Insertion

 Part 57

 The Plan

+++++++++++++

 Nabiki Tendo frowned. Ranma hadn't shown up yet.  "What's keeping him?"
she wondered out loud.

 "Pardon?" asked her flunky as she turned towards her.

 "Nothing...it's nothing," said the girl with her scowl growing more
pronounced. 

 The bell rang and they moved towards the building with the other
students. 

+++++++++++++

 "Aloha!" said Principal Kuno as he waved to the students inside one of
the classrooms. 

 Akane blinked and looked up to see him grinning at them all. Their
teacher nowhere to be seen.

 "Your teachah is havin de bad karma, so he go on a little vacation to
relax," said the man as he frowned a little. "Dis bein very sad day."

 Akane gasped with the rest of the class and held her breath. "No! Please
no!"

 "We got another teacher right?" asked Ranma nervously. As with everyone
else, he prayed that the man wouldn't take it upon himself to teach their
English class.

 "Don't you be frettin none now. Da Big Kahuna got it all taken care of!"
said the man cheerfully. "Dis new teachah bein very good."

 There was a collective sigh of relief.

 "Here she is, da new techah! Miss Yohiko Hibiki."

 Ranma and Akane blinked and looked at one another as the name rung a
familiar bell.

 "Where have I heard that name before?" asked Akane.

 "Hibiki?" asked Ranma dumbly as he tried to think of who he knew with
that name. After a moment, it came to him. "Like, Ryoga?"

 "Dolt," growled Akane.

 A woman walked into the room and all the male students gave a collective
gasp. She had a long red pigtail that went to the small of her back, and
a pair of thin glasses rested on her nose. Her dress was sharp, almost
business like, but did little to hide her figure. 

 "Hello class. I'm Miss Hibiki," she said as she smiled at them and gave
a small bow.

 "Thank you god!" whispered some of the boys.

 There were a few angry groans from some of the female students, but most
of them were unruffled by the beautiful new woman. She looked to be about
twenty-five years old.

 "Any questions before we begin?" asked the woman as she sat down behind
the desk. Principal Kuno wandered out of the room quietly for once and
left her alone.

 "Are you available?" said one of the boys before he even knew what he
was saying.

 "Yes I am, although not to you. I'm old enough to be your mother," said
the teacher as she smirked at him.

 His head hit his desk with a thump and he groaned painfully. "Man."

 "Excuse me. Are you related to Ryoga Hibiki?" asked Akane as she stood
up.

 "Pardon?"

 "He's a friend of mine, and I noticed you had the same last name," said
Akane.

 "I don't believe so," said the woman cheerfully. 

 Akane nodded her head and smiled. "Oh. I guess it's just a coincidence."

 "Very likely," said the woman as she nodded her head. 

 "What are your measurements?" called one of the boys in the back of the
room. He was holding out a pad and pen. "It's for the school paper!"

 "What are you a tailor? You never ask a lady her age, her measurements,
or how much she weighs," replied the woman calmly. She seemed to be
taking it in stride rather than becoming upset. 

 "Dang," grumbled the boy as he hung his head.

 "Now...we'll begin. Please open your English books..."

+++++++++++

 Nabiki Tendo was still scowling. Ranma hadn't shown up yet. He'd taken
her attempt to get him onto a more controllable field rather like a
challenge. She knew he wouldn't back down. "What's he up to?"

 The bell rang, signaling the change of classes. She sighed and looked up
at the clock as her teacher gathered his things and shuffled out the door
on his way to his next room. Soon, her next teacher would come in.

 It happened rather quietly, a woman with long red hair and an amazing
body walked into the room and sat down behind the desk. "I'm Miss Hibiki.
Your teacher has taken a little vacation to calm his nerves. I will be
his replacement until he returns."

 "What is this?" asked Kuno quietly as he looked up from his book with a
sort of shocked awe on his face. Most of the boy's mirrored this
expression, but without the over dramatic tone that only Kuno could
produce.

 "A light from the heavens! A goddess! A..."

 "Mr. Kuno, please take your seat. We do not have all day for you to
lament over my beauty," said the woman with an amused looking smirk on
her face as she turned towards the chalkboard.

 Nabiki smiled at this as the flustered looking Kuno sat down and
continued to mutter to himself.

 "A tigress, such beauty! To think that Tatewaki Kuno could be smitten by
yet another goddess! Surely, the heavens are truly blessing these women
with their chance encounters with their one true love."

 "This could be interesting," thought Nabiki to herself as she glanced at
him again.

 "Miss Tendo. If you could please keep your loving gazes towards Mr. Kuno
to yourself for a moment..." 

 Nabiki's head jerked forward and froze in horror. "What?"

 "I do believe you should be paying attention," said Miss Hibiki with an
amused chuckle. 

 Nabiki frowned; the entire class was staring at her now. This new
teacher was going to get it.

 "Oh, and Miss Tendo?"

 "Yes Ma'am?" said the girl with a forced smile on her face.

 "I told you I'd come today," said the woman as she turned back towards
the board and started to write the day's lesson down.

