This chapter should give those of you who are familiar with the original
version of this story a better idea of the magnitude of the changes in
this rewrite. There will be quite a few plot changes (nothing major,
though...) in addition to a more descriptive style, and much better
characterization (now that I've seen a great deal more of the anime than
I had when I started writing the story). As always, I'd like to hear any
comments.


Ranma 1/2: A Deadly Choice
Chapter 1: Ryoga's Special Delivery

    The Nerima District of Tokyo was, for the most part, quiet that
morning. Furinkan High School, a haven of craziness during its academic
year, had closed for the winter, giving most of the students and
teachers an excuse to lock themselves indoors, far away from the usual
troubles that plagued the innocent citizens even during the break.
However, one thing could be said in favor of the hectic lifestyle
enjoyed (or detested) by many of the district's residents: life was
never dull for very long.
    And in fact, life was once again about to become quite troublesome
for those select few who had the privilege of being in any way related
to one very troubled, very skilled, and very unfortunate young martial
artist named Ranma Saotome. The shouts emanating from the upstairs
hallways of the Tendo home were merely an early warning of much greater
events that were soon to unfold. To the residents of said home, however,
they were simply part of the usual morning workout.
    "Ryoga! What the heck do you think you're doing with those? If Akane
finds out about -"
    "RANMA! YOU PERVERT! I NEVER THOUGHT YOU WOULD STOOP SO LOW!"
    "Akane! I... Hey! Quit that, you dirty pig!"
    Akane's subsequent enraged scream demonstrated to anyone within a
fifty block radius why most Nerimans hadn't bothered to set their alarm
clocks since Ranma and his father had arrived.
    "Wait, I wasn't talkin' to you, Akane! I was talking to -" The house
shook as Ranma fell abruptly silent. Downstairs, in the kitchen, Kasumi
sighed. Most mornings, Ranma and Akane managed to get along at least
until breakfast began. What could have happened this morning, she
wondered, to set them at each other's throats on empty stomachs? At
least, according to the sound of his voice, Ranma was still male, which
gave the teakettle she was holding half a chance to make it to the
breakfast table without being commandeered for a quick change of gender.
She thanked the gods for small favors as she carried the serving tray
into the dining room, where her father and middle sister, as well as Mr.
Saotome, were patiently waiting to be served, ignoring the ongoing
dispute upstairs.
    As she neared the table, a small black pig leapt across the room in
a single bound, nearly startling her into dropping her tray. Kasumi
caught a glimpse of pink cloth as well as a familiar orange-yellow
bandana as it passed in front of her face. Seconds later, Ranma followed
it through the door, grabbing the teakettle from Kasumi as he passed.
"I'm not taking the fall for you this time, pig!" shouted Ranma as he
chased P-chan into the backyard.
    Kasumi stared at the empty spot on her tray where the teakettle had
sat. "How strange. I wonder why he needed hot water this morning."
    Akane charged into the dining room, stopping only to grab the tray
from Kasumi, consequently flinging its contents across the room. "Stop
trying to blame P-chan for your perversion!" she yelled as she made her
way into the backyard, swinging the tray menacingly.
    "There goes yet another breakfast," said Nabiki from the far side of
the room, where she had moved to escape the range of the flying food.
    "It's nice to see the children getting along so well, isn't it,
Saotome?" asked Soun.
    [It's certainly quieter than usual,] agreed Genma, holding the sign
in the hand that wasn't busy toweling the miso soup from his fur with a
napkin.
    Kasumi smiled. "Oh well. Time to start making an early lunch, I
suppose."
*************************************************
    By the time Akane caught up with Ranma, several blocks from the
Tendo Dojo, he had already beaten a dripping wet Ryoga half-senseless
with an empty teakettle. "What are you doing to poor Ryoga?" she
demanded, brandishing the serving tray threateningly.
    Ranma's arm halted in mid-swing. "Poor Ryoga?" he asked. "This whole
thing was his fault in the first place!"
    "Oh, sure," said Akane. "First you blame P-chan, and now Ryoga! Why
don't you just admit that you couldn't keep your hands to yourself?"
    "At least ask him what he's got in his mouth," said Ranma, pointing
to the offending article.
    Ryoga's eyes popped open as he realized that the beating had
stopped. "Rnnmm?" he asked around a mouthful of Akane's underwear. He
slowly took in the entire scene, starting with Ranma and his teakettle,
and ending with Akane and her tray. "Mm, hmm Mmkmnm," he greeted her.
Then his brain caught up to his eyes, sending him into a panic.
"MMKMMNM!" He quickly snatched the panties out of his mouth and hid them
behind his back. "Akane!" he repeated, smiling pleasantly. "What a
surprise! Imagine meeting you here, of all places!"
    Akane's expression, on the other hand, was as unpleasant as could
be. "What are you doing with my panties, Ryoga?" she demanded, veins
bulging in her hands as her fingers began to gouge trenches in the
serving tray. "And it had better be good!"
    Ryoga brought his hand around to his front and stared at the
panties. "Are these your panties?" he asked, grinning like a maniac.
"How did those get there?"
    "Try again," Akane spat through clenched teeth.
    "Right." Ryoga cleared his throat and began anew. "It's like this,
Akane. You see, the thing is..."
    "Just tell her the truth already, Ryoga," Ranma interjected
impatiently.
    'Sure, just as soon as I come up with it!' thought Ryoga. Aloud, he
launched into his excuse at full steam, acting out his heroic tale with
flourishing dramatics. "I saw Happosai stealing your panties, so I crept
up behind him and grabbed them out of his pack! Then I tried to sneak
into your room to put them back without you noticing, because I'm so
humble that I didn't want to be thanked, but Ranma..."
    "Uh, Ryoga?" interrupted Ranma. "Maybe I'd better stop you before
you get any farther from the truth. The freak left a week ago on what he
called 'private business' and hasn't been seen since. In other words, no
way your story is even remotely true."
    Akane's already viselike grip on her tray tightened still further.
She raised it over her head to strike. "I would never have suspected YOU
of being a pervert, Ryoga..."
    "Ranma made me do it!" Ryoga shouted frantically, raising his arms
to ward off the blow. He held his breath in anticipation and silently
prayed to the gods for mercy.
    "Oh... is THAT the story?" asked Akane, shifting her grip on the
tray slightly. She turned her angry glare on Ranma. "You being perverted
is one thing, but dragging Ryoga into your sick plan?"
    "Hey, now hold on just a minute!" protested Ranma. "You believe him
now, even after all those obvious lies?"
    "I know Ryoga's not a pervert," replied Akane. "You, on the other
hand..."
