I'll try and stick to stuff that hasn't already been pointed out by the
infamous brian randall.  damn his black heart! (takes a brief break from
commenting to go reread PoE and RI)

also, i'm feeling lazy so throughout these comments you'll most likely
notice a huge amount of discrepencies as far as spelling and capitlization
go.  and on another note, somebody recently told me to use tact when
commenting.  my reply was, "tact?  is that like, 'i tact a piece of paper to
the bulletin board'?"  i'm not going to say anything deliberatly aimed at
pissing you off, but i'm not really going to take care to avoid it, either.
obviously any comments i make are my own opinions, if you think they sound
reasonable, fine.  if not, well, that's okay too, i don't really care that
much.

anyway:

Before Ranma could speak, Takeshi spotted him out of the corner of his eye
and spoke first. "You know something, kid, you're not bad. You train hard
and take your vitamins, and in five years or so you can challenge me again
and we'll see if you can't make me break into sweat next time."

into a sweat is the usual expression, i believe

What had happened? He was on top of the world when he had come to school,
and in the span of ten minutes, it had all come crashing down on top of

him.

He had not simply been beaten; he had been completely humiliated. Takeshi
had hit him at will and there had not been a thing Ranma could have done

to

prevent it. It was as lopsided as when he fought Kunou, except for the

first

time in his life he was the underdog in the comparison. Even the two blows
he had slipped past Takeshi's defenses were a fluke. He hadn't stood a
chance from the moment the first punch had been thrown. Never had he been

so

badly overmatched. Not by anyone. Not Herb, not Ryu Kumon, not even

Saffron.

this is really one of the main problems I have with this fic.  the idea that
Ranma would never have heard, throughout all his travelling, of takeshi or
any of the people who are on his level.  genma sure would have, and he would
have sought them out in order to make Ranma a better martial artist.  it's
pretty rediculous that Ranma would never have heard of these people, yet
takeshi would have found out about Ranma defeating saffron when Saffron and
his rebirth would have been something that wouldn't be talked about outside
the immediate location in china where it occured.  if takeshi DID hear about
it, he most certainly would have heard that ranma used the gekkaja or
whatever as well in the fight.  so this whole situation doesn't make much
sense.

A part of Ranma wanted to jump at the opportunity and accept, but he

wasn't

that stupid. "What's the catch?"

"No catch." The man stated plainly.

this really pisses me off.  the deal isn't legitimate if the old man lies,
which he most certainly has.  ranma gets screwed royally here.

The old man seemed to weigh upon what Ranma said. "Names have power, boy.
Let us just say that I am the one that can see into your soul with a

single

glance. I can see all that you desire, all that would make your life
complete and satisfy those urges which lurk in the heart of every man.  I
have the ability to grant unto you those things that would make you
complete. I am all you ever need, the only one you can turn to, the only

one

that would answer your prayers, no matter how light or dark they are."

he is saying that he has the ability to grant Ranma's every desire, yet
ranma has shown rather plainly that akane is more important to him than
winning is.  so this statement seems slightly off.

The old man gave a dramatic sigh. "If you must know, I would boost your
abilities far beyond what they are now. You would be faster, more

resilient,

and more powerful than ever before. It would be permanent too, so you

would

have no fear of them giving out on you at a critical juncture. And I as
said, I would waive my usual fee for imbuing you with these abilities.

What

do you have to lose? All I ask of you is that you defeat Takeshi

immediately

with your newfound enhancement."

ranma had no interest in the strength noodle until it was pointed out by
cologne that if he didn't eat it, ryouga or mousse would, and then they
would be able to defeat him.  it was only after that was mentioned that he
decided to try and find the noodle.  i forget where in the manga this is,
but you've probably read it.  anyway, it seems out of character for ranma to
accept such a powerup, rather than trying to train himself in a new
technique or something that would allow him to defeat his opponent.

Spinning on his heel, Ranma turned around, held out his hand, and said,

"Do

it."

okay.  so, some old dude comes out of nowhere, says he can make ranma good
enough to defeat takeshi, and ranma believes him?  why is that, exactly?
there hasn't been any demonstration of sifler's power that would make ranma
believe that his claim of being able to make ranma a better fighter is true;
and there is also no evidence to suggest that he is right about cologne or
happousai not being able to teach him a new trick which would allow him to
win the fight against takeshi.  ranma seems stupid beyond all belief
here--never mind the fact that sifler is straight out lying about what he's
going to do.  no catch?  what a joke.

"How do you know that's going on? You've been here the entire time?"

ranma isn't questioning sifler's presence, so this shouldn't have a question
mark.  should be, 'you've been here the entire time!"

As Sifler finished his suggestion, Ranma felt a sudden overwhelming
compulsion to do exactly what the old man said. Not questioning it, and
being a man of his word in any case, he followed the compulsion and raced
towards the school at top speed.

the compulsion is another catch, which wasn't part of the deal.  if sifler
doesn't need ranma's agreement, then he shouldn't have had to ask in the
first place.

