Shinji opened the door. Outside, there stood a delivery driver from
the pizza pub down the road. It seemed to Shinji that the man was
sweating too much for the night air. Then the driver stood aside
and Shinji just shook his head.

"That'll be 9500," he said.

Shinji handed over the money as Asuka came up behind him. At
the sight of the driver she gave a shrill cry.

"Pizza!" she screamed and dove for the boxes behind the driver.

"She likes pizza, does she?" he asked Shinji.

"Just the vege-pizza," Shinji said quietly, "You know how girls
are..."

"I heard that," Asuka mumbled through a slice of pizza.

The delivery guy turned and left. Asuka picked up her box and let
Shinji get the other nine. They were heavy but, like so much else
with Asuka, he'd manage. He took them into the living room and
set them down with a huff.

"You could have helped, you know..."

"Yeah," she replied, sitting next to Pen Pen on the couch, "But it's
more fun to watch you struggle."

"Please Asuka," a voice said from the kitchen, "Don't pick on my
son."

"Misato," Ritsuko said from the other couch, "You could've helped
him too, instead of-"

"Oh, don't mind them Ritsuko," Shinji said as his mother gave him
a Coke, "They do that all the time..."

"Well, they don't have to do that in my house," Gendo said from
the big chair in the corner.

"Now dear," Yui shook her finger at him slightly, "We must
remember that we were that age once."

There was a loud pop as Misato and Kaji dislodged themselves
from one another.

"What?" Misato asked, "It's just a friendly peck on the cheek."

"I don't remember the last time pecking someone on the cheek
required a tonsil exam," a high male voice said as he sat down at
the table.

"You don't have tonsils, Kaoru," Ritsuko muttered, "Neither does
Rei."

"I know." Rei replied, forcing herself between Shinji and Kaoru.

"Is everyone here?" Kaji asked as he tried to eat a slice of pizza
with Misato on his lap.

"Everyone important."

"Gendo!"

"Hush dear," he said quietly, "The room's getting full."

"And WHY are we sitting here, forced to misty this thing, again?"
Asuka belched.

"Because it's good press," Yui yelped as Gendo drew her down to
his lap, "And don't belch dear. It's not ladylike."

"And doing THAT in public IS?" Kaoru blushed.

"Wark!" Pen Pen said as he pointed at the screen.

The sun shone brilliantly against the blackness of the unending
night as it rose over the horizon.

Rei: It's 2001?

Shinji: It is, isn't it?

Kaji: I just hope there aren't any of those humans in gorilla
costumes...

Pen Pen: WARK wark warkwark, wark WARK WARK WARK!

[Everyone falls silent and stares]

Misato: Thanks for the Heston...

It gleamed slightly in a fiery-ball-
of-gas sort of way,

Asuka: It needs a Tucks.

Kaoru: Is it going somewhere special?

Kaji: Down the drain, REAL quick with these jokes...

but the Earth didn't mind. For millions of
earths, it provided the Earth with the warmth needed to create the
fuzzy scum (geologically speaking, of course) on its cup of coffee.

Ritsuko: Misato makes bacteriologically pure coffee...

Misato: YOU drink it!

Gendo: You've never had Ritsuko's coffee.

The human race had crawled to the surface, bringing with it all
kinds of things, like cable television and lawyers,

Yui: Not to mention Spam. I like Spam.

Shinji: [bored] Yes, mom.

Yui: Don't YOU like Spam, Shinji?

Gendo: Don't say a WORD, young man...

[There's a pause]

Shinji: It really doesn't make good sushi, mom.

[Everyone else turns a shade of green]

but the Earth
didn't begrudge them. At least for the former. The Earth kept on
spinning because that's what planets do best.

Rei: [Imitating a certain Disney character] Woohooohoohohoo!

[Everyone stares at her]

Rei: What?

Then there was a chord, and the Earth looked up into the space
surrounding it.

Misato and Kaji: [Singing] Lucy in the sky with diamonds!

It wondered at what it saw there. A length of some
kind of metal, small to a planet, but large to a human.

[All the women in the room get a good chuckle]

Misato: Let me guess, it was twelve inches long too...

It was the
color of blood and very pointy at one end.