 Nabiki's jaw dropped like a rock. There was no way, just no way. "Can it
be? Is it him?" she thought as she watched the woman for a moment
intently. 

 The hair, the blue eyes, even the bust size was right. It was nearly
impossible, but standing in front of her was Mrs. Saotome, only about ten
years younger. She looked down at her book, trying desperately to find an
answer to so many questions. "Why does she look so much older now? How
did she pull this off? Who is she really? What am I going to do now? All
the plans I made to get back at him were him as a student! There's no
way!"

 Suddenly, she calmed down. She'd just have to expose him for what he
really was. "That shouldn't be to hard."

+++++++++

 "She's smiling at us now," said Carrot as he looked at the girl who was
plotting against her.

 Ranma sighed. "Man. She was never this bad."

 Xianfu was really enjoying this ruse. "You guys aren't all that bad."

 "Well, Kuno's decided he's in love with us. No surprise there," snorted
Dan.

 Pissant was actually enjoying himself as well. "Wow. We get to teach all
these young people! A chance to broaden their minds and souls!"

 "I'll bet she'll try to expose us," snorted Carrot in amusement. "She
may try to use hot water later. Then move on to our records."

 "Well, the age thing isn't that hard to do," said Dan with a shrug. "Our
curse doesn't work, and our history is concrete thanks to the Mercury
computer."

 "It is a rather neat trick," agreed Carrot. "What should we do to her?"

 Xianfu snorted. "Nothing today. Just being here is enough to irritate
her."

 "She's feeling smug right now. I say we let it build up and then crush
it," said Carrot.

 "Sounds good," agreed Ranma. "Um. How?"

 "Well, she'll probably try to dump hot water on us at lunch," said
Carrot cheerfully.

 "When it doesn't work, she'll get nervous and start questioning if we
are who we say we are," agreed Dan.

 "That's evil!" said Pissant. "You shouldn't play with people's heads
that way!"

 "Why not?" asked Xianfu calmly. 

 "Glad to see you're getting into this," said Carrot cheerfully.

 "Killing ourselves now wouldn't do anything but send us back to L-sama,"
replied the woman. "I'm stuck with you idiots, and at least I get to be a
woman again."

 "What the hell are you complaining about? I had to spend almost twenty
years as a girl because of you," said Dan.

 "You didn't complain then."

 "I'm not complaining now either," he said with a small shrug.

 "Watch the body movements guys," warned Carrot as he noticed the intense
gazes of some of the male students.

 "Right. Sorry," said the woman apologetically.

 "In any case, we should enjoy ourselves," said Carrot finally. He sighed
as the bell rang, ending the class. "Time to go to work again."

++++++++++

 Hibiki sat with the rest of the staff at lunch. They were at a table in
the back of the lounge.

 "So. You went to school in America?" asked an older balding man who sat
next to her.

 "That's right," said the woman cheerfully. "University of Florida
actually."

 "Yes," said the man with a smile on his face. "I understand that is a
fine school."

 An older woman frowned at her. "So. You're taking Jiro's place until he
gets back from his nervous breakdown?"

 "That's right. I'm well aware of this school's reputation," said the
woman calmly. 

 "All of it is true. I hope you can handle it," said the old woman
crossly.

"I think I can handle myself a little better than most," replied Yohiko
cheerfully.

 "You do martial arts?" asked one of the middle-aged men. 

 Yohiko paused and realized that men surrounded her. The two female
faculty members were sitting opposite her. "That's right. I'd put Ranma
Saotome to shame. I've seen him fight, he's not bad...for his age."

 This got the attention of all of the faculty members. 

 "I understand the Principal is a handful as well," said the redhead as
she looked around the room.

 "That he is, he's a horrible man," said one of the older men in disgust.
"Not one of us can stand up to him. He controls everything."

 Yohiko smirked. "Well, we'll see about that soon enough."

 "Oh lord," said one of the old women as she shook her head.

 "Excuse me, I'm going to take a walk," said Yohiko as she stood up and
left the room.

+++++++++++++

 "Ha! I knew it!" said Nabiki as she watched the new teacher walk out of
the building. She was standing near to the door with a thermos in her
hands. 

 Yohiko walked down the stairs and smiled as she saw a few students turn
towards her. Nabiki was standing nearby; with a smug looking grin on her
face. 

 "Ha!" cried the teen as she tossed the hot water onto the woman. Her
triumphant grin faded away very quickly as the schoolyard became dead
silent.

 "May I ask why you did that Miss Tendo?" 

 Nabiki's jaw dropped like a rock. "No way! You're not him?"

 "Tendo, Principals Office, now," said the woman firmly as she pointed
towards the door.

 Nabiki worked her mouth for a moment and slowly walked to her doom.

+++++++++++++

 "I thought she was Ranma!" said Nabiki as she looked up at Principal
Kuno. She was on her knees in front of the man in the sand. He was
sitting in a lawn chair with a tropical drink in his hand.

 The redheaded teacher was standing next to her with a small frown on her
face.

 "Well, I can't understand dat," said the man as he peered down at her.
"I guess you bein punished den." He pulled a pair of barber's sheers from
out of nowhere.

