This is the next section of the new chapter of the long-awaited, long-
anticipated story!
For those reading for the first time, earlier chapters can still be found at:
http://members.tripod.com/DNyx/NETTG.html
...or by request.
Any and all comments, criticism, or methods to improve what has been written
here are greatly appreciated. I am under no illusion that this will be the
final form
of the chapter. I actually have great hopes that something someone has to say
out there will improve it a great deal. ^_^
Special thanks to:
Jason Hanks, who has stayed with me the whole time on this.
Jussi Nikander, who has helped to correct and give ideas here.
Jason Liao, who is getting back into the groove.
And many thanks to those who commented on the last section released.
And everyone else for keeping the vision alive, with all those philosophical
discussions and everything.
Okay, did I get everyone? ^_^
So, all in all, here we go for yet even more!
<Continued from NETTG!! Ch10 P2 (4/??)>
---
Belldandy looked up at the restaurant's big sign, then took
a deep breath, opened the door, and walked inside.
'Tim's Ucchan was a good business. The food was good, and
service had improved substantially when the new cook came in. Plus,
it was in a terrific location; it seemed like they always had a
customer or two, and the place really filled up during lunchtime.
Even though half the people still came in with the first week
promotion's free meal vouchers, the restaurant still managed to
make a profit.
The beautiful goddess scanned around for the owner. Usually,
he would be at the table nearest the doorway to the back room, but
he really could be unpredictable sometimes--oh, there he was! What
was her line again? Ah, yes.
Belldandy walked up to the pink-haired man in the Ryouga-
style outfit and greeted him with a bright smile. "Hi!" She quickly
held up a twenty dollar bill. "Could you please give me change for
a twenty?"
'Tim shrugged. "Sure." He stood, made his way over to the
counter with the cash register, and reached over to trade the bill
for smaller ones.
This was it, thought Belldandy. She pulled out a small,
portable television and placed it on a nearby table, then held her
hands together a little under her mouth. "Spirit of rest," the
goddess began lovingly, "help this man be still for a short while."
An almost indiscernible glow flowed around her for a second,
and 'Tim was caught in the effect. His movements slowed and he stood
motionless. The others in the room similarly stopped.
"Thank you," Belldandy whispered to the Forces that Be, which
blushed slightly, glad to be of help.
A spiraling spark flashed around the handheld TV, and with
some effort, Urd squeezed out of it. "All right, my turn!" she said,
rolling up her sleeves. "SHIFT AND CHANGE," she incanted dramatically,
her hands raised and an echo in her voice, "HE TO SHE, SO LET IT BE!"
'Tim's body decreased in mass and height, a slight bulge at
the chest forming and hair length extending, leaving a long, pink
mane down her back. Her sight, petite figure was dwarfed by her
unflattering travelers' garb.
Belldandy continued. "Authorized from high above, you have been
promoted; From an undiscovered class, you are now granted the full
rights and privileges of Goddess Fourth class, with limited powers.
Stand and present yourself now, Tammi, Goddess of Errors, assistant
to the Norns."
A circle of light formed around the new goddess' form, and
a pillar of light descended, infusing its divine energies into the
being. A few seconds later, the light dissipated, and Tammi stood
up, looking rather dazed. Her outfit had shifted into a better-
fitting green and pink robe, with a green bandanna tied into a big
bow around her head, a little above her thin eyebrows.
"Wh-what dd-did you-" Tammi stuttered, an instant before
Skuld appeared out of a glass of water, grabbed her from behind,
and vanished back into the wake of the teleportation spell.
"You know," Urd commented thoughtfully, "I think he looks
a lot better like that."
Skuld stepped out of the woodwork. "Yggdrassil, end program."
The restaurant scene vanished in favor of a shining white
circle of levitating magical mirrors.
"That's eight for eight," Urd said to her youngest sister.
The black-haired goddess nodded. "Yeah, that's probably
enough simulations for now. We've got it down perfect."
"Let's try it for real now!"
"Hmm," Belldandy looked down and put a concerned hand to her
mouth. "I thought about it a little more and now I'm not so sure this
is a good idea, Urd. Ambushing him and turning him into a low-class
goddess might upset him."
Urd shook her head and shrugged. "Of course it'll upset him, but
the plan's perfect like it is."
Belldandy frowned. "How do you know that?"
"Everything I come up with is perfect!"
"What about marrying off Sailor Pluto to the Atomic Starlight
Knight?"
It was Urd's turn to frown. "Uh, hey, it was a good idea," she
said defensively.
