Vincent Seifert wrote:

Woohoo!

It's been a long time. Due to persistent demand for this,
I've managed to push this chapter out several months
overdue (well, a year and a bit).

Better late than never?  :)

True.

Vincent Seifert has kindly provided webspace, still, for
most of my fanfics and links to the rest at the following
address:

http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/kagami/

Getcher Kagami fics heah!  :)

Thanks for not giving up faith in me, Vince.

I'm in no position to cavil.  ^_^;

Let he who has no sin, toss the first rock. And all that. :)

You can contact me at: kagami@jeack.com.au

It didn't help, didn't drive away the guilt and despair.
There was always a choice. <Umibouzu, why didn't you tell
me? Why?> The price of release was the life of a human
being, sacrificed by the releaser. A soul sentenced to
darkness to redeem another. <A life, a soul... how can I
pay that price?>

{"I have a little list..." :) It's a nicely-constructed quandary,
though. Human-Ranma, the dominant side at the moment, would never
sacrifice anyone... but there's another side, and circumstances are
affording it an opportunity to bid for supremacy.}

Hehehe. Such true statements...

Ranma sent up a spray of broken glass nodules as he

{owie. Do they have ground covered with obsidian in Oz? It occurs in a
few places here in California, and a nastier shredder of hiking boots
I've never encountered...}

Grin. I've never actually seen one, but I do have a nice scene from Shinji Ikari
in The Aftermath (the beginnings of a fanfic) where this happens.

The Beach of Black Sand - popular enough concept, I guess.

skidded to a sharp halt at the very edge of the cove where
Umibouzu had 'dropped' them off. The beach was ominously
quiet apart from the gentle lapping of waves upon the black
sand.

Then he scrambled back hurriedly as the Great Devourer
spat out the remnants of a blue whale carcass onto the
beach.

{heh. Echoing the cliche fish-skeleton clenched in the teeth, at a
somewhat larger scale... :)++< }

Umibouzu: I'm big and tough!

Ranma: Didn't need a whale bone to tell me that, boyo.

"Dammit! It's not!" Guiltily, he wondered. Succeed at any
cost - that was the message drummed into his head from
birth by his father - no, by Genma, that is.

{hmm... I think this could be expressed better. Yami-no-tsume may be the
father of his body, but Genma is the father of his mind... and I think
Ranma is still a way from accepting that his father is a demon rather
than a scoundrel, even in a reflective situation, which this isn't. }

Valid point from you and Gary. Will fix.

Ranma found himself blinking groggily as Akane shook him
upright. Blurry dream shards mingled with the sight of a
rosy dawn in his half-fogged mind. He nearly slipped on the
semi-wet and high-slippery scales of Umibouzu's neck ridge.

{ack, not a well-turned phrase, sorry. "damp and treacherously slick",
perhaps?}

Hehe. Written over a year ago and not really checked since. :)

Akane's voice promised future punishment, something he
might have savoured, given half-a-chance, but as his eyes

half a chance,  {"Masochist!"  -- DOug MacD  :) }

How is Doug? Don't think I've seen him on the new FFML.

sharpened into clarity everything else dropped away. It was
Tokyo; they'd come home safely. But why was it so white... ?

"Why's it so white?" he asked aloud in unconscious
repetition.

Then he realized.

A thick blanket of snow lay like a white shroud over the
city.

{Hmm... a thin blanket is unusual, if I understand correctly, so I
suppose a thick one is verging on the apocalyptic...}

When Tokyo freezes over...

The current fall seemed too solid to seriously worry him.
Still he kept one hand moving in a blur to ward off as much

Still, he

snow as possible. Akane was beside him, with Ukyo and Moeru
just behind. Behind them, Ryoga was a bundle of abject
misery, too paranoid to trust the unseasonal weather and
huddled beneath his large umbrella, sharing it with a
grateful Shampoo and an annoyed Kodachi.

"What's this?" he growled, unamused in the slightest. He

{suggest, since he *is* unamused} not amused in the slightest.

