Well now, this is nice! Long and detailed - just the response I had hoped
for. I was afraid nobody would bother reading anything marked [Poetry],
and by a newbie at that. Much appreciated! 

--- Jonathan Rosebaugh <skip@plover.net> wrote: > On Wed, Aug 15, 2001 at
01:23:33PM +0200, Elin Bjurvald wrote:

Heh. And here I was thinking that you were proposing a contest to the
FFML, that we would write haiku with Ranma 1/2 as the topic!

Hey, I would love to see something like that - though I wouldn't want the
hassle of trying to judge it. But I'd definitely would like to see verses
by someone else. So if you feel the urge, by all means go and write your
own! Make them better than mine! Go grab those seventeen syllables! ^_^

   A duck flaps its wings, 	   
And the bike topples over:		 
   It rains where I live.

       (Ranma)

Funny, I'd expect more attention to be given to the changes the rain
causes in _himself_, though I suppose he might consider that a rather
personal topic.

Ranma's trying to be more objective and observational here, but I think
his first try is probably the one further down, about the suddenness of
rain. But no, I couldn't think of one dealing openly with the curse - it
would be too angsty and un-haiku-ish, and not something he would like
putting down in paper.
Except perhaps if it went something like this:

The rain just fell down,
And as everyone can see,
I'm the better built.

Just to get back at Akane for her first verse. He'd never send it in,
though.

   Murmur of the rain:
I would prefer to hear it
   From inside the house.

       (Ukyo)

Ok, this one is nice enough. But why Ukyo? This sounds more like
Kasumi to me.

I was trying for something a bit dry and down-to-earth, sort of like:
"gee, the rain really sounds nice as I walk here, but I'm starting to get
wet and cold and would prefer to be at home and hear it from the inside,
thankyouverymuch." I felt Ukyo was the most suitable here.

Digression: when I began writing this whole thing, I found out that Ukyo,
though not my favourite in general, was my best candidate among the cast
for a good haiku writer. She's got both a dreamy, romantic side which
might make her inclined to write poetry, and a practical, sensible side
which is good when it comes to haiku. Plus, she's lonely enough to
encourage writing. I think she's got both the necessary depth and the
necessary free time. End of digression.
 

   Going home from market,
I hold it over my wife; 
   The small umbrella.

       (Genma)

What? Genma being selfless? OOC!!! ;)

Yep. But he's not about to make himself look bad, either. You just have
to imagine Nodoka giving him a very pointed look to remind him who
carries the katana in the family, and the scene makes more sense. I could
put in a short note below to that effect.

   The tiny pig squeals,
Two meters from its mother,
   In the pouring rain.

       (Akari)

Damn, and here I was hoping she'd say something about Ryouga's
curse. She _is_ his girlfriend, after all.

Sure, that's probably her first thought, but would she really want this
to be printed in a magazine for all to see? And we're usually less
satisfied when we try writing about what's closest to us. So I had her
write something more objective instead, and thought this was something
she was likely to observe. Is it clear that the rain is too violent for
the piglet to make out the sow? Otherwise, I can put in an explaining
note.

     Some people are wise, 
And they carry umbrellas. 
     But others get drenched. 

       (Akane)

Ah! A subtle dig at Ranma, comparing him to Ryouga. Too subtle for
Akane, though, I think, if we're still in the main manga
storyline. I'd expect "While bakas get drenched." or something to that
effect.

Sounds a mite too harsh when she's only teasing him. Besides, that would
mean...gratuitous Japanese! Aiiieee!^_^ But feel free to imagine it as a
bit into the future, if you like. Actually, it would work even better if
she had found out about Ryoga's curse and had gotten over it.  

Hah! A fat lot of cover his wings are going to provide. Typical blind
Mousse. I like it.

Well, I thought more about him venturing out with an umbrella (not very
effective, either, if she's riding a bike), but your interpretation might
be better.

  Rain no beat Shampoo!
Under tarpaulin, I ride 
  On bike, everywhere!

       (Shampoo)

Well, if she can ride her bike on fencetops and rooftops, I guess a
tarp wouldn't be much more of a hinderence. I'd expect something more,
shall we say, form-fitting from her, though.

I'll see if I can think of something better. A hooded (rain)coat would
fit into the line, but I'm not certain it would protect her - and it
seems a bit too practical, un-Amazonic.

   Rain on my glasses- 		     
The world around me dissolves, 
   And I do the same.

       (Mousse)

What, he fell in the pool of drowned Wicked Witch of the West?

Ha! Well, it's the real Mousse that dissolves, as the duck form takes his
place. I can change the middle line to "My surroundings disappear", is
that better? 
I thought that Mousse would be the one most likely to write openly about
his curse, since it doesn't seem to cut him as deep as it does with Ryoga
or Ranma. Shampoo, I don't know; she might not like dwelling upon a
weakness that openly. 

    Kicking off her shoes,
She leaps into the spring rain-
    That girl's poor mother!
	
       (Kasumi)	

Exactly who is she talking about? Ranma? Is this during one of the
"Ranko Tendo" storylines?

Darn, I had a feeling that would be confusing. I'll substitute "child"
for "girl", since it's just a little girl she sees on the street. She
kicks off her nice rubber boots before she jumps into the puddles. Kasumi
probably thinks it's a cute kid, but immediately sympathizes with the
mother's plight when the girl returns home.
I have a feeling I should put in a note about this, too. ^_^

   The spring rain falls down,
it tears and tugs at my heart.
    But I have to cook.

       (Ukyo)

Hmm, I thought okonomyaki was her life. "have to" sounds like it's a

chore.

True. I was thinking of a weary, half-melancholy mood where you don't
really feel like doing _anything_. Or one could see it as the thought of
her work being the anchor that keeps her from breaking down. But if it's
not convincing, I can try rewriting it or maybe just scrap it altogether.
No worries.
 

Typical evasion. I wonder how well Ranma would like meeting Douglas

Adams' Rain God.

Maybe you've got a shortfic there. 
I think he'd be partly sympathetic, partly think: "you think you've got
troubles?", and partly try to get the hell away from that guy.

(Apparently, it doesn't rain much, generally, in the Qinghai province

in the real world. But I don't think that applies to Takahashi's 
version.)

Hell, if Nerima can go through more than 4 seasons in one year, I see
no reason the precipitation level in China can't go up.

Exactly. :)

Overall, very nice indeed.

Why, thank you!

Once again, thank you for your time.

Cheers,

Elin

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