Ginrai wrote:

This I had to C&C right away ^_^

And my return comments as well:

And in the midst of all the C+C, a fanfic. Not sure how much response a

If only I could C&C that fast... Or write that fast, for that matter
^_^;

My writing has slowed down a lot. Hoping it will pick up pace soon, though.

Trigun fic will get, especially a short humor one, but after seeing the
series, figured I'll give it a try.

Saw the series so won't be much of a problem for me.

Cool. That's always a problem for some of the lesser known series.

Writer's intro:
Dominique, the Cyclops. Gray, the Nine Lives. Chapel. Cain, the Long

Shot,

Chapel, the Evergreen

I think.

Hmm. Didn't remember that. Thought they just referred to him as Chapel.

Tripe Productions is proud to present, unearthed from a secret vault

buried

under a really dry and sunny desert in the middle of nowhere, because it
really sucked and no one wanted to fess up that they did it...

Got my attention ^_^

And thus you fell into my trap. Hehehe.

The Top Ten Rejected Gung Ho Guns

Yep, some minor spoilers here from around episode 17 or so. The Vash
Flashback episode.

Don't think it's that much of a spoiler...

Probably not, but I thought it fair to warn everyone anyway.

Knives pulled himself out of the clear fluid-filled chamber that had

been

home to him for several decades now. It was all because Vash, the

insipid

fool, went over the line when all Knives had tried to do was help. But

Vash

Heh, Knives _would_ think that he was helping Vash.

Hey, it's all in one's POV. :)

band

together a group of pawns to use against Vash. This was, presumably, why
Legato had awakened him.

Legato: Actually, I just wanted to know if I'm getting my raise now.

Heh.

Legato gestured to the group assembled behind him. "As you requested,

Sir,

I've gathered together a group of dangerous outlaws to do your bidding

in

your war against Vash the Stampede. Allow me to introduce-"

Legato: The group that could kick the Eight Devils of Kimone's asses.

Well, the technology is more advanced, so that isn't that much of a
surprise.

"Wait a minute. What's that thing on your shoulder?" Knives pointed to

the

set of iron spikes protruding from the right shoulder of Legato's

outfit.

"It looks like you've sprouted a weather vane."

I always wanted to know what that was ^_^

Same here. Seemed as reasonable an explanation as any. :)

"I had an accident with a wrought iron fence right before we came here.

It

was silly, really. Slipped on a banana peel and fell into it. I killed

every

into -> onto (?)

Hmm. Yep. better.

banana vendor in town, of course."

Legato: To ensure that no one else would meet the same fate, of course.

Of course.

we have, Makki, the Florist." Legato indicated a rather effeminate man,

Aw, not horticulturist? ^_^

First draft had Makki complain to Legato that was what he preferred to be
called, but I decided the flow worked better if Makki was completely silent.

"What exactly is it he does, then?"

"He can brighten any room with a minimum of flowers. Note how he has

made

'minimum number'

I think the way I have it sounds more natural for a person speaking, IMO.
Though I'm pretty sure yours is the more grammatically correct.

"He just blew me a kiss."

Legato: Impossible.  He already said that I was his true love.

Actually have something along those lines in the next line.

"Riiight. I think I've learned far more than I wanted to about him.

Moving

on."

Good move ^_^

A tactic Knives ends up employing frequently in this fic.

Legato pointed to a second person. He had oily black hair, a dreadful

dull

'dreadfully dull'

It was supposed to be 'dreadful, dull' but I might go with yours instead.

than

go for their weapons, thereby making them vulnerable."

"Not too bad. How do you keep our people from having to do the same?"

Earplugs ^_^

Knives: But then how do you give commands to the rest of the people if
they're wearing earplugs?

"You just did." Toushu informed him.

Heh, for a moment there I thought he actually drew on his opponent's
face.

Heh. Not quite that evil.

"Nope. I drew both times. And I just did it a third time while we were
talking."

Knives: What about shooting?

Toshu: I'm also supposed to shoot?

Heh. Not far off the mark.

"You want me to shoot that there glass?"

He's stalling ^_^

Oui.