"How about we try something else?" suggested Belldandy. "We
could raise his height a little, declare him Demigod of Errors,
and we could fix the bugs basically just changing his outfit."
Urd considered that while a little, rabbity bug hopped out
of some random instrument. "Well, I don't like that much, either-"
*Squeak!*
Skuld's lip trembled a bit. "No, no, NO, NO!!!" the youngest
goddess shouted, stomping her feet and smashing her croquet mallet
against the bug in a huff, causing it to vanish in a pink puff of
smoke. "The bugs'll just KEEP ON appearing until we change his whole
profile! We have to affect EVERYTHING! That's the point of the plan!"
"But I guess we have to," Urd finished.
"Maybe you're right, you two," Belldandy nodded.
"Okay," Skuld calmed down. "T-minus one hour 'till the real
thing."
---
Amy looked at it.
It looked back at her and squeaked.
It was a mushroom, sort of. Standing about five and a half
inches tall, it had a sort of fuzzy red wig, a white-painted
face, large floppy red shoes, baggy pants, and a large, red ball-
nose. It hopped out of the box and began to wheel around on a
unicycle on top of Amy's hardened cast.
"Hey, that's cute," Amy giggled.
*Honk-honk*Mumblegrumble* The mushroom honked its nose and
started to juggle a few tiny rainbow-colored beach-balls, mumbling
to a carnival tune.
"Oooh." This was the most entertaining thing Amy had seen
since her last MRI scan. "Encore!"
The clown mushroom stopped, took a bow, then produced a
seltzer bottle, shook it up, and pulled down a handle, instantly
drenching the girl from the shoulders up.
Amy let out a shocked gasp, and the mushroom took the
opportunity to dive down the girl's wide-open mouth.
*ULP!*ACK-ACK-ACK!* She choked and flailed around in horror
as the thing squirmed down her throat.
*Thwack* Amy accidentally pushed over her IV stand, which fell
to the floor and knocked the drug timer out of kilter.
*BEEEEEEEP!*
All the colors in the room started shifting around and the
walls gradually melted. Amy's cast began to crumble.
The girl stared in a daze at the scenery.
"Climb inside, Amy," her belly button whispered, "fun awaits
you, if you climb inside!"
"Woof woof, whine whine, fluff the cushion a bit," her
pillow added.
"EE-Tee phone home," the alien in the jigsaw puzzle said,
pointing a glowing digit at the stars behind it. "Mmmmh, pull my
finger."
"Whoooooo," Amy found herself floating toward the jigsaw
puzzle, and slipped through its thin plastic wrapper.
*NREO-NREOW-NREOW!!!* An electric guitar strummed an intro.
The injured girl felt the last bit of her cast fall off and
a pair of feathery wings sprout from her back.
*RRR-Nreow-Nreow-NREOW!*
Amy flew through space and time, stars whipping past her.
A Metallica concert boomed in her eardrums.
o/WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!\o
*WHEEEEEEOOOOW!* A high chord was struck and someone with
a deep quasi-British voice began to sing some heavy metal.
o/AMY'S ON A TRIP TA-DAY!\o
Amy flapped her wings and sped by the rings of Saturn.
o/THIS GIRL'S GONE OUT TA PLAAAY!\o
She flew through a nebula, ionized gasses moving in her wake.
o/LET ME ASK YOU, IF I MAAAY!
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH!\o
The winged girl buzzed a Vorlon scout cruiser, spinning it
around wildly.
o/MAY I HAVE FUN WITH YEW?!\o
Amy did a few spins and dove through the corona of a star.
o/LIFE IS WAY TOO SHORT,
TO JAMM AND CRANK THE 'RAWK!\o
Amidst a great interstellar battle, the girl flew right
through a large assault-carrier, slicing it in half.
Green aliens popped out and started shouting and shaking
their tentacles angrily at her.
o/THE WORLD IS WAY TOO SMALL,
TO GO AND SHOP THE MAWL!\o
Amy snatched a few crystals from the ring around a gas giant
and started munching on them like potato chips.
o/AMY'S GONE OFF THE WAWL,
SO WE'VE GONE ON THE CAWL!\o
She pointed at a few stars in a handgun sort of firing gesture,
causing them to supernova, then made her way back to Earth's
solar system, trailing lots of glistening interstellar compounds
behind her.
o/CAWL ME AND WE WILL SEEEE!
YOU'VE GOT NO TIME TA FLE-EEE!\o
Amy did a few cartwheels off the Earth's atmosphere, then sped
very close to the lunar surface, snatching the United States flag as
she went by, which she tied around her neck into a sort of cape.