"Hey!" exclaimed her prize, nervously looking back at the
rapidly dwindling group behind them. "Where are we going?"
demanded Ryoga.

{heh.  I was expecting it to be Ranma, as I'm sure you intended.  :) }

50-50 odds now. :)

"Why, Ryoga-sama, how can you ask that question? Since
we're safely home, we should bathe, dine, and then retire
to my bedchamber as befitting a new couple." Kodachi smiled

as befits {or} as is befitting

brilliantly, evoking a host of conflicting emotions in
Ryoga's heart, not to mention an upwelling of blood to his
vulnerable nose. "Perhaps Ranma-sama might care to join us?"

The upwelling threatened to turn into a gush.

{I'd think that particular suggestion would be more annoying than
arousing to Ryoga -- a dash of cold water, one might say -- even though
it clearly warms Kodachi's cockles. :) }

Heh. Guess all the Ranma-Ryoga fics out there have been subconsciously influencing
me. :)

Fortunately,
fate, and the possibility of danger, intervened in the form
of a bokken suddenly poised at the tip of his nose.

"You there! What villain dares touch the sister of the
Blue Thunder of Furinkan High, Tatewaki Kuno? Unhand my
sister at once!" Tatewaki, obviously unamused, held his
bokken high. Lightning crackled across the wintery sky
behind him.

{That's right, he hasn't given permission, has he?  :) }

Ranma: What's this? A ticket to date Kodachi?! Signed Tatewaki Kuno?!

"Wha... ? Wait, it's not what it..." A light touch by
Kodachi halted his faltering sentence.

"Really, brother dear, this is Ryoga Hibiki - a dear
friend of mine." Her delicate finger shifted the tip of the
bokken away. "He is a guest of this house, so please
refrain from threatening him. Remember your photo album in
the hidden compartment of your wardrobe."

The bokken was hurriedly withdrawn. Kodachi hid a smile.

{Hid a smile?  No, no, that's the cue for an "Oh-hohohohoho!!"}

Ooops. You're quite right.

"Really, sister, how can you carry on so with this peasant
when Ranma Saotome is in this very same house?"

And awaiting my seduction, Kodachi completed the unspoken
thought on behalf of her brother. Or perhaps not, given
Tachi's strange ideas in that arena - awaiting an exchange
of diaries might be more in keeping with his style. "Why
should I not have a choice? My love is great enough for two."

"No! That is not acceptable. Ranma Saotome should have
your entire devotion," Tatewaki declared grandeously.

{I don't think that's a word; "grandiosely", perhaps?}

"To
split your love in twain is dishonest. It is despicable. It
is--"

{*snerk*}

"--the pot calling the kettle blue?"

{"blue"?  I guess I'm missing something -- over here the saying goes "black".}

A Buffy Xanderism. :)

Kodachi smiled as her
brother drew himself up, righteous fury filling his veins
and head to the detriment of all good sense. It had been
too long since their last battle of words.

Beside her, Ryoga's piteously desperate "Umm..." was lost
to the wind.

{Or maybe the windbag... of course, Ryoga doesn't exactly hold the moral
high ground where two-timing is concerned, either; the Akane/Akari
debacle might well spring to his mind.}

And it did, back in Chapter 2. :)

"A-Akane! You-- you're s-safe! I dream-hic-ed you died! D-
drowned! J-just like your m-mother..." Soun wailed. "We--
we were hic-planning the f-f-funeral."

"Uh, thanks..." Akane choked out, trying to avoid the
insidious fumes. It was nearly as bad as standing in
Umibouzu's maw. Then what her father had said struck her,
and she turned her head to stare suspiciously at his sake-
red face. "Say, didn't you tell me Mom died in a car
accident?"

{hehehe!}

Goodness only knows how she actually died. Well, I do...

Empty eyes, still leaking futile tears, stared back at her
uncomprehendingly, and Akane sighed.

Empty bottles littered the floor mats of the room,
bespeaking the incredible amounts the two old fools had put
away - especially considering the efficiency at which

with which

Kasumi must have been cleaning the room. Ranma squated next

squatted

to the fallen panda and snorted, mostly in disgust.

