[FFML] [Dirty Pair/Original/Sequalfic] Identity Crisis Chapter 1

Before this fic begins, two little details of some importance. First of all, this is a sequal to another fic, and draws upon original characters and story elements from that fic, often making references to said story. So, for those who want to read this fic and have no idea who said original characters are, go read "Double Vision" at this page: http://students.washington.edu/medikiti/doublevision/
also, feel free to say something on the message board <hint hint> Second detail is, I seem to be having auto-formatting problems, which are making ellipses appear as single periods. so, if at any time it seems that there is an innapropriately placed period, just assume it was meant to be an ellipsis. Yeah. In any case, on with "Identity Crisis"! Enjoy the show!

Cogito ergo sum

a.. Latin Proverb
The United Galactica, a loose federation of governments, is made up of hundreds of planetary systems, thousands of planets, and hundreds of thousands of satellites and space stations. In the wake of the Nanoclysm in 2071, the result of which being a widening rift between Earth and its various space colonies and outposts, a new multi-planetary, galaxy-spanning government was needed, an impartial arbitrator that would guide, protect and unify all of mankind under a single banner. This was the United Galactica. Naturally, there were many planets and satellites that bridled at the thought of such a massive, lumbering bureaucracy controlling them in any way. Since they were ultimately in the minority, they became the Independent Systems, apart and uninvolved with the UG, for better or for worse.

Once the various systems accepted the UG's leadership, they got down to the business of growing and thriving. Ultimately, the UG stayed for the most part out of the day-to-day running of the many governments underneath them. Everyone paid an essentially similar tax, nobody was allowed to blow up anybody else, and freedom and justice prevailed. And in the places it didn't, the UG had their military arm for that. The military wing of the UG was broken into three sections. Most visible is the 3WA - the Worlds Welfare Work Association. As the armed forces of the United Galactica, in charge of quelling civil unrest and protecting the various planets and the like from outside threats and each other as well.

Far more covert is the second section, the BTR - the Bureau of Technological Regulation. Created in the name of containing and neutralizing the threat of nanotechnology, the BTR rapidly came to be responsible for the quelling and study of all technology deemed "potentially dangerous to the public". Kept strictly hush-hush - for the good of the people's peace of mind, of course - the BTR moved throughout the UG, peeking into everybody's windows and going through everybody's files, just to make sure they weren't playing with anything they shouldn't be. Naturally, the BTR was allowed its own armed force, completely separate from the 3WA, for the purpose of neutralizing threats to the technological safety of the universe without making any noise. As any such covert group will, they rapidly became a sort of secret police, keeping tabs on everybody and everything, or so went the stories. As such are wont to do, the 3WA and the BTR quickly developed a friendly competitive relationship, that swiftly blossomed into full-blown rivalry only a little short of open warfare. The 3WA referred to the BTR as "spooks", suspicious of their secretive ways and often underhanded methods. For its part, the BTR kept smugly silent.

The third, and mostly ignored sector of the military branch of the UG was the Intersystem Law-Enforcement Agency, or ILEA. In point of fact, ILEA was something of a throwback to the days of Old Earth, which had an international police force known as Interpol, an organization required to uphold international law, as well as pursue criminals across inviolate international boundaries. Like Interpol, ILEA was charged with the day-to-day police work of the UG, investigating individual complaints and reports from the various governments, and dealing with the less-threatening problems. In more high-threat situations, ILEA would investigate, report their findings to the Central Computer, which would then mobilize the 3WA. Referred to as "the sleuths" or "the cops", ILEA was generally ignored by the BTR, and amusedly tolerated by the 3WA.

Despite interdepartmental friction, the three agencies managed to run the UG relatively well; all of them cogs in a much larger machine that ran smoothly along. Well, almost smoothly. For within the 3WA were a few monkey wrenches that, however innocently, jammed the machine's workings more often than not. Two monkey wrenches, in fact.

Said monkey wrenches were 3WA Troubleshooters Kei and Yuri, code-named "Lovely Angels", both agents, First Class. Despite having an excellent track record of resolving every case they encountered, they were reviled by the media and most of the United Galactica, known commonly by the nickname "The Dirty Pair". For, despite a near-perfect success rate in resolving missions, they also had a near-perfect track record for utterly destroying every city, state, country, station or planet they were sent to. The fact that they had been officially cleared of all responsibility for each debacle, that they had the full support of the 3WA and the UG government, that almost none of their "incidents" were really their fault, and that they were actually very nice young ladies seemed to shrink in the eyes of the media before certain other facts. Facts like an accidental/collateral damage kill-count numbering over 9,000,000. Facts like an estimated four hundred and seventy-five trillion megadollars in damages done over the space of three years. And, perhaps most dammingly, facts like a fan-base numbering in the millions, despite being the most prolific mass-murderers, however accidental, in the history of the human race. In the words of one media pundit, "High-brow, intelligent talk shows are struggling to keep their ratings over 20%, and two half-naked bimbos with rocket-launchers have the free universe riveted? There is no God."

