Gary Kleppe wrote:

Phil <kagami@jeack.com.au> wrote:

It's been a long time. Due to persistent demand for this,
I've managed to push this chapter out several months
overdue (well, a year and a bit). Be warned it really is
a draft (there's even a scene missing - though not an
important one; Ryoga fans might object to that).

I'm not usually given to fanboyish raves, but...

YAY! AWAKENING'S BACK!

Wai! I've been raved! Such a cool feeling. :)

"Dammit! It's not!" Guiltily, he wondered. Succeed at any
cost - that was the message drummed into his head from
birth by his father - no, by Genma, that is. <I don't use
everything unless I have to.> That was the way he'd always
fought! "If you believed that, why'd you help me, anyway?"

IMO, he'd still think of Genma as his pop, even if not his (biological)
father.

True. Will try to fix.

"Restraint? How d'ya know that?"

<You are still alive.>

---

"Wake up, Ranma! Hmph, you sleep like a log!"

I'm rather confused by the transition between these two scenes. Are we
to assume that the first one was a dream? Or did Ranma fall asleep at
the end of the first scene, or what?

The first scene was a dream replay of what actually happened the night
before. Not a perfect mix, but I was trying to cut things short aand move
the story on, and it shows I guess.

"It's only November; why's it snowing?" Ryoga asked, as he
stepped off the Great Devourer's back onto the abandoned
pier. Umibouzu's seal prevented almost everyone from seeing
them, and Tokyo harbour was unnervingly quiet in the early
morning. "Looks like a shroud. I remember seeing the Turin
shroud when I was in Italy."

Italy is the correct location for that, isn't it? Might be funny if he
mentioned a completely wrong place here instead. Or maybe he can
correctly identify the location as Italy and then say something like "Of
course I know where Italy is, Ranma. There aren't *that* many countries
in South America."

Hmm. But this is actually one of Ryoga's few happy memories of when
everything went absolutely right - let's not spoil it for him (Ranma's
already doing that :)

"Huh, a minor miracle, and Rhythmic Gymnastics
Tournaments? I never knew -- hey!" Ranma's sentence was cut
off as Akane dragged him away. "But, Akane, he'd know
something about Martial Arts Cheerleading..."

Fortunately, the voice cut off into an inaudible mutter.
Feh, as if he'd ever teach Ranma the secrets of Martial
Arts Cheerleading.

Why's Ranma interested in learning this? Presumably he got his fill
during the Mariko story arc.

No doubt. Perhaps Ranma still believes there's something left to learn.
Seriously, it was my jokey take on how Ryoga always seems to learn the
weirder aspects of the arts, no matter how inappropriate.

Ukyo was the last to descend. Shampoo was surprisingly
unaffected by the sight of Akane clinging to a semi-
reluctant Ranma, but Ryoga caught Ukyo shooting black
glances at both the pairs on the pier. There was an air of
resignation and yet great determination around the
okonomiyaki chef, almost as though she were silently
declaring 'I haven't lost yet, not by a long shot' to the
world.

WORLD: (shouting) OH YES, YOU HAVE!

UKYO: Shut UP!

Oh, I imagine it'll take something severe to impart that message to Ukyo.
*innocent whistle*

Snow continued to fall on their way to the Kuno estate.

Suggest: on the way to
("their" seems to refer to the snow as written.)

Right.

It would be a problem if he changed right in front of
Kodachi. Or maybe it would solve one of his problems
instead, the transforming pig having introduced Kodachi to
that notion.

Not quite sure what's meant by that last clause.

Ryoga changing might have enabled Kodachi to grasp the idea of Ranma
changing, though I'm not in fact sure if Ranma should know that. Will check
and consider.

And awaiting my seduction, Kodachi completed the unspoken
thought on behalf of her brother. Or perhaps not, given
Tachi's strange ideas in that arena - awaiting an exchange

Think that should be Tacchi or Tatchi, or at least so I was told by Lara
Bartram at one point.

Hmm. I've seen it as Tachi in Viz, I think (yeah, yeah, I know what you're
going to say, Gary :)

"No! That is not acceptable. Ranma Saotome should have
your entire devotion," Tatewaki declared grandeously. "To
split your love in twain is dishonest. It is despicable. It
is--"

"--the pot calling the kettle blue?" Kodachi smiled as her

I like the joke here, but IMO this line makes it a bit too obvious.
Kuno's double-dipping is so well-known that it doesn't need to be so
spelled out.