    "What makes you think I'd want your stupid underwear anyway?" asked
Ranma. "You couldn't pay me to take those disgusting rags!"
    "What did you say?" demanded Akane, raising the tray threateningly.
    "Hey, calm down!" urged Ranma. He continued as calmly as he could
manage. "All I said was I don't want your stinkin' panties. I'd probably
get herpes or somethin' just from touchin' 'em."
    "Why you..." Akane swung the tray like a golf club, smacking Ranma
into the sky. "I HOPE YOU GET A REAL DISEASE AND DIE!" She took a deep
breath and stood up. "Honestly, what is wrong with him today? You'd
think he was filling in for Happosai or something!"
    Once she had managed to calm down enough to think clearly, she
realized that Ranma wasn't the only person who had left the scene. "Now
where did Ryoga go?" she asked aloud. "Oh well. He's not the one I'm
angry at anyway." Casting the now useless tray aside, she set off in the
direction Ranma had flown, wondering if she'd bump into Ryoga on the
way.
    Behind a nearby wall, Ryoga sighed his relief as he wiped the sweat
from his brow with a cloth that he happened to be holding. 'That was
close!' he thought to himself. 'I feel kind of sorry for Ranma, taking
the blame for something I did, but this is the only way to make my
dreams come true!" His fist clenched around the slightly moist cloth as
he toweled his face dry. His nose picked up a familiar odor from the
fabric - the distinctive smell of... of... A stream of blood ran from
his nose as he realized what he was using to swab his face. Panties...
He had a meeting to get to! He quickly stood up, shook some of the sweat
from the soiled undergarment, and ran at full speed away from the
appointed place.
*************************************************
    Shampoo hummed quietly to herself as she rode her bicycle down the
busy street toward the Tendo Dojo. Today, she was certain, would be the
day Ranma came to accept her as his bride! Her great-grandmother's
latest plan was guaranteed to succeed, or at least her money would be
returned if it failed. There was quite a bit to be done, of course, but
none of it was very difficult. The first step, however, was the one
Shampoo was most looking forward to.
    "Airen!" she called out. "Shampoo come to take you on date!" Not a
subtle technique by any means, but that was the idea. Shampoo would need
an alibi, and the best way to get one was to attract plenty of
attention. Of course, the date was a red herring, but nobody needed to
know that. Shampoo would have to ask what fish had to do with dating
Ranma when next she saw her great-grandmother, but at the moment she
merely had to find him and set up the first stage of the plan.
    Fortunately, fate decided to act in Shampoo's favor that day, as a
screaming martial artist fell from the sky and landed right in front of
her. She quickly squeezed the handbrakes and skidded to a rough stop.
"Airen! Is you okay?"
    "I will be when you get off of me," moaned Ranma from beneath her
front tire.
    Shampoo leapt off of the bike and threw it aside, forcing onlookers
to dive out of its way, then knelt beside Ranma and cradled him in her
arms. "Oh, Ranma! I so happy to see you! Now maybe you want go on date?"
    "Huh? What date?" asked a very confused Ranma.
    "We go on date together, yes?"
    Ranma shook his head. "Not today, Shampoo. I already promised Ukyo
I'd have lunch with her today to celebrate her grand opening."
    Shampoo let go of Ranma, letting his head hit the street, and
scowled. "Chef-girl restaurant already open! Why have grand opening?"
    "She moved," replied Ranma, rubbing the back of his head. "Now that
school's out, the restaurant's all she's got, so she set up shop where
the old pizza place on Nanaban Street used to be so she can draw more
customers."
    Shampoo smiled. "Okay! Then you give Shampoo goodbye kiss, and we
have date tomorrow!" Ranma cringed, backing away from her as quickly as
he could. Shampoo reached out to grab his pant leg, holding him in
place, and puckered up. "Give kiss, or Shampoo go to date with Ranma at
new Ucchan restaurant!" She held her face right in front of Ranma's, her
expression taking on a no-nonsense tone that warned Ranma that she
wasn't joking.
    Ranma began to sweat profusely. "Um, Shampoo... I don't really
wanna..."
    "You just want talk?" Shampoo giggled. "That okay too!"
    "Huh?" Ranma tapped Shampoo's forehead with his knuckles. "You
feelin' okay? You're not as bossy as you usually are."
    "Spend time with airen all Shampoo want! Me so happy when we
together!" She threw her arms around Ranma in a loving embrace. His
words had hurt her a bit - Shampoo, bossy? Never! She just wanted what
was best for her husband! - but she had a job to do, and nothing would
dissuade her. The fact that she enjoyed what she was doing was simply a
bonus.
    "H-hey! Cut that out!" shouted Ranma, wriggling in Shampoo's arms.
"I take it back! You're just as bossy as ever! Now let me go!" Shampoo
instead squeezed him even tighter, crushing the air from his lungs.
"Wait! I didn't mean it like that!" he gasped.
    "Airen have to learn how to treat fiancee," said Shampoo
disapprovingly.
    "I got it!" croaked Ranma. "Really! Now let go!"
    Shampoo released her grip enough to allow Ranma to breathe, but
maintained enough of a hold to keep him in place. "If you sorry, then
you give Shampoo kiss, yes?"
    "No!" shouted Ranma, putting his hands on Shampoo's shoulders and
pushing as hard as he could. Unfortunately, Shampoo had the advantage of
leverage, and pulled him close again, sliding her hands up to the back
of his head and pressing his lips to hers. If she had timed it right...
    "RANMA! What do you think you're doing?" shouted Akane as she
predictably chose that moment to enter visual range of the spectacle.
    Shampoo broke the near-kiss and turned to Akane with malice in her
eyes. "You not know kiss? It easy. You just put lips together like
this." She kissed the now-delirious Ranma again. "Violent girl should
try sometime. It fun. Right, Ranma?"
    Akane's face passed through several shades of red, from embarrassed
scarlet to an angry maroon, while she tried to beat Ranma into
submission with her glare alone. When that didn't work, she stepped
forward to put her fists to the same purpose. Before she could get them
on Ranma, however, Shampoo stood up and interposed herself between the
other two.
    "You no hurt Ranma!" warned Shampoo. "Shampoo protect airen!"
    Akane's rage immediately refocused on her new target. "It looked
like you were doing a lot more than that a few seconds ago!" she spat,
trying her best to remain civil.
    "Of course!" said Shampoo, crossing her arms triumphantly. "Shampoo
love Ranma! We marry very soon, and have many children for glory of
Amazon tribe!"
    "I don't care about your stupid tribe! Ranma is engaged to ME!"
    "You not very good fiancee," Shampoo pointed out. "Fiancee not
supposed to hurt so much."
