Amelia, my little sister, wrote:

Your assignment is to write a KareKano/Southpark fic thing.

  Does Terrance and Phillip in "Perce-neiges" count? ^_^;

No.

   I was actually thinking about this last night. So...

---
In the year 2002 the Japanese Empire lay in ruins. The bursting of the bubble
economy had resulted in record unemployment, in turn leading to an increase in
juvenile delinquency and petty crime. Foreigners roamed the streets, many of
them from Denver, Colorado. In short, it was an era of chaos.

A year before, in Kawasaki, Japan, Kazuma Ikeda, leader of the modern rock band
Yinyang, had left home at age 17 and dropped out of school to devote himself
full time to usic. This was not entirely by choice, as to remain at home would
have faced him with insurmountable internal conflicts, including, but not
limited to, an attraction to his stepsister Tsubasa Shibahime (age 17), the
daughter of the man Ikeda's mother had married a year before.

Fortunately for Ikeda, Yinyang found wide acclaim and fame throughout Japan,
which allowed his dream of a career in rock music to become a reality. In time,
through a series of events too long to detail here, he found the courage to
reunite with his family, and with Tsubasa.

In the interim, his attraction to Tsubasa had dominated his attempts at
songwriting, even dedicating, over the objections of the rest of the band, an
entire album to her; however, as it happened, that album, _Wings_, turned out
to be their most successful effort to date, going platinum in Japan. After
Ikeda's reunion with Tsubasa, he proposed that she be admitted to the band as a
female vocal; again, the rest of the band were reluctant, and acquiesced only
under great protest, possibly fearing Kazuma, their lead singer and songwriter,
would leave if they refused and effectively doom the band to extinction.

With Yinyang's rise to stardom, and especially after the release of _Wings_,
the band's services were eagerly requested by entertainment executives
throughout Japan, including, but not limited to, executives of animation
studios looking for stylish modern rock soundtracks for their new animated
series. Among these was Yinyang's recording of the opening and ending themes to
the new _Gekiganger VI_ TV series, a new version of an old ginat robot show
(sung by Tsubasa Shibahime in a performance that was compared--favorably--to
that of "the love child of Alanis Morrisette and Grace Slick"). The
_Gekiganger_ theme led to their acquiring a cult following among American fans
of Japanese animation, particularly after its broadcast in English on the
Cartoon Network.

So it was that, in late 2002, Yinyang were invited to make their premier US
performance, at an anime convention in Denver, Colorado. Tsubasa Shibahime,
after hearing how large servings of food were in American restaurants, begged
Kazuma Ikeda to accept on behalf of the group. This time, there were no
objections from the rest of the band. Having known very hard times in the
band's early days, they had learned to appreciate good food at low prices too.

Godspeed, Kazuma Ikeda. Godspeed, Tsubasa Shibahime. The world is at your
command, if you so will.

--
LOLICON 2K2
--
A _Kareshi Kanojo no Jijo_/_South Park_ crossover by Paul Corrigan
--
For Amelia, for whom _Chimpokomon_ was clearly not unforgivable enough
--
_Karekano_ concept devised by Masami Tsuda
--
_South Park_ concept devised by Trey Parker and Matt Stone
--

[Still of the main strip in South Park.]

[SFX: Random _South Park_ BGM.]

[Cut to Mr. Garrison's classroom. Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny are sitting at
their desks with all their little friends, staring blankly ahead as Mr.
Garrison drones on about God knows what.]

Mr. Garrison: [writing on the board] Okay, class, today we're going to be
discussing the Royal Families of Europe. Now Clarisse Cagliostro is quite a
choice piece of ass...

Kyle: [sotto voce, to Stan] Hey, dude, you wanna come with me to Lolicon 2002?

Stan: What's Lolicon 2002?

Kyle: It's an anime convention!

Stan: Anime?

Kyle: Yeah! Japanese animation! Like _Chimpokomon_! You remember _Chimpokomon_,
right?

Cartman: [his usual superior self] No thanks, Kyle, we're not into gay stuff
like you.

Kyle: [angrily] Hey!

STan: Kyle! Chimpokomon is like, totally gay now!

Mr. Garrison: [barking] Kyle! Why the hell are you talking about Chimpokomon
when I'm trying to teach you about Clarisse Cagliostro? Don't you know
Chimpokomon has been banned at South Park Elementary as being part of Japan's
plot to dominate the world?

Kyle: Um...

Mr. Garrison: [flipping out] Aren't you the least bit ashamed about the fact
that you're committing what's tantamount to treason!? If I had my way you'd be
hauled off to jail this instant, young man! You want to be some cellblock's
bitch just because you couldn't keep quiet in class? [beat] DO YOU!?

Kyle: [starting to look scared] Mr. Garrison, I'm sorry!

[Wendy Testaburger raises her hand.]

Mr. Garrison: WHAT!?

Wendy: [calmly] Mr. Garrison, there's no point in Kyle listening. Clarisse
Cagliostro isn't real. She's just a Japanese cartoon character.

Mr. Garrison: [impersonating Mr. Hat] She's right, Mr. Garrison. [as himself;
genuinely surprised] You don't say. All right. Forget I said all that Kyle. I'm
sorry I yelled.

Kyle: [still shken] 'Sokay.

[SFX: The bell rings.]

Mr. Garrison: Well, what do you know, kids, time for recess already.

[Cut to the South Park Elementary playground. The boys are hanging out with
Wendy.]

