Tendous, his parents and his friends

## Tendous, his parents, and

He shook his head in resignation and trudged downstairs, not unlike that
of a condemned man on his way to the gas chamber.

## Except gas kills you quickly.

Down in the living room, the Tendous and their assorted guests, both
permanent and temporary anxiously awaited Ranma's appearance.  Kasumi,
ever attentive, began serving tea and snacks to those who waited, the
patriarchs of both the Saotome and Tendo clans were at their customary
position near the porch, their attention riveted at the Gou board
between them as Nodoka, Ranma's mother looked on.  Ryouga Hibiki paced
back and forth the living room, making sure he doesn't stray from his
route, else he would get lost.  The girls were fawning over the youngest
Hibiki as he played with his mother's fingers.  All activity ceased as
they heard the slow descent of feet down the stairway.

## I almost expected the funeral march to start playing right here...

Ranma appeared, still wearing the same dust filled, worn out cloak and
travelling clothes.    Golden bracers bearing strange inscriptions
adorned both his wrists; a strange dagger peeked out of the red silken
belt that secured his pants, an outlandish sword was dangling on the
opposite side.  He smiled at them as he sat down beside Akane, adjusting
the sword so he wouldn't be inconvenienced by it.  He raised his
blue-gray irises and stared at them one by one.  Ryouga, frustrated by
Ranma's stalling, banged his hand suddenly on the table, his action
almost breaking the table.

## Now that's a way to start a conversation.

  The baby, startled began

## startled, began

to cry only to calm down after his mother cooed at him, while staring
daggers at her husband who pointedly ignored her.  Ranma shook his head
in silent amusement and held up a hand to signal that he was about to
speak.  A sudden hush filled the room and they all seated themselves,
trying to be patient for Ranma's explanation.

"I don't know where to start, it's quite obvious that you're all
wondering about a lot of things.  I'd rather that you ask me the
questions that you have for me, maybe I can get this explanation going."
He began,

## going," he began. (when you use a speech word (said, began, yelled,
shouted, etc.) you need to connect the word with the line of dialogue.

pausing to let all the things he said sink in as he awaited the
inevitable explosion of chaos.  Suffice to say he wasn't disappointed as
almost everyone began speaking at once.  It was at this time that
Kasumi, the ever gentle one, stood up; a frown decorating her face.
"Might I remind all of you that Ranma had been on a long journey, he is
tired.  He doesn't need this much aggravation.  More importantly, there
is a child resting in the upstairs bedroom, and I would rather not have
you disturb her." She said, her voice gentle yet at the same time firm
and unyielding.  Ranma nodded to her in thanks, he took a sip of tea
from the cup in front of him as he relished the temporary silence.
Akane who had been silent all this time chose that moment to look at his
face.

## Akane, who had been silent all this time, chose

She tried to peer into the deep blue irises of her fianc�, a difficult
task for said fianc� was at that time staring at his cup.  "Who is that
child Ranma?" she asked, her voice betraying the jealousy that she felt
burning away in her gut.  Ranma smiled, he had been expecting this
question.  He looked up, brown eyes met sapphire blue ones and replied.
"She is the other half of my soul Akane. She is the one preordained to
give her life for the future of the world, and I have sworn to defend
her to my dying breath."

## Alrighty, first of all, you have three people speaking in this
paragraph. When you write, be sure that each person's dialogue is in a
seperate paragraph. It makes it so much easier to not confuse anyone's
lines. You need turn this whole thing into about four or five
paragraphs, at least. ie:

("I don't know where to start, it's quite obvious that you're all
wondering about a lot of things.  I'd rather that you ask me the
questions that you have for me, maybe I can get this explanation going."
He began, pausing to let all the things he said sink in as he awaited
the inevitable explosion of chaos.  Suffice to say he wasn't
disappointed as almost everyone began speaking at once.

