Good Stuff!
This is about the first thing that really grabbed my attention since
the FFML started back up. I'll admit, I was expecting something more
in the nature of a comedy from the title, but I was pleased
none-the-less with Miss/Fortune. Thanks for a good fic!
On a more specific note, I was impressed by your handling of
flashbacks. Even though it became obvious that everybody _else_ knew
what Akane's 'illness' was, Akane herself had to work through the
memories to the staggering realisation that she carried Ryouga's child.
Very suspenseful and nicely done.
Also, your portrayal of Ranma as a weary, frustrated, and above all,
_sober_ young man was well done. Alot of authors just wave away major
personality shifts like this with some pat explaination, but you went a
bit further and explained the progression he underwent, _and_ from
various viewpoints. Good work again.
And that brings me to another point: _all_ the characters had
undergone some sort of growth or change. Shampoo's enhanced command of
Japanese (somewhat lost under pressure, nice touch), Kasumi's
unravelling self-control, and especially Ryu Kumon's addition to the
close-knit central group were all very believable. I really enjoyed
this story.
But... I was thrown off by the apparent 'ending' of the story. By
labelling the last part the 'epilogue', you confused me. I assumed
that the story ended where Akane chose Ryouga forever. Now, if you had
called the last part "Part Four", you wouldn't have lost the
cliff-hanger effect from the end of the third part, but you would have
shown that that cliffhanger was not, in fact, the resolution, but
rather a penultimate point in the story. I was, I confess, seriously
considering _not_ reading the epilogue because of the jolt I felt when
I thought that part three was the final part. You might consider
renaming that epilogue to 'Part Four', and, if you really must have an
epilogue, perhaps append it to the end of part four. Maybe a brief
scene of Akane and Ranma with Ryouga and Akane's son, perhaps in an
idyllic park setting, being watched by some mysterious scarred madman
who mumbles about revenge? :) Perhaps Ryouga, blind and battered,
stumbles into Pheonix Mountain by accident and vows service to them,
plotting Saotome's downfall? We all love a good sequel around here :)
Anyhow, great job. Keep it coming!
Yours,
Martin