Ranma shook his head. Pop didn't have all that much, even
in the sneaky tactics department, but hope sprang
eternal... to constantly and bitterly dashed. "Well,

to be constantly

they're no use. Maybe Cologne could help... and Moeru." He
turned around. "Say, where is Moeru anyway?"

"A Matriarch of the Hero Tribe," Moeru mused aloud. "You
must be associated with the other Joketsuzo warrior who

Joketsuzoku

Hmm. Pointed out my confusion to Gary as well. Joketsuzoku means Joketsuzo
Village, yes? So the inhabitants are Joketsuzo?

came to the island with Ranma."

"She who stands beside you holds many answers." Cologne
directed a side-wise look at Nabiki who strove to hold a

{suggest} sidelong look

neutral mask over a hopeful glint for extra information.

{suggest} over a glint of avaricious curiosity.

"Ah, but I have many years on you, Matriach."

Matriarch."

Nabiki chose a seat close to the wall with a perfect view
of the entire room. Ranma was stuck in the strained silence
of three surrounding fiancees. Well, two really. Shampoo
was sitting with them, but her attention was focused on
Cologne and Moeru; Akane and Ukyo more than made up for her
lapse though. Beside Ukyo was the ever faithful Konatsu,

lapse, though.  {...} ever-faithful

quietly looking around as if wondering at the astronomical
cost of the room.

A number of piles of books had mysteriously migrated from
the library to rest on the long, rectangular dinner table.
Well, not mysteriously, Nabiki thought wryly, rubbing
slightly sore arms. She had managed two loads before
draconianly enlisting the Kuno family servants.

{I don't think "draconianly" is a word either; suggest} imperiously

Kuno, himself, was already seated at the head of the

Kuno himself was

table, peering interestedly at pages of a small book
labelled 'Oni Poetry'. Nabiki shuddered inwardly; that was
one work she should have burned when she'd had the chance.

{Hey, could be worse-- could be Vogon.  :) }

Back-referencing Chapter 9 or 10, I think.

Perhaps Umibouzu chased off all the dolphins? :)

Ranma bounded gratefully to his feet as the last two
people arrived. "Let's get started then--"

started, then--"

"Really, Ranma-sama," Kodachi slid in smoothly, "do you
all really plan anything? I thought the usual option was
simply a full-frontal assault."

full frontal {it's conflating two phrases, I think, but what the heck}

"Hey! That was nothing like my cooking!" Akane protested,
jumping to her feet. "I nearly died, not Ran-- um..." She
sat back down, disgruntled.

{hehehe!}

One of my favourite moments in this chapter. :)

WHAM!

Nabiki flinched as Cologne's staff slammed into the table.
A resounding silence ensured.

ensued.

"She now has hold of two of the four Cardinal Servants of
the East, and what that means--"

"Yes, what?" Ranma asked Cologne eagerly.

"I don't know."

Nabiki shook her head at the multiple resulting thuds.

{ Ah, good -- gotta have a facefault every once in a while.  :) }

"Why, you! R-R-Ranma..." Ryoga growled, a red wave of
anger descending on him. He reached out across the table to
grab and rend. Unfortunately, the girls yanked Ranma

{suggest} seize and rend.

Akane swung him around, and, for a moment, Ranma thought
she'd hit him and put a stop to the conversation. Instead
she closed her eyes momentarily and took a deep breath, and
said quietly, "I'm coming with you."

"And so am I, Ranchan," Ukyo said just as quietly from
behind him.

{Looks like the diversionary "main group" is going to be smaller than
the "other group"... :) }

No, not really...

Ryoga looked pretty guilty at arriving with extraneous
company. "Um, well... Kodachi... uh, we should get going."
With a muted laugh of embarassment, he charged off.

In the wrong direction. Ranma sighed.

{You knew the job was frustrating when you took it.  :) }

Ranma: That's why I don't wanna be Demon Lord. Think of all the problem demons...