The little flag rippled majestically between her wings.
o/AMY'S GONE TO THE MOON,
SHALL WE GO AFTER--WHO?!\o
The caped superheroin dove down into the heavy, acid clouds
engulfing Venus, twirling and spiraling like mad.
o/THE CLOWDS ARE BRIGHT TA-DAY!
WILL YOU COME OUT TA PLAY!?\o
Amy saw a crushed, molten landscape underneath the clouds.
o/COME OUT TA PLAY WITH MEEE!
THEN YOU AND ME SHALL SEEE!\o
"These lyrics lack proper grammar and pronunciation," Amy
commented to herself. "And it's not all that good, either."
There music stopped with a great sound of a record scratching
badly in the subspace ether.
"NOW YOU'VE INSULTED US."
*Crash!* Amy felt a big, bone-shaking ripple and fell to the
ground. She sat up. "How rude. Oh well, it was bad music anyway."
The girl took stock of how she felt: Better than perfect.
She maintained a wide-eyed, broadly smiling expression. Her wings
were gone, so all she had on was her hospital gown and a red, white,
and blue cape. For some strange reason, she also wore knee-length
riding boots and had about a dozen strings of beads tied around her
neck. Plus, her hair had apparently grown half a meter and was
done up in a big, puffy 'fro.
"That's odd," Amy said, fingering her beads and hair as she
examined her surroundings. She was in a lush, yellow forest with
mushrooms, tri-diamond-leaved plants, and exotic South American trees
growing every which way.
"Whoa, flashy duds, babe," a giant, black-scaled dragon said,
sitting on a huge mushroom as he pushed back his rose-colored
glasses.
"Who are you and where am I?" Amy questioned.
"I'm Puff," he said, pausing to inhale deeply from the hookah
extending from a fuming water pipe, "the Magic Dragon." He exhaled a
blue horseshoe-shaped smoke-image. "And you, girl, stumbled upown
theee finest spot on the whoooole planet Venus!"
Amy was puzzled. "I'm on Venus? Isn't that planet full of
crushed volcanoes and ultra-high-pressure hellish landscapes?" she
prodded, being analytical.
"Shhh," Puff shushed, putting a clawed finger over Amy's lips.
"Don't you go tell no one, ya hear, but we've got one huge secret:
It ain't!"
"It ain't?" parroted Amy. "What about all the probes that got
sent and landed?"
[Ha. Ha. Ha. Silly Girl,] a Venera probe said in a Russian
accent, with Vega 1 on one robotic claw and Pioneer Venus 2 on the
other.
[Tee-hee-hee-hee-hee-hee!] Vega and Pioneer Venus giggled
mockingly at Amy, then the trio padded off on their metal legs.
Amy's world suddenly collapsed out from under her. "Wha???"
"Come on, babe," Puff the Magic Dragon said, his voice changing
slightly. He stepped off his mushroom and slapped a gigantic scaly
arm around the girl's shoulders, escorting her slowly to another site
in the forest. "You're, like, our idol around here! Everyone _loves_
Sailor Mercury."
"You know I'm Sailor Mercury?"
The dragon took a long puff from his pipe and nodded. "Hoo
yeah."
"Who told you?"
"Your computer, babe."
Amy thought about that and found it illogical, or at least she
was about to think it illogical until she saw something even more
illogical in a clearing ahead of her. "Curiouser and curiouser..."
There was a MONSTER kegger going on. Dozens of exotic, mythical
creatures danced around like maniacs, drinking colorful fluids that
came out of large barrels, and many were doing strange things with
fire; sticking burning twigs in their noses and things like that.
"YEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!" Puff lumbered forward to join
in on the festivities for a moment, danced the Rumba, then after
chugging something orange and glowing, he went back to stand with
Amy.
A blond-bearded dwarf with a colorful outfit of love-beads and
charm bracelets began to sing. o/Puff,\o he began, pausing to inhale
from his pipe, o/the magic dragon, lived by the sea...\o He let out
a blue star-shaped cloud of smoke.
Puff paused, looked down at Amy, then grabbed the girl by the
wrist and hauled her into the festivities. "C'mon, babe! This is our
song!"
o/-the autumn mists, in a land called Hawn-ah-lee!\o
Amy suddenly found herself dancing an unholy mix of a waltz,
break-dancing, and river-dancing with her gigantic companion to a few
famous children's songs. "Curiouser and even more curiouser," she
commented in a daze, successfully completing a complete 1440-degree
spin on the soft-packed ground while tapping her riding boots against
it.
*THWAMM!* "YEAH! That's it, kid!" Puff performed a backflip,
causing a small-scale tremor, and began to dance the Macarena.