 The woman stepped in front of the horrified Nabiki and scowled at the
man. "I think an apology will do this time."

 The man seemed to consider it. "Nah. She be needin de bowl cut anyway."

 "That wasn't an request," said the woman firmly as she narrowed her eyes
at the man.

 "Why you raisin de voice at the Big Kahuna?" said the man as he backed
away from her, pretending to be afraid.

 "Can it you lunatic. I'm not buying any. You keep your perverted hair
fetish to yourself," snarled Yohiko angrily.

 "Fetish?" muttered Nabiki dumbly. She'd never even thought about that
angle before. 

 "I think you be needin de discipline too!" said the man as he stood up.

"Lay a hand on me and you'll have a lawsuit on your ass faster than the
time it takes me to rip that palm tree off your head and shove it up
your..." she paused and looked down at Nabiki for a moment. "Throat."

 The man frowned at this, and backed off. "Dat not playin fair."

 "Fair? Since when do you care about that?" she replied coolly.

 Nabiki looked up at her in awe. "I love this woman!" she thought to
herself. "How could I have ever thought that she was him!?"

 "You apologize," said the teacher as she glanced back at Nabiki.

 "I'm sorry!" said the girl. She found herself surprised that it was
actually genuine.

 "Fine. We have a little time before class starts again, go enjoy the
rest of your lunch," said Yohiko as she winked at her and started towards
the exit.

 Nabiki quickly followed behind her. Only halfway out of fear of being
left alone with Principal Kuno.

 The man stood up and watched them leave. His head cocked to the side as
he thought about what had just happened. Slowly, a grin formed on his
lips. "What a woman! Ohta! She bein mine soon enough!"

++++++++++++
 When lunch ended, Yohiko found herself corralling students into the
building. She started to sing cheerfully as she moved the crowd towards
the doors. "Rollin, rollin, rollin. Rollin, rollin, rollin. Rollin,
rollin, rollin, Rawhide! Keep Rollin, rollin, rollin, though the streams
are swollen! Keep the doggies rollin Rawhide! Through rain and wind and
weather! Hell bent for leather! Wishin my guy was by my side! All the
things I'm missin, good vittles love and kissin, are waitin at the end of
my ride! Move em out! Head em up! Head em up! Move em up! Head em up
Rawhide! Cut em out! Ride em in! Ride em in! Cut em out! Cut em out! Ride
em in Rawhide!"

 The students seemed a little disturbed by this, but continued to move
towards the doors.

 "Ha! Ha! Movin, movin, movin, thought they're disapprovin! Keep them
doggies movin Rawhide! Don't try to understand em, just rope and throw
and brand em! Soon we'll be livin high and wide! My hearts calculatin, my
true love will be waitin! Waiting at the end of my ride! Move em out!
Head em up! Head em up! Move em up! Head em up Rawhide! Cut em out! Ride
em in! Ride em in! Cut em out! Cut em out! Ride em in Rawhide!"

 The song ended and the doors to the building closed behind her. She
smirked and strolled into the halls. 
 
 "Miss Hibiki, I would have words with you!" cried Tatewaki Kuno as he
halted the teacher in the hallway just before classes started again.

 "Yes?" asked the woman as she looked at him for a moment and frowned.


 "I feel that your love is unrequited, and I must intervene. Weep for
joy, for I shall date with you at last!" 

 "What the hell are you babbling about?" said the woman as a frown formed
on her face.

 "I have decided in my wisdom, to allow you to accompany myself on a date
this very evening!"

 "You're asking me out?" said the woman with a rough sounding snort.

 "That I am!" cried Kuno as he lunged forward.

 Only to have a very sensitive area of his body meet with the woman's
knee. "Keep your hands to yourself you little pervert!"

 Kuno doubled over and clutched himself in pain. 

 "I would never date a student! For god's sake, I'm old enough to be your
mother!"

 "Age matters not where true love is..." gasped Kuno painfully, his voice
at a much higher pitch.

 "I don't love you! If you ever try to grab me again, I'll have you
expelled!"

 "Such a fire, surely she wishes to show..."

 Yohiko grabbed him and picked him up off the ground by his collar. "Look
you little pervert. I don't like you, you've basically ruined any chance
you ever had of me ever liking you. If you continue this blatant
stupidity, I'm going to hurt you in ways you won't forget."

 "I accept these taps of lo..."

 The woman clamped her hand over his mouth and frowned at him. "Just stop
talking."
 
 "But I must confess my undying..." he muttered under her hand. 

 "Stop now," she said.

 "I..."

 "Don't make me angry Kuno," she said calmly. "Go to class. Now."

 He nodded and shuffled off a little bowlegged to his next class.

 Both Akane and Nabiki were looking at the woman from their lockers
nearby. They had tears of joy in their eyes.
 
 "She's the greatest teacher ever!" gasped Akane.

 "Akane. I never thought I'd say that about anyone, but..." agreed
Nabiki.

 "Man. That was harsh," muttered Ranma dumbly as he walked up to them.
"Oh well, it's only Kuno."

 "Ranchan!" said Ukyo as she walked over to him. "Are you going to come
by the restaurant after school today?"