    "Well..." Akane's mouth tightened as she struggled for a comeback.
"It's his fault! If he'd just mind his own business and keep his big
mouth shut, I wouldn't have to hurt him!"
    Shampoo shook her head disapprovingly and clicked her tongue. "You
no understand... when airen make offend, you not supposed to hurt him.
You supposed to set good example and be understanding fiancee. That way,
airen learn lesson and no feel like is being punished."
    "And since when have YOU set a good example?" asked Akane, painfully
aware that she was fighting a losing battle.
    Shampoo held up a finger. "How Shampoo teach airen lesson none of
Akane business. You want marry Ranma, you make him love you, not hate
you. Yes?"
    "What's it to you?" demanded Akane before she realized what she was
hearing. "And since when have you been the matchmaker for me and Ranma,
anyway?"
    "Shampoo not want see you hurt Ranma no more," replied Shampoo. "If
it keep airen safe, Shampoo even help rival for love."
    That only infuriated Akane further. "Well, maybe I don't need your
help!" she shouted. "I can deal with Ranma on my own!"
    "Okay," said Shampoo. "If that case, you deal with Ranma." She
gestured benevolently toward the empty street where Ranma had been.
    "Hey! Where did he go?" asked Akane.
    "Maybe him scared, run away," replied Shampoo. "I no blame him. You
scary when angry. What Ranma do make you so mad?"
    Akane blushed. "It's none of your business," she said quietly.
    Shampoo cocked her head to the side. "How you expect airen become
good husband, if you no can talk about what he do wrong? Men stupid.
Need woman help figure out how to act."
    "Well, I think it's obvious that stealing panties is wrong!" shouted
Akane. She immediately clapped her hands over her mouth, but the words
were already out.
    Shampoo's eyes widened at the fierceness of Akane's words. She
blinked once, then again. "What is panties?" she finally asked.
    Akane opened her mouth to reply, but a familiar voice tugged at her
ear. "Excuse me," it asked one of the spectators. "Can you tell me the
way to the Hen-Tie Theater?"
    "Just go straight that way for thirteen blocks, then turn left,"
replied the helpful pedestrian. Seconds later, he continued, "Hey!
That's not the way I was pointing!"
    Akane turned around to see the flustered man trying to turn Ryoga
around and get him started in the right direction. "Ryoga! There you
are!" she called, waving to the lost boy.
    Ryoga quickly hid his hands behind his back as Akane approached him.
"Akane! Imagine meeting you here in Chiba!"
    "We're still in Tokyo," Akane informed him.
    Ryoga's eyes shot open. "Really?"
    "Of course! There's Tokyo Tower, right over there," said Akane,
pointing to the landmark clearly visible in the direction Ryoga had been
heading.
    "Well, what do you know?" Ryoga scratched his chin with the hand
that wasn't hiding Akane's panties. "I thought that was the power
plant!"
    Shampoo growled. "You no ignore Shampoo! I not finished talking
yet!"
    "Is she bothering you, Akane?" asked Ryoga. He pulled a bandana from
his forehead and spun it around rapidly before throwing it toward
Shampoo. Shampoo easily dodged the flying cloth, which wove its way
through the throng of people to slice through the utility pole behind
her, sending the top half crashing down onto Shampoo's head.
    "Were you looking for the old Hen-Tie Theater?" asked Akane. "That
old place that used to show adult movies all night long?"
    "No, no!" said Ryoga, shaking his head vigorously. "I was just
walking, honest! I wasn't looking for Happosai at all!"
    "Happosai?" asked Akane. "I didn't say -" Ryoga screamed and leapt
onto a rooftop. Akane stared after him until the onlookers, deciding
that the excitement was over, began to return to their daily routines.
"I wonder why he was in such a hurry."
    Shampoo groaned and pushed the fallen pole aside. "Stupid girl...
You distract Shampoo!"
    "It was your own fault," returned Akane. "You should have paid more
attention."
    "That Ryoga use dirty trick," said Shampoo. "He victory no count!"
    "Victory?" asked Akane. "Oh, that's right! He beat you, didn't he?
Now you have to marry him!"
    Shampoo shook her head. "Ryoga run away after fight, no get kiss.
That mean he no is airen."
    Akane nodded, but the sorrow on Shampoo's face was obvious. "You
still feel bad about losing, though, don't you?"
    "Shampoo not need you sympathy," snapped the Amazon.
    "Well, you gave me advice about Ranma," Akane pointed out. "I was
just trying to return the favor."
    Shampoo smiled at the mention of a favor. Oh, yes. There was a favor
to be done, all right... "You want help Shampoo? Then help find Ranma."
    "Why do you need my help?" asked Akane. "He usually just turns up
wherever there's about to be trouble."
    "Ranma upset because we fighting over him," replied Shampoo. "Maybe
if he see both of us together, not fighting, he know we getting along
and not run away again."
    "You really think so?" Akane asked hopefully.
    "Shampoo not look forward to work with you either," said Shampoo.
"But if it what we need to do to get Ranma listen..."
    "Right," said Akane. She held out her hand. Shampoo blinked in
confusion, then held out her own hand. Akane grabbed it and shook it
amicably. "We're a team, for now."
    "We find Ranma!" said Shampoo, feigning excitement. She knew exactly
where Ranma was, of course. The idea was to make sure Akane DIDN'T find
him... until the right time.
*************************************************
    Ukyo stopped by a now-vacant table to pick up the empty tray and
pocket a very generous tip. 'Who would have imagined that the tips would
get bigger along with the restaurant?' she asked herself. 'I've made
almost as much in an hour as I used to in an entire day! And this was
the lunch crowd!' She quickly ran the tray back to the kitchen, counting
her expected profits. "... minus the increased rent, and extra
ingredients... I'm still making plenty! All I need to do is find some
help by the end of the summer, so I can keep up this pace through the
school year..."
    The bell on the front door rang as another customer entered the
restaurant. "That might be Ranma!" Ukyo adjusted her apron, put on her
warmest smile, and stepped out to greet the customer with a bow.
"Welcome to Ucchan's grand opening!" she said. Then she straightened up
and saw who she was greeting. Her smile vanished, and her eyes widened.
"Akane! Shampoo! What are you two doing here?"
    "We're looking for Ranma," replied Akane. "You haven't seen him,
have you?"
    Ukyo shook her head. "No, I haven't. He was supposed to come in for
lunch half an hour ago, but he's late."
    "You mean he skipped out on a date with you?" asked Akane.
    "Yeah, I can't understand it myself. He was really looking forward
to it, and so was I. It would be his first meal in my new restaurant..."