Somewhere in the distance, a cat screeched in agony.

So that cat was around afterall ^_^

Yep. He was in every episode, after all.

Toushu said, "I sneezed."

"No you didn't."

"I did it too fast for you to hear. I'll hit it for sure this time."

Heh, blame it on his speed ^_^

Yep. He's good at making excuses after all this time.

A third shot rang out. Luigi went down, holding his foot in obvious

agony.

The shot was made all the more remarkable by the fact he was standing

ten

feet behind Toushu at the time.

Heh

Toushu is actually quite skilled at missing the mark.

"We're indoors, you moron! You couldn't hit the broadside of a barn!"

"Not true. I've hit the side of a barn before."

Doubt he was aiming for it.

As Knives asks pointblank. Obviously you'd make a good genocidal supremist
as well.

Legato pointed to a tall, but average-looking man with unruly brown hair

and

a wild look to his eyes. He wore a set of colorful furs. "This is

Bestiality

Bob. He-"

Bob (holds dead cat in hands as he feels it up): But _you_ can call me
Oscar.

Now that.... that was just evil. I knew I shouldn't have left that cat lying
around.

Knives: ARRGGHHH!!!!!

(Knives grabs gun and shoots Bestiality Bob)

That would probably be for the best.

"Foot Long Spike? Is that because he has a-"

"You don't want to know that either, Sir."

"Ah, probably not. Moving right along."

Heh

Great, now you got me thinking of why he got that name ^_^;

Not gonna tell you either. :P

scabbards crossed behind her back. A pair of wicked-looking guns were

also

strapped to her waist. She gave Knives a dangerous, yet sultry glance.

"This

Legato: Is Tai, the Kunoichi.

Nah. If it was, she'd be wearing less.

Knives: ... problem?

Legato: Tai... well, she asked about how big you and Vash were.

Knives: Go on.

Legato: And after finding out that Vash has a huge advantage over you
in size, she ran off looking for her future lover.

Heh. I'd say she's not quite that skanky, but she is.

(Legato then takes off her costume, including, to Knives
dissapointment, the fake breasts)

Legato: So I instead got you her sister - Mai, the Kunoichi.

Knives: And what does she do?

Legato: She can make any guy drop dead at the sight of her breasts.
Observe.

Nah. She makes them drop dead after they comment on her lack of them.

Devem: ...

Legato: See!  He's dead already.

Heh.

"Token female? But, the swords and guns?"

Well, if she got lucky, she might be able to injure the guys while they
pay attention to other things.

True. Or the guy staring at them would get clobbered by his female love
interest.

"Do you honestly believe anyone could fight in an outfit that tight?

It's

purely eye candy."

Knives: You mean she can't move?  Even at this moment?

Legato: Correct, Sir.  That glance she gave you before was actually her
pleading for some air.

Heheh. Cute.

"Yurimaru had to go to the restroom while we were introducing the

others.

He

does that frequently with the problem he has."

Knives: And what does he do?

Legato: When the enemy starts charging, he gets in the way, turns
around and...

Knives: I've heard enough!

Think 'The Spleen' from Mystery Men.

"Even as we speak. That's another good reason to have a florist in the
group. Helps to drown out the smell."

Heh

it's true, though.

"Money's been tight, you know. It's not like I have a source of income.

I

am

a psychopath that's never even had a job. And with me being bottled up

for

At least he admits what he is ^_^

Just to put things in perspective.

so long, well, I don't have two double dollars to rub together. You do
understand, don't you?"

Legato: Completely, Sir.  And I now present to you a video I've gotten
which shows all the wonderful things Bestiality Bob can do.

Just plain evil.

Legato moved next to a man that was dressed in cowboy regalia, just like

Considering that most there dress as cowboys, it's not that impressive

Nope. Just another face in the crowd.

"Haven't the faintest idea. He introduced himself as Chuck and just

started

following us one day."

Hehehehe

One of my fave's too.

"Only one left, sir. Then it will all be over."

sir -> Sir

Legato sounds rather ominous ^_^

More ominous than I intended. I might change it a bit.