 "Huh? Sure!" said the boy happily.

 "Great! I'll fix you a special Okonomiyaki!" said the chef cheerfully.

 "Ranma!!" snarled Akane. "Making a date right in front of me?! How dare
you!" She raised her fist, but found it halted quite suddenly.

 "Miss Tendo. I hope you weren't thinking of hitting another student in
the hallway."

 The noise in the hall ground to a complete halt as everyone turned to
look at the woman holding back Akane's swing. "But...I...He's my..."

 "I don't care if he's just murdered your entire family. You do not hit
other students in my hall," said the woman firmly. "If you have a
problem, I suggest you work it out off campus."

 Not a single student spoke. They all just looked on in a sort of shocked
awe.

 "But..." stammered the girl in shock.

 "There is not 'but' Miss Tendo," said the woman calmly as she released
the girl's arm. "I will not stand for any such displays on my campus.
Understood?"

 "Yes Ma'am," said the girl quietly.

 Yohiko walked away with a cheerful smirk forming on her face. "This is
going to be too much fun."

+++++++++++

 Carrot walked into the Tendo home and sighed. Under his arm were a few
books and a briefcase hung from his hand. He strolled inside and walked
up the stairs to the room before dropping his things on the ground. "Man,
what a day." He looked at Genma and smiled for a moment.

 The panda rolled over and looked up at him from his futon. Apparently
he'd decided to take a nap. The animal held up a sign at the boy and
scratched its behind as it yawned. "Where have you been boy?"

 "Work. I got a job," said Carrot as he looked at him for a moment with a
small frown. 

 "Oh. That's nice," said Genma's next sign as he rolled back into a more
comfortable position and went back to sleep.

++++++++++

 "Oh my. You're home late Carrot," said Kasumi as he walked down the
stairs and waved to the girl. Akane and Nabiki were sitting around the
table looking over at him.

 "Yes. How was school son?" asked Soun.

 "What do you mean? He wasn't there," said Nabiki in confusion.

 "I was there all day," said Ranma as he narrowed his eyes at her for a
moment.

 "You were not!" snapped the girl irritably.

 "Whatever," grumbled the pigtailed boy as he rolled his eyes at her.

 The phone rang and Nabiki stood up and rushed over to it. "Hello? You've
got it? Excellent work!"

 Ranma arched his eyebrow at this, but said nothing. "What's she on
about?"

 "You weren't at school today!" snapped Akane.

 "You sure?" asked Ranma.

 "Yes!" snapped the girl.

 "Akane, I'm thirty six. I wouldn't be there as a student," said Ranma.

 "You got a job at the school?" asked Akane.

 "Well I did say I was there didn't I?" he asked her calmly.

 "How nice," said Soun.

 Nabiki was writing furiously on a notepad with a grin on her face.
"Thanks! I'll see you tomorrow!" She walked over to them and smiled as
she sat down.

 Ranma looked at her and grinned. "What was that all about?"

 "I'll tell you for ten-thousand yen," said the girl as she smirked at
him.

 Ranma shrugged his shoulders and handed her the money.

 "Ahem. Yohiko Hibiki. Age: 36 Height: 5'4", Weight: Threatened physician
when asked, Measurements: 36-23-29. Attended University of Florida in
America. Lives in a small apartment on Nerima's East Side."

 "Most impressive," said Ranma as he nodded at her. "Managed to get your
hands on that new teachers records did you?" He stood up and started
walking towards his room again.

 "How do you know about her?" asked Nabiki.

 "He says he got a job at school today," said Akane. "He's too old to be
a student."

 Nabiki frowned at this. "What are you? A janitor?"

 "Huh? No way! Excuse me, I've got to go grade those English quizzes I
gave you today. I don't see how Kuno can have four pages of answers. The
test was only one page long, and it was multiple choice." He sighed and
started walking up the stairs.

 "Did he just say something about quizzes he gave us?" asked Akane in
confusion. 

 "No way!" gasped Nabiki. She stood up and rushed after him, throwing
open the door to his room.

 "What is it?" he muttered as he frowned at her. He was sitting with the
briefcase in his lap. It had a large stack of papers on top of it and he
had a pen in his hand.

 "No way!" she cried as she rushed over to him and grabbed the papers.
She flipped through them excitedly, finally landing on her own
assignment. "It can't be true! I splashed her and..."

 "Nothing happened? Really Nabiki, you don't think I'm still cursed after
twenty years do you?"

 She turned to look at the woman who had said that and her jaw dropped
like a rock. Miss Hibiki was sitting where Ranma had been with a smirk on
her face. "How?"

 "I can control the change now," she replied with a shrug. "No more hot
and cold water."

 "That's..." Nabiki paused and realized that Ranma's clothes had changed
as well. He was now wearing a feminine looking pair of pajamas.

 "Really Nabiki," said the redhead as she closed the front of her top a
little more and frowned in disapproval at where she was staring.

 "Huh? What? This is some kind of trick! He wasn't wearing that!" she
snapped.