To such sentiments, Lovely Angel Kei responds, "I, for one, do not use rocket launchers. I prefer plasma rifles, 'cause they're so much messier."

With this in mind, we look in on the two proverbial monkey wrenches, at this moment sitting down for a mission briefing with the Regional Director of the 3WA, Victor Foley, a short, rotund man who barely made it past the five-foot mark. Even so, he made up for his shortness with enough grumpiness for three normal-sized men. As one might imagine, it is slightly hard to understand why the Lovely Angels are still sent on mission after mission, despite their miserably high collateral damage rating. First of all, they were, despite it all, excellent field agents, very skilled and very experienced. Secondly, to muster them out, either honorably or not, would be to admit that the 3WA had willingly maintained a pair of sociopathic murderers past the first debacle, and no governmental organization will accept any sort of culpability if it can avoid it. Lastly, it was a little known fact around the office, but Kei had once, while drunk out of her skull, groped a member of the 3WA Board of Internal Services at an office Christmas party, and had made him a fan for life.

Because of these facts, Director Foley had a distinct love/hate relationship with the two girls. While he had to keep sending them on missions he knew in his gut would end in explosions, he also had to handle the flak said explosions would create. In the space of a handful of years, he had put on nearly twenty pounds, lost most of his hair, picked up a pack a day smoking habit, and developed two vicious ulcers. Even after surgery, the mere sight of the Lovely Angels made his stomach clench into a knot of painful anxiety.

The Lovely Angels seemed to be oblivious to his feelings for them. It could be said that the Lovely Angels were oblivious to a great many other things as well, but only in the spirit of meanness. In any case, they treated Foley like a favored uncle, like a curmudgeonly but sweet-hearted old man. If anything, this only aggravated his feelings towards them.

The Lovely Angels lounged in large streamlined office chairs, part of a suite used by the 3WA for executive meetings and the like. Both girls were dressed for furlough, which meant a sensible and flattering dress in a pale pink for Yuri, and a seemingly vacuum-sealed synth-leather body suit for Kei, with matching chromed sunglasses. Foley wore his seemingly eternal sweat-stained white shirt with a dark blue tie, slightly askew, wrinkled slacks, and a harried expression. Yuri watched him with a politely attentive expression, while Kei just looked bored. However, the fact that they were not receiving their assignment in Foley's cluttered office, as was the tradition, escaped neither girl.

After Foley had gone through a number of slim dossiers in front of him, he looked at the two girls and cleared his throat. When he was sure he had their attention, he said, "Your next assignment is a little sensitive."

Kei immediately groaned and leaned back with an expression of disgust. Yuri's smiling countenance took on a slightly worried cast. "Director Foley," she began, "are you sure this is a good idea? The last 'sensitive' mission you sent us on ended with the entire station being depressurized."

Foley jabbed a stubby finger at Yuri and snapped, "And who's fault was that?!"

Kei snorted and shot back, "Hey, we had no idea those loonies would detonate their bombs. I figured they were bluffing. How was I supposed to know they were serious?"

Foley sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Agent Kei, I would have to say that in general, once a terrorist group has set explosives and taken three hundred people hostage, it is safe to say that they are not 'bluffing'. But seeing as you brought back most of the groups leaders for prosecution, you can't be faulted too heavily. In light of that, we're putting you two on a slightly less high-threat mission this time."

While Yuri looked pleased, Kei groaned again, muttering, "Bo-oring."

Over her partner's complaints, Yuri asked, "Director Foley, if this is a low-threat mission, how is it 'sensitive'?"

Flicking an irritated glance at Kei, he answered, "I never said it was low-threat. And I'll have to explain the mission for you to see the sensitivity of the issue. Have you heard of PersonalityTech Inc.?"

Both girls nodded. PersonalityTech was one of the inheritors of one of the oddest trends in late 20th Century and early 21st Century Earth: recreational computer games called "dating simulations". A dating simulation placed the player in a non-virtual environment, usually a high-school or athletic setting, with a number of computer-controlled characters, many of which would be attractive young women or occasionally men. The player then had to go through a subjective period of time engaging in various activities in the environment, while wooing one or more of the available girls, eventually trying to get one or more of the girls to "date" the player. Such games had fairly high replay value, mostly due to people playing the game repeatedly to try and finish the game while dating all of the various girls. More adult versions were also made where the object of the game was instead to try and seduce all of the various available girls. Ultimately, these games were not widely popular, but maintained a small but devoted fanbase.

In the years to come, with the advances in artificial intelligence, virtual reality and holography, more and more advanced versions of these games became available, eventually creating fully interactive virtual reality simulations. But as good as these got, and they got very good, there was still one missing piece. That piece was found approximately twenty years into the 21st century: the Companion programs. "Companions" were essentially freestanding dating simulations. A module roughly the size of a briefcase was placed on the floor and activated, creating a three-dimensional, super-realistic image of a person, the Companion. With a fairly basic sensor array set into the module, the Companion image could listen and respond to a speaker, and interact in the real world.