She sighed. "So you two don't know where he is either?"
    "We look everywhere," said Shampoo. "He not anywhere."
    A family of four opened the door and stood patiently behind Akane
and Shampoo. "Do you two want to sit down?" offered Ukyo, waving her arm
toward an empty table. "You can wait here for Ranma honey if you want."
    Akane and Shampoo took their seats and waited while Ukyo sat the
family at a booth and took their order. "Do you think Ranma will show up
here?" Akane asked while they waited for Ukyo to return.
    "Ranma never miss date with Ukyo," replied Shampoo. "If he supposed
to be here, something bad must happen to keep him away."
    "You really think so?" Akane asked worriedly.
    Shampoo nodded. "But if we no find him, nothing can do. Airen can
take care of self. He be okay."
    "If he's okay, why isn't he here?" asked Akane.
    Shampoo winked at her. "Shampoo know airen good. He be okay."
    Akane ignored her, deep in thought. "You know where we didn't
check..." she said at last. "The Cat Cafe!"
    "Why airen be there? Shampoo not there!"
    Akane sighed. "I guess you might have a point..."
    Ukyo pulled up a chair and sat down. "That should take care of the
customers for a few minutes... So, what's up? What happened to Ranma
honey?"
    "We don't know," replied Akane. "One minute, Shampoo and I were
arguing and Ranma was right there. The next minute, he was gone."
    "Hmmmm..." Ukyo leaned on the table. "And you're sure you looked
everywhere for him?"
    "Well, almost everywhere," Akane confessed. "We didn't check -"
    Before she could finish, the door burst open so forcefully that the
bell didn't have a chance to ring, and Ranma stumbled into the
restaurant. His clothes were torn in several places, blood staining the
fabric at the tears, and his pigtail had come untied and dangled
half-unwound down the back of his neck. He stopped to lean against the
doorframe until he could muster the strength to push himself toward the
nearest table, using the tabletop to hold himself up. Ukyo and Akane
were at his sides before he could take another step, supporting him.
    "Ranma honey!" shouted Ukyo. "What happened to you?"
    "I don't know," replied Ranma, as the girls guided him toward the
table where Shampoo was sitting. "I got away from Akane and Shampoo when
they were arguing about something, and then headed straight for here. I
can remember walking a few blocks, and then the next thing I know, I'm
lying facedown in an alley somewhere with a pounding headache and barely
enough energy to make it here."
    "Were you mugged?" asked Akane.
    "I don't remember," replied Ranma. Then he turned to look at Akane.
"Akane? What the heck are you doing here?"
    "Hey, I was worried about you!" said Akane indignantly.
    "Oh, sorry," said Ranma.
    Ukyo and Akane simultaneously froze, dropping Ranma onto the floor.
Shampoo leapt out of her seat to cradle him once again, but the other
two girls ignored her.
    "Did he just apologize?" asked Ukyo.
    "That's what it sounded like," said Akane. "But it couldn't have
been sincere. Ranma usually says something like 'Why would I want a
tomboy like you to worry about me?'"
    "Why would I say that?" asked Ranma. "I was suspicious, but that was
wrong of me. I can see that now. I just wanted to apologize for getting
the wrong idea."
    Ukyo knelt beside Ranma and placed a hand on his forehead. "Ranma
honey... do you remember any aliens with probes or mind-altering drugs?"
    Ranma shook his head. "Nothing. I was just walking along, on my way
to lunch, and then I woke up and it was an hour later. I wouldn't even
have known any time had passed, if I hadn't looked at a clock."
    "He doesn't have a fever," Ukyo announced. "I think he's telling the
truth."
    "But what happen to him?" asked Shampoo. "Why can he no remember?"
    "There's only one thing I can think of that erases memories,"
replied Akane. "Your special shampoo. Remember, the one you once used to
make me forget about Ranma?"
    "Yeah," said Ukyo, her eyes narrowing in suspicion. "It sounds like
something you might use to cover up some kind of scheme. Have you been
brainwashing Ranma honey?"
    "How Shampoo supposed do that?" Shampoo asked indignantly. "I with
Akane whole time!"
    "That's right," said Akane. "She couldn't have used her shampoo."
    Ukyo stood up. "Well, I'm a businesswoman, not a detective, and I've
got orders to take and food to deliver. I'll be right back." She took
two steps toward a booth where hungry customers were waiting anxiously
for her, then turned back. "Will you two get him into a chair already?
Honestly, if you leave him on the floor like that, people will think
it's got something to do with the food!"
    Akane and Shampoo hoisted Ranma into a seat. "Thanks," said Ranma,
as he leaned heavily on the back of the chair, his head hanging
unsupported over the top. "Could one of you please get me something to
drink? Maybe that will help me get my energy back..."
    "He said please, and thank you," Akane noted. "I don't think he's
ever done that before."
    "Something different about Ranma," agreed Shampoo. She smiled.
"Shampoo like!"
    "Well, sure, it's a nice change," admitted Akane. "But how did it
happen?"
    Shampoo leaned her elbows on the table and thought. "Don't know. Why
someone want to make Ranma polite?"
    "Haven't you always wanted me to be more polite, Akane?" asked
Ranma. "It just occurred to me that maybe the reason you never listen to
me is that I never treat you the way you deserve to be treated. So,
maybe if I'm more polite to you, you'll believe me when I try to explain
that something isn't my fault."
    Akane blinked in surprise. "When have I ever not listened to you?"
    Shampoo cringed, anticipating a snide retort from Ranma followed by
a beating from Akane, but Ranma simply said, "Never mind. What's
happened in the past doesn't matter. We only have the future to worry
about now. We need to learn to get along better. All of us, not just you
and me."
    Akane and Shampoo stared at him in shock. Ranma avoided their gazes,
but whether that was because of embarrassment or his continued lack of
energy was unclear. The air between the three barely stirred until Ukyo
slid a family-sized okonomiyaki onto the table.
    "What happened here?" she asked as she took her seat. "This table's
as dead as the last guy who tried to hit on me in my old restaurant!"
    "Ranma's acting really weird tonight," said Akane. "It's only gotten
weirder since you left."
    "What's so weird about wanting us to be better friends?" asked
Ranma.
    "We're already engaged!" Akane reminded him.
    "You don't act like a fiancee," countered Ranma. "I realized that
this morning, when you believed Ryoga's word over mine even after he'd
already lied to you. You seem to think you can get away with anything
where I'm concerned, and our engagement will always keep us together.
Well, maybe it's time for a change."
    Akane choked on her next breath. Ukyo had to pound her on the back
before she could speak. "You're breaking the engagement?"
    "Shampoo think it great idea!"
