Hi!  I'm going to give this a shot. ^^

Everything is my opinion and my style.

	I open my eyes, and look around at my surroundings. 
In the dim 
light of early morning, I see that I have stumbled
onto a small park.  
Several feet away is a deserted playground, and the
swings creak softly 
in the gentle breeze that blows through the field.

I liked the description.  Maybe blows _across_ instead of through.

	It isn't what I would have picked as my first choice,
for 
somewhere to spend the night.  But then, I rarely get
to choose where I 
spend the night.

Yay, now I know who "I" am.

<snip>

	I grimace in pain, telling my mind to shut up.  I lay
back down 
on the ground, and for long moments I watch the clouds
overhead.  They 
seem to get further and further away as I sink deeper
and deeper into 
the abyss of my depression.

Should be I _lie_ back down or I _lay myself_ back down. To lie is not the same as to lay.

	Akane married Ranma.

	I roll over, trying in vain to silence the voice in
my head that 
mocks my pain with its constant reminder.

	Akane married Ranma.

	I chuckle bitterly at the irony of it all.  After all
this time, 
after all the years of pain... Ranma finally won. 
These past few years 
of my life has been nothing but pain and turmoil- and
it has all been 
in vain.

	I might as well have never lived.

	I suppose I could go after him now.  Yell "Ranma,
prepare to 
die," like I always do.  Somehow, though, I can't
bring myself to do 
that.  I haven't forgiven him, but carrying on my
vendetta just doesn't 
seem like it's worth the effort anymore.  In every way
that matters, he 
has won.  After all, he married Akane.

	It occurs to me that the day is getting lighter; the
Sun has 
almost risen, and soon people will come to the park. 
Children will 
come to play on the playground, and they won't want to
see a vagabond 
me like sitting here.

Hmm, not important, but it seems that they never cared before, and he didn't care either.  Akane camped out for a whole week.  Maybe Nerima is lax. ^^

	Maybe I should move.

	What's the point? I think angrily.  The worst thing
that will 
happen is that a police officer will tell me to get
lost.  When that 
happens, then I'll do something.  It's not worth the
trouble to move 
yet.

You might want to use "I think angrily, what's the point?" or "What's the point, I wonder angrily." The way you have makes the two parts feel disconnected.

	But now that I know... what I know, is anything worth
the trouble 
anymore?

	It's times like this that I usually just use the Shi
Shi Hokodan 
to get rid of my depression.  But there's really no
use... it always 
comes back.  Even if I made a billion Shi Shi
Hokodans, it would still 
come back.

	I make a small ball of light appear at the end of my
finger.  
"Shi Shi Hokodan," I mutter softly, and let the tiny
point of light 
sail away harmlessly into the atmosphere.  After a few
seconds the 
point of light has disappeared, swallowed up by the
dim light of the 
early morning.

	Akane married Ranma.

	I know that as long as that thought exists in my
head, this cloud 
of depression will hang over me.  Sighing, I get up,
and roll up my 
mat.  Slinging my backback over my shoulders, I walk
toward the exit.  
I might as well leave.  All I care about now is
putting as much 
distance between myself and Nerima as is physically
possible.  Maybe if 
I get far enough away, I can eventually forget.

	A jogger runs by the park entrance, and then does a
double take.  
She looks at me.  "Ryoga?"

	My knees almost buckle I realize who it is standing
there.

	Akane.

	Damn it!  I shouldn't even be near Nerima!  I left
yesterday 
afternoon, and walked hours before I finally stopped! 
Why the hell am 
I still in Nerima?

	My sense of direction.  My eternal curse.  Jusenkyo
is nothing 
compared to this.

	"Ryoga, are you all right?"

	I snap out of my thoughts and look at her.  She's out
of my 
reach, now... she might as well be a thousand miles
away.

	I wish she was.

	"Yeah, I'm fine, Akane."  I try to smile at her, to
prove my 
point.

	Of course, she sees right through me.  "You look
terrible, 
Ryoga.  Why don't you come home with me?  You can get
a bath, and some 
food... it's no problem."

	Why don't you come with me, she asks.  What does she
think I am, 
her pet?

	Oh, wait.  I am her pet.  Correction- was her pet.

	Not anymore.

	"No thanks, Akane.  I'd better get going."  I smile
sadly, and 
walk away from her.  "Have a nice life, Akane."

	She yells something at me, but I don't hear what she
says.  I 
just keep walking.  Eventually, I can't hear her
anymore.  Now I'm free 
to leave.  Finally...

	But wait.  An image comes to me... something that
happened 
countless time in the past.  Wherever I went in my
travels, I always 
seemed to show up at the Tendo Dojo.  If there was one
place to which I 
kept returning, it was always the Tendo Dojo.  Will
this keep happening?

	I don't think I could live with myself if I kept
having to see 
Akane.  Or worse... Akane and Ranma.

	So that's it, then.  I'm doomed.  Akane and Ranma
will always be 
part of my life.. always, there, smiling and reminding
me of my 
complete and utter failure.

You make the pair sound spiteful towards Ryoga, although they might not really be that way.  Maybe "always there, their smiles a bitter reminder of my complete and utter failure."

	The thought brings me so much pain that I make a
decision.  I 
will keep walking on this road.  I will keep walking
straight, until I 
am safely away from anything or anybody that could
stop me.

