Jerry Levine/Patch Monkey wrote:

Release 1.1 - Fixed a thing or two.

 I must have missed Version 1.0, then. Is this a full version, or a patch? ;)

 Any other monkey and I would already know...

Disclaimer:  While several of the characters used herein belong to the
author, many others do not and are the property of their respective
creators.  This author makes no pretense of having any rights to their
names, series, or respective properties.

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Getting Home Wednesday
Fit the Third:  Matriculation

"And the night was over, and the day began..."
Previous Chapters at: http://www.patchmonkey.net
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    "Where are we now?" asked Ranma, as she turned to the giant panda next to
her.  "This is all your fault, Pops.  Now I'm gonna have to pull out the GPS
system I made, again.  Why'd we have to run so quickly anyway?  We could have
stopped to at least find out where we were before darkness fell. Anyway, it was
just a kiss.  Not like I was gettin' married or nothin'."

 Why's Ranma upset about using the GPS? As far as I can remember, inventors _love_ playing with their toy-- er.. enjoy using their tools.

 Also, Ranma shifts from "before darkness fell" to "gettin' married". I assume his speech becomes more rough when he's thinking of that kind of thing?

    She flicked her wrist, and several baubles flew out of a tiny latch in her
watch, reflecting the light of the moon momentarily before shimmering into
incandescence themselves.  "And now I'm wet, and a girl, and my hair is more
multicolored than usual, and my Pop's a panda," she began muttering.  "You'd
have thought a guy with a water-changing curse could at least be smart enough to
avoid some of the puddles.  But no, Mr. I'm A Giant Panda ran through every
single one he could find."

 'Mr. I'm-a-giant-panda' (I _think_. I'd like confirmation/denial on this one.)

    "Ranchan?  Are you alright?" queried a voice from the other site of their
hastily made camp.

 Other site -- side (?)

    Ranma paused for a second, and looked over in the direction of the voice.
"Yeah, Ucchan, I'm fine.  Can you make us a fire?"

    "Sure thing, Ranchan!  Already working on it.  Just one question."

 Ukyou *whipping out a giant flame-thrower*: Rare, or well-done?

    "Shoot."

 Hah! Sorry. :p

    "Do you have a lighter?"

 Heh, still a good joke, sorry again. :p

------------

    With a fire finally safely roaring in a small pit, Ranma sifted through her
pack.  "Where'd I put that thing?  Thermos, pots and pans, - Hey, Ucchan, can
you fill this with water and put it on the fire? - toolkit, collapsible mercury
weighted katana, lock of cat's hair, picture of my mother, sewing kit,
compression rifle - Where the heck did I put it!? - Aha!  The Ranma GPS 2001!"

 Ukyou: Yes, I can.

 Ranma: ... Will you?

 Ukyou: *sigh* You're no fun.

 Ah. That's why Ranma's reluctant to break out the GPS.

    The panda crossed his front arms and shook his head. "Growf.  Growf growf,
growf growf growf," he growfed, as the two girls paused to look at him.  Then,
Ukyo, deciding the water was hot enough, dumped the contents on his head.

 The 'then' in the final sentence is superflous, and would lower the commage a bit. Of course, considering how much I over-use commas myself, I should be the last person to comment...

    "Ouch!" exclaimed the newly reformed and wet Genma.  "It needn't be that
hot, girl!  And we will swim back.  It's good for your training."

 Ukyou: Right. Should have been hotter.

    "Riiiight," responded the two teenagers, absolutely sure that there was more
to that story.

 Heh. It's rare to see this much _before_ the begining of the manga. Nice touch, by the way.

    Meanwhile, back at the Amazon village, two women made preparations for a
long trip to the Japanese islands.

 Islands? The real 'islandy' area is the Ryu-kyu islands... Honshu's pretty big. So is Hokkaido, for that matter. Then again, it's pretty tiny compared to China. Feel free to ignore me. :p

    "Very well...Great-grandmother Cologne.  Shampoo practice for airen."

 In this context isn't 'airen' being used in place of a proper name? Should be capitalized? And, I'm not positive about this one, since everyone seems to use their own rules for elipses (and I use them improperly) but should there be a space after elipse?

    "Husband, Shampoo," replied Cologne.  "Not 'airen'."

     BTW -- I talked with Nanashi about the translation for a bit, and Airen means 'lover' not 'husband'. But it's also used mostly in a humerous context, much like 'loverboy'.