The earliest Companions were extremely crude by comparison to their virtual-reality counterparts. They had a very narrow line of vision and hearing, effectively forcing the user to stand directly in front of them at all times. With an immobile, clunky module, the Companions could barely move, at most a pace or two, and did not have the programming to do more than a very basic range of motions, usually limited to a few facial expressions and gestures.

As all baby technologies do, the Companion programs began evolving in leaps and bounds, making more and more complex programs with each new edition. But right when the concept was picking up real steam, the entire industry was dealt a massive blow. Up until very recently, the sales of human clones was banned throughout the United Galactica, being in the eyes of the government just this side of slavery. The various corporations eager to dig into a huge audience of rich perverts and deviants found a way around the law by petitioning the UG to make the sale and trade of human DNA open to the corporate level, instead of being reserved solely for the medical industry. The bribes flew fast and heavy for nearly six months as the corporations of the medical/surgical supply industry warred with the entertainment industry for rights to the potentially lucrative area of the genetic history of the human race.

Ultimately, the hungry entertainment industry won the battle, and the sale of pure DNA was made legal, provided the corporations did not actually market human beings as a product. Instead, they offered various DNA complexes that had been lab-brewed to produce "perfect" humans: beautiful, perfect bodies, sterilized reproductive organs.and only enough brain tissue to keep them upright and breathing. Slightly more intelligent versions could be purchased, strains that would produce a human with the rough mental capabilities of a two-year old, at a huge price increase. Then, at a similarly high price, the same corporations offered the rental of quick-grow vats, designed to translate the purchased DNA strand into the idealized human being it could potentially be. They had circumvented the law by selling the tools to the buyer, and letting them make the clone. As it was still illegal to resell the finished clone, the corporations' hands were technically clean. For a while, it was all the rage for the rich and decadent to have a personalized harem of a half-dozen or so brain-dead, identical beauties.

Four years later, the tide of the corporate war turned again, and the sale of all DNA, as well as all other forms of artificially created sentient or potentially sentient life, for recreational use was outlawed. The clone-making industry went down like a clubbed horse. In the interim however, the Companion industry had dribbled away to almost nothing. And when its fortunes seemed to start looking up again, only a few companies returned to the field. PersonalityTech was one of these.

Foley tapped a dossier with one finger and said, "They announced fourteen months ago that they were preparing to release a new Companion program that would completely change the field. Their PR people wouldn't say anything, except that demos would be available to a select few vendors within a year. Six months ago, they released said demos. Then, ten days ago, they contacted ILEA to report that the prototype of the Companion program had been stolen from the PersonalityTech building. That's where we come in."

Kei waved a dismissive hand. "Sounds like industrial espionage to me. This is a job for our shadowy brethren in the BTR."

Yuri laughed slightly with a touch of embarrassment at her partner's behavior. "'Shadowy brethren'.Director Foley, I have to say that my partner is right, if a little overly dramatic. This case looks like one for the BTR's troubleshooters."

Foley nodded, and answered, "And it would be, except for a couple of slightly touchy details. The man who created this program and technically holds the patent to it, a Dr. Geist, claims that the prototype he has created is in fact an AI."

Both Kei and Yuri whistled quietly. Kei sat upright in her chair and raised her sunglasses to look Foley in the eye. "Theft of an AI is technically kidnapping under the Shared Humanity Act of '28."

He nodded and continued, "And what's more, he claims that the people who stole it are trying to squelch a concept that would change the way humanity looks at artificial intelligence. This Geist is a crafty little bastard. PersonalityTech bought Shackleton Station in 2119 and set themselves up as the temporal government. Geist says that this was a crime against PersonalityTech, making it a crime against the government of Shackleton Station, making the crime-"

Yuri finished his sentence for him in a quiet voice. "Making the crime terrorism."

Foley said nothing, lighting a cigarette in silence. Yuri gave him a direct look. "Do you feel this is an act of terrorism?"

He shook his head. "Frankly, no. But the technology rights groups got wind of this somehow, my guess being that Geist dropped them some info, and they're already pressuring us to treat this as a kidnapping case too. Until I hear otherwise from above, you two are to treat this as a serious kidnapping; high-threat response tactics, attempt to contact the kidnappers for a possible ransom, the works."

He lifted a sleek briefcase onto the table, and opened it slowly until it locked, creating an opening a few inches wide. A small keyboard slid out of the left-hand side as a row of finger-sized lenses rose into view from the interior of the case. At their curious looks, Foley explained to Kei and Yuri, "I requisitioned one of the demos of the program for you two to study, so you could get an idea of what you're looking for." He paused, then went on. "I have to say, this is.impressive. Geist wasn't kidding when he said he had designed an AI. If this is really just an entertainment program, it's the most advanced I've ever seen. "

Kei's brow wrinkled. "Wait.wouldn't that mean he's trying to market an artificial intelligence for recreational use? That's pretty damned illegal."

