As always, thanks for writing. I much enjoy the commentary!
Now getting on with come C+C:
Sketches of Tenchi 10: Survivor! Jurai Party Politics
Ah. Nice to see this one again.
:) Thank you.
Youshou coughed briefly. "No, my shrine duties prohibit leaving
Earth at this time. The young ladies are, of course, free to come
or go as they please."
Ah. So I was right. :)
Heh. Of course. I just couldn't resist.
"The Star-Crossed Ball? I haven't been for
'been to one for' (I assumed you meant)
Will change.
"There'll be lots of Galaxy Policemen there, I just know it.
Maybe we'll see some people we know, Kiyone!" exclaimed Mihoshi,
jumping up and down in excitement.
"Mihoshi, calm down! I agree with Princess Aeka; Tenchi won't
like it."
Heh. And now I can practically guarentee it. :)
Heh. Kiyone makes a useful telegraph here...
This affair will mark the height of the
politicking for the most prestigious appointed post on Jurai: the
Chair of the Royal Deportment Department."
Deportment Department? Heh.
You're the first to comment on that line, which surprised me a bit.
I'm kind of proud of it; almost Pythonesque.
"Ah...." Tenchi pondered. It still made no sense to him.
"Could I have that again, please?"
"Could you explain that, please?" (Might work better a lead
in for Washuu's 'Professor' intro)
Hmm... you're probably right; will change.
Tenchi momentarily was at a loss. This didn't seem anything like
the way the Japanese royal family was treated. Then he remembered
some things he'd read about the British.
You know, there are so many things I could say there that I'm
not going to.
:)
Heh. You and everyone else...
Aeka hesitated a moment in thought. "I would not want to see you
embarrassed, Tenchi-sama. There are two simple rules to this:
take nothing seriously; and any misstatement on your part was a
deliberate red herring. Keep those in mind and you should be
fine."
"Yeah!" exclaimed Sasami. "Mommy Misaki says those over and
over!"
Heh. Although I can't see Sasami refering to her mother as
Misaki. Should
probably just call her 'Mommy'. Everyone will know who she is.
I should probably check ep 13 again on that. Actually, now that
I think about it, I think you're right: Misaki is just "Okaasama",
while Funaho is "Funaho-okaasama".
Ryouko tugged at her collar in
discomfort with her right hand as she clung to Tenchi's right
arm with her left. Aeka was on Tenchi's left arm with
Sasami to Aeka's left. Washuu stood to Ryouko's right
while Alielle clung alternately to Mihoshi and Kiyone in the
rear. Edward floated along horizontally above the rest of
Tenchi's party.
Heh. Quite the sight.
Noblesse oblige :)
Tenchi turned to Alielle curiously. "How did you know all of
that?"
"Actually, I just made it up." Alielle grinned mischievously.
Of course her actions resulted in the deaths of one hundred
million sentient beings before the truth was sorted out, but
we won't worry about that right now. ^_^
Heh. :) Well, not quite, but no thanks to Alielle...
Tenchi, with Alielle still attached, strolled towards the knot
where Aeka and Sasami were still chatting away. Aeka looked
up. Her brow momentarily clouded, then cleared when she
recognized exactly who was on Tenchi's arm.
"Better you than me, Tenchi-sama," Aeka whispered into Tenchi's
ear. She squeezed his free hand and blushed.
Heh. How pragmatic of her.
She's learning...
Sasami sashayed shyly over to Tenchi, then posed with her head
tilted up. Tenchi obligingly bent and kissed her forehead.
Across the stadium floor, Sasami's score flickered to match
Aeka's.
The Jurai are obviously a race with too much time on their hands.
Heh. It's really hard to go too overboard, given 100 billion
idle people...
Appalled, Tenchi turned just in time to see a masked assassin
beam away. No other party-goers within sight of Tenchi displayed
any reaction.
What, no one was betting on how long it would take for a successful
assassination attempt on the Farutzian Ambassador?
^_^
Damn; didn't think of that one. Will have to fix. Something like:
"displayed any reaction, except for a few sad heads shaking and a
few large sums changing hands. Across the room, a large screen
flashed "PAYOFF!" in large letters."
As Kiyone and Mihoshi introduced Tenchi to their ex-colleagues
in the Galaxy Police,
Oh? Didn't remember the two of them quitting. Been a while
since I've read this.
Technically, you're right; they're both on some form of extended
detached liaison duty as far as the GP is concerned. In
practice, they've retired from active patrolwork, and Kiyone,
at least, realizes this. Mihoshi may not, and I may
utilize this fact in some future ep.
Still, I should rephrase this somehow.
"Oh, Tenchi, let's play Stratfoozle!" exclaimed Mihoshi, pulling
on Tenchi's arm.
"Uh, Mihoshi, Tenchi might not want..."
Actually it will probably keep him from being harrassed by all the
politicos.
Except those also playing stratfoozle...
Alielle smirked and interrupted herself to say, "Of course, I like
Prince Tenchi too. He's so much smarter than he lets on. And his
grasp of galactic intelligence and strategy is quite unparalleled,
even better than his great-grandmother's."
Bah! Everyone knows Funaho's just a figurehead and her staff
are the real brains behind her.
Heh. You know, I don't think I've ever seen anyone write a story
treating Funaho that way.
A display below the two talking heads showed the odds given
by the Empire's leading odds-makers on the appointment. As the
analysis of Tenchi's comment progressed, the odds shifted
visibly towards the conservative candidate. Billions of credits
entered the betting.
Heh. knew this was going to happen
heh. a natural development.
- - - - - - - - - -
By himself again, Tenchi wandered around the party.
Out to cause even more unintentional damage.
Not enough sense to seek cover, that's our Tenchi...
Tenchi caught up with Ryouko over by one of the bars. She saw him
and launched herself through the air to give him a hug. Tenchi
smelled sake on her breath,
As much as she drinks, one would assume he thinks that's the
normal state of her breath. :)
Good point; I should take that into account.
"Well, for now she's back to nursmphmph.."
Hehehehe.
And here, after ep 9, everyone thought Kiyone would use
bottles or something.
Around Mihoshi? Were they serious? :)
- - - - - - - - - -
"No, I'm quite sure: the R'yleh are planning a sneak attack on
the Xijhistians! But remember; you didn't hear it from me," said
Alielle to the purple-leaved shrubbery, which nodded and snuck
off.
"Alielle, I don't think this is very nice of you," said Sasami
from behind her.
Need a linr break there with the change of dialogue.
I think of it as the same scene, so no line break, but maybe
I should add a one-line paragraph about Alielle gleefully surveying
the party for her next misinformation victim.
nice work. Amusing, though not with the same outright humor
that was in most
of the other chapters. this was a little more subtle, it
seemed. Few grammar
errors and the work flowed smoothly. My compliments.
Yes, this one had less outright slapstick. Still funny,
though, I hoped, and comments I've received indicate.
Again, thanks for writing!
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