Call it my Buffy phrase twist homage?

"Uh, thanks..." Akane choked out, trying to avoid the
insidious fumes. It was nearly as bad as standing in
Umibouzu's maw. Then what her father had said struck her,
and she turned her head to stare suspiciously at his sake-
red face. "Say, didn't you tell me Mom died in a car
accident?"

SOUN: Um... yeah! The car crashed through a guard rail and into the
ocean! That's the ticket!

Soun: The paramedics actually managed to revive her, but on the way to the
hospital the ambulance crashed into a pet shop and she fell into a fish
tank.

^_^

If only she could locate the matches for the stove.
Strange how the Kuno household had an abundance of certain
items and a lack of other common utilities. Perhaps it
reflected the spirit of the Kuno family as a whole? The
bustling servants were off bustling elsewhere, and there
were no matches to be found.

Actually, I don't think they have any servants in canon either. :)

Allow me some non-canonical liberties, Gary. :)

"Moeru. A friend of Ranma's."

"I see. Would you happen to be another fiancee?" Kasumi
hoped not; Akane had been through enough headaches already.

Would she ask that at this point, given that the last (and only, really)
fiancee to show up was Ukyo, some thirty or so volumes of story ago?

Point. Will see if I can revise.

"A Matriarch of the Hero Tribe," Moeru mused aloud. "You
must be associated with the other Joketsuzo warrior who

Check the spelling of "Joketsuzo." (Or just use "Amazon.")

I'm confused. Vince makes this point as well. Isn't the 'ku' in Joketsuzoku
referring to the village? Shouldn't that make the inhabitants Joketsuzo?

I'm suddenly experiencing strong deja vu. Have I asked this question before?
:)

"She who stands beside you holds many answers." Cologne
directed a side-wise look at Nabiki who strove to hold a
neutral mask over a hopeful glint for extra information.
"This she knows and may speak of."

NABIKI: If the price is right.

Nabiki: Moeru, come on down!!!

Kuno, himself, was already seated at the head of the
table, peering interestedly at pages of a small book
labelled 'Oni Poetry'. Nabiki shuddered inwardly; that was
one work she should have burned when she'd had the chance.

KUNO: I oni have eyes for you....

Arrrgggghhhh....

"She now has hold of two of the four Cardinal Servants of
the East, and what that means--"

Suggest playing this up a bit so that the following joke works a little
better. "Do you know what that means? DO you?"

"Um, no, I don't."

"Well, neither do I."

(Or something like that.)

Hmm. Puts it on the In tray...

"What? No!? It's Akane, man!" Ranma spluttered in
disbelief. "You're refusing ta help--"

Ryoga flung his emergency thermos at the babbling idiot.
"Ask me as a guy, fool."

Why did he go female in the first place? If it were Kuno, it would make
sense, obviously, but why with Ryoga?

Ah, but have you noticed Ranma does do this a lot with Ryoga - the soap,
Yoiko, the Shishi Hokodan? Also the dating thing, but that was to make Akane
jealous.

<Devil Hunters do make for perfect snacks. It has been a
long while since my last one.> The sibilant whisper of the
Devourer arose within.

<No snacking.> Ranma emphasized firmly. <Though...> He
squashed the thought.

RANMA: I'd like to take this opportunity to state categorically that
there is NO cannibalism in Nerima. And when I say none, I mean that
there is a certain amount.

RYOGA: Right on, man!

RANMA: Hibiki! Put that leg DOWN!

Hibiki the Cannibal? The joke escapes me, alas.

There were legends about the sword, she knew, but
unfortunately her mother had not passed them down to any of
them. Father was still incapable of facing the blade
without breaking down and weeping, though he did that about
nearly everything these days.

Actually, Soun cut down on the crying a lot in the later series.

Show him the sword and voila! A return to earlier days. :)

Life had held still for him and, increasingly, it seemed
the same way for her as well. School hadn't been a major
factor in her planning over the past few days. Her father
had written notes for them which might last a few more
days. However, demons attempting to kill my family didn't

to kill her family      (third person)

As I said, I'm very glad to see this series back. With so many different
combatants and their more or less evenly matched opponents, the upcoming
battle promises to be very exciting.

Yup, hopefully worthy of the first season finale.

Thanks for the great C&C, Gary. Will put in the changes.

Phil.

Gary
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