"Is this some sort of bizarre hazing ritual?" asked Amy,
dancing along, then encountering herself sitting down cross-legged
and playing 'patty-cake' with the hulking dragon.
"Yeah!" replied Puff with a wide, toothy grin, slapping the
girl's hand and clapping, "Ain't it great?!" He snatched a magical
pixie from the air and started gnawing on it, then caught and tossed
another one to his dance-partner. "Here, you try it!"
Amy caught the fairy and looked down in confusion at it. The
mythical thing squirmed a bit and giggled up at her while ringing
its belled, three-pronged cap. It ineffectually fluttered its wings
for a second. It had "Slurp Me" written on its green jester shirt.
"Curiouser and curiouser..."
Four distinct individuals separated from the main party-group.
A five-foot-tall, blond, pointy-eared elf began to dance around a
bonfire with a bearded dwarf, a two-foot tall faerie, and a unicorn.
They carried spears and had on white, one-shouldered robes with Greek
letters on them. "TO-GA! TO-GA! TO-GA!"
Trussed-up above the fire was the Mercury computer, opened and
looking more dilapidated than ever. The screen remained shattered and
sparking wires hung out of the keyboard.
"Hey! That's my computer!" Amy exclaimed when she took notice
of the new dancers. She dropped the magic pixie and rushed toward the
bonfire. She really liked her computer, and worried about it. It
wasn't exactly like a friend, but hey, it wasn't just something that
could be picked up at Radio Shack.
"Hey! You didn't even slurp your pixie!" Puff said, then coughed
and spat out the creature, snatching Amy and pulling her back. "Whoa,
don't break the circle, kiddo!"
"Oooga-chacka! Oooga-oooga-oooga-chacka!" the mythical creatures
chanted, hyping up the tempo of their dance. Many of the partygoers
bowed down in apparent reverence of the ceremony.
"Ooooh-oooh-ooo-oooh, ooo-ooo-oooh!" the crowd began a baseball
team's Indian-style tomahawk chant with their arms moving in a
chopping motion.
"What are they doing?" Amy asked, looking very distraught about
the condition of her computer.
"They're fixin yer box, babe."
A glow began to build up around the broken machine.
"Parabailar-labamba!" The dance grew even more intense.
The glow faded and the dancing group fell to the ground,
exhausted.
Puff snapped his claws in disappointment. "Awww, gosh darn it,
they weren't tough enough ta do it."
"My computer's still broken," Amy noted.
"Oh, NO! Dag nab it, we're on our way to SQUARESVILLE, babe! We
just can't do it, MAN!" the black dragon held up his hands and paced
around in a huff. "We need more JUICE ta-" he broke off.
*Th-thump!*Th-thump!* Amy's big 'fro began to pulsate.
"Hey now!" the elf stood up. He walked up to her and reached
into the ball of blue hair. "You been holdin' out on us?" He withdrew
a big, quartz-like crystal.
"Wow, I picked that up in outer space!" Amy boggled.
"Yeah, cool! That's usin' yer head!" Puff reached in and pulled
out another crystal. Quickly following, the dwarf, the faerie, and
the unicorn each yanked one out as well.
Out of curiosity, Amy reached up into her 'fro and took hold of
yet one more, then probed around and found that it was the last one.
"That's all."
"Groovy," Puff took a magical breath on his pipe and pushed up
his glasses to rest on his forehead, "these'll work like a chaaaarm."
"Everyone join hands," the unicorn ordered with a side of
fries. Everyone did so. "Okay, everyone say, 'Totally Cosmic Crystal
Power, Dude!'"
"Totally Cosmic Crystal Power, Dude!" everyone except Amy said.
The crystals charged, a humm built up amidst the group. Time and
space bent under the magical maelstrom. Those participating began
chanting to the tune of the Hampsterdance. Power built between them,
sparking and lancing around the crowd, and finally, FINALLY--
Nothing happened.
The other members of the circle gave Amy a dirty look.
"What?" Amy asked in a dazed voice.
"Ya forgot ta say yer phrase, babe," Puff whispered.
"Oh. I'm sorry."
"Let's try it again. AHEM!" Puff stood up tall, held his arms
to his sides, starting to dance the Funky Chicken. "TOTALLY COSMIC
CRYSTAL POWER, DUDE!!!"
Then followed the others.
*RIIIP!* The Dwarf yanked off most of his beard: "TOTALLY
COSMIC CRYSTAL POWER, DUDE!!!"