 "Oh, you mean the clothes? Holdover from my days as a Hellspawn." She
stood up and her clothing seemed to change into a liquid, shifting color
and shape. She was once again dressed in the familiar Chinese apparel
that Ranma liked so much. The only difference was that hers actually fit.
"Neat huh?"

 "What's a Hellspawn?" asked Nabiki dumbly. She couldn't think of
anything else to say. 

 "Long story, one you don't want to hear," replied Carrot with a shrug.
He shifted back into a young boy again and sat back down. "If you'll
excuse me, I've got work to do now." He took the papers from her hand and
walked her out the door.

 Nabiki stood there in confusion for a moment, not quite sure what to say
or do. Finally, she turned red and growled. "Damn it! I'll get him for
this!" She stomped to her room and jumped onto her bed. She rolled onto
her back and thought about it. "This is obviously a fake identity. That's
easy enough to disprove." She smiled and relaxed a bit more. "I'll be
able to crush that bastard like a bug after that."

++++++++++++

 Ranma Saotome looked at Akane as she sat lazily in front of the
television. It was quiet and calm, Carrot was up in the room doing who
knows what, and he'd just finished a workout in the dojo. "Hey. What's
up?" he asked her as he sat down.

 Akane snorted at him and turned her head away.

 "What'd I do?" he asked in confusion.

 "You jerk!" snapped Akane.

 "Man. I hate when you do this!" he grumbled under his breath while
trying to figure out what he'd done wrong.

"She's still angry about you going to the Ucchan's. Petty little thing
isn't she?" said Carrot as he walked down the stairs.

 "You been gone a while," said Ranma as he looked up at the boy.

 "Yeah. I had to grade some papers," he said with a shrug.

 "Huh? What for?" said Ranma dumbly.

 "Well, so I can hand them back out tomorrow," said Carrot as he looked
at them for a moment and smiled.

 "Oh," replied the boy with a shrug. 

 "Wait a minute! What do you mean petty!?" snapped Akane.

 "You're asking?" snorted Carrot. "You get upset when Ranma goes to see
his friends. That's downright pathetic."

 "That..."

 "That what? Bimbo? Hussy? They don't get mad at him for seeing you, and
you live with him," said Carrot calmly. "You're just jealous that he
might want to spend his time with someone else. After a certain point
jealousy stops being cute."

 "I am not jealous!" snapped Akane.

 "Are too, you can't hide it very well either. It's kinda pathetic."

 Ranma was wisely keeping his mouth shut.

 "How dare you!?" cried Akane as she stood up and glared at him.

 "Yeah. How dare I tell the truth! I must be a complete bastard for
talking about stuff that embarrasses you!" The pigtailed boy seemed to be
enjoying this.

 "You jerk!" cried Akane as she tried to punch him.

 He caught her fist and frowned at her. "Can't win with your mouth, so
you'll just use your fists is that it?"

 Akane stared at him in shock. "Wha?"

 "That is truly pathetic," he snorted as he shoved her hand aside
casually. "It's also a sign of low intelligence."

 The girl stood up and backed away from him. Tears forming in her eyes.
"You...you..."

 "If you can't think of something nice to say, don't say anything at
all," replied Carrot as he ignored her emotional display.

 "Akane!" said Ranma as he stood up. 
 
 "You can't protect her from herself boy," said Carrot calmly.

 "He didn't mean it!" said Ranma as he grabbed her shoulders.

 "Yes I did, and she needs to hear it, even if it makes her cry," said
Carrot. "Stop trying to make her feel better. She'll just go back to the
way she was before if you do."

 Ranma growled at the boy and turned towards his fiancee again.
"Akane..."

 "Just leave me alone!" she cried.

 Ranma just stood there as she shoved him back and ran up the stairs.

 "Still blaming him for the actions of others I see," said Carrot out
loud.

 She stopped just in front of her door and turned too look at him. It was
obvious that she had caught what he'd said.

 "Ya didn't have ta..." said Ranma.
 
 "Yes, I did," replied his double calmly. He lifted up the newspaper Soun
had abandoned and started reading.

++++++++++++++

 Ryoga Hibiki stood with a confused frown on his face. "Where the hell am
I now?"

 "Hey. Hibiki," said Carrot as he strolled by with a plastic bag in his
hand. 

 "Ranma! Prepare to die!" screamed Ryoga as he charged.

 "Oh, now what?" grumbled Carrot as he turned and decked the boy. "What
the hell is wrong with you? I'm not Ranma."

 "Huh?" said Ryoga. "You can't fool me Saotome! You're not even wearing a
disguise!"

 "I'm that other Ranma! The one you met yesterday," said Carrot as he
looked down at the boy and extended his arm to help him up.

 Ryoga swat it aside angrily. "How dare you!"

 "Look you jerk. I've never done anything to you. We only just met
yesterday, and you've been attacking me ever since," said Carrot
irritably.

 "I won't forgive you for treating Akane that way!" cried Ryoga as he
stood in a fighting stance.

 "Oh? What business of yours is that?" snorted Carrot as he stood up and
frowned at the lost boy.

 "What?! How dare you!" snarled Ryoga as he started to move towards him.