Foley's brow darkened. "I assure you Agent Kei, we're looking into that as well." His face straightened, and he went on, "In any case, I've had a look at the program, and it's a work of art. The demo uses the standard static module, but the actual prototype uses a free-moving module similar to the Kuan Yin "Gankyu"-class surveillance drone."

Kei gave a laugh of delight at the mention to the baseball-sized drone. "Oh, those things are so cool! The Lovely Angel came with a couple of them. They make great moving targets for small-arms training-"

Yuri cut her partner off with a hissed warning and an elbow to the ribs. She then directed an embarrassed grin at Director Foley, who gave them both a dark look before continuing. "Yes, well.in any case, the actual program is apparently capable of total interaction in virtually any setting, and can interact with as many different targets at once as any human. It's also bloody huge. This demo is only 3.5% of the total program. The demo is also over seven times the size in data of any other complete program on the market."

Kei gave an impressed whistle as Yuri gasped. The redheaded agent summed up both of their feelings in one sentence. "That's pretty damn big."

With a sound of agreement, Foley began typing a series of commands on the small keyboard attached to the module. After a moment, he looked up and said, "Agent Kei, Agent Yuri.allow me to introduce you to Greta."

*****

With one last key command, Foley stepped back and turned to watch the space next to the module. While the three of them watched, the lid of the briefcase slid back, allowing a small apparatus, a hemisphere dotted with lenses, to rise up. There was the hint of lenses moving and flickering with internal lights, then, without warning there was a flash of color as all of the fluted lenses protruding from the case lit up at once. A blob of color blinked into existence a few feet from the table, and rapidly solidified into a super-realistic image of a woman. She was, at first glance, rather normal looking, until the girls examined her more closely.

She stood at just about five feet and seven inches, Caucasian, with dark blond hair, blue eyes, and a slightly heart-shaped face. She was dressed in a bland but very complimentary power-suit/skirt combination, wore thin-framed glasses both girls were damn sure she didn't need to be wearing, and had her hair up in a slightly messy bun. All in all, a reasonably normal businesswoman Companion. But as they peered at her, a number of things became evident. Her body wasn't too slim or too hourglass-shaped. Her legs were just the right length for her body, and very shapely, without any sign of bulging muscle or loose skin. Her hips were just slim enough, her breasts not tiny, but not cartoonishly big, either. Everything about her, her flawless body, her sensible but slightly flirtatious smile, her warm, attentive eyes, her just-the-right-shade-of-blond hair in a calculatedly messy bun.she was perfect. In every way, she had been crafted to be an ideal that somehow spoke directly into the mind of the watcher. Kei said quietly, "Wow."

When the image turned to smile warmly at Kei, the corners of her eyes crinkling kindly, the redheaded Angel resisted a very strong urge to shrink down in her chair. A glance at Yuri told her that her partner felt the same way. This woman, and woman she most definitely was, made them both feel like a pair of little children in dirty clothes. With runny noses. Unconsciously, Kei rubbed a hand under her nose, still staring. Foley cleared his throat, breaking the spell. "Greta," he began, "This is Agent Kei and Agent Yuri."

The "woman" smiled at them again and gave a slight bow. "Pleased to meet you both."

Kei stared. Yuri babbled something to the effect of a response, stared for a moment, then grabbed Director Foley's sleeve and hissed, "I thought you said this was a demo!"

Greta directed her unnervingly direct gaze on Yuri and interjected, "I am, in fact, a demonstrative model of the PersonalityTech Companion Elite."

Foley took the initiative and commanded, "Greta, give them your sales rundown."

She nodded graciously, responding, "Certainly, Victor."

Yuri raised an eyebrow and glanced at him. " 'Victor'?"

He coughed into his hand and actually looked slightly abashed. "Yes, well.I had to test the product myself as well, to see if it was.was.dammit Agent Yuri, you're out of line! Now, pay attention!"

As their attention shifted back to her, Greta took on a slightly less relaxed pose and began speaking, reciting what was obviously some sort of pre-set speech. "Hello, I am Greta, and I am a computer program. This is a demonstrative model of the Companion Elite entertainment program, for the purpose of examining the product before considering purchase. Greta, and all associated images, texts, and concepts are the sole property of PersonalityTech Inc. and may not be reproduced under any circumstances. All included code and equipment in this demo is considered the property of PersonalityTech for all intents and purposes and may not be, in any way or in any form, reproduced. Any attempt to profit from this demo is a violation under copyright statute #200056, and is punishable by death. Any attempt to dissemble this demonstrative module will release an organ-specific Class-E neurovirus, causing permanent loss of hearing and sight, and possibly death from deflation of the lungs."