    Akane glared at Shampoo. "YOU stay out of this."
    Ranma shook his head. "Breaking the engagement wouldn't help matters
at all, right now. All I'm saying is that we should take the arrangement
into serious consideration. If you really want to be my fiancee, you
should try to be a little bit more understanding of my situation. If
not, then the engagement is only hurting both of us."
    "I think he's got a point, Akane," said Ukyo. "You two really don't
seem to get along very well..."
    "Shut up!" snapped Akane. "I don't need your comments, Ukyo!"
    "Akane know she wrong," said Shampoo. "She lose temper again. That
prove she wrong."
    "It does not! Ranma doesn't know what he's talking about!"
    Ranma stood up, seemingly much stronger than he had been. "Next time
you want to start a fight, Akane, think about what I said."
    "Is you okay to walk around?" asked Shampoo.
    "I'll be fine," replied Ranma. "I feel much better now." He turned
and walked toward the front door without staggering at all.
    "Wait, Ranma honey!" Ukyo called after him. "What about lunch?"
    Ranma stopped. "I'd better not, today," he replied. "Akane needs
some time to think, and I doubt she'd want me spending the afternoon
alone with you."
    "Shampoo here to keep eye on Ranma," said Shampoo.
    "I'm sure Akane would love that," Ukyo said sarcastically.
    Akane crossed her arms. "Do whatever you want, Ranma. I don't care."
    "But I want you to care, Akane," said Ranma. Without another word,
he swept out the door.
    The three girls stared at the door as if expecting it to explain
what they had just seen. The customers stared at the three girls,
wondering what was going on. Akane in particular sat frozen, her arms
still crossed even though her indignation was gone. "Ranma..." she
whispered, as much fear as concern in her voice.
    Ukyo put her hand on Akane's shoulder. "Don't worry about what he
said. If Ranma honey hasn't been brainwashed, then every okonomiyaki I
sell for the next week is free!"
    "But who could have done it?" asked Akane. "If Shampoo isn't
responsible..."
    Ukyo turned to Shampoo. "Could your great-grandmother have done
something to Ranma without you knowing about it?"
    Shampoo shook her head. "Marry airen is Shampoo responsibility.
Great-grandmother do nothing without Shampoo say so!"
    "Are you sure?" asked Ukyo. "Maybe this time, she has some kind of
plan that requires you to be out of the loop."
    Shampoo examined her clothes. "Shampoo not wearing loop."
    "Never mind the expression," said Ukyo. "Just go find out if Cologne
had anything to do with Ranma honey's strange behavior!"
    "Okay!" said Shampoo with a salute. "Shampoo find out if anything
suspicious!" She leapt out of her chair and exited the restaurant at a
run.
    "Now, we can talk privately," said Ukyo, once Shampoo had left the
building. "I don't care what Shampoo says; I don't trust her."
    "Neither do I," agreed Akane. "But what should we do?"
    Ukyo winked. "I think I have a plan. But it's going to take both of
us to make it work."
    "You want to work together with me?" Akane asked incredulously.
    "If we want to save Ranma honey, we don't have a choice," replied
Ukyo.
    "Well... all right." Akane extended her hand, and the chef shook it.
"Talk about deja vu..."
    Ukyo's face registered confusion, but she ignored the strange
remark. "Anyway, here's my plan. I figure that Shampoo and Cologne must
have picked today to do whatever they did to Ranma because they didn't
want him to have lunch with me. So if I invite him to lunch tomorrow,
they'll probably do it again. That's where you come in. You've got to
watch Ranma honey like a hawk, especially when he's on his way to lunch.
See if you can figure out what's going on, but try not to let them know
that we're on to their plan. Once we get some dirt on Cologne, we'll
figure out what to do from there."
    "I think I can manage that," said Akane. "Should I tell Ranma what
I'm doing?"
    Ukyo shook her head. "You'd better not. If he's been brainwashed,
who knows what kinds of thoughts are running through his head? He might
have been programmed to warn them if he thinks we're on to their scheme
or something."
    "Excuse me, Miss Ucchan!" called a man from a nearby booth. "Can I
get my check, please?"
    "Coming right up!" Ukyo responded. She turned back to Akane. "Akane,
I've got to get back to work. You'd better get out there and find Ranma
honey, just in case something happens that we didn't expect."
    Akane leapt to her feet. "Right. I'm on my way!" She quickly left
the restaurant.
    Ukyo looked unhappily at the uneaten okonomiyaki cooling on the
table. "Well, gee. Try to do something nice, and look where it gets
you." She picked off a piece of shrimp and swallowed it without chewing.
"At least Ranma's not going to get any time off from Akane. By the time
tomorrow's lunch comes around, he's probably going to be dying to get
away from her, even for a couple of minutes. And that's when he'll come
to sweet, loving, non-annoying me..."
*************************************************
    Ryoga staggered into the small town along the sandy road, pushing
his way past some very strange-looking animals that were corralled
beside the street. He glanced up at the buildings, hoping to figure out
where he was, but instead of writing, the signs featured long squiggles
with dots. He wiped his brow once again with his handkerchief and
cleared his throat to ask one of the locals for directions.
    "Excuse me, but can you tell me what country this is?" he asked one
of the men in a white robe and red checkered headdress. The man shook
his head and said something in a language Ryoga had never heard before.
However, Ryoga's travel experiences had allowed him to learn quite a bit
about speech patterns, and he was able to quite accurately translate
what the man had said: "I'm sorry, I don't understand."
    Ryoga sighed. True, he'd found his way to one of the few places in
the world he'd never been before, which was certainly an accomplishment;
but he needed to find his way back! He needed to get to where he
belonged! He needed... some expert advice. He quickly opened his pack
and removed a well-read hardcover book, consulted the index, and found
the page he wanted in only four tries.
    "The most important element of a fulfilling life is a sense of
direction," said the book. "Some feel that they do not possess this
sense, but that is a common fallacy. Direction is not an idea that comes
from the outside world, but from a particular state of mind. You must
always keep your purpose in sight. When you know your true purpose, you
will always have your sense of direction."
    "My true purpose?" asked Ryoga. "What is that?" He wiped his brow
again with the handkerchief. "Wait a second... I don't have a
handkerchief!" His hand slowly slid down his face until he could see
what he held. A pair of Akane's panties... "I remember!" he shouted to
the uncomprehending citizens and the empty sky. "I remember what my true
purpose is!" Setting that purpose squarely in his mind, Ryoga turned
around and set an unerring course for the Nerima District of Tokyo. This
time, he knew that he would find exactly what he was looking for.
