[FFML] [rewrite][bet2] 1/2 Piece: chapter 00 (Now longer and better!)

... did i mention that i hate yahoo? here's the actual
file for you to read. silly yahoo! i'm gonna beat it
with a hammer i swear.

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Ha, ha, dumb American. In our futuristic Japan-centric fantasy world, your global military hegemony is over and we can make you look like the bumbling xenophobic fools we secretly believe you are!

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[1/2 Piece]
A Ranma 1/2-Dragonball-One Piece fusion fanfic
Story by Steve Kanazaki.
Original Concepts by Takahashi Rumiko, Toriyama Akira and Eiichiro Oda.

NOTE: This takes place just before the Shi Shi Hokudan story arc in the Ranma manga.

***Chapter 00: Pre-breakfast Excursion***

Screams filled the cold morning air of the Nerima ward in Tokyo, Japan. These screams were followed by the angry roars of a beast in a murderous rage. The beast in question was a towering monstrosity that resembled a yeti riding a bull, holding a crane and eel. Many of the onlookers who had yet to run away starred in horror at the monster.

One Ranma Saotome stood at ground zero of the destruction caused by the rampaging beast, in what remained of the public bathhouse. To his left was a small wrinkled old man. Both were slightly battered and a little dirty, but that's to be expected considering a bathhouse had just exploded around them.

Ranma wasn't particularly in the best mood to begin with. The Tendou's water heater had broken down, for the fifth time in two weeks, and his cheating father had managed to get in a lucky shot that knocked him into the koi pond. At least he had gotten a chance to change back to a boy before Pantyhose and Happousai showed up.

"Pantyhose, you idiot! Why'd you have to go an destroy the bathhouse?" Ranma yelled up at the monster. He immediately regretted giving his position away as the beast swung a mighty fist downward. The nimble Saotome barely managed to get out of its way in time.

"GRRRRROAAAAAAR!" roared the monster known as Pantyhose Tarou. He began to move about in circles, trying to find his prey in the early morning light. Finding no one but frightened patrons of the bathhouse who were too foolish to have run away at the start of the fight, Tarou let out another mighty roar.

Ranma peered out from behind the overturned bathtub he was using for cover. Things had gone horribly wrong in this trip to the change back to a boy. Ranma looked around for his companion, the cause of all his misery. Most of his misery, Ranma corrected himself. Happousai was adept at hiding and running away; Ranma could expect no help from the aged pervert.

Once again, Ranma's brain had been incorrect it seemed.

"Pantyhose! Come and get me fool!" the old pervert yelled from somewhere in the ruined bathhouse turned battlefield. Ranma didn't have to be told to get clear at this point. The sounds of Happoudaikarins exploding and Tarou's enraged roars told him that he'd best be out of the way of the two fools if he wanted to remain unmaimed.

Utilizing the famed Saotome Secret Technique, Ranma put the pedal to the metal and hightailed it away from the monster and the perverted old master's bombs. Naturally, Ranma's bad luck easily caught up to him in the form of a slightly crispy and airborne Tarou. Ranma barely managed a scream as the gargantuan beast landed only inches away from his terrified form, shattering the ground on impact.

"Holy shit!" Ranma blurted out, not caring that children may still be within earshot. He looked up to see Happousai silhouetted by the rising sun. The old troll looked even more evil and demonic than Tarou did, Ranma thought to himself.

"Serves you right you ungrateful little coward." the old man cackled. "Next time I won't be so merciful." Happousai then bounded off yelling something about a quest for panties and pretty girls.

"Thanks so much for saving me a piece of the action, old goat." Ranma mumbled.

The young Saotome managed to get his heart rate back under control and in the process he managed to rope in a stray, and very lonely thought. He went over to one of the broken water faucets and tested its warmth. Satisfied with the temperature, he filled a bucket with the heated water and tossed it on the unconscious colossus. In an instant, the giant returned to his real form, that of an effeminate young Chinese man. Ranma jumped down into the Tarou crater and hauled the boy out. As he lifted him to safety, Ranma noticed a small box partly uncovered by the impact.

"What the hell is this?" Ranma put Tarou down and inspected the partially buried box. Using his hands, he managed to free it from the grip of the dry and unyielding earth. How long had that been burried there? thought Ranma. Taking the box on his lap, Ranma forced open the lid and stared at the contents. In it was a small golden sphere with a single star trapped in it, and a carefully folded map. Ranma scratched his head, not quite understanding what it was he was looking at.

"I guess I should take this with me. No sense in wasting a perfectly good treasure. It might even buy me some food." Ranma rubbed his stomach at the pleasant thought of a large breakfast. Oh yeah, he thought. "Mmmmmmmmm."

Ranma closed up the box and tucked it under his arm. He then hefted Tarou over his shoulder and began the journey to the Tendou Dojo, and ultimately, the breakfast Kasumi surely had waiting for him.

***

"Hey! I'm back from the bathhouse!" Ranma called from the front door of the Tendou home. Slipping of his shoes, Ranma carelessly dropped the still unconcious Tarou onto the floor.

"Oh my! Isn't that Pantyhose Tarou?" Kasumi asked as she walked in from the kitchen. "Isn't he one of Grandfather Happousai's friends?"

Ranma sighed to himself. Kasumi was so naive, he thought to himself as he hefted Tarou onto his shoulder again.

"Yeah. Where should I dump him?" Ranma glanced at Tarou who was now loudly snoring and drooling on his shoulder. The young martial artist grimaced and opted to drag the Chinese boy instead.

"Just put him in Grandfather's room for now. I'm sure he won't mind." Kasumi said cheerily. Ranma did as instructed and dragged the sleeping young man off to the lair of Happousai, grumbling all the way.

As Ranma tossed Tarou onto the old man's futon, a golden light caught the corner of his eye. He turned to the corner of the room and bent down to inspect out of sheer curiousity. He moved aside pairs of girls' underwear and porno magazines to reveal a golden sphere not unlike the one he had found earlier at the bathhouse.

"Weird. What are these things?" Ranma thought aloud. The only answer he recieved was Tarou's snoring. Not wanting to incur the terrible wrath of Happousai two days in a row, Ranma opted to leave the ball where he found it. He stepped out of the room and slid the door closed behind him.

Ranma made his way down the hall in silence thinking about the weird box he had found. Suddenly he snapped out of his thoughts.

"I left the box by the door!" Ranma exclaimed. God knows what dear old dad will do with it if he gets his hands on it, Ranma thought as he ran down the stairs. "Ah! There it is!"

Just as he was about to reach the box, a figure moved into his path. With no time to avoid it, Ranma crashed into the figure at full speed, sending both of them to the floor. Ranma sat up quickly to asess the damage. He paled as he realized his luck had gone completly sour.

"A-Akane! What a p-pleasant surprise to s-see you!" He managed to stammer in his panic-stricken state.

Akane looked embarrassed and most of all, angry; being covered head to toe with an unknown green jello-like substance. Ranma assumed that it was another one of Akane's kitchen disasters.

"Kami musta blinked when that thing was spawned." Ranma said out of habit. Akane's face turned a deeper shade of red which was either due to embarassment or rage. "Um...yeah. That looks pretty bad." Ranma stated, rather enjoying the taste of his foot. At least his foot would taste better than anything that uncute girl cooked, Ranma thought as he was uncerimoniously uppercutted through the roof and into lower Earth orbit.

"Stupid, uncute tomboy. Why'd she have to hit me so hard. She's the one who got in MY way." Ranma grumbled as he passed by an old Soviet satellite.

***End Chapter 00***