She smiled brightly at the two girls, who swallowed nervously and edged their chairs a little farther from the box projecting Greta's image. She continued her speech, now focusing her eyes on the two agents. "Hello and pleased to meet you. I would like to tell you a little about the new Companion program from PersonalityTech now, if that would be all right. I am a state-of-the-art interface, designed to interact with multiple people simultaneously, with more responsive, realistic interplay than any other Companion on the market. This is possible due to an innovative new technology, created by Doctor Fauner Geist, chief programmer and designer for PersonalityTech Inc."

She flickered and vanished, replaced with a three-foot wide image of a metal sphere covered with small lenses. Her voice, however, continued. "This free-standing module is the core of the Companion Elite, a tough, nearly unbreakable macrofibre casement over a two and one third inch diameter compiler/logic core, which is comprised of 95% sterilized 'Ekishou'-grade nanomolecular computing-cores and 5% neutral solid-state matter."

Kei leaned over and whispered in an alarmed hiss, "Nanotech? What the hell?!"

Foley leaned over and whispered, "Didn't you hear about this? A couple of types of nano-machines got dubbed safe to use by the BTR, but they only released permission to work with them to a handful of corporations. PersonalityTech wasn't one of those companies."

Leaning back again, brow darkening, Kei muttered, "This gets better and better by the minute."

Unmindful of them, Greta went on, "The module has a battery life of ten years without a recharge being required, and is fully insured for damages and repairs for seventy-five years, barring any attempts to modify or alter the system of the module."

She flowed back into her human form, and smiled engagingly. "The actual 'physical' appearance of the Companion is highly malleable, and can convert from Caucasian to Asian." Her physical features softened alarmingly, her facial structure, hair, skin and eye colors changing rapidly. In a few seconds, they were looking at essentially the same face, now with higher cheekbones, smaller nose, higher forehead. But it was the exact same smile. She began changing again as she said, ".as well as Negro, Indian, North or South European, or even several fantasy gene-types."

Yuri raised an eyebrow. "Fantasy gene-types? Do I want to know this?"

Greta shifted back into her original appearance, but continued changing, her hair becoming platinum blond and much longer, along with the eyes turning a vibrant green and the tips of the ears becoming elongated and pointed. "I include elf, dwarf, ogre, and were-animal gene-types as well."

Kei covered her eyes and said, "Please, please don't show us any of those others.it's too early in the day for furry women."

Returning to her first form, she bowed slightly in compliance and continued her sales pitch. "The Companion Elite also is fully interactive, having a base IQ of 180, for the purpose of language comprehension, structure and logic. I am also programmed to be capable of interacting in virtually any environment, from the boardroom," She gestured to her clothing, "to the night club."

This said, she reached up and undid her bun, letting her hair flow down her back. As she shook it out, the two girls watched the perfect cascade of shining strands fan out over her shoulders and down her back, and found themselves silently wishing for scissors. Greta's face changed slightly as subtle lipstick and eyeliner appeared on her face, discreet diamond earrings appeared in her ears and a simple gold chain appeared around her neck. Her already attractive outfit flashed into a blood-red cocktail dress in a subtle, classic design. Her new look was direct, to the point, and stunning.

Continuing, Greta struck a pose and said, "I also come with a stored archive of over 3,000 articles of clothing, in every style, fashion or concept imaginable."

She began rapidly cycling through a number of outfits, going from the cocktail dress to an elegant floor-length evening gown to ripped jeans and a tee-shirt, to combat fatigues complete with bandanna, to a traditional martial arts gi.The outfits and costumes kept blurring by, faster and faster. Kei blinked, shaking her head as she began to feel a little dizzy. This was too much! She swore she had seen a Godzilla suit there for a second, and she was damn sure that the image had worn a silver battle-bikini and matching boots for a moment. They really had thought of everything.

Finally, Greta stopped, returning to her original form. She straightened, folding her hands in front of her. She smiled brightly and said, "This concludes the demonstration of the PersonalityTech Companion Elite. Please consider our company for all of your personal entertainment needs. 'PersonalityTech," She pointed dramatically at Yuri, who shrank down slightly, and said in a bright, cheerful voice, "The Bold Design of You!'"

The image flickered slightly, and vanished, leaving the room seeming slightly smaller and duller than before. Once they were sure it was gone, Kei and Yuri exhaled noisily and relaxed their tensed muscles. Yuri flapped a hand in front of her face and summed up the situation nicely. "That was weird."

As Foley began closing down the demo module, Kei nodded and said, "Okay.so, this thing got stolen.err, kidnapped. Damn! Stupid tech rights groups.Anyway, what are the particulars? Number of kidnappers, any sort of demands set, anything?"

His back still to her, Foley said, "Those would be questions to ask your partner."

Kei blinked, confused. "What, Yuri? Why the hell would she know?"

Foley straightened, turning around slowly. He sighed and dusted his hands on his pants. "No," He answered, "your new partner."

Yuri sat bolt upright. "You're assigning us a new partner?!"

