Akane...
by David Choi

I really like her. No, I really love her. I love her with all my heart.
And yet, I cannot reach her.

No matter what I try, I cannot get through to her.

She looks at me with a smile. A smile that reaches into the deepest
levels of my heart and pulls me like a puppet. Yet, she doesn't realize
that what she is doing to me.

I know that I cannot love another, when I am besotten for her. I tell
her I love her. But she takes it the wrong way. I say that she is the
greatest thing to happen to me, but she takes it the wrong way. I try
everything and do everything I can for her. But she takes it the wrong
way.

In her eyes, I am the kind of family she never had. She says she wants
to be friends. She says that I am her best friend and that I can turn
to her whenever I have any problems.

But I know. I know that she does not love me. She does not love me in
the way that I really want. I want to share my life with her. I want to
be able to call her my love and not be ridiculed or looked at strange.
I wish to hold her in my arms. But when I see her with Ranma, I know
that can never be. I know that Ranma and Akane love each other.

They have as much as admitted to each other that they love each other.
I see them looking at each other in the corners of my eyes. I see them
share looks, feelings, and space with each other.

I do not like it. I try to interfere. I try to break it apart. I want
her for myself.

She was the one to show me kindness when others made fun of me. She
changed my life. She changed my views on people. She lifted me up from
the shadows and put me in the light. If it were not for her, I would
have succumbed to my deepest and darkest desires. I would have ceased
to exist long ago. She is the only reason for my existence.

I only wish that I could convey it to her that I really need her. That
she means everything, and I mean everything, to me. Everything I do, I
do it for her. Everything thing I say, I say to please her. I may not
agree with everything she says, but I understand and try to help her in
anyway possible.

I stand on the threshold of life. I do not wish to go on. Yet, I must,
or else she would feel sad at my leaving and I do not want that. But I
can't live not having her either.

I love her. Yet, she does not love me back. I do not know what to do. I
hate this. I hate this feeling of helplessness. For all my strength and
skill, I do not know what to do, feel, or say.

I hate Ranma for stealing my love. I hate Ranma for having a father to
introduce him to her. I hate Ranma for being alive. But most of all, I
hate myself. I hate myself for blaming others. I hate myself for
putting up barriers. I hate myself for not being true to myself. I hate
myself for being me. I hate myself for not be strong when I need to be.
I hate myself for not being Ranma.

Ranma, how I hate him. And yet, he is my best friend. I hate how all
the girls flock to him. I hate how all the good things happen to him. I
hate him for his luck. I hate him for his looks. I hate him for being
better than me. I hate him for being the focus of Akane's affections. I
hate Ranma. Yet, I have no other friend like him. He helps me in times
of need. He sympathizes with me. He gives me life.

Before I end this letter, I just want to say to you, I love you. I can
see no other future for me other than the love I have for you. I cannot
live without you. I know this may seem the easy way out, but I am a
coward. I am sorry if I cause you any pain, but this is all I can do
for you. I can only say farewell. I can see I am not needed. But this
life is too hard for me. So I say farewell.

Goodbye, my love.
     -Ryoga Hibiki

_______________

Author's Note: Heh, this came from when I was pining away for this girl i
really liked and the girl was really nice to me too. But my best friend
outwardly said he wasn't interested but the girl and my friend became
closer. I'm probably explaining a lot of relationships in the world and I'm
probably not the only one. Anyways, after it became aware to me that I
wasn't needed, I just all of a sudden though of Ryoga. And this is what came
of it.

______________________________________
David Choi
http://www.geocities.com/choiboy5_2000

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