other stuff!), but I did enjoy it a bit, and might enjoy it more with a little polishing. ^^

  On that note, Mr. Bradley, if you need a pre-reader for the later chapters, I'd gladly lend a hand.

I can understand a bit about Akane, due to the potion, but she's even
OOC from being OOC... since most of the potions Shampoo's tried are
magic, they go to work instantly... for the first few moments after
Akane drunk the tea, she was acting normal, even overly nice [to Ranma],
at least before they got to the dojo.

  Hmm... I might be missing a volume or two of the manga. I only remember Shampoo using a potion one time -- the hypnosis mushrooms. Can you tell me the other instances where she uses magic? I need them for a fanfic I'm writing, so if I'm missing any, I could be making a big mistake. :p

  As far as the OOCness, that's something a little polish can probably take care of easily. ^_^