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The FFML Refugee List
Mystery Fusion Number #12
Disclaimer: Nice try. Check the author's notes after you read the fic.
;)
It was a grim, dark world, plagued with over-population, near-constant
mass rioting, and a nearly complete lack of resources.
But even in dark times, there were wealthy, and the wealthy had their
sport.
***
The bright lights snapped on, one after another in rapid succession,
illuminating the sterile implements, and a well-cared for series of
flags, each near the portraits of their respective defenders.
Near the apex of the arena, nearly impossible to discern due to the
blinding glare of the lighting, a man in traditional samurai garb.
Smiling benevolently as the lights were lowered to allow the sparse
audience to see the stadium for what it was. A pair of opposed kitchens.
A announcer's voice cut in, a calm and resigned tone stating, "Welcome,
ladies and gentlemen, to Kitchen Stadium, where today, we will get to
see a heated battle between the best cooks the world has to offer
assemble. But before the show, brought to us by the proud Kuno
Tatewaki..." The well dressed man nodded knowingly, striking a noble
pose for the camera, as it focused on him. "Let's meet the chefs!"
A pretty blonde woman rose up beneath a large Chinese flag. "Firstly,
Rail Claymore _is_ Iron Chef Chinese!" She waved prettily towards the
camera, managing a short -- but cute -- bow before the camera moved on.
Beneath the large Italian flag, a man with brown hair managed a
respectful nod and nervous smile, tugging worriedly at a pair of gloves.
"Next, Tenkawa Akito _is_ Iron Chef Italian!"
The camera moved on quickly to the next figure, beneath a Japanese
flag. She waved a hand, dismissing some of the fog that had accompanied
her ascent, revealing a very tall and pretty woman with long brown hair,
neatly tied up. She smiled brightly and waved at the camera. "And Kino
Makoto _is_ Iron Chef Japanese."
The lights dimmed, and the chefs relaxed slightly, while the camera
panned slowly over to the next pedestal, which... was empty. The
announcer continued, not perturbed for the moment, "And today's
challenger is, _Kotobuki Shiko_!!"
The narration stopped suddenly, while the music ground to a halt, and
the visible members of the cast stared around in confusion. After a
moment, a young man in a chef's outfit was pushed onto the stage,
looking panicked. He ran a hand through his hair nervously, explaining,
"Um, Kotobuki-san wasn't able to make it, because of the acid rain...
But I read a book on cooking last night, and I'm willing to give it a
shot!"
Continuing unabated for a long minute, the silence dragged on, until
another announcer hissed, "Good enough!"
The narration resumed hesitantly, "And... today's challenger, Oe
Kintaro..."
The second voice joined the announcer's again, "Ahem. And now, while we
prepare to take the new changes into account, why don't we take a moment
to meet our cast? I am, as always, Justy Ueki Tylor, and this is my
co-announcer, Gran Oldman. Gran, thoughts on the match?"
"Thank you. Well, Tylor, Oe's a complete unknown in this match, but he
certainly looks willing to give it his all. In the meantime, before they
announce today's ingredient, why don't we meet with today's judges?"
"Excellent idea, Oldman." The camera swung away from Kintaro, panning
across the judges one-by-one. "Firstly, we have here a member of A.M.P."
A reserved woman with medium length purple hair and a conservative black
evening gown nodded graciously at the screen.
Oldman's voice interjected before Tylor could continue, "Ah, Katsumi
Liqueur. Well, you can't begrudge our noble defenders for all that
they've done to help us in the past -- indeed, if anyone deserved to
taste the outcome of an Iron Chef's battle, it would be them."
The camera continued, coming to a brief halt on a red-haired man with a
cross-shaped scar covering one side of his face. "Well," commented
Tylor, "Our next judge is something of a traditionalist at heart,
dressed in clothing more appropriate for the eighteen hundreds than the
year twenty twenty-two." The man raised an eyebrow at the camera, and
Tylor hastily added, "Not that Himura-san doesn't manage to make the
clothing look perfectly in style!" Kenshin smiled genially, and turned
his attention back to the arena, while the camera moved on to the next
judge.
A blond man in bluish-gray armor stared at the kitchen with eyes wide,
and gnawed on his place settings absently. Oldman spoke hesitantly, "And
this would appear to be... to be... Um... Security! Get Gabriev-san off
the set, and find the real judge."
Kenshin eyed Gourry, as the blonde blinked, realizing that he had been
caught. "Oops," he managed, drawing his sword and staring towards the
kitchen longingly.
The Battousai drew his own sword, raising an eyebrow speculatively. "It
would be a good idea for you to leave now, that it would," he commented
sagely. The pair of combatants both had their swords knocked aside by
bokken, as Tatewaki and a female kendoist stepped onto the platform.
Kenshin quickly sheathed his blade, followed shortly by Gourry.
The new entrant frowned at Gourry, then made a shooing gesture with one
hand, taking the seat he had recently vacated, and smiling warmly at
Kenshin.
The redhead grinned, bowing for the woman. "A pleasure to meet you
again, Suzuka-san."
Oldman belatedly found his voice, "And... er... the third judge for the
evening, Twilight Suzuka."
Tylor said nothing, apparently stunned, as the camera came to rest on
the final judge, a little girl with aquamarine hair and a... fur hat?
The 'hat' peered around and 'Miyah'ed softly, dispelling the illusion of
it being an article of clothing. "Um..." managed Tylor. "And our final
judge... Sasami..."
She giggled apologetically. "I had to visit my tree, and there aren't
any here, so... Sorry I'm late!"
The camera rotated back to the stage, where Tatewaki had reclaimed his
position behind the table of still-covered ingredients. A confused Oe
Kintaro watched an angry Rail Claymore stomp off the stage, while
Tatewaki apologetically explained, "She's a great chef, but she'll blow
up the kitchen! Akito will be your challenger."
Oe dubiously shook hands with his competitor, and they took up their
positions in their respective sections. Kuno coughed politely, gesturing
towards the ingredient table.
Oldman stage-whispered, "This is it! The moment we've been waiting
for."
Kuno intoned deeply, "Today's ingredient is," throwing aside the cloth
and revealing stacks and stacks of green pastry-like squares sitting on
the table, "_Soylent Green_!"
-----------------
Disclaimer:
Whooo... Okay. Content owned by various authors and companies... Not
me.
Characters, and respective shows/series:
Just Ueki Tylor -- Irresponsible Captain Tylor
Gourry Gabriev -- Slayers
Twilight Suzuka -- Outlaw Star
Himura Kenshin -- Ruroni Kenshin
Kuno Tatewaki -- Ranma 1/2
Rail Claymore -- Lost Universe
Tenkawa Akito -- Nadesico
Sasami -- Tenchi Muyo
Oe Kintaro -- GoldenBoy
Katsumi Liqueur -- Silent Moebeus
Gran Oldman --Battle Athletes
Kino Makoto -- Sailor Moon
Kotobuki Shiko -- Project: A-ko
Settings:
Soylent Green
Iron Chef
Author's notes:
There is no excuse. And I still don't feel as ashamed as I probably
should.
--
Haiku of my lament:
Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
desaix@sysnet.net
Sir Desaix, member # 116 of the Knights of the True Fiancee
anime fanfics available at
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