The Elf started jamming Stairway to Heaven on a lute: "TOTALLY
COSMIC CRYSTAL POWER, DUDE!!!"
The Faerie munched on a large ritz cracker: "TOTALLY COSMIC
CRYSTAL POWER, DUDE!!!"
The Unicorn pulled out a comb and organized his mane: "TOTALLY
COSMIC CRYSTAL POWER, DUDE!!!"
And then...
Amy blinked: "Umm, Totally Cosmic Crystal Power, Dude?"
The process began again! All the crystals they had began to glow,
and a beam shot out from each of them, interconnecting all with the
computer tied up above the bonfire. Everyone started chanting to the
tune of the Hampsterdance, and finally, FINALLY--
Piece by piece, the computer reformed!
"HOOORAAAY!"
"Your box is, like, totally healed, babe," Puff replaced his
shades with a confident flourish.
*Rrrreow!* "'SWHAT I'M TALKIN' BOUT!" the elf jammed a chord
on his electric lute.
*Pheeeee-oooooooow* The pixie blew on a kazoo and dove to his
knees, lips curled and shouting: "Let's PAR-TEEEEEEEEE DAAAAAWNE!!!"
And the Great Venusian Kegger continued!
...
Amy woke up with a migraine headache the size of Ted Kennedy.
*UNNNNNNNNNNNNHHHH!*
"Amy! You're awake!" the girl heard her mother's voice, then
opened her eyes and blinked a bit. "We almost lost you back there."
"What happened?" Amy asked weakly as the image of her mother's
face cleared up on the back of her retina. The girl found herself
laid out on a soft hospital bed, stinging white fluorescent lights
everywhere. She gasped and sat up, recalling what had to be a long,
drug-induced dream. "Was there an overdose?!"
Dr. Anderson frowned. "No. Your blood's fine. Actually, the
nurse forgot to set up the medication, and good thing, too."
Amy noticed something else. "I can sit up?" She patted her
body down from neck to stomach. "What happened to my cast?"
"We took it off. Doctor Kalypso--the doctor who first examined
you--was found to be psychologically impaired. We got your x-rays in.
You're perfectly healthy. No broken bones, no bruises; not a
scratch."
Amy meditated the last part of her dream. "And my computer?"
"I bought you a new one. It's on the shelf," Dr. Anderson
reached over to pick up a plastic bag with Radio Shack scrawled all
over it. She reached in and withdrew a small, new, glistening blue
laptop with the Mercury symbol on the lower-left corner. "Right
here."
Amy took hold of the computer, flipped it open, and turned it
on. "Amazing, a new Mercury Computer," she noticed the statistics
piling up on the startup checklist, "and it's faster and has more
memory than my last one."
Dr. Anderson was glad to see her daughter happy. "It was on
sale."
Amy looked quite pleased for a moment, then frowned. "At
Radio Shack?"
The blue-haired doctor looked concerned. "Yes, is something
wrong?"
"Oh, no, Mother, of course not!" Amy laughed, inwardly annoyed
and wanting to scream at Luna for having made such a big deal about
the Mercury Computer being just SOOO special and irreplaceable.
"Everything's fine now, dear."
"So it _was_ just a dream, then," Amy sighed, greatly relieved,
then turned her thoughts to another preoccupation. "What happened to
me? Why did you almost lose me?" She hoped it wasn't anything serious.
After all, she wouldn't want to miss any more study time.
The girl's mother examined a clipboard. "We had to do surgery.
You had something blocking a major blood vessel."
"What?"
"We found this stuck in your aorta," another surgeon held up
a small plastic bag with something dark in it.
"In my _aorta_?!" Amy frowned, knowing her anatomy well. "That
_is_ serious." She took the bag from the surgeon and held it up to
the light.
Upon closer examination, the object was a small, red clown shoe.
"AAAAAH!" Amy screamed, leapt out of bed and ran outside. Her big,
blue 'fro bobbed up and down at each lengthened stride and the girl's
red, white, and blue cape flowed behind her, almost getting caught in
the door when she slammed it shut.
"She took it better than you did," the random, nameless surgeon
commented to Dr. Anderson.
"She did indeed."
Somewhere, a clownlike mushroom hopped around on one foot,
looking around for its missing shoe.
---
To be continued...
Hmm... This is a tough one.
Okay, I have my opinions of how it went, but what does everyone else think?
-------------------------------
Benjamin A. Oliver
boredcollective@aol.com
"We are the Bored. Lower your shields and surrender your fics.
We will add your standup and slapstick comedy to our own.
Your humor will adapt to entertain us.
Resistance is and always has been: Futile."
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