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Jeesh! For such a short story I have to cut it in two...
Ranma Dead:
(The Whole Story)
[Part One]
by
Nicholas Stone
Furinkan High School
Class Break, 10:00AM
Ranma Saotome trudged along the high school hallways
towards the one class he simply dreaded the most.
Chemistry, he thought rounding the turn towards the stairs.
Who in their right mind would need such a subject when there
was more important things in life besides playing around
with chemicals and fungi crap.
Today, the class was continuing on with their projects
for the upcoming school bazaar, and he still had not thought
up anything to present for Professor Hano. Ranma knew he
better come up with something quick, otherwise he'd fail
this course and that would hurt his chances of advancement
into the next class.
"Humph," he muttered. "Maybe I can get some kind of an
idea from Gos." He shuddered at the notion, dreading even
having to be in the same classroom with the creepy kid. But
he had to admit; Gosunkugi did come as a surprise to
everyone. An obvious techno freak, his grades and scores
allowed him to advance into higher-level classes not
normally allowed by the school faculty. Now if the kid
would just drop his lusting for Akane, and quit trying to
kill him, then maybe, just maybe he could turn out to be a
likable guy.
"Well, I've got nothing else to lose," said Ranma,
drawing in a deep breath. "It's either that, or another
semester of the periodic tables."
Shuddering, Ranma turned the corner hading down to the
chemistry lab.
* * * * *
Hikaru Gosunkugi's pale, placid face peered hard at the
beaker in front of him, a shaky hand gently squeezing a
clear colored liquid from a eyedropper into a glass on the
counter top. Several drops fell into the glass blending
seamlessly into what appeared to be water, but Gosunkugi
knew this was not the case.
He grinned, setting the eyedropper down and beamed
proudly at his latest anti-Ranma creation. "Finally," said
Gosunkugi, "I will neutralize Ranma and his power over the
fair Akane's heart. Then she will be mine. Mine, mine,
MINE!"
Gosunkugi cackles filled the lab, cutting short upon
hearing someone clearing their throat behind him. Hikaru
flinched looking slowly back over his shoulder, straight up
into Professor Hano's face. The tall, middle-aged man stood
with one brow cocked up, eyeing him with a suspicious glare.
"So, Hikaru. I assume from your catatonic, deviant
chortles, you are celebrating the completion of your latest
assignment and are about present it to me. hmmm?"
Hikaru sat speechless, feeling like one of his
specimens up under the microscope. Professor Hano spotted a
small piece of paper lying next to the glass and picked it
up, reading over the writing on it.
"Oh, I see this is not the case," he continued setting
the paper back down. Hano's penetrating glare looked down
on him again. "At it again, Gosunkugi?"
Hikaru swallowed the fear lump in his throat, nodding
slightly.
"Hikaru, Hikaru, Hikaru," said Hano, shaking his head
as he placed a firm hand on one shoulder. "I am sorry you
have such a vendetta against Ranma, and this thing for that
young lady. However; I and this class will not be your
instrument of destruction."
"I'm not trying to destroy anyone, Professor," said
Hikaru.
"Oh?" Hano's eyes cut over to the glass. "Then what
is that?"
Hikaru's deviant grin returned. "That is a
neutralizer."
"A what?"
"A neutralizer. or an equalizer depending on how one
looks at it."
Hano stared at the boy for a moment. "What is it
supposed to do, may I ask?"
"It's supposed to weaken the neural and respiratory
systems, and relax muscular responses."
"And what are the ingredients?"
"Uh, the derivative juices of the Cannabis plant, a
strong dose of Conium Maculatum, and just a teensy-weensy
dose of tubocurarine."
Again, the long look from the Professor set Hikaru
slightly back. Hano shook his head to clear his mind and
get back on track.
"Let me get this straight, Hikaru. You have combined
Marijuana extract, Hemlock, and Curare into what appears to
be just an ordinary glass of water?"
"Eh. yeah?"
Hano cut his eyes down at the glass. "Curare, Hikaru?"
"Just a teensy-weensy bit."
"How much of a teensy-weensy bit?"
"Ah `bout. oh. twenty-five percent?"
"Dump it, Hikaru," Hano said firmly.