Tokyo Tower: a massive lattice of steel girders stretching
to the heavens, standing three hundred and thirty-three
meters tall. Painted a crimson red, it typically stood like
a bloodied sword in the heart of Japan's capital city. In
the dimness of the cloudy night, its scarlet hue faded into
inky blackness, becoming a shadowed blade thrust into the
night.

{You forgot to mention what a mayhem-magnet it is... it seems that half
the anime I've seen feature something destructive happening to it. :) }

Yup. And a lot of the live action too. Witness the first Gamera movie. :)

At night, the Tower was normally brightly lit by dozens of
high-powered spotlights but not tonight. Instead the

spotlights, but

structure was shrouded by darkness and the swirl of
snowflakes. It was ominously quiet.

"A warding." Moeru looked solemn, her face pale in the
shadows, and held a hand forward. She touched a point in
the air two feet in front which flared up in pulsations of

{suggest} two feet before her which

malevolent green, illuminating the shield. "The Tower has
been closed to the attention of normal people. Likely all
the night security guards are already dead."

"How about unusual people?" Ryoga asked.

{I thought he was going to say "abnormal people".  :) }

Striving for PC here. :)

Ranma bashed his head against a nearby concrete pillar in
frustration. "Great. Just great. Three things I absolutely
hate: cold water, cats, and tomboys - and they're all gonna
be-- Wait!" He stopped, then brightened. "No tomboys."

{Hmm... I don't think Ranma really hates tomboys :), so I don't think
he'd say that if Akane weren't in earshot... how about "cold water,
cats, and perverts"?}

Well, he probably doesn't really consider her a tomboy. After all, he doesn't call
Shampoo or Ukyo tomboys. :)

It's more of a mood lightener; Ranma feeling relief that Akane's not around.

There were legends about the sword, she knew, but
unfortunately her mother had not passed them down to any of
them. Father was still incapable of facing the blade
without breaking down and weeping, though he did that about
nearly everything these days.

{Jeez, he doesn't even have a seppuku contract hanging over his head! :) }

No, no. That's for wailing AND groveling. :)

Life had held still for him and, increasingly, it seemed
the same way for her as well. School hadn't been a major
factor in her planning over the past few days. Her father
had written notes for them which might last a few more
days. However, demons attempting to kill my family didn't

"demons attempting to kill my family"

Hmm. It's past twelve so I'm sure I'm not seeing it, but isn't that exactly the
same as the one in the paragraph? Wait, do you mean "put it in quotes"?

That took a while to sink in. :)

really cut it as an excuse with the school examination board.

{I think Kuno-kocho would believe it... :) }

Yes, but it still wouldn't cut it as an excuse. :)

He'd probably set up a Hunt the Coconut game again.

Akane strode in... to an empty room.

"Don't panic," she whispered to herself. "He could be
somewhere else in the house." But inside she knew it was
too late.

Ranma had gone.

{Sneaky bugger.  Akane will have his hide...}

Akane: Do I have to tie him down at night?

The light from the mass threw shadows all around. Ryoga
squinted into the azure luminance as the figure shimmered
into a familiar form: a massive wolf of crackling
lightning. There was a roar of static in the air, and small
bolts leapt from Raiha to ground themselves in the
tormented earth.

{Nice description.}

<Ryoga vs. Raiha scene.>

{Dang.  Finish it soon, eh?  :) }

Moeru and Kodachi clambered up beside him to stand blinking
in the darkness. Ranma heaved himself upright, fighting the
pulling wind and trotted forward.

wind, and trotted

"Wait, Ranma," Moeru warned. "There is a familiar presence
here."

A bolt of ice screamed forth from the darkness to shatter
on the roof as the three of them flung themselves aside.
Moeru staggered up and called a flame to the palm of her
hand. The brightness illuminated a figure in deathly white.

{"in" or "of"?  The former for raiment, the latter for body, I'd say.}

Um, both? Is 'inof' allowed? :)

"Shimoyake."

"Well, well, the eternal dragon returns at last. How have
you been, Moeru?" The voice of Kori Otome was brittle as
ice. "Still as arrogant as ever?"