    "But Shampoo like sound of airen more.  Confusing to Japanese people.  They
think it is like soup or something.  Then, while confused, Shampoo can grab
airen and go 'wo ai ni' and kiss him morely and me and airen make many many
strong Amazon babies!"

 Hehe...

    Groaning, Cologne responded "More, not morely, Shampoo."

 Missing comma?

    Ignoring that totally, Shampoo looked back to her great-grandmother with
hearts in her eyes.  "We leave now, great-grandmother?"

 Great-grandmother is being used in lieu of a proper name here, right?

    The portly Jusenkyo Guide toddled over.  "Oh, hello honored matriarch!  Why
we speaking Japanese?"

 This one, I believe can be either way.

    The guide led the two Amazons to what appeared to be a giant duck with many
balloons suspended from strings above it as several men finished leashing many
smaller living ducks to the giant duck.  Those live ducks began quacking wildly
as the final leashes bound them to the great duck.

 Repetition of 'many'. 'a small flock', perhaps?

    "Ah, honored matriarch is so so smart.  I often wonder why she fell in
Spring of Drowned Whill." (1)

 And, ah, where is the rest of this footnote?

    Cologne thwacked him with her staff. "I did not fall in any such spring!
Now, leave before I hit you harder!"

    The purple ocelot mewed its agreement.

 Hehe...

    An airport lived in solitude beside a temple at the base of the mountain. It
was a small airport, and the mountain was a small mountain, but the airport flew
planes direct to Japan and was inexpensive.  The security guard tended the
airport's security, and he passed his days in peace and quiet and in
contemplation of what exactly balsa wood might taste like, and whether it was
true that the angel of death was so beautiful that upon seeing it or him or her,
you fell in love and "pop" out came your soul through your eyes, until one day
that a boy, a girl, and a giant panda came upon the airport and attempted to
board the plane.

 Quite the run-on there. :P Nice effect, though.

    He immediately ceased his contemplation, and in a firm and commanding voice,
spoke.  "Miss, I can't allow you to bring that animal out of China!"

 Repetition of 'and', replace the second instance with a comma?

 BTW -- as always, feel free to ignore me. :p

    "Not the boy, Miss.  The panda!  Pandas are an endangered species, and China's
national animal!  It's is forbidden! But before I have your panda confiscated,"
he spoke, taking out a clipboard, "I have some questions to ask before you can
leave our great People's Republic.  First...are either of you female?"

 ...

    The guard smiled and put the clipboard down. "We've had some reports of a
demon running loose, and we're trying to track him down.  Say, is your panda
cold?  He's shivering."

 'Your' panda? The guard is aknowledging that, eh?

    "Hey, old man.  I don't think you got anything to worry about," pronounced
Ukyo, as she looked over the security guard, who now had a bit of smoke rising
out of the top of his head."

 Extra trailing quotation mark.

    Several hours later, most of the passengers on flight 059 to Tokyo would
remark about the strange noises coming from the luggage section, but even more
would wonder about those two laughing kids in the First Class section.

 Ouch. Stuffed him into the luggage compartment?

    "He isn't intelligible in any form," added Ukyo under her breath.

 Heh.  All the past taunts considered, she's being nice by keeping that one to herself.

    "But you're prolly right.  We'll get some food, wait out the storm, and then
continue on.  Tanira's Talisman.  Sounds interesting," delivered Ranma, as he
headed towards the door.

 'delivered'? Normally that's used in context with a character telling a joke... must have gone over my head. >_<

    "Oh, Father, I'm bored," she began, glancing around at the empty restaurant.
"Belldandy could have done this, or any of the others.  But no, I've got to sit
here and wait for some stupid kid to show up.  Whee.  What fun."

 She could always, uh, watch TV... :p

    Being the sole inhabitant of said tavern was not, in itself, a bad thing,
however.  Despite many claims to being older and  more knowledgeable about
everything in general, Urd didn't know everything, and thusly was quite grateful
for the noise of the trio outside the front of her establishment.

 Knowing everything would be very boring, methinks. :p

    A now male Ranma and human Genma slurped down Norse-Japanese cuisine with
gusto, as Ukyo told the tavernmaster, apparently named Urd, about their trip.
In the background,  a small television reported the days news, including
sightings of a strange duck shaped UFO.

 Extra space after comma trailing 'background.

    "So, anyway, after the idiot got Ranchan and himself cursed, and then
Ranchan did this cool blast of lightning thing, he went and tried to eat the
first prize of this village of something called Chinese Amazons.  Of course,
they don't like it, we hightail it out of there, and then Genma tells us that
he's got this surprise for us here in Japan, so we got on a plane and now we're
here."