Foley nodded. "Three, in fact. We're putting together an anti-kidnapping team for this operation, for which you two have been selected. This is not a request, incidentally, so you can wipe that look off your face, Agent Kei."

Kei's mouth worked silently for a moment, then clamped shut. She slumped down in her chair, face fixed in a dark scowl, and crossed her arms over her chest with a loud "Humph!"

Yuri raised her eyebrows curiously. "Just who are these people, anyway?"

Foley shot a dark look at Kei and answered, "Two of them are 3WA troubleshooters, a couple of very promising agents 2nd Class.Sakura Tenjou and Natsumi Ogawa."

Kei sat up a little straighter. "I've heard of those two.they're supposed to be real hot tickets, for a couple kids only two or three years into the field. Well, I can't wait to meet them. Hey Foley, what's with the expression? You look like you swallowed your cigarette."

The slightly pained expression the middle-aged man had been wearing faded quickly. He sighed and mumbled something indistinct, which sounded to the two girls' ears like ".what we must do.", then straightened, clearing his throat. "Sorry," he answered, "Just pondering for a moment. In any case, the last member of your team is an ILEA Inspector 1st Class."

Kei made a pained sound and slapped a hand over her eyes. "Not the sleuths! Anything but that..!"

Foley raised an eyebrow and replied, "Would you rather I went with the initial request and teamed you two up with a covert BTR team?"

Before Kei could give the heated retort she was clearly preparing, Yuri cut her short and asked, "Sir, where exactly are these new partners?"

Turning from the still-annoyed red head, Foley wrinkled his brow and glanced at his watch. "Actually Agent Yuri, they should have been here a while ago.I wonder what's delaying them..?"

*****

Inspector Roberto Costas of the illustrious Inter-system Law Enforcement Agency groaned and slowly pulled the cheap hotel blanket down from over his head and gave the ceiling an accusatory look. He wasn't sure how, but his brain, which someone had apparently filled with hot sand while he was sleeping, was convinced that the ceiling was bloody well glowing, sending stabs of pain into his gritty eyes. He squinted for several moments at the shining ceiling, then thought, Oh yeah.ceiling lamps.fuckin' forgot about those.God in Heaven, what did I drink last night?

He turned his head to the right as much as he could, and examined the room he was in.not his. Unless of course the booze had so crippled his mind as to start messing with his short-term memory. He eyed two empty synth-milk bottles, an empty scotch bottle, and a messy stack of empty lager cans. My god.he thought, closing his eyes weakly, I was drinking that? With a quiet gurgle, he began looking for somewhere to be sick. There was a rustle in the blankets, and he was damn sure it wasn't him. Slowly, making sure to keep the red-hot sand in his head from sloshing about, Roberto turned over, duly noting his own nudity beneath the sheets as he went.

Strewn across the other half of the bed were various articles of intimate female apparel, all clearly worn until recently. Also, a pale ankle and rather shapely foot peeked out from the side of the bed. Costas swallowed, ignoring the rather unpleasant taste currently spreading out and unpacking its luggage on his tongue, and reached for the edge of the blanket. He twitched back just enough to see the top of a head.with hot pink hair. Hot pink.pink.he sat bolt upright. "Oh my God!" He screamed, "I slept with one of those little raver kids! Dammit, noooo."

Amidst begging the universe for forgiveness and hitting himself in the face, Roberto noticed the pink head shifting slightly, making quiet grumbling sounds. Then, the figure bolted upright. This would have been normally all right, as she was quite attractive and also quite naked. However, the enjoyment of the situation was distinctly mitigated by the fact that the naked girl had pulled a pistol from under the pillow and was raising it with a pretty clear intention of using it.

While his mind was still saying, "Wow, is that a gun? Hey, she's got a pretty nice set of.yep, that's a gun. Good chance it's loaded, too.hmm, I see pink isn't her natural hair-color, oops, looks like she's gonna shoot me", Roberto's body was already moving. He kicked backwards hard, back-somersaulting off of the bed and onto the floor, where the grabbed hem of the white linen jacket on the end table, pulling it down after him. Like clockwork, even when drunk out of his skull, Roberto carefully laid his jacket with his tools of the trade on the end table and weighted it with the Bible from the drawer. And as he had on more than one occasion before, he pulled his coat down to him without exposing himself to fire. In one easy grab, he yanked loose his regulation side-arm, a Kuan Yin Railpistol; the big brother of the Electromag, it didn't carry even half as much ammo as it's lighter relative, nor was equipped with the smartgun and up-link command systems, but it carried a generally useless underbarrel targeting system and enough stopping power to put down even fairly well-armored targets with one shot. A hit from this would turn an unarmored target's head into a dugout canoe easily.

He snagged his badge from the hip pocket, and came back up, badge in one hand, held high and in plain sight, and his Railpistol in the other, in case the young lady wasn't a civic-minded citizen. He flashed the badge and said in as stern a voice as a man can muster when his Little Partner is hanging out for the world to see, "Freeze, put the gun down!"