 "How dare I what? I just asked a question. Where do you get off
defending Akane Tendo's honor. She can take care of that herself,"
snorted Carrot lazily.

 Ryoga paused and looked at him for a moment. "What do you mean?"

 "I mean she doesn't want you to protect her," said Carrot. "I can hear
it now. 'I'm a martial artist too! I can take care of myself! Don't
worry!' Of course, this would be right before she gets herself beaten up,
but that's beside the point."

 Ryoga snorted in disgust. "I won't allow you to talk about her that
way!" He jumped forward, only to get decked again.

 Ranma looked down at him and smirked. "It's really none of your business
if I do talk about her that way. You're not her boyfriend, in fact, she's
engaged to someone else."

 "That two timing bastard doesn't deserve her!" snarled Ryoga.

 "That's for Akane to decide, not you," replied the pigtailed boy calmly.

 "What? Akane doesn't love him! She hates him! I'm going to save her
from..."

 "Are you really that stupid?" asked Carrot calmly.

 "What?" said Ryoga in horror. 

 "Akane does like him, otherwise she wouldn't get so jealous of him."

 "That's a lie!"

 "Denial really is pathetic Hibiki. Even if she doesn't love him, they
are at the very least friends."

 "That's a lie!" cried Ryoga angrily. He lunged forward with another
punch and landed on his back again as Carrot countered.

 "Well, it doesn't really matter. You've got no place defending her. It's
none of your business."

 "What? How can you say that! I care more about Akane than that louse
ever will!"

 "Really? I suppose he just saves her for no reason then. I mean, he
could have just gotten rid of her easily by now. He could have let
Cologne beat him, or let Taro have her, or that French guy. I mean, think
about all the times he had the chance to get rid of her and didn't. I
guess he just likes tormenting himself for no reason. There's no way he
really likes her..."

 "That's right!" cried Ryoga.

 "Well, I can see you're as thick as you are strong. I could beat you
over the head with a picture of them having sex and you still wouldn't
believe me," said Carrot with a small sigh. "Course then you'd start
going on about how he took her purity or something."

 "Ranma took Akane's purity! That monster! I'll..."

 "It was just an example you moron!" snapped Carrot as he decked him
again.

 "Oh," said Ryoga. "Well he'd better not!"

 "They are going to get married. It's actually better if he does do it,
and that sounds funny coming from a guy who sleeps in bed with another
man's fiancee."

 Ryoga looked at him. "That's different! I..."

 "Settle right in between her breasts and grope as much as you can. Do
you really think I'm stupid enough to not know what you do?"

 "I do not! I just...Ranma...I have to protect her..." Carrot smirked as
the boy was suddenly at a loss for words.

 "You do too, and it's pathetic. If she ever finds out, you're dead
meat."

 "What? You wouldn't dare!" cried Ryoga.

 "Why not? I never promised not to tell. After all, you weren't cursed
where I come from," said Carrot with a small shrug. "I can tell whoever I
want too."

 Ryoga backed away from him. "Dishonorable bastard! I'll shut you up!"

 "Who are you to talk about being dishonorable Hibiki?" retorted Carrot
as he jumped on the boy's head. "I'd love to stay and argue with you
about it all day, but I've got to get this too Kasumi. She's making
Stewed Daikon tonight."

 As Carrot hopped away over the rooftops, he smiled to himself
cheerfully. "Man. This is fun!"

+++++++++++++

 The next Morning.

 "Akane Tendo, Ranma Saotome, you have come at last," said Tatewaki Kuno
as he stood with his bokken held in front of him.

 "What the heck? Again? Don't you ever have enough?" snorted Ranma as he
jumped at the boy.

 "I shall defeat you this day and free Akane Tendo and The Pigtailed
Girl!"

 "Fat chance!" retorted the boy as he jumped at Kuno's head.

 Only to stop about two inches in front of him as someone grabbed his leg
and slammed him into the ground.

 "What the?" muttered Ranma dumbly as he sat up and saw a familiar figure
holding onto his leg.

 Kuno was also dumbfounded as Miss Hibiki held onto his blade, stopping
it cold. 

 She turned and glared at them both. "What the hell is going on here?"

 "Ah. My dearest educator. I seek to vanquish this foul sorcerer once and
for all with my mighty blade, but he is too stubborn to see that he is
already defeated by..." He was stopped cold as a hand slapped him across
his face.

 "No fighting on school grounds!" snapped Hibiki angrily.

 Kuno blinked. "But... I must..."

 "Do you want me to drag you to the principal's office?" she snapped.

 "Hey! He attacked me! The crazy jerk does this every morning!" snapped
Ranma.

 "Well he's going to stop it right now. If I catch anyone fighting again,
I'll personally drag him into Principal Kuno's office and hold him down
for a haircut!"

 Ranma and Kuno both went white as a sheet.

 "No way," they said in unison.

 "It seems that we must have a forced truce Saotome. Though it pains my
heart that I am unable to free my loves from your grasp, I must accept
these terms." Kuno strolled back into the building.

 "I don't need no help! I can take him!" said Ranma as he looked at the
woman angrily. 