"Still the yapping frost bitch, aren't you?" Moeru
returned. "First, you failed the father, and now you've

"First you

been beaten by the daughter. How humiliating for you."

"Silence!" Shimoyake hurled a lance of scintillating ice
forward.

Moeru countered with a bolt of red flames. Inimical forces
met with an explosion that rivaled celestial thunder. She
wove a shield of fire to block frozen daggers, then thrust
forth a blazing tornado that melted her target. A huge hole
yawned in the central column of Tokyo Tower, exposing the
main elevator shaft.

{See?  I knew the repair bill would be sizable.  :) }

Oh, it's just beginning. Nice thing about seals: nobody notices the damage until
it's all over. :)

It was a question of lasting as long as she could. Even as
she recognized the danger facing her, the weather changed
for the worst, falling snow hardening into hailstones.

for the worse {there's no lower limit to bad weather... :) }

Don't I know it. It's a raining cold snap here (for about a week :).

Ranma and Kodachi leapt from wall to wall, springboarding
off the vertical surfaces to climb the empty elevator
shaft. Kodachi used her Soul Lash as an aid to anchor her
to a point above. Leaping to-and-fro over gaping emptiness,
three hundred meters above a messy demise, was pure madness
without support - or Cat Demon reflexes, like Ranma
possessed.

{suggest} such as Ranma

Only that uneasiness saved her as a jet of steaming water
spurted past. Kodachi twisted left, hand catching the lip
of a protruding support girder. Across the shaft, she saw
Ranma hurl himself into a corner barely avoiding a rush of

corner, barely

icy water. She cast a desperate glance up into the shadows
and saw nothing. No silhouettes, no motion, nothing at
which to strike.

Then it was another icy blast, and then a blistering wave
of heat, and on and on.

Water, merely water, but Kodachi never realized what a
hatred one could develop for something so ordinarily
pleasant and useful. Her eyes snapped open as Ranma
screamed, a tortured cry that held more than a touch of
despair.

{ Aiya. The curse is wracking him, of course. Nasty. Still, better Ranma
than P-chan...}

:)

Her tears fell unnoticed to mingle with the puddle of
dirty water at her feet.

{Eek.  What a way for her to find out...}

Cruelty to characters is in vogue in Fantasy/Sci-Fi these days. I'm a
trend-follower, alas. :)

"At last you've arrived, Ranma." Shukumaru licked her
lips, tongue flicking delicately. "I've awaited this moment
ever since I awoke. My spell of manifestation is nearly
complete, save for a single element: the blood of an
Accursed One, touched by the Waters of Transformation -
Jusenkyo!" Shukumaru paused, face aglow with the light of
triumph.

"Your blood, dear brother."

{Dang.  I knew it was going to be a cliffhanger, of course.}

Of course. Do I ever not?

Author's Notes:

1) The last scene explains why Ryoga was chased by the
oni, Hiwai Oushi, in the starting scene of Chapter 1 of
Awakening. Only took me about 11 chapters to get around to
providing the reason. :)

Well, it was worth the wait... not that wading through the intervening
text was arduous.

The two things that I like best about this story are shaping up nicely
here. I wanted more Devil Hunter Kodachi, and got it; I'm expecting that
the conflict within her, whether to target Ranma with her affections or
her spear, will surface soon. It looks like the other thing, the conflict
within Ranma between his human and demonic halves, will drive the next
chapter: the power he'll need to defeat Shukumaru will tempt him to ignore
the danger of assuming it.

Yup, two points of conflict that will continue to drive the story.

All the grammar points will be used. Thanks, Vince.

Phil.

PS. Will you be able to put up a jpeg of Tokyo Tower on the site if I send it to
you?

Thanks for writing and sharing!

Vince Seifert    Fanfic Analyst   FFIRC Frog
Prime:  seifertv@csus.edu
Backup: seifertv@myrealbox.com
Techie: http://webpages.csus.edu/~seifertv/
Fanfic: http://www.csus.edu/indiv/s/seifertv/toth/
Ideas are worth their weight in gold.

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