Gosunkugi frowned, staring sadly down at his latest
creation. "Gee, do I have to, Professor? I took great
pains to get it looking just right."
"There's enough curare in that glass to kill three wild
horses!"
Gosunkugi looked excitedly up at Hano. "Exactly," he
said brightly, snapping his fingers seconds before realizing
his mistake. Hikaru leaned forward beating his forehead
with his fist cursing himself.
"Hikaru," called Hano, drawing him back around. The
Professor rolled his eyes briefly up to the ceiling before
continuing.
"Listen, although I give you an `A' for your
creativity, I cannot allow you to continue concocting these
harmful substances designed to kill Saotome."
"Well he keeps breaking my hammers and stakes, and
that's getting quite expensive you know."
Hano hung his head, muttering for a moment. "Hikaru.
You are better off concentrating on your current project
than seeking vengeance against Ranma."
Gosunkugi picked up the glass and held it up to the
light. A shame, he thought shrugging lightly. With a deep
sigh, he looked around for the nearest deep sink to dispose
of the liquid.
"Guess you're right, Professor," he said. "Not that
I'm running out of time since I'm already down with my
project."
"What?" said Hano.
"I'm done. Finished. Kaput."
"Already? But I only assigned it to the class two days
ago!"
"And I had most of it done that evening." Hikaru gave
Hano a wry look. "You didn't think such a simple challenge
like that would slow me up. (BWHAHA!) No way, Professor."
Hikaru started to rise, but Professor Hano held him
back. "Where is it?" he asked.
"It's down in the culturing room. Should be just about
completing final molting?"
"Molting? Let's go see what you've created, Hikaru."
"What about this?" replied Gosunkugi, pointing at the
glass in his hand.
"Cover it and let's go. It will keep."
Hikaru shrugged and set the glass back down, covering
the top with the paper on the counter top. "Don't see what
the big deal is. It doesn't have teeth if that's what
you're worried about."
"Please, Hikaru."
"Okay, okay."
Hikaru lead an exasperated Professor Hano out the lab
unawares of the mistake that he had just committed on the
table behind him.
* * * * *
Ranma entered the chemistry classroom searching for
Gosunkugi, but oddly there was no one around. Strange, even
though there still were a few minutes before break was over,
Hikaru could always be found here tinkering and toying
around with something or other.
He went over to Hikaru's spot and drew up a stool
waiting for him to arrive. Casually, Ranma looked over the
myriad of test tubes and burners arrayed along the center
counter coming to a stop on a glass and the note covering
the top. There appeared to be some writing on it and he
picked it up.
`For Ranma' was all it said.
Ranma smirked looking into the glass. It appeared to
be water and he smacked his lips, looking around again.
"Gee, how Gos know I'd be thirsty," wondered Ranma.
With a cheerful smile, Ranma picked up the glass.
* * * * *
Gosunkugi stormed back into the chemistry lab fuming at
his latest setback. "I can't believe the Professor actually
made destroy it," he fumed. "So my creation had a small
taste for metals. That's no reason to get rid of a
perfectly good living enzyme."
He came around the corner, stopping abruptly noting
Ranma sitting at his spot. He was quiet; head tipped
slightly forward, an odd grin creasing his lips. Hikaru
stared at him, a feeling of foreboding dread suddenly
filling his chest. His eyes cut from side to side, leaning
one way then another studying Ranma's immobile posture.
Slowly, Hikaru inched up next to him. "Ranma?" he
nervously called, but there was no response. Gosunkugi
stepped slightly back, and then timidly prodded Ranma on the
shoulder. Still nothing, Hikaru swatted him hard against
the side of the head.
That should have brought on at least an angry sneer,
but the unsettling grin remained on Ranma's face. It was
time to regroup and survey the situation again. Hikaru
spotted the glass that had once held his deadly concoction,
now empty, and then saw the note lying next to it. He
paused as his normally quick mind pieced things ever so
slowly together dreading the obvious outcome his common
sense had already arrived at.
A sharp gasp, Gosunkugi clasping his hands fearfully to
his mouth in stunned realization.
"Heeesss deeeaadddd!" trailed Hikaru.