Trademark smirk in place, Ranma turned to the awestruck crowd, Akane at

the

front of them. There was only silence as everyone stared in mute
astonishment at the tableau before them. Ranma said, "Now you see who the
real martial artist is, don't ya?"

riiight.  i really think it's more in character for ryouga or akane to use
powerups of this sort.

"The same game I always play: the damnation game. And now I have the
advantage, you arrogant, pompous fool. I told you you would pay for trying
to make me look the part of the fool. Now our positions are reversed, and

I

repeated use of the word fool.

"Not exactly. Since you would be giving me something in exchange, you

would

not suffer from the same side effects he did."

how is this not a catch?

Sifler gave a dismissive wave. "I gave you what you wanted: the ability to
defeat Takeshi. I might not have charged you anything for it, but I never
said there would be no drawbacks."

he specifically said there was no catch.  a drawback is the same thing.  not
even playing word games can get aroudn that.

"I have lived up to my end of the bargain! By the rights of the Way, you
cannot bring harm to me in any way, shape, or form," Sifler hissed.

no he didn't.  he screwed ranma over, and ranma can rape his sorry ass if he
feels like it.

Sifler gave her a disdainful glare. "I have had no dealings with you,

Akane

Tendou. I am beyond your ability to harm. But you are welcome to try

again,

if you so desire. I will not try to stop you."

attempt to stop you, might work better.  you just used the word try,
slightly repetitive.

Sifler sneered at them. "You lowly worms snivel and whine over such

trivial

matters. You got what you wanted, boy. I compacted your form so that it
could use its energy more efficiently, as well as increasing your physical
attributes. It's similar to what your master Happosai and the Elder

Cologne

have done to themselves over the years so that they remain fit. Who cares

if

you lose half of your lifespan in the bargain? What's fifty years of life
and a foot in height if it means being the best martial artist in the

world,

and that is exactly what you are? Oh, maybe not at the moment. You'll

still

have a few years to learn enough to beat anyone, but so long as you stay
alive, you will eventually become the mightiest martial artist on the
planet. So cease your whining and embrace what you have always dreamed of
achieving."

this is completely untrue.  happousai was shown to be as small as he is now
even in his youth during the little love pills arc, which supposedly occured
100 years ago.  cologne was normal sized at the time, at least according to
happousai's mental image of her, but she could have used those techniques to
increase her own abilities as well.  however, the life span issue is
unchanged; happousai has lived at least a 100 years as a midget.  besides,
making his body use energy more efficiently would logically increase his
life span, not reduce it.  less waste and deterioration, after all.

also, sifler again talks of what ranma has always dreamed of.  yet ranma
didn't hesitate to throw his dreams away for akane(HSH arc), so this doesn't
make sense and doesn't fit with the idea that sifler has granted ranma's
innermost desire.

"There is no way to undo my magic, and in the name of the Ultimate

Darkness,

that is the whole truth. Oh, you can spend the rest of your limited
existence in a fruitless search, I would find it amusing, but you won't

find

a cure, since there isn't one to be found." Sifler's mood seemed to

lighten,

which made the miasma of desolation surrounding everyone grow. Even Ranma,
who had never truly given up before, could sense the truth behind his

words,

and despair began to consume him as well.

somewhat hard to believe.  if happousai and cologne have both used
techniques to make thier bodies more efficient, they would know precisely
what was required to turn ranma into a runt.  making a body more effecient
would surely be less difficult than making it less so, which means that they
should know how to show ranma what they did in order to get where they are
now.  and if they can show him that, then he should be able to reverse the
process, making his body less efficient and causing himself to change back
to normal.

this ignores the whole idea that ranma's body being made more effecient
would allow such a boost in physical abilities that he can offset the huge
advantage in skill that takeshi has.  i mean, really, ranma will be ready to
defeat happousai in a year, or so was said earlier in the fic, and happousai
has the same advantage over the normal ranma that mini-ranma has over
takeshi.  so unless both happousai and cologne are completely unskilled,
relying just on the physical abilities that they were given by having more
efficient bodies, then ranma would not be able to catch up for a much longer
period of time.  after all, the gap between takeshi and ranma was so
incredibly huge before ranma's transformation, so that means the
transformation causes an unbelievable boost, one that ranma would have to be
far better than takeshi to overcome if he was to defeat happousai.  also,
takeshi should know of the technique that happousai and cologne use, since
he would most certainly be a far better martial artist than either of them
are, so he, like ranma, doesn't need the deal at all; he could use the
technique himself if he so desired.  all sifler is really able to offer is
that takeshi wouldn't need to go through the effort, if he is simply willing
to trade his soul for the sake of being lazy.

i didn't particularly like this fic.  ranma gets screwed over by somebody
who lied to him, there are several things that don't really make sense, and
the whole scene with akane was humiliating even to read--btw, i do have to
point out that not once during the HSH arc did akane defend ranma from the
various people who were attacking him, so why would she do so here?

well, that's all i have to say.  hope this was understandable, and that i
got my points accross, although they are slightly unclear even to me.

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