[All the women burst out laughing]

Ritsuko: You're right! It WAS twelve inches long!

And it orbited upright
around the Earth. The Earth looked on it about where the bit of
metal pointed and found it nighttime there.

Kaji: I thought the sun had just come up?

Gendo: Narrative license.

Kaji: Like who my killer was in the series?

Misato: No dear, that was me.

Rei: Actually it was Pen Pen.

And one place was lit up with artificial lights, red, white and blue.

[Shinji, Asuka, Rei and Kaoru light sparklers and begin to sing]

They're comin' to America! They're comin' to America...TODAY!

Yui: No fireworks in the house, dear.

Shinji: Sorry mom.

Oddly with green and purple lights too.

Asuka: The electrician's on a bender.

Misato: Where's Hyuuga when you need him? He'd fix that right up...

Ritsuko: [Trying to be quiet] Forget Hyuuga, where's Maya...

[Everyone stares at her and she laughs nervously]

Ritsuko: Um...Nevermind...

And there were many people there. Old, young, dead and alive
(though the dead didn't really act all that dead).

Rei: I'm not dead yet!

Gendo: No Python sketches in this house, young lady! You know
the rules...

Rei: Not even the Lumberjack song?

Gendo: ESPECIALLY the Lumberjack song!

And they were getting awards.

And LO - for they did call them;

Kaji: Weirdoes? Freaks? People with no life?

Misato: That's enough Kaji...

Kaji: Hoodlums? Miscreants? Social Outcasts?

Misato: [growling] Kaji...

Kaji: Dregs? Lepers? Zomb-

Misato: That's it! No more sex!

Kaji: [Breaks the fourth wall] Sorry! Really! I'm sorry! I'm sure
you're all kind, wonderful, BEAUTIFUL people who can't possibly
be any busier with your enormous social existence and yet you still
find time to grace us with masterful works of prose and poetry and-

Misato: Okay. That's enough ass kissing...

Kaji: Well...I'll finish later...

[Misato giggles like a schoolgirl and snuggles down more. The rest
of them get a little sick at the sight.]

The 2001 TakoBall Awards...

Rei: Dr. Akagi? What's a TakoBall?

Ritsuko: Rei, it's like a ChickenBall, but without-

Kaoru: Chickens have balls? I thought it was only roosters?

Asuka: No...You're thinking of-

Yui: I didn't know that tacos *had* balls!

Gendo: Can we PLEASE concentrate, PEOPLE!

The annual award for the fanfiction
writers of Neon Genesis Evangelion...

Rei: That's not an accurate translation, you know...

Gendo: Rei...The misty...PLEASE?

And the Earth smiled...For it was good...

Gendo: Then it made Double Meat Lovers Pizza and said it was
good too and-

[Gendo laughed nervously at all the eyes watching him]

Gendo: Umm...Hehehe...Right...

You too can make a difference in this year's awards!

Everyone: We CAN?!

Just go to
www.takoballs.free.fr and register your vote now for the best in
many categories!

Kaji: Anyone say ANYTHING about 'dangling chads' gets hurt!

This year's awards will be simulcast around the
world on your favorite Mailing List in living TrueType fonts!

Asuka: Does that mean they'll be using Microsoft?

Yui: Asuka dear, I don't think they want the ceremonies to crash
every two minutes...

[Shinji gives them a rimshot]

Rei: You play the drums too?

The 2001 TakoBall Awards...Sponsored by Yebisu.

Misato: WOOHOO! PARTY! I AM *THERE*!

Misato jumped up from Kaji's lap and began to dance around the
livingroom. Yui got off of Gendo's lap and began to dance with
her. Ritsuko tossed up her hands and joined them. Rei looked to
Asuka, who shrugged her shoulders. Both of them stood and began
to join the conga line that had formed behind Misato.

"Well," Kaji sighed, "If you can't beat them-"

"Whip them?" Gendo asked.

Kaji smirked and joined Gendo in line.

Kaoru watched with Shinji as Pen Pen got off the couch and
waddled to the end of the line as it danced through the house.

"So, Shinji..." Kaoru sighed as he turned puppy dog eyes to the
boy, "Is this a sleep-over?"

Shinji whimpered slightly.

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