*************************************************
    Ranma ran through the conversation again in his mind as he strolled
through the open-air market district of downtown Nerima. "I bet Akane's
mad at me. What the heck was I thinking back there? 'I want you to
care?' What's that supposed to mean, anyway? And why did I just walk
away like that?" He slapped his forehead. "I'm probably going to get an
earful when I get back. She'll probably say something like -"
    "Ranma, darling! Where have you been, my love?" Ranma froze. That
hadn't been Akane's voice... He turned around just as Kodachi Kuno leapt
at him, grabbing him in a massive hug that pinned his arms to his sides
and threw both of them to the ground.
    Ranma immediately began to try to squirm his way out of her grip,
but Kodachi's weight pressed him to the ground, canceling his leverage.
"Kodachi! What the heck do you think you're doing?"
    "I have to take what I want," replied Kodachi. "If you haven't
learned by now the depth of my love for you, then I must be more forward
in my pursuit of your heart."
    Ranma paused in his escape attempt. "Where did you hear something
crazy like that? Have you been listening to your brother's romantic
drivel again?"
    "My brother's heart is divided," replied Kodachi. "He does not know
what he wants, so he can never have it. But my desires are clear! It is
you I want, Ranma Saotome! You, and only you!"
    Ranma took a deep breath. He wasn't sure where the words came from,
but when he opened his mouth, there they were. "Kodachi, I'm really
sorry, but I don't feel that way about you. My life is very complicated
right now, and I really can't afford any more fiancees. I'm sure you'll
find a nice guy to settle down with, but it just won't work between you
and me."
    Kodachi's surprise relaxed her grip enough to allow Ranma to free an
arm. "What are you saying, darling?"
    Ranma thought as quickly as he could, but whatever divine
inspiration had struck before failed him this time. "I, uh..."
    "Would you see me a maid in my old age, Ranma dear?" asked Kodachi.
"I swore to myself that I would never marry another man, and I never
break my word. I know very well of your troubled life, and it pains me
to see those tacky girls squabbling over you day and night. I can do but
one thing to ease your heart, Ranma - become your devoted fiancee!"
    "Everyone wants to do that! Can't you understand? It's not going to
work! Akane would never go for it, for one thing!"
    "Who cares what anyone else thinks?" Kodachi spouted, more to the
world in general than to Ranma specifically. "Our love need know no
bounds!"
    "I don't want it!" shouted Ranma, pushing on Kodachi's shoulder with
his free hand in a vain attempt to extricate himself. "Let me go,
Kodachi!"
    A sharp wooden point pressed into the side of Ranma's neck. "Stay
thy hand, vile fiend!" shouted the ever-poetic Tatewaki Kuno. "Even in
public, you persist with your depravity! Unhand my sister, you befouler
of all women!"
    "I'd love to!" said Ranma, leaning back as Kodachi tried to kiss
him. "Tell her to unhand me first!"
    "Don't try to blame my sister for your perversion! I have dealt with
your kind before, Ranma Saotome. So quick are you to bewitch innocent
women, yet when called to account, always you try to escape from your
fate!" He raised his bokken to the heavens. "No more! This day shall I
end your lecherous ways! A duel, Ranma Saotome!"
    "I don't have time to fight you!" groaned Ranma, as Kodachi's soft
lips brushed his cheek. "I've got bigger problems to deal with right
now! And if Akane sees this..."
    "Forget about Akane, darling," Kodachi whispered into his ear. "I
will not let her lay a finger upon you, no matter how great her jealousy
over our love."
    "Let go, Kodachi!" warned Ranma. "I don't want to have to hurt you!"
    "That I cannot do enough to return your love is the only thing that
wounds me!" said Kodachi.
    Kuno looked down at the entangled pair. "Ah, I understand. In that
case, so be it!" He grabbed a rose from a nearby vendor's stand, tossing
a coin onto her counter, and flung the rose at Ranma, who plucked it out
of the air. "Since your desire for my sister is so great, and you have
in the past proven yourself worthy, I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall hereby give
my consent for you to marry her."
    "Isn't it wonderful, Ranma dear?" asked Kodachi. "We will be wed
immediately!"
    "I knew it!" shouted an all-too familiar voice. "I let you out of my
sight for five minutes, and you're running off to get married!" Ranma
threw the rose to the ground and peered over Kodachi's shoulder to
assess his chances of talking his way out of the situation. Akane's
enraged expression, tightened muscles, and clenched fists left him
little hope. That little hope was summarily dashed to pieces when she
continued her tirade, raising her voice on almost every other word.
"Here YOU are, SNEAKING away from ME to be with SHAMPOO, UKYO, AND
KODACHI, ALL in the SAME DAY, and you have the NERVE to tell ME to be a
BETTER FIANCEE?"
    "Akane, I can explain!" Ranma protested, as Kodachi growled at
Akane.
    "Can you?" Akane asked with a leer.
    Ranma quickly began to form an explanation that would be sure to
patch things over with Akane, not even bothering to wonder where the
ideas were coming from. However, while he was lost in thought, Kodachi
grabbed the sides of his head and pulled him into a kiss. Ranma screamed
and pushed himself away from her, planting a foot in her face in his
haste to escape. Kodachi's arms relinquished their hold at last, setting
Ranma free with enough momentum to send him flying backwards - right
into Kuno.
    The kendoist raised his bokken threateningly. "Do you dare to deny
my sister, Saotome? Such a dishonor I cannot permit!"
    Ranma tilted his head back until he was looking up into Kuno's face,
then lowered it again to see the reactions of Kodachi and Akane. He
quickly made a few mental calculations, glanced back at Kuno's face to
fill in a couple of variables, and arrived at an answer that he liked.
He bent his knees, cracked his knuckles, and launched the Saotome School
of Anything-Goes Martial Arts Final Attack.
    "Come back, you detestable dog!" shouted Kuno as Ranma pushed his
way past and ran at full speed through the marketplace. "I have not yet
begun to fight!"
    "Ranma darling!" shouted Kodachi, tenderly fingering the sole print
on her face. "Don't leave your wife waiting! Come back to me and let
your sweet lips caress me once again!"
    "You will not marry a cur such as that one, dear sister," Kuno
informed her. "I will make certain of it, even if I must kill him to do
so!"
    "I won't let you harm a hair on his head!" returned Kodachi. She
leapt to her feet and chased after her brother as he in turn pursued
Ranma.
    Akane started to join in the chase, but stopped before taking her
first step. "Why should I try to help Ranma?" she asked aloud. "If he
thinks he can get away with putting his hands all over every woman he
meets, he deserves whatever he gets!" She turned around and stormed off
for home, leaving a trail of angered steam in her wake.