Mixed emotions filled the budding mad-scientist. In
one hand, his arch love rival was finally forever gone
leaving the fair and innocent Akane ripe for the taking, but
in the other hand there was the fact that he had killed
Ranma and what the dear and ferocious Akane would do to him
when she found out.
"Oh this is not good," he said. "No, no, no, no, no!
Professor Hano will surely fail him for this. eah, maybe
not. He might just award me a scholarship and-."
Hikaru slapped himself in the face, drawing him back to
reality. "What am I saying? I'm going to jail!"
Okay, a plan was needed. First thing would be to hide
the body for a while long enough for him to come up with
some kind of way to sneak Ranma out before anyone discovers
his change of attitude.
"Change of attitude," groaned Hikaru, rolling his eyes.
Gosunkugi glanced up at the clock. Break was just
about over leaving him not much time. Best get Ranma tucked
away, then try and find some help. He grimaced, knowing
that the only help he would find was the one person who
might just kill him as well.
No way around it, Hikaru taking hold of Ranma's shirt.
"Come on, Ranma," he said as he pulled the still warm body
from the stool. Not the strongest of people, Ranma's body
felt like a ton to Hikaru. He groaned sinking steadily to
his knees beneath the weight.
"Even dead, you still give me problems!" gasped Hikaru.
Drawing in a breath, Gosunkugi managed to lift Ranma up
over one shoulder, staggering back and forth to the door.
* * * * *
The class bell rang signaling it was time for the next
period to begin. Akane Tendo pulled her books from her
locker and made a quick check of her notes before heading
off to class. She was barely down the hall when a frantic
call from behind brought her to a stop.
Akane turned and found Hikaru Gosunkugi rapidly making
his way through the students towards her. She smirked not
wishing to go through another of his tirades again, but
thought better of it and waited to hear what new antics the
love struck underclassman had for her today.
Much to her surprise, Gosunkugi said nothing when he
reached her. Even more startling was the way he literally
jerked her from the floor as he pulled Akane along behind
him.
"Gosunkugi, what are you doing? Where are you taking
me!" she cried as they wound though the halls.
Finally, he led her off to one of the lesser-used
classrooms. Akane stood fuming at him, her face turned down
in a dark scowl.
"Hikaru. I hope you have a very good explanation for
all of this," she snapped, fist creaking.
Gosunkugi glanced fearfully at her, opening the door.
"R-R-Ranma," he stammered, pointing inside.
Akane frowned looking in. The room was currently being
used as extra storage, desk and tables stacked around the
room. In a chair at the far corner she spotted Ranma
sitting quietly by himself.
"Ranma?" said Akane walking in. He did not move and
she walked closer. "Ranma, what's wrong? Did Gosunkugi do
something to you?"
"You have a trap door mind, Akane," said Hikaru as he
closed the door behind them.
She whirled around. "What's wrong with Ranma!" shouted
Akane.
Hikaru nervously fought to come up with the right words
to describe the situation. "Uh. well. you see, Akane. Uh,
uhm. Ranma's kind of. uh-."
"Kind of what, Hikaru!"
"He's, uh. kind of dead."
Akane drew in a breath, spinning around back to Ranma.
She stared at him, and then was quickly at his side.
"Ranma, Ranma?" repeated Akane, not believing what
Gosunkugi said. A few quick prods, a check for a heartbeat,
a look into glassy eyes proved him to be correct. The cry
issuing from her gained only a few decibels before Hikaru
clasped a hand across her mouth. After a few moments of
muffled moans and panting, Akane settled down looking back
him.
He moved his hand away and Akane asked who did it.
"Uh, would you believe it was me?" he replied.
Gosunkugi's feet left the floor along with much of his
body as Akane took the hapless boy by the collar, slamming
him up against the wall.
"What do mean you killed him! How can you kill him,
you can even manage to kill a fly yet alone Ranma! How did
you kill him, how did you kill him, how did you kill him!"
Akane finished shaking the life out of Hikaru. He
paused to allow his eyes to stop rattling around in their
sockets before answering.
"It was an accident," he said in a throttled voice.
Akane let him go. "An accident? Hikaru, he's smiling.
How did you kill him?"