	Then I will die.  It's not hard.  I could use a Shi
Shi Hokodan, 
properly executed, and in my current state pulling off
a Shi Shi 
Hokodan would be the easiest thing in the world. 
Easier than 
breathing... easier than living.

No, it wouldn't work.  In his emotionless state, the attack wouldn't hurt him.  Manga #20 says so.

	I have a knife in my pack.  I could use that, too. 
It would 
probably be a more painful way of going, but it seems
strangely 
appropriate- I suppose it would be more traditional,
you know, honor, 
the old ways, and all that crap.  Besides, the pain of
death could not 
be anything compared to the pain I feel now.

	The Sun rises high in the sky, beating down on me. 
It doesn't 
matter anymore.  I keep walking, ignoring the sweat
that is beginning 
to pour down my face.  The constant exertion is
starting to put a 
strain on my body, but I don't feel it.  My body may
be walking down a 
road, but my mind is somewhere else- sinking deeper
and deeper into the 
hell that my depression has created, and growing
increasingly distant 

>from the physical world around me.

	All I know for sure is that I am still traveling
along the same 
road that I have been for hours. 

Insert "on" between "been" and "for".

 With a great deal of

willpower, I 
finally stop walking and look around.  I am out of
Tokyo now; I have 
reached the country.  There is nobody in sight, and if
I disappear out 
here then the chances are slim that news of my death
will ever reach 
the ears of anybody who cares.  Kami knows there are
few enough of 
those people.

	I walk off the road a bit, into a densely wooded
area.  I still 
haven't decided how I'm going to do this.  Stabbing
myself would 
require taking off my backpack, rummaging through it,
finding the 
knife... much more effort than a simple ki blast. 
Right now, all I 
want is to end the pain as quickly as possible.

	A ki blast leaves an obvious signature, though.  Very
few people 
can do a ki blast, and if Akane or Ranma ever heard
about it they'd 
know it was me.

	I don't want them to mourn me.  I don't want to be
part of their 
life, in any sense of the word.  If I use the knife,
then it will be 
much more anonymous- something anybody could do.

	The knife it is.

	I take off my backpack,and rummage through it.  I
pull out some 
cooking pans, a length of rope, a small cooking stove,
a kettle...

	I smile.  I won't be needing that anymore.  Once I'm
dead, I 
won't have to worry about that stupid Jusenkyo curse.

	It's just one more reason to get this over with.

	I have to laugh at the next thing I pull out.  It's a
ziploc bag, 
and in it are pictures.  Pictures of Akane, that I
bought from Nabiki 
on the all-too-rare occasions when I visited the Tendo
Dojo in human 
form.  I am tempted to look through them one last
time, but I put them 
aside.  I don't want to prolong this any longer than I
have to.  No 
more Akane.  No more pain.

	I pull out the knife.  It's a simple blade, but more
than enough 
to do the trick.  It was given to me by my father many
years ago.

	I hesitate for the first time.  My father.. my
family.  Maybe I 
shouldn't do this after all.

Ryoga doesn't have much of a family.  Everyone's lost and disconnected.  The thought should make him more, not less, depressed. IMHO.  Although the next part does say that, it still seems ambiguous.

<snip>

	I have to chuckle at that.  Akane used those same
words just this 
morning.  It seems like everyone thinks I'm a pet of
some sort.

	Still... there's a difference.  In Akane's voice,
there was 
pity.  She felt sorry for me.  That was the only thing
she ever felt 
for me.  Pity.  She might have loved P-chan, but that
was as a pet.  As 
a human, I realize that she never loved me.. only
pitied me.  Ranma, 
stop picking on poor Ryoga.  Ranma, leave him alone. 
Ranma, don't 
bully the weak.

Well, not entirely. . .she did have friendly feeling towards him.  But I understand your POV.

	That's all I ever was to her... a weak thing, to be
pitied and 
sheltered... never to be loved.

	In Akari's voice, though, I hear something more... I
hear love.  
She is asking not because she feels sorry for me, but
because she loves 
me.

	That must count for something, right?  I smile at
her, and I 
nod.  "Okay."

	She smiles back, and in that smile I see a future. 
My life might 
have been destroyed by Ranma and Akane, but in Akari's
smile I see a 
chance for a new life.  I see hope, I see.. well,
actually, I'm not 
sure what I see, but it's wonderful.

I like this. ^^

	We both stand up, and I offer her an apology for
making her 
worry.  She smiles understandingly.  Now that I'm
here, I don't think I 
could ever get enough of that smile.  I pick up my
backpack, and swing 
it over my shoulder.  She puts her arm around mine,
and we walk back 
toward the road.

	As we walk, I feel something slip on my belt. 
Looking back, I 
see that the knife has fallen to the ground.  The
knife my father gave 
me.  I pause to go back and get it.

	She stops, and look at me questioningly.  "Is
something wrong, 
Ryoga dearest?"

	I look at the knife again.  It glints in the
sunlight, and I make 
another decision.

	"No," I turn back toward her.  "Nothing's wrong."

He might want to bury/break it so that other people don't injure themselves or use it in some wrong way.

	She smiles at me, and we walk away from the woods. 

Hope he's holding her hand, or he's headed for Aomori. ^^

By leaving 
behind the knife, I feel that in a sense I leave
behind my old life, my 
old mistakes; I leave behind what might have been, in
exchange for what 
might yet be.  And while I still may not be sure where
I'm going, at 
least I'm on my way.

-THE END-

I liked this story.  The look at Ryoga's character was well done.  Just a few grammar and character bits.

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