Kyle: Say, Wendy, thanks for saving me in class today.

Wendy: [sweetly] No problem.

Kyle: I didn't know you were into anime too.

Wendy: Only a little bit. Bebe got me into it. Right, Bebe?

[As if on cue enter Bebe.]

Bebe: It is _so_ much better than any American cartoons, trust me.

[Beat.]

Stan: 'k.

Kyle: So, like, Wendy, are you going to Lolicon 2002?

Wendy: _Am_ I? I wouldn't miss a chance to meet Nanami Kiryu, la fillette
quebecoise! THe _Nanami_ TV series is, like, the best anime ever!

Kyle: I dunno, the movie didn't make much sense to me.

Bebe: [smiling condescendingly] That's all right. We wouldn't expect a mere
male to understand it anyway.

[Kyle looks POed at that last statement. Stan, Cartman and Kenny are starting
to look bored.]

Wendy: She's doing the con circuit in North America right now. I guess Terrance
and Phillip discovered her when they were doing a tour of Japan. So when she
was invited to the con she apparently wanted Terance and Phillip to come too.
So Terrance and Phillip are going to be at the con as well!

Stan: Holy crap! Terrance and Phillip!? [to Kyle] That's it dude, I'm coming
too!

Bebe: [sotto voce, to Wendy, conspiratorily] And you thought there was no way
he'd want to go.

Wendy: [sotto voce, all smiles] I owe you a plushie at the con.

Bebe: [sotto voce] Find me a Kero-chan.

Kyle: Oh! Oh! I just checked the con website. They managed to get Yinyang!

Wendy, Bebe [in unison]: YINYANG!?

Bebe: Ohmigodohmigodohmigodohmigod!

Kyle: Yeah! It'll be their first ever US performance! This'll be something we
can tell our grandchildren!

Kenny: [quizzical] Mm mm mm mm?

Bebe: They're only the band who played the opening theme to _Gekiganger VI_, the
greatest mecha anime ever!

Kenny: [surprised] Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm?

[Bebe looks POed.]

Bebe: Yes, it's anime, Kenny! Don't you know _anything_? [to Wendy, all
smiles] Wendy, I downloaded the cover of their latest album off the Internet.
[digs in her purse, pulls out a piece of paper, hands it to Wendy] Here.

Wendy [accepting the sheet] How's that yaoi fanfic coming, Bebe?

Bebe: Fine.

[Cut to the boys, staring ahead blankly.]

Kyle: [surprised] You write gay porn fanfics, Bebe?

Stan: [surprised] _Gekiganger_ is anime?

Cartman: [snickering] Yeah, that's why it's gay.

Stan: [POed] _Gekiganger_ isn't gay, Cartman!

[Wendy shoves the sheet under Stan's nose.]

Wendy: Look, Stan!

[Close up on the album cover. On it are the band members of Yinyang; looking
particularly provocative are Kazuma, seated, his shirt off, while Tsubasa, clad
in a thin silk dress, rests her head on Kazuma's lap, looking suitably
fragile as Kazuma strokes her hair.]

Wendy: Don't you think Kazuma Ikeda is a choice piece of ass?

[Beat.]

[Cut to the boy's faces. Stan is looking POed.]

Stan: [irritated] I wouldn't know, Wendy.

Kyle: [trying to defuse the situation] Say, who's the chick?

Wendy: [irritated] That would be Tsubasa Shibahime. Didn't you hear? Kazuma's
girlfriend. For that resaon only, Yinyang's new female vocal.

Bebe: [just as irritated] Yinyang's very own Yoko Ono.

Wendy: The band's days are numbered. I can't miss Yinyang now. We need to see
them before Tsubasa destroys the band.

Bebe: Yeah. I mean, really, Atsuya and Martin can't possibly want to put up
with that crap.

Kyle: How do you know they didn't want her to join? Can't she sing?

Wendy: [dismissive] We're women! We just know!

Bebe: You don't understand! We can't throw our panties at the stage with his
goddamned girlfriend there!

[Cut to Cartman's face. He is silent, awe-struck. Kyle and Bebe continue to
argue ad lib in the background, the details drowned out by Tchaikovsky's _Romeo
and Juliet._]

[Close up of the face of Tsubasa Shibahime on the album cover, looking innocent
and childlike and yet oh-so-desirable at the same time.]

[Cut back to Cartman's awe-struck face.]

Kyle: Cartman? [Cartman doesn't respond at once; beat] CARTMAN!

Cartman: She will be mine. Oh yes. She will be mine.

Kyle: Cartman, tell Wendy and Bebe that boy bands suck ass!

Cartman: Kyle, old buddy, old pal, I do believe I shall be attending this Anime
Mae convention as well.

Kyle: [taken aback] You will?

Stan: I thought you said anime was gay, Cartman...

Cartman: No way dude, _Gekiganger_ kicks ass.

[Wendy and Bebe don't look happy about that.]

Wendy: Don't feel you have to come, Eric. There'll be too many unhygenic
fatasses there as it is.

Cartman: [taking the bait, as usual] HEY!

Bebe: [to Wendy, sharing a private joke] Hey, Wendy, got soap?

[The girls laugh.]

Kenny: Mm mm mm mm?

Cartman: You can't come, Kenny, 'cause your family's po'.

Kenny: [angrily] MM MM!

--

So far so good. I think. ^_^; Comments welcome.

Yes, Nanami will be at Lolicon. Deal. ;)

--

Paul Corrigan
corrig11@pilot.msu.edu









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