"The, the smile I'm not sure about," replied Hikaru as
he pulled himself from the floor. "But I can say without a
doubt that Ranma drank one of my experiments."
"Experiment!" Akane stared at Ranma's inert form, lips
quivering. "He's Deeeaaaaaddddd!" she exclaimed, fountains
of tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Drowning us both is not going to help us," commented
Hikaru.
Akane snatched him up again, shaking Gosunkugi like a
rag doll. "Bring him back! You bring him back now!" she
wailed.
"I can't, I can't, Akane!"
She dropped him, going to her knees sobbing into
Ranma's chest.
"Ranma! Ranma, wake up! You can't leave me like
thiiisss! Who am I going to have to argue with, huh?"
"You can argue with me," said Hikaru.
"I don't want to argue with you! I want to argue with
Ranma!"
"But he's dead."
"I knoooowww!"
Hikaru watched Akane sob into Ranma for a moment.
Suddenly she shot to her feet, peering angrily down at him.
"You're going to jail!" she said, pointing a menacing
finger at him.
"No!" exclaimed Hikaru. He rose up on his knees,
pleading to Akane with hands clasped tightly together.
"Akane, it was an accident, I swear!"
"Then why did you make it in the first place?"
"Well, I was going to give it to him."
"SEE! You tried to kill him!"
"No! I was going to pour it out, but I got side
tracked!" Hikaru began to cry joining in with Akane. "It
was an accident I swear. Please don't turn me in!"
Akane stared down at the crying Gosunkugi. She sobbed,
looking over at Ranma again. "Ranma," she moaned, and then
looked back down at Hikaru. "He's deeeeaaaaaddddd!"
"I'm sorry, I'm truly sorry!"
Akane's sobs diminished, turning into light whimpers.
She placed a hand to her face, thinking a second. "W-we
have to g-get his body off s-school grounds first."
"So you'll help me?" said Hikaru, jumping to his feet.
"And I don't know why I am either!" snapped Akane. She
paused glancing back over at Ranma, letting out a short
bawl.
"He's heavy, you know," said Gosunkugi.
Akane went to the door. "I'm going to get us some
help," she said.
"You're going to bring more people into this?"
"You don't expect me to carry him alone by myself do
you?"
"Well I'll help."
"Yeah, that will be something to see walking down the
hallways. Stay put, I'll be back."
"But Akane-."
"You want my help?"
Hikaru went silent.
Akane glanced over at Ranma one last time letting out a
blubber as she went to go and find them some help.
* * * * *
Ukyo Kuonji smirked at the cookbook lying on the table
next to her, wondering why it was mandatory for her to be
there in the first place. Sheesh! You'd think these
teachers would pass her already, knowing full well that she
ran a very successful restaurant downtown.
"It will hone your skills," Ukyo muttered derisively as
she poured another cup full of water into her wok. The
teacher was commenting about something of no interest to her
as she started to filet a piece of fresh carp.
PSSITT!
Ukyo stopped and looked up. She cut her eyes over at
the student working the grill beside her and frowned.
"Really," she said with a smirk.
PPPSSSSSSITTT!
Well it's not coming from her, she thought. Slowly,
Ukyo looked around finding Akane standing in the doorway.
"Ukyo," she whispered, beckoning her over.
"I'm in class, Akane. Wait until it's over," Ukyo
whispered back.
Akane stomped an angry foot on the floor, lips pressed
tightly together. "Ukyo," she whispered again with much
more urgency.
"Akane, go away! I'm not-."
"Miss Kuonji," called the teacher.
Ukyo looked sharply around. "Yes, sensei?"
"Is my lecture boring you?"
"Uh, no maam." She shot Akane an angry glare. "One of
my `friends' is at the door needing something from me."
"Really. Well you're not tossing spatulas around so it
cannot be Kurenai. Interrupting a class. must be a Tendo."
Akane came around the corner mouth agape. Quickly,
Ukyo placed the palm of a hand on her forehead forcing the
girl back out.
"Uh, may I be excused?" she asked.
"Yes, I'm sure this will not go away anytime soon."
"Thank you, sensei."
"No problem. You can make it up this weekend."
A sharp snatch removed the apron from around Ukyo's
waist, pulling Akane back out into the hall.