 "I don't care if you can fight off the JSDF on your own. Fighting is
disruptive, and I won't have it on my campus!" snapped the woman angrily.
"Get to class Saotome!"

 The boy jumped to his feet and rushed into the building.

 "All of you. Didn't you hear the bell?" cried the woman as she looked
around at the crowd that had gathered around her.

 Nabiki was the only one left after a moment or two. "Well Tendo?"

 The girl was staring forward with a horrified look on her face. "No! You
can't!"

 "Can't what?" asked Yohiko with a smirk on her face. "Stop your little
gambling ring by stopping the fights on campus?"

 Nabiki backed away. "What?"

 "You know, what you're doing is illegal. If I find a witness, or catch
you in the act...you're in serious trouble young lady." The woman had a
predatory gaze on her face as she looked down at her. "All the extortion,
loan sharking, blackmail, book keeping... I know about it all Tendo, and
I'm going to catch you sooner or later."

 Nabiki swallowed and stepped back. "Wha? What do you mean? I never..."

 "I actually went to school with you twenty years ago Tendo. I know all
your tricks," said the girl as she narrowed her eyes at the girl. "You'd
better watch yourself. Now get to class, before we're both late."

 Nabiki nodded numbly and rushed away. "I'm in serious trouble!" she
thought to herself. "That bastard! He won't get away with this!"

 Yohiko Hibiki smiled as she strolled back towards the building. Thunder
rumbled in the distance behind her and she cackled with an almost evil
tone in her voice. "I'll get you; and your little flunky too!
Bwahahahahahahahahaa!"

+++++++++++

 Ryoga Hibiki walked through the wilderness and frowned. His target had
escaped him again. "Damn. Just you wait Ranma! When I find you, I'll..."

 "You'll what? What are you doing here?" said a feminine voice from right
next to him.

 "Huh? Where am I?" asked Ryoga as he turned to find himself standing in
the middle of a baseball field. The girls' P.E. class stood around him
staring dumbly.

 A redheaded woman stepped forward with a ball cap on her head and
scowled at him. "What are you doing here? This is the girls practice!"

 "Auntie Yohiko?" said Ryoga as he blinked and looked at her for a moment
in confusion.

 "Did you just say Auntie?" asked the woman as she looked down at him.

 "It is you!" cried Ryoga as he rushed forward and grabbed her around her
waist.

 "Huh?" stammered Yohiko in confusion. "What the?"

 "It's me! Little Ryo-chan! Remember? Your nephew!"

 "Oh. I guess so..." said the woman as her mind tried desperately to
figure out what had just happened. "I um..."

 "Wait. You mean you are related to Ryoga?" said Akane as she jogged up
to the woman.

 "You know him?" she said as she pointed down at the boy.

 "You don't remember me? Well, I suppose it has been a few years.
Sometimes I forget what my dad looks like when he comes back, and I end
up beating him up. It sure is embarrassing!" said the boy as he scratched
the back of his head.

 Yohiko blinked and looked down at Ryoga again. "This isn't possible. I
can't have any real relatives...Nabiki must have put him up to this!" She
thought frowned at Ryoga and stepped aside with him. "Just a moment
ladies."
She pulled Ryoga up by his collar and frowned. "What did Nabiki tell
you?"

 "Huh? Nabiki? You know her too? Why are you here Auntie? I thought you
didn't get lost like the rest of us! It didn't spread did it? Damn it!
Must we all be cursed!?"

 The woman frowned, Ryoga wasn't smart enough to think up a lie like that
on his own. "No you idiot. I work here. I'm a teacher."

 "Oh. Right. Mom told me you had gone to college." Ryoga looked
thoughtful and then grinned again. "I come to Nerima a lot these days.
There's this girl..."

 "That's nice Ryoga. Look, why are you here?"

 "I'm looking for Ranma Saotome! That bastard! I've got to make him pay
for what he did to Akane!" snarled the boy hatefully.

 "Not in my school you're not!" snapped the woman as she belted him
across his head. 

 "What? This is a battle of honor..."

 "That can easily be held somewhere else! This isn't a dojo, it's a
school. If I catch you fighting on campus, I'll take you to Principal
Kuno for a buzz-cut like I would anyone else! Understand me?" she
snapped. "You leave Ranma Saotome alone at school! I won't have you
disrupting the day just because you don't like him!"

 Ryoga blinked and hung his head. "But I..."

 "Promise me Ryoga!" said the woman as she grabbed his shoulders firmly
and looked him in the eyes. 

 "I..." He sighed and hung his head. "I promise."

 "Good boy," said the woman as she smiled at him. "I've got a class to
teach now. I'll see you later."

 "Yes Ma'am," said the boy dejectedly as he staggered off.

++++++++++++

 Carrot frowned as he looked at the building in front of him. "My god, it
does exist! I made that address up!"

 "What does this mean?" asked Dan.

 "Our friend made our identity real," said Carrot.

 "So, we have an apartment and everything?" asked Ranma dumbly.

 "Seems like it," said Xianfu as she walked them up to their room and
opened the door. It was furnished, and there was even mail addressed to
them spread out across a tabletop. Some of it was even opened.