*************************************************
    "Why am I running away?" Ranma asked himself as he wove between the
stalls, much to the relief of the stallkeepers - until their stalls were
slashed to pieces seconds later as Kuno made his own shortcuts, steadily
narrowing Ranma's lead. "I can take the Kunos easy! I oughtta just stop
and pound some sense into both of them!" His mind made up, Ranma drew to
a halt and turned to face his pursuers. They were nowhere in sight.
    Suddenly, half of a fruit stand flew into the air from half a block
back, and Ranma's blood froze. He turned and ran again. "What am I
doing? What's wrong with me? Why don't I want to fight them?" The answer
came to him almost immediately. "It wouldn't do any good to beat them
up. They'll be back again tomorrow, just as clueless as ever. If only I
could manage to talk some sense into them!"
    His feet missed a step, and he tripped flat on his face. "Since when
have I ever wanted to talk some sense into anybody?" He shook his head.
"What's going on? Why can't I think straight?"
    Angry shouts from behind as Kuno sliced his way through another
stall brought Ranma back to the present, but it was a harsh whisper from
a nearby alley that caught his ear. "Psst! Ranma, over here!" Ranma
looked up, but could only see a hand holding a pitcher of water. He
sighed and quickly ducked into the alley.
    "Hello, Nabiki," he said without looking up. "How much?"
    Nabiki shook her head sadly. "Oh, Ranma, Ranma, Ranma..." she said
without emotion. "You wound me. Really."
    "How much?" repeated Ranma.
    "Don't know," replied Nabiki. "Let's check the weather, so to speak,
shall we?" She stepped over to the mouth of the alley and glanced out.
"Ooh, you've got both Kunos looking for you. This could qualify as an
emergency situation. That means you get my special emergency rate."
    Ranma fumbled for his wallet. "Great! That'll help the ol' budget.
So, how much is the special rate?"
    "Only ten thousand yen."
    Ranma's jaw dropped. "Ten thousand yen? That's even more than you
usually charge me!"
    Nabiki shrugged. "Like I said, it's the emergency rate."
    "This is extortion!" Ranma said as calmly as he could manage. "You
can't keep overcharging me for such simple things as a pitcher of
water!"
    "If you don't want to pay it, you're welcome to find your own
water," offered Nabiki.
    "Fine, I will." Ranma thrust his wallet back into his pocket and
stepped boldly out of the alley. Nabiki leaned against the wall and
examined her fingernails, whistling her favorite commercial jingle. No
sooner had she gotten to the product's name when Ranma darted back into
the alley and thrust a pile of bills into her hand. "Okay, you win!
Hurry up and splash me already!"
    Nabiki smiled. "I thought you'd never ask." She upended the pitcher
over Ranma's head. "Actually, I knew all along that you would. It was
just a question of when."
    "One of these days..." Ranma stewed as she shook the water from her
hair.
    "Hey, it's a simple matter of supply and demand."
    Kuno rounded the corner and charged into the alley, followed closely
by Kodachi. "I saw the cretin come this way!" shouted Kuno. "After him
we must!" He stopped short as he saw who was waiting for him in the
alley. "Pigtailed girl! My love! How thoughtful of you to wait for me!
But tarry no longer, for I, Tatewaki Kuno, age seventeen, have arrived
to sweep you off your feet -"
    Ranma silenced him with a kick to the jaw. "I've heard just about
enough out of you, lover boy."
    Kodachi turned up her nose at Ranma before turning to Nabiki. "You!
You're one of the Tendo girls, are you not?"
    Nabiki stared levelly into Kodachi's eyes. "That depends."
    Kodachi was not intimidated in the least. "Which way did my Ranma
go?"
    Nabiki rubbed her fingers together suggestively. "How much is it
worth to you?" she asked.
    "He jumped onto the roof," said Ranma, pointing the way with her
thumb.
    "Thanks for nothing," Nabiki said darkly.
    Kodachi turned her cold stare on Ranma. "If I should find that you
lied to me..." She instantly brightened as she athletically leapt onto
the indicated rooftop. "Ranma darling! Here I come!" The sound of her
cackling remained as she set off along Ranma's imagined course.
    Kuno stared up after her. "It is my honor-sworn duty to crush Ranma
Saotome beneath my sandal like the roach that he is. However..." He
sheathed his bokken. "For the moment, I will forsake my honor, for it
means nothing when compared to my love for thee, my fiery goddess." He
knelt in front of Ranma and took her hand. "Pigtailed girl... the honor
of dating with you is the only honor I require."
    Ranma groaned. "Kuno... let me try to break this to you lightly..."
    "This should be amusing," said Nabiki. "I wish I had my tape
recorder."
    A twisted grin crossed Ranma's face. 'Ten thousand yen, Nabiki?' she
thought to herself. 'I warned you not to mess with me...' She pulled her
hand away from Kuno and threw her arms around Nabiki's waist. "You see,
Kuno, men just don't interest me. Isn't that right, Nabiki dear?"
    "Hey! Cut that out!" shouted Nabiki, grabbing Ranma's hands in an
attempt to pry herself from his grip.
    "I wouldn't do that if I were you," Ranma whispered into her ear.
Nabiki felt a delicate hand gripping her left breast in a way that
suggested that the lightness of the touch was subject to change at any
moment. "I know all sorts of ways to make a female body feel pain. If
you don't want me to demonstrate, you'd better play along."
    Nabiki swallowed hard. "You WILL pay me back someday, Ranma," she
whispered back. Then, she turned to Kuno with a charming smile on her
face. "She's telling the truth, Kuno baby. You wouldn't believe the
things she tries to do to me when nobody's watching. And she hasn't
looked at a man in years."
    "You know, Kuno," Ranma put in, "your sister's kinda cute. How is
she in bed?"
    "B-b-bed?" stammered Kuno. "You're... you're a..."
    Ranma nodded, batting her eyelashes in feigned shyness.
    Kuno's face turned a bright red. "This is obviously the work of that
sorcerer, Ranma Saotome!" he shouted angrily. "It is clear to these eyes
that he has corrupted your sweet, tender, innocent emotions to prevent
you from loving any other man!"
    "Everything with you is Ranma, Ranma, Ranma, isn't it?" Ranma asked
impatiently.
    "Do not fear, my fair red-haired one!" Kuno assured her, ignoring
the comment. "I, Tatewaki Kuno, shall confront the abomination and force
him to relinquish his curse!" He drew his bokken and leapt to the
rooftops in cold pursuit of Ranma.
    "Well, that's over with," Ranma announced.
    Nabiki breathed a deep sigh of relief. Something about it felt
strange, but she couldn't quite identify what it was. Her chest felt
heavy, and a bit numb... almost as if someone were... Oh, right.