"You've just ruined one of my money days, Akane Tendo!"
she said. "This had better be worth my trouble!"
"Did you hear her?" Akane said still fuming from the
sarcastic remark. "What does being a Tendo have to do with
anything?"
Ukyo placed a hand over her mouth regaining her
attention.
"Okay, I'm here. What do you want?"
The hand came down.
"Oh. bbbbBBBWWWWAAAAAHHHHH-MURPH!"
The hand came back up cutting off the cry.
Glancing from side to side, Ukyo paused a minute. "Hm,
that's the Tendo warning alarm meaning something bad has
happened. Let me guess. It involves Ranma."
Akane nodded.
Another short pause; Ukyo reviewed several past
scenarios in her mind.
"Cologne has given him some kind of strange nerve pinch
and he's now her obedient slave?"
Akane shook her head.
"Okay. Principle Kuno has cornered him and is about to
shave him bald?"
Akane giggled.
"Stop it, that wasn't supposed to be funny!"
She did, shaking her head again.
"Hmm. He's gone and run off to marry Shampoo?"
Akane's brows furrowed together.
"Knew that would get a rise out of you."
The slight shake of her head told Ukyo that too was not
the case.
"Okay, I give up. What's happened?"
She stepped back allowing Akane to speak again.
Akane took in a few breaths, whimpering slightly as she
fought to speak. "He.. Heeessss ddddeaaaadddd!" she wailed,
sobbing uncontrollably into her hands.
There came no immediate reaction from Ukyo, now still
as the wall behind Akane. She tugged on one ear, cupping a
hand behind it and leaned towards her.
"Say that again?"
"Ran-Ran-Ran-Rannnmmaaaa-sss-sss-deeeeaaaaadddd!"
"A-huh," replied Ukyo. She thought, and then smirked.
"How?"
"Poisooonnnn!"
"A-huh. Who?"
"Gosunkugiiiii."
"A-huh. And where is Ranma now?"
"Intheclassroomdownstaiiiirrsssss!"
"Right."
Ukyo blinked her eyes still not fully comprehending
what Akane had just told her. Finally, she took hold of
Akane by the shoulders.
"Show me," was all she said.
Akane, still huffing and blubbering, nodded leading
Ukyo down the hallway.
* * * * *
Minutes later the two women were standing in front of
Ranma's inert body. While Akane wept, Ukyo just stared at
him, several times rubbing her eyes in disbelief. She
abruptly looked up at Gosunkugi making him flinch, walking
around to him. Silently, Ukyo looked Hikaru over, reaching
out to give his bicep a firm squeeze.
Ow, Ooo, ow, ow, that hurts!" he cried, shirking back.
Ukyo whirled around. "No way, Akane!" she shouted.
"There is no way this Gosunkugi could have killed Ranma.
You did it!"
"What!" exclaimed Akane. "(Pfpth!). Wha. what. why
would I do anything like that to him?"
"You two were probably having another one of your
little spats, and he said or did something you'd didn't
like!"
"But he was poisoned!"
"See! You fed him one of your meals and killed him!"
"I did not!"
"No, Ranma drank my experiment, Ukyo," Hikaru cut in.
Ukyo shot him a look and dropped to her knees next to
Ranma. She stared up into his face, gasping lightly.
"Ranma, Ranma what are you doing? You can't die on us.
W-What are you doing?"
"Right now, not about much other than decomposing,"
answered Gosunkugi.
He and Akane blurred together as one, Akane shaking
Hikaru furiously by his collar.
"You bring him back, you bring him back!" she chanted
as she throttled him.
Ukyo forced them apart arms spread wide interposing
herself between the two. She gave Akane a vicious snarl
making her cringe, and then glared at Hikaru and he doubled
over covering his head with his arms.
"Okay! We're all a little bit unnerved here!" she
said. "Lets take a few deep breaths and regain our
composure."
"I don't wanna breath!" snapped Akane.
"Breath!" snarled Ukyo.
Akane took in a few breaths. "Hikaru," called Ukyo,
hearing him gasp a few times.
Things grew quiet again.
"Now lets all smile," continued Ukyo. "Akane."