The girl gave him a look halfway between amusement and anger. "Who the hell are you, and what are you doing in my room?"

Roberto blinked, but persevered. "I would hope the answer to the second question would be pretty apparent, but as to the first.Roberto Costas, Inter-System Law Enforcement Agency. And you are..?"

She stared and lowered her gun. Reaching behind her, she drew a small metal card from her end table, holding it up. "Sakura Tenjou, Worlds Welfare Work Association."

Roberto blinked, and lowered his gun and badge. They stared at each other in confused and hung over silence. A minute later, the door opened, and a girl with black hair and blue highlights peeked in, saying, "What's all the shouting about-oh, I see you two are getting to know each other. Sakura, meet our new partner, Inspector Costas."

With that, she retreated and shut the door behind her. The two continued to stare at each other. Then, in unison, they cried, "What did you say?!"

*****

Later, after both had put away their guns, noticed their nakedness, hurriedly donned some clothing, and had time to get good and pissed, Sakura snapped, "Just what the hell were you doing in my bed?!"

Roberto looked her up and down slowly. At just about 5'7", she was damn hot, with a knockout figure, killer looks, and a body that Roberto was desperately trying to recall enjoying or even touching. Why is it, he thought, that I'm always too drunk to remember it when I score with the really sexy ones? He continued to visually examine her, even as he tried to reconstruct the night before. Aside from the hair, hot pink and falling to just past her ears, she also had the most striking green eyes he had ever seen. Rather than the more common, dark emerald shade of green that he saw from time to time, her eyes were a paler green, just this side of aqua. Her mouth, although currently pressed into a thin line of anger, looked like a kiss waiting to happen, except for the gun in her hand which was as good a "No Kissing" sign as any he'd seen.

When she blushed at his scrutiny and crossed her arms over her chest, he took a chance and answered, "I'm trying to remember that myself.and frankly, the way you look, I'm trying pretty damn hard."

Roberto was comfortably confident in his own looks. At 6' 4", and barely weighing two hundred pounds, he was long, lean and tightly muscled. He owed his body to a lucky roll on the genetic dice, that had made his 50/50 mix of Old Earth South American Indian and Spanish, with a shot of Lucien-brand DNA for good measure, produce a smooth, well-muscled, body the color of burnt caramel. From his Spanish-blooded father he had gotten a high forehead, long aquiline nose, and large, dark eyes. From his Indian mother, he had claimed wide shoulders, long limbs, and long, thick hair. Loath to cut it unless he had to, he kept it to shoulder-length, tied back with a simple bone clip his mother had given him. He knew he was good-looking, and combined his physical charms with a cocky attitude and cockier smile that made girls, as one ex-flame had said, want to either kiss him or hit him.

As he answered the angry-looking girl, he gave her his brightest, most winning smile. Unfortunately for him, this time his smile made the girl want to hit him. And she did.

After asking the obvious question, Sakura stared at the tall, dark-skinned man that had turned up in her bed as he casually began putting the loose-fitting white linen suit he had apparently worn the night before, seeming to specifically take his time after she had practically dived into a pair of rumpled pants and a pull-over sweatshirt. Where the hell had he come from? She tried to think back over the night, but all she remembered was coming into port with her partner Natsumi, going for drinks, going for more drinks, then.nothing. Her alcohol-drenched brain had betrayed her, leaving her only with a faint impression of meeting someone, something being fairly significant about this person, and then a blank. Noticing that the man, Robert-something, had paused after pulling his pants on and was openly ogling her. She blushed and covered her chest reflexively. He answered with a cocky, impudent grin, "I'm trying to remember that myself.and frankly, the way you look, I'm trying pretty damn hard."

Something about his whole manner, his artful lack of concern, his casual appraisal of her, his slightly teasing tone of voice.Sakura gave a mental snarl and hauled off and clocked him clean across the jaw. After the fact, she winced slightly in her head, mentally regretting that. He fingered his jaw gently, working it back and forth. He grinned again, and winked. "Good arm, too."

This time, her snarl was plenty loud. Spinning on her heel, Sakura marched from the room, shouting, "Natsumi! Get ready, we're out of here!"

Behind her, Roberto chuckled slightly, fingered his jaw again, and when he was sure she couldn't see, blanched mightily. That girl could hit like a pro. With a slightly wistful look, he pulled on the rest of his clothes and followed after the two girls, still rubbing gently at his suddenly tender jaw.

*****

Over the next ten minutes, in a slightly awkward shuttle-ride to the 3WA center, Roberto learned a bit more about the two girls, mostly from the one he hadn't apparently slept with. Her name was Natsumi Ogawa, and she and her partner and best friend Sakura Tenjou had been troubleshooters with the 3WA for almost two years now. Like her partner, Natsumi was pretty damn cute, about 5' 5", with almost alarmingly pale skin, distinctly Asian features, and short black hair. The blue hair he had seen were two wide streaks that started at her forehead and were pulled back into two short tails at the back of her head. Her appearance wasn't the only difference between her and her partner. Whereas Natsumi was bright and scintillating, perfectly willing to talk to Roberto, her partner slouched in an oily rage, refusing to speak to or even look at him.

