DB Sommer wrote:

And on to another original:

 Gasp! C&C? On an original fic?

 I might just die!

   He sighed, his eyes closed as he relaxed against the large rock near
the center of the spring. The hot water rippled slightly, sending
reverberations he could feel against his skin. Soft waves of pressure in
sharp contrast to the smoothness of the stone behind.

The water behind him bubbled. He looked quickly around to see if anyone had
noticed. No. Good.

 Heh... you have absolutely no respect, you realize that, don't you? The world needs more people like you. :p

knob, tied.

 A missed opportunity to place a comma? I'll never live _this_ down..

She
tripped, dropping it to the water as she struggled to regain her footing
with the least possible amount of upset to the platform, as it drifted
away from her.

It's Usagi with a different haircut and a dye-job. Now I understand.

 If so, then the guy is the coolest incarnation of Tuxy _I've_ ever seen.

   Groaning slightly, but not lessening his smile, he reached forward
and stopped it, then reached another hand to her. She flushed, staring
down at herself, and the slight swell of her breasts against the towel
she wore wrapped around her. He nodded, dismissing the incident, and she
slipped

I'd use a different word than 'slipped' or would rephrase the sentence.

 Will adjust.

   Again waiting, she watched with breath held barely in check, until he
sipped at his drink and nodded approval. Smiling, she sipped her own,
uttering only a small contented murmur before lowering it,

and collapsing face first in the water. He smiled. The drug had taken effect
quickly.

 Why use drugs way out where there are no witnesses? :p

   He nodded, trying to appear gruff, and biting back words that he
looked to wish to say.

Especially, "God, you look like shit in the morning.'

 That's what coffee is for. And I belive that line just made a new #1 for things _not_ to say on The Morning After.

   She stared at her hands, carefully folded before her, not looking up.
Sighing, he opened the letter, reading it to himself, and hanging his
head at the first line. He did not need to read it more.

Ed McMahnon told him he was not a winner.

 Man: And yet, he told the emotionless albino chick that _she_ had won? There is no justice on this earth.

gestured helplessly, unsure again before letting his gruff demeanor hide
the worry. Standing he

Standing, he

 Ack! Twice!

   Not turning to look again, the man mounted his horse, and rode
towards the rising sun, followed shortly by the attendant.

Sad little piece. Little to short, for my taste. Not much more than a scene,
really. But effective in what it does. Nice work.

 Think of it as an animated short set to music. You've probably seen its ilk among 'Robot Carnival', and the like.

 Actually trying to _draw_ this, now... That would be nice. -_-

D.B. Sommer

 Thanks for taking the time to read and C&C, though!