It was at this time that Kasumi, the ever gentle one, stood up; a frown
decorating her face.  "Might I remind all of you that Ranma had been on
a long journey, he is tired.  He doesn't need this much aggravation.
More importantly, there is a child resting in the upstairs bedroom, and
I would rather not have you disturb her." She said, her voice gentle yet
at the same time firm and unyielding.  Ranma nodded to her in thanks, he
took a sip of tea from the cup in front of him as he relished the
temporary silence.

Akane who had been silent all this time chose that moment to look at his
face. She tried to peer into the deep blue irises of her fianc�, a
difficult task for said fianc� was at that time staring at his cup.
"Who is that child Ranma?" she asked, her voice betraying the jealousy
that she felt burning away in her gut.

Ranma smiled, he had been expecting this question.  He looked up, brown
eyes met sapphire blue ones and replied.  "She is the other half of my
soul Akane. She is the one preordained to give her life for the future
of the world, and I have sworn to defend her to my dying breath." )

Akane was shocked by his answer, she held her hand on her right chest,
trying to calm herself down, to slow down the intense beating of her
heart caused by a surge of fear.  "The other half of his soul?  What
does that mean? Does it mean that he no longer cares for me?" she
thought,

## You might want to use something besides quotation marks for thoughts.
Since you're already using them for speech, it might be hard to see the
difference between them. 'apostrophes,' [brackets,] *asterisks,* and
(parenthesis)  all work, as long as it differs from from normal speech.

Ukyo watched the silent exchange with a smile though the scene made a
little portion of her heart shrivel and die, but she was fine.

## Fine except for the fact that that little portion was only the
largest artery in her entire body...

 She had found someone else now, someone very dependable, strong and not
to mention a grade A jackass.  She frowned at the last description, one
that fit her husband perfectly at the moment.  "He's still scowling at
Ranma, if he ruins this moment for Akane-chan I'll whap his behind till
next week!" she vowed silently while giving her husband a withering
stare.

##That's a bad thing? Do'h! Impure thoughts!

his ear get twisted in ways that nature hadn't intended it to be.  He
heard his wife whisper in a tone that to him was both deadly and sexy at
the same time.

## See! I was right!

## Well then, isn't this interesting. Ranma's got nifty spifty magic
powers, and he's travelling with a little girl. He comes back to Akane
after 8 years devoid of female companionship... (Or maybe not.) But
that's for another chapter. Once you separate your paragraphs, this
whole thing will purty up nicely. Also, I've noticed that you sometimes
put in independent thoughts that should be seperated by commas, but
aren't. I'll show you:

Akane an actress was at the reunion. (Of course, they aren't as bad as
this one, but this is just an example.)
Now, the phrase "an actress" is the independent thought (there's a word
for it that I learned in English, but I forgot). With it just shoved in
there like that, the sentence doesn't "flow" properly. If it's written;
Akane, an actress, was at the reunion. Right? Now, for an example from
your story...

Down in the living room, the Tendous and their assorted guests, both
permanent and temporary anxiously awaited Ranma's appearance.

There! Although, I must say you got this one half-done. All you need is
one more comma:
Down in the living room, the Tendous and their assorted guests, both
permanent and temporary, anxiously awaited Ranma's appearance.

Well, it's kinda hard to explain how to locate these "independent
thoughts" (I really wish I could remember the word), but I'll give it a
shot. They are usually only there to add more detail, or to spice of the
sentence. Here's a line overloaded with 'em:
Ranma, a martial artist, lifted his fist, which was shaking, into the
air, his fingertips bloody.
I stuffed three of them there, and the key element of them (I'm pretty
sure) is that they all can be omitted without leaving any really
important parts of the sentence out. See:
Ranma lifted his fist into the air.
But isn't that boring? You should definitely use these, but make sure
they stay seperate.

But other than those two gripes, it looks pretty good! Keep writing!

Leif Johnson

I have this strange aversion to extreme pain, okay?- Ranma Saotome
Now you see that evil will always triumph, because good is dumb.- Dark
Helmet



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