Akane forced a grin.
"Good. Hikaru."
Gosunkugi uncurled, a tight smirk on his face.
"Excellent. Ranma-."
Ranma's placid grin brought a cry from Ukyo.
"Oh, I just can't believe I just asked a dead man to
smile!" she shouted dropping to her knees again.
"He is dead, isn't heeee," bawled Akane.
The two women sobbed in unison, hugging Ranma as they
did. Ukyo drew back looking at Akane.
"So, so, so what did you want me for, Akaneeee?"
"(sniff, sniff) I-I-I wanted you to help, help, help me
sneak Ranma off campussss!"
Ukyo shot to her feet. "What?" she cried.
"Yes, we have to get him off the campus before anyone
finds out I killed him," said Hikaru.
It was Ukyo's turn to throttle Hikaru, Akane
frantically prying her off him.
"Ukyo, we've got to get Ranma off campus!" she said.
"Why? Gosunkugi killed him, or so you say, and now you
want to hide the evidence?"
"It was an accident I swear!" cried Hikaru.
Akane spun Ukyo around. "Look, Ukyo. As much as I
hate to admit it, I believe Hikaru's story."
"So then lets just go and tell the teachers what
happened and that will be that!"
"Do you think they're going to believe him knowing full
well how many times he's tried to get Ranma before?"
They stared at each other, Ukyo thinking hard as she
turned facing Gosunkugi again. He grinned a helpless
pleading grin and she shook her head.
"Yeah, I guess we really can't send an innocent madman
like you to prison."
"I would prefer up and coming genius, Ukyo."
Her sharp penetrating glare staggered him.
"As I wasn't saying, we are still going to have a hard
time carrying Ranma off the campus."
"It should not be too hard carrying him off," said
Akane.
Ukyo let out a laugh. "You see these two pogs," she
said kneeling down at Ranma's feet. A short lift by the
ankles, both of them hitting the floor with a heavy thump.
"Nothing but warm lumps of inert flesh now. You and I will
have a hard time carrying him between us."
"What about me?" asked Hikaru.
"You don't count. Akane, Ranma is dead weight plain
and simple. Plus you're also forgetting the fact that we've
got to carry him all the way back to your home."
"So what are we going to do?"
"We could chop him up into smaller pieces and carry him
out in bags," suggested Hikaru.
The girls paused speechless, giving him dark stares.
Gosunkugi shrugged. "Well, they do it in the movies."
"You've been watching `Johnny Brasco' haven't you?"
asked Ukyo.
"Excellent movie. I watched it ten-."
"Forgetaboutit! We're going to need more help, Akane."
"Ukyo, we don't need more people to know about this!"
"So you know somebody that can cover this all up for
us, hm?"
"No," Akane timidly replied.
Hikaru's mouth opened, a move Ukyo did not miss. She
held up a threatening finger cutting him off.
"We're doing this for you, Hikaru. So unless you have
good connections, not a word!" she said.
The mention of connections triggered alarms in Ukyo's
brain. Smiling, she stood up as the one person in the
entire school with the means and capabilities they needed
came to her mind.
"Stay here," she told them, heading for the door.
"Who are going to get?" asked Akane.
"A close friend."
Akane scratched the back of her head silently repeating
the words.
"Hurry back, Ukyo," called Gosunkugi. "Rigor mortis
should start setting in soon. Going to make moving Ranma's
body around very difficult."
Akane started charging towards him, but Ukyo's call
stopped her scant inches from latching on to Hikaru's
collar.
"We don't need two bodies," she told Akane.
Glancing back at Ranma, Ukyo let out a sorrowful moan
as she walked out.
* * * * *
A swift dash up to the forth floor, Ukyo skidded to a
stop in front of the Advanced Economics Business class
currently in session. She inched the door open and peered
through the crack. All the students were quietly reading
from their books, the teacher pacing the aisles. In one of
the middle rows sat Nabiki Tendo, casually flipping a page
bored to death. Behind her to the right sat Tatewaki Kuno,
and she could not think of anything so perfect as this.
The first problem lay in gaining Nabiki's attention.