This was exactly why all the humans needed to die. "Just get on with

it."

Heh

Well, from his POV, it does make a strong case in his favor. :)

Legato indicated a fairly average-looking man in his fifties with a

slightly

bulbous nose. He was a bit overweight, had a low cut of whitish hair,

and

wore a nice business suit. There seemed to be a perpetual smile on his

face.

Legato said, "This is Slick Willy."

...

That's low...

Yes, it is. Also couldn't pass it up. It was too obvious.

Knives watched them get together in a small group. "Someone's missing."

Making sure that he only has to shoot once ^_^

Yep. No loose ends this way.

"I'm coming," an overweight middle-aged balding man shouted as he ran

from

the direction of the restroom, adjusting his pants along the way.

For some reason I'm thinking of Homer Simpson ^_^;

Hadn't realized it, but it does have that sort a feel to it.

Once Yurimaru had joined the others, Knives said, "Perfect."

"Now what?" Toushu asked.

Now for the fun adventure of Gung Ho Guns version 1.0 to begin...

Yes, but it's not much of an adventure.

"Now this!" Knives pulled out a long barreled pistol and fired. From in

the

'From the'

He probably wanted to do that from the beginning ^_^

Like most of the readers.

huge

size before the others could react, sucking them in as the surface of

the

orb touched their skin. Their screams and struggles (except for Devem,

who

accepted his fate with grim aplomb) were to no avail as they were

inevitably

At least one of them was rather accepting of his fate ^_^

Heh

Once all trace of the 'Gung Ho Guns: Version 1.0' was eradicated, Knives
breathed a sigh of relief.

Legato was left pouting. "It took me nearly a whole week to dig those

guys

Legato pouting?  That's new ^_^

He did put some hard work into rounding up the group. :)

"Copyright problems there, Sir."

Knives: Okay, then how about a half-burnt mummy swordsman?  And a giant
with a small man on top.  A blind swordsman.  Plus a crossdresser who
knows how to kill.

Not sure about that one. RK?

Legato: They'd get annihilated rather fast in this world.

Knives: Then... A huge rock-man with a kick-ass spinning weapon.  And a
woman that can hypnotize and control snakes.  Maybe a small man that
can control killer bees.  And, of course, a blind swordsman.

Heh. Now this I have a passing famiiarity with. ^_^

Legato: Hmm... How about a swordsman that could see, cut through
buildings, and know how to use a gun?

Knives: Good enough.

Works for me too.

"He sings?"

Legato: As well as Luigi, the Lounge Lizard.

Heh

"Sounds like a religious fanatic. I don't like those. They preach all

that

fire and brimstone crap. And then they find out I want to exterminate

the

human race and get all bitchy and say I'm going to hell, and then I

always

end up killing them because they make so much noise. It's just a major
pain."

Heh

I have those same problems with such people, BTW.

"I think it's more a style thing than any actual fanaticism. Remember,

he

is

a killer."

Knives: Yes, but he might be one of those people that has to weird like
pray for someone after he kills them.

Heh

Knives considered that for a long moment. "I guess so. All right. We'll
build upon that as a core and work outward from there." Knives yawned.

"Now,

I'm tired, and going back to sleep. Wake me up when you have them
assembled."

Tired so soon?

Has to get ready to wake up again for the real series to begin. :)

"Yes, Sir?"

"Consider that raise yours."

Legato wins out in the end.  Not only does he get a raise, but he has
nine live humans (and one corpse) destroyed.

Hadn't thought of it that way, but good point.

Done!  Only took me two days to C&C this ^_^;

Have a few more C+C of my own to do as well. Hope to get them done in the
next few days.

No prereaders this time out. No need in inflicting that sort of harm

upon

everyone.

They'd probably still end up reading it if they know about Trigun ^_^

Well, that would be their problem, not mine. :)

Thanks for reading and allowing me this trip into tasteless humor.

Liked it.

Had me laughing out loud, causing my parents to wonder just what I was
doing online ^_^

Heh. Hope you didn't get in trouble.

Thanks for the C+C. It's really appreciated.

D.B. Sommer

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