 The apartment was very nice, three rooms. A bedroom, a kitchen, and the
room they were in now. The only drawback being the communal bathroom.
There was also a bathhouse across the street from them.

 Carrot shuddered and looked down at the laptop he had just pulled out of
his shirt. "Um guys. If all this is real then...we have a serious
problem."

 "What's that?" asked Dan.

 "Well, I sort of put it in as a private joke, but..." Carrot sighed and
hung his head.

 "Where the hell have you been Mom? It's been two days! I was getting
worried!" snapped a voice as someone stepped out of the adjacent bedroom
in the home. 

 A fourteen year old girl with pink hair done up in a pair of odango and
pigtails walked into the room and scowled at her angrily. She was wearing
a long T-shirt and looked like she'd been sleeping.

 "I need a drink," said her mother as she hung her shoulders. She moved
towards the cabinets and opened them in search of a bottle of something,
anything.

 "You've had enough! I'll bet that's what kept you out all night!"
snapped the girl irritably.

 "No. God no!" said Carrot as he continued to shuffle about through the
cabinets.

 "Look, I managed to talk the landlord into letting us have another week
with the rent but... Why are you dressed like that?" said the girl as she
blinked at her mother and frowned.

 "I got a job," said Yohiko as she scowled at the girl for a moment.

 "Really? Really and truly?" squealed the child in excitement. 

 "This isn't happening to me..." said the redhead as she looked at the
teen in a sort of horrified wonder. "No..."

 Yohiko Hibiki's daughter rushed up and grabbed her mother around her
waist in a rough hug.

 "What's her name?" asked Ranma inside their head.

 "Usagi Hibiki. I figured it would be kind of funny to pretend we had a
kid here. So I just used..."

 "Chibi-Usa," said Dan irritably.

 "Yeah..." said Carrot sheepishly. "I didn't think this would happen.
There's no way that computer is this powerful."

 "Well, we always did have a weird sense of humor," pointed out Pissant.

 "Those bastards!" snapped Dan.

 "Where do you work?" asked the teenager as she broke her mother's chain
of thought.

 "Furinkan high," said the woman in reply.

 "You're teaching?" said the girl with a sort of shocked awe on her face.

 "Yeah. Why wouldn't I?" snorted the woman.

 "You said you'd never do it again after dad died..." muttered the girl
with a sort of relieved smile on her face.

 "Dad?" muttered her mother in horror. "Oh god no..."

 "What?" said Usagi in confusion.

 "Nothing dear," said her mother as her expression changed. She smiled
and hugged her. "I was wrong. I just got over it eventually."

 "That's great mom!" said the girl as she let her go. "I'm gonna go to
the store now. I'll make dinner when I get back."

 Yohiko watched her rush out the door and smiled wistfully. "I've always
wanted a daughter...but I died so young..." said Xianfu.

 "Well, congratulations," said Carrot with a sort of disgusted snort. "I
can't believe we'd do this to ourselves!"

 "We should tell the Tendos we're moving out," said Dan with a snort.

 "That would seem to be wise," agreed Pissant. "We owe them a lot, if
only for keeping us up for the past two days."

 "We'd better go over that history we made again too," said Dan with a
small sigh. "It'll be more useful than we thought it would be now."

 "No shit," grumbled Carrot.

 "Well, we've apparently been out of it for a while. A grieving wife I
suppose," said Xianfu.

 "I hope that chick can cook," commented Carrot. "The last thing we need
is an Akane cook-alike."

 "I think she's been taking care of whoever it is we've just become,"
said Dan irritably. "She's probably pretty good."

 "Great," grumbled Carrot in irritation. "Well, I guess we'd better get
used to being Yohiko Hibiki now."

 "Think she knows about the other us?" asked Dan.
 
 "I dunno, we'll have to weasel the information out of her over time. I
should be able to talk our way through it without looking too much like
we're asking about our own life. It'll take time though, otherwise the
kid might get suspicious."

 "Maybe we should just tell her?" asked Xianfu.

 "Right. 'Hi! I'm your mom and all, but I don't remember you or anything
about myself! Could you tell me all about it? Don't worry, I don't need
to go to the hospital. I remember being someone completely different, and
I turn into a boy! Isn't that neat?"

 "Point taken," muttered the woman irritably.

 "We could fake amnesia," said Pissant.

 "We'd lose credibility because of the job," said Carrot. "We remember
how to speak and write English well enough to teach it, but everything
else is gone? Not likely."

 "So, we're gonna have to be sneaky then?" asked Ranma.

 "Yup, and that's my department," said Carrot.

 "We should be testing out our powers too. We don't know how much has
changed, or even how strong we really are now," said Dan.

 "You're right," said Carrot. "The kid should make a good sparring
partner. That is, if this person we became really knew martial arts."

 "Maybe," said Xianfu uncomfortably. "She doesn't move like a martial
artist though."

 "That isn't good," said Carrot calmly. "It means we never taught her."

 "Well, we've got a lot to do, so let's get to it," said Dan with a heavy
sigh.

 Carrot nodded, and he went over to the phone in order to call the Tendo
home.

+++++++++++++

 TBC...

 
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