After that things would run by themselves. Ukyo pondered a
second and then reached into her shirt, drawing out her
wallet. She pulled a 5000 Yen bill out and held it up, blowing
air lightly while fanning it up and down.
Instantly, Nabiki's head snapped up, her nose picking
up the unique scent of monetary denominations. A few light
sniffs, her head panning around towards the door. Ukyo
cracked it further and waved franticly at her to come out.
Me? Questioned Nabiki silently. Ukyo nodded then
pointed in Tatewaki's direction. She looked back and then
gave her an okay.
"Uh, Sensei," said Nabiki.
"Yes, Ms. Tendo?"
"Uh, can Tatewaki and I be excused for the rest of this
class? It's getting close to noon and we've got to go and
check the NYSE tickers before the new rounds of trading
begin."
"Why sure, Ms. Tendo. And please check on my
investments if you would."
"Will do. Come on, Tatewaki."
Tatewaki stared at her lost, but got up following
Nabiki out the classroom. Once outside, Ukyo grabbed them
both by the wrist, pulling them away down the hall.
Halfway, she stopped and turned.
"Listen, we've got a problem," she told them.
"Oh?" answered Tatewaki. "Have our stocks fared
badly?"
Nabiki swatted him on the side of his shoulder. "I
made that up, Kuno-baby. Besides, we won't get results
until six."
"You know I thought that when we usually-."
"Alright!" growled Ukyo. They went silent. "Sheeesh!
This has nothing to do with finances. Its more serious then
that."
"Nothing can be more serious than monetary gain and
wealth, Ukyo," replied Nabiki.
"It is when there's a life, or lack of, at stake."
That stunned the two, trading puzzled looks.
"So who died?" asked Nabiki half-jokingly.
"Ooo, you are good, Nabiki Tendo. Uh. I think it best
that I show you first. This way."
* * * * *
Hey, this is kind of neat.
* * * * *
The trio rounded the stairs coming out on the second
floor. Ukyo led the way, ominously silent while Nabiki and
Tatewaki questioned her trying to pry out the big secret.
"It's a surprise party, isn't it?" said Tatewaki.
"Probably too honor my greatness and achievements as Leading
Upperclassman."
"I don't think you'll be finding any honor in this,"
said Ukyo.
"Come on, Ukyo. The suspense is killing me!" exclaimed
Nabiki.
Ukyo nervously laughed at her remark.
Suddenly from the far end a strong gust of wind hit
them. They covered their faces as a flurry of black petals
filled the hall, and as quickly as it began the air went
calm. Kodachi Kuno stood before them clad in black and
purple gym tights, a small bundle in one hand.
"Kodachi!" cried Tatewaki. "What are you doing here
annoying us?"
Kodachi arched a brow. She removed the headset from
her ears, shutting off the Walkman belted around her waist.
"Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. I came searching for my loved one,
Ranma, but I am told that he was not in class at the
moment."
"So why bother us?" asked Nabiki.
"After further inquiries-."
"You assaulted our teachers?" said Tatewaki.
"Questioned, dear brother, questioned."
Ukyo placed her hands to the sides of her head. "No,
no. This is not happening," she muttered.
"As I was saying, brother, I was informed that Ranma
was last seen with your minion, Hikaru Gosunkugi."
"Somebody saw him!" cried Ukyo.
"Ehmm. From the description, it appeared that Ranma
might have been sick, and that Hikaru was carrying him off
somewhere."
"Ranma is sick?" Nabiki turned to Ukyo. "Is this why
you dragged us out of class, Ukyo?"
"Uh. well."
"I was also informed that Gosunkugi returned and
literally carried that trollop sister of yours Akane away
too."
"So Saotome is sick, and me without my weapons," said
Tatewaki, clenching a fist before him. "And alone with my
fair Akane as well!"
"Don't worry, Kuno. I don't think Ranma's in any
condition to be taking advantage of her," said Ukyo."
Nabiki crossed her arms, giving Kuonji a hard stare.
"Ukyo, what's going on?"
"Uh, like I said, I gotta show you."
"Yes, take me to my dearest Ranma, so I may feed him
one of my delicious lunch specials," added Kodachi.
"Lunch?" questioned Tatewaki. "Knowing you, my
demented sister, it would be more of a last meal."