 -- called Chinse Amazons. '...called _the_ Chinese Amazons', or some 'people' (instead of 'thing')?

    Urd smiled.  "Well, I can fix that," she stated, taking out a business card.
"We have tons of room at this converted temple where I live.  You two can stay
there as long as you need, no problem."

 How generous of Urd. :p

 Though I remember at one point in the manga she feels guilty about essentially mooching off of K-1...

    Urd looked at the phone, which just started ringing, and sighed. "I don't
even think they're going to believe this one."

 Urd: Then again, K-1 turned himself into a girl on accident once...

    Soun, however, missed the entire exchange, sitting there thinking.
"Saotome, old friend, where could you be?"

 Interesting...

    "How come you can understand him?  I've been traveling with you two for ten
years, and I still can't understand a thing he growls."

    "You can't?  Hmmm...I'll have to think about that.  It comes through clearly
to me.  Let me see if I can come up with something, like having him write
everything down.  Maybe on a signboard, with some markers or something."

 Heh. Genma took a few issues of the manga to develop that ability, if I remember.

    Jumping to his feet, Soun spoke joyfully.  "Maybe it's Saotome!"

 This bit just made me wonder what Soun was like before getting that postcard.

    Meanwhile, at the front door, Ukyo gave the panda a nasty look.  "Old man,
I'm sure these people will be pleased to see a panda at their front door.  But
it looks like a nice place.  Ranchan, are you sure that your father knows these
folks?"

    "Nope.  Never heard of a guy named Tendo before, either," he replied, as the
door opened.

 Heh. Neither of them remember Ranma betting the dojo during the Gambling King incident? Ranma _does_ have a horrible memory...

    "Kasumi?  Who was at the door?" queried Nabiki as Kasumi and Soun returned
to the dining room, followed by two girls and a panda.

    "Ahhh!  A panda!  Is it bothering anyone?  I'll smite it!" shouted Akane, as
soon as she saw it.

 Smite!?

 Skuld: Hey! So THAT's where my hammer went!

    "No," said Soun.

    "No," added Kasumi.

    "Nope," spoke the redhead stranger.

    "Yeah...wait, I mean no," added the other girl.

 Hehe...

    "Waaaah!  My old friend Saotome has been turned into a stone garden gnome!
He's a stoned gnome!  Waaaah!"

 ... Woah. Head trip. Bad patch. :p

    Soun looked up to see Genma sitting cross legged at the table. "Saotome?"

    Smiling, Genma replied "Tendo!"

    "Saotome!"

    "Tendo!"

    "Saotome!"

    "Tendo!"

 Hehe... Don't know why, that just amused me.

    "This," Akane began, spreading her arms wide as she entered the large room,
"is the Tendo dojo.  Dad just had it expanded and rebuilt, as he plans to start
teaching again."  Pointing to various objects around the room, she started
describing the objects.  "That's the dojo shrine," she explained, pointing at
the shrine.

 Repetition of 'objects'. Suggest replacing the second instance with 'them'.

    "Uh-huh," agreed Ranma.  "It sure is."

 ... Ranma's certainly... uh... agreeable. :p

    "I use whatever's useful.  I just like the staff.  Makes me happy.  It's up
to you, Akane."

 'Makes me happy.' Oooo....kay.

    "Well, I haven't met more that two who aren't.  Anyway, why don't you two go
on back inside.  I'll be right there, in a second."

 'More than two'? Tofu's one... who's the other? ;)

    Kasumi smiled again.  "You're sweaty, Ukyo, and both of you came in wet and
dirty.  Bath, now!"

 Heh. They'd probably be used to it, after training together most their lives.

    "Quiet, Tendo.  The boy doesn't know...and besides, he's kind of strange."

 Ouch. What a thing to say of his own son.

    "I think we should hold off on telling the children.  I can't tell how the
boy would react."

 Hey, some fore-sight! I like a writer who can sell Genma as something other than a complete moron.

    "But Saotome!"

 "But, Saotome!"

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(End Fit the Third)

 That was very enjoyable, Patch. Hope to see more from you soon!

Next time:  Maybe some AMG stuff.

Author's Notes:  There ya go.  Chapter 3.  Hush now.

 Yes, Sir.

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Jerry / Patch Monkey

"This writing business. Pencils and what-not. Over-rated if you ask me. Silly
stuff. Nothing in it." - Eeyore

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