"Ranma," she said quietly yet maliciously. "Get your hand off of my
breast. Now."
    Ranma looked at the offending hand in disbelief, then quickly backed
away. "What the heck was I -?" She couldn't even bring herself to finish
the question.
    "You were molesting me," Nabiki informed her. "I can't wait to tell
Akane what you've been doing in your spare time. You know how she'll
take it."
    Nabiki's words carried the edge of a threat, but Ranma decided to
call her bluff. "Sure. I bet it'll make an interesting story. Go tell
all your friends how I accosted you in a deserted alley and had my way
with you. I bet they'll respect you even more knowing that I got the
better of you for once. Maybe they'll even think you enjoyed it. And you
know how rumors get around..."
    "Is that supposed to mean something?" asked Nabiki.
    Ranma shrugged. "Do whatever you want. I don't care. But I'm
considering this little incident payback for all the times you
overcharged me. As far as I'm concerned, we're even, and this whole
thing is our little secret." She mimed zipping her mouth shut.
    "I don't do favors for free," Nabiki stated flatly.
    Ranma's mouth curled into a cruel half-smile. She had one more trick
to try. "You know... I never really noticed it before, but now that
we've been this close, you are kinda cute. If you really want to drive
me and Akane apart, I'm going to need a new fiancee in your family..."
    Nabiki groaned and threw her hands up in defeat. "All right, I give
up! You win. It's a secret."
    "I knew you'd see it my way." But why not have a little more fun?
"You know, I wasn't kidding when I said you were cute."
    "Don't push me," warned Nabiki. "I'm letting you off easy this time.
But you touch me once more as a girl, and I'll show you how much *I*
know about causing a female body pain. And if you're a guy... I don't
think I need to elaborate, do I?"
    Ranma quickly shook her head and waved her hand innocently. "Nope! I
get the message." She quickly made herself scarce before the shock of
her actions could settle in Nabiki's mind. But Nabiki wasn't the only
one surprised by what had just happened. Ranma had some thinking of her
own to do. "What the heck was I doing? I've never touched a girl like
that - not intentionally! I have enough trouble with girls as it is!"
While she contemplated her unusual actions, another horrifying detail
hit home. "Did I just outsmart Nabiki? I KNOW I've never done that
before!" She wrung her hands gleefully. "Whatever's happened to me, it
does have its advantages..."
    Ranma didn't even realize that she'd completely zoned out until she
smacked face first into the side of a stall. A few people turned to
stare at her, but Ranma ignored them and kept walking. "I wonder what
could be wrong with me. I've been doing weird stuff ever since I woke up
in that alley..." She stopped and put her hand to her forehead. "Was
Ukyo right? Did somebody mess with my brain? I don't FEEL any
different... but I sure am acting strangely. I'd probably better try to
figure out what's wrong." Her stomach rumbled, reminding her that she
hadn't eaten lunch. "On second thought, I think I'd better just go
straight home. I don't want to miss dinner."
    Shampoo watched Ranma turn and head for home from her vantage point
on the rooftops. "That work better than Shampoo expected. Maybe
great-grandmother plan not so crazy after all." She winced as Ranma,
still distracted by her thoughts, walked into another stall. "Maybe next
plan to keep Ranma eyes in front."
*************************************************
    Ryoga took one pained step after another, leaning heavily on the
palm tree trunk that was serving as a walking stick, as he wound his way
through the streets of Tokyo. "Why?" he wheezed. "Why can I never find
what I'm looking for, even when I have my sense of direction?" He wiped
his brow with the already sweat-covered panties in his hand. The other
hand, he clenched into a fist and shook angrily at the sky. "What did I
ever do to you? Is it really too much to ask that I could find my way,
just once?"
    He froze as he felt the alarmed stares of every man and woman on the
street. Even the cars driving past had stopped. "What are you all
staring at?" he shouted, waving the panties in as threatening a manner
as it is possible to brandish a woman's undergarment. "Haven't you ever
had to carry a pair of panties halfway around the world and back to keep
your end of a bargain?" Ryoga's outburst failed to dispel the
discomfiting stares. If anything, it drew even more. Ryoga turned the
corner and ran to escape the unnerving attention, not stopping until he
had left the crowd far behind. Once he was sure he was alone, he let
himself slow down to a halt and leaned against a wall in the shade of a
movie marquee to catch his breath.
    "There you are!" cried an angry voice from the vicinity of Ryoga's
knees. Ryoga jumped at the sound, but a downward glance told him that
the tiny man sharing his shade was no threat. In fact, he was the one
Ryoga had been searching for all along!
    "Can this really be the place?" Ryoga asked. "Is this the Hen-Tie
Theater?"
    "Of course it is!" shouted Happosai. "Where did you think it would
be? And what took you so long? I've been waiting for you for hours!"
    "Don't get angry at me!" Ryoga shouted back. "I didn't TRY to get
lost! It just happened!"
    Happosai glared and crossed his arms. "Did you at least bring what I
asked you to?"
    "Here, have fun." Ryoga threw the panties into Happosai's face. The
old man snatched them out of the air and sniffed at them suspiciously.
    "These panties stink of man sweat," said Happosai. "They're no good
to me."
    "Hey, we had a deal! I got you Akane's panties; now you tell me the
secret!"
    Happosai sighed. "Fine. But never ask me to do another favor for you
again!" With a quick gesture, Happosai secreted the panties somewhere on
his person and leapt up onto Ryoga's shoulder. He cupped his hand around
Ryoga's ear and quietly whispered his most treasured secret. The corners
of Ryoga's mouth curled slowly upwards as he listened, and his eyes
began to water. By the time Happosai had finished, Ryoga was cackling
softly to himself.
    "At last..." he said, clenching his fists in front of his waist. "At
last, my dreams will come true!" He ran for the Tendo Dojo, leaping for
joy every other step.
    Happosai shook his head sadly as Ryoga pranced out of sight.
"Amateur... he's not ready for my secret. I just hope he doesn't get
hurt too badly figuring that out. He had so much promise..."

--------------------------------------------

"How would you like to be a squad leader, Fowler?"
"I'm sure I'd hate every minute of it, sir. Responsibility wears me
out."
"Good. Normally we choose squad leaders after the plane lands, but in
your case we'll make a loophole."
Lanton shrugged. "Don't you mean an exception, sir?"
"There are no exceptions in the Army, Squad Leader Fowler; only
loopholes."

My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp



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             | Unsubscribing - ffml-request@anifics.com |
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             `---- http://ffml.anifics.com/faq.txt -----'