He scratched his head slightly and said, "So, it looks like it's for real, huh? We're partners?"

It had slowly come back to him as he sat in the small shuttle. He had met the girls at a higher-end bar the night before, and began chatting them up. Only slightly lit himself, he had learned they were in port, both members of the 3WA, and were receiving a new mission, as well as being assigned three new partners. They compared notes, and soon found to their slightly drunken delight that they were in fact destined to be partners. Natsumi had gone on to spend most of the evening dancing while Roberto and Sakura drank and flirted. He didn't remember much, but it seemed pretty obvious that the rest didn't need filling in, although he truly wished he remembered the event, if only so he could reminisce about it. By his mind, it was unfair to have slept with a girl and still have to fantasize about how she was in bed.

Natsumi had agreed with his version, although Sakura insisted huffily that she didn't remember a thing. Roberto, sensing the need to patch things up a bit, turned to Sakura and said, "Look, I'm sorry about the confusion this morning. We both had a little too much to drink last night, and I don't think we got off on the right foot at all."

Sakura glared at him and turned to look out the window in silence. With the 3WA center rapidly closing in, Roberto said, a little less kindly now, "Hey, don't get silent on me. It's not like I'm entirely to blame here, and as I recall it was you who hit me, not the other way around. Look, why don't we call it even, and just forget about it, alright partner?"

As the shuttle pulled up in front of the 3WA building, Sakura kicked her door open and stomped out. She turned and snapped, "I don't want or need a new partner, and even if I did, I sure as hell wouldn't want it to be you!"

Not one to take a line like that sitting down, Costas kicked his own door open and jumped out. Glaring over the small vehicle at the angry girl, he retorted, "I'm sorry, I forgot you were from the 3WA, the same bunch that gave us the Dirty Pair. You do know that those are the other two you're getting paired with, right?"

>From inside the shuttle, Natsumi tentatively said, "Guys..?"

Ignoring her, Sakura snapped, "Yeah, we had heard.why the hell do you think we were getting smashed in a bar, moron?"

Again, Natsumi called from within the shuttle. "Um, guys..?"

Roberto plowed on, now under a full head of steam. "I dunno, I thought I saw a couple of nice girls having some fun, but I guess I was wrong, huh? My god, after you, the Dirty-fucking-Pair are going to be a relief!"

Sakura, over Natsumi's increasingly urgent attempts to interrupt, practically shouted, "Oh yeah?! Well, if I had a choice between getting stuck on a ship with those two genocidal wing-nuts and being on the same bloody planet as you, I'd have to stop and think about it!"

Finally, Natsumi stuck her head out of the shuttle and shouted, "HEY!"

Both combatants blinked and looked at her. With a pained expression, Natsumi pointed at the steps to the 3WA center. Slowly, Sakura and Roberto turned to look where she pointed. Standing there were three people. One was Director Foley, who had one hand over his eyes and looked like he wanted a drink very, very badly. With him were two girls, easily recognizable from the large amount of publicity surrounding them, that could only be Kei and Yuri, code-named Lovely Angels, and known as the Dirty Pair. Kei wore a scowl, and Yuri's face was neutral, although her eyebrows had almost reached her hairline, they were raised so high.

Roberto blinked, blinked again, and smiled easily, "Oh hi," he sparkled, "You two stunning ladies could only be the Lovely Angels.and a more apt code name, I never did hear."

Kei raised one eyebrow and responded archly, "'Lovely Angels'? Nobody here but us genocidal wing-nuts, pal."

He immediately pointed at Sakura and answered, "She said it, not me."

As Sakura gave an indignant cry and began shouting at Roberto again, only to have him start firing back just as loudly, Kei and Yuri turned on their heels and marched back into the building, noses held high. Foley gave a disgusted growl and barked, "All of you, inside! NOW!"

The two arguing agents gave him a startled look, then quickly made for the building, united in their desire to get the diminutive man's bloodshot glare off of them. A moment later, Natsumi came up the stairs and paused by the Director. "Sorry about that," She said apologetically, "it was just a little lover's quarrel."

She gave a little giggle full of mischief and hurried to catch up with the others, who were already arguing again. Foley stood on the steps for a moment and sighed heavily. "I'm going to regret this mission," he muttered, and pulled a bottle of antacid from his pocket, taking a long swig. "I can feel it. I can feel it in my gut."

Shaking his head, he trudged into the building after the five agents, the heavy plastic doors cutting off the sound of the raised voices within.

End of Chapter One

Thanks to pre-readers Nyo Marionette and Mechamorph! Beeeeeeeeeees!