Ukyo giggled lightly. "No, ah, she's a bit behind in
that department there, Tatewaki."
"Ukyo," Nabiki said again.
"Okay. Follow me. You too, Kodachi. Might as well
get the entire class involved the way things are going."
Ukyo led them back to the vacant classroom. She opened
the door and abruptly stopped staring in shock. On the
floor, Akane knelt pinning Hikaru down an arm wrapped tight
around his neck. He struggled, straining with both arms out
holding two pairs of scissors in his hands snapping the
blades at Ranma's legs.
"You are not going to cut-him-up, Hikaru!" growled
Akane as she fought to keep him back.
"But, but, but, Akane. it will. solve. all of our.
problems!" replied Gosunkugi, increasing his struggles.
"Drop those scissors!" shouted Ukyo, breaking from her
stupor.
The utensils clattered to the floor, Akane jerking
Hikaru to his feet.
"You see what those damn American movies will do to a
persons mind," she said to them.
Realizing that Nabiki was there, Akane started slightly
with surprise.
"Ukyo, why did you bring Nabiki into this?" she asked.
"She, and Tatewaki, both have the means and connections
to help us get Ranma out of here and out of sight
permanently."
Nabiki shot Ukyo a look and walked over to Ranma's
inert form. She gazed down at him, leaning close into his
face for a moment.
"He doesn't look sick to me," she finally said. "What
do you think, Tatewaki?"
Tatewaki blinked. "I'm sorry, I was still trying to get
over the fact that Gosunkugi here got away with attacking
Saotome and survived."
"Oh that's nothing now that he's dead," Gosunkugi told
them nonchalantly.
"He's what?" muttered Tatewaki after a moment.
"He's dead."
"Hm, that's what I thought you said."
Nabiki gazed back down at Ranma again. She lifted one
arm, watching it drop stiffly down to his side.
"Oh, and that's the first signs of rigor mortis setting
in," Hikaru added.
Nabiki, as all of the blood drained from her face,
matched the pallid color of Ranma's skin. "GGGYYYAAAHHHH",
she let out, cringing away from him. Nabiki took several
haggard steps over to Ukyo, gripping her tightly by the
shoulders.
"R-R-R-Ranma is dead!" she declared.
"Oh? I thought he was just asleep," mocked Ukyo,
rolling her eyes.
Tatewaki came over giving Ranma a closer look. He
scratched his head, observing in deep thought then asked,
"Who did it, and how?"
"Guess I'll have to take credit for this," Hikaru
answered nervously.
"I see," Tatewaki replied. "Poison?"
"It was an accident, really it was!"
"Yes."
Tatewaki cut his eyes back down at Ranma, and them
walked over to Hikaru. "A fine takedown!" he exclaimed,
reaching into a pocket. Hikaru curled up expecting a weapon
but that was not the case.
BAMPH!
Several jaws sagged open in shock as Tatewaki held a
thick roll of money out to Gosunkugi.
"What is that for?" said Akane.
"Why it's the reward money for the bounty I placed on
Saotome's head," answered Tatewaki. "Sixty-thousand Yen to
be precise."
Hikaru stared at the roll a second before taking it.
His newfound wealth was short lived.
"Give me that!" shouted Nabiki, snatching the money out
of Hikaru's hand. Tucking it down the front of her shirt,
Nabiki glared angrily at Tatewaki.
"Wasting money like that," she muttered.
"It is a sound investment," said Tatewaki.
"Yeah, that's my money. Give it back," whined
Gosunkugi.
"I thought this was an accident," commented Akane,
bristling with anger.
"It was!"
Ukyo let out a cry. "Hold on a minute!" she shouted
quieting them all. Taking in a deep breath, Ukyo rubbed the
sides of her temples wondering how things had gotten this
far.
"Let's focus here," she continued. "Ranma is. dead.
and we need to get him off school grounds."
Nabiki curled her lip up loathing the thought of having
to carry a dead body around. "Why?" she asked.
Kuonji started to answer, but paused. "You know I
asked Akane the same thing, and I still don't really know."
"If they see Ranma's body and start asking questions,
Hikaru is going to be sent to prison," explained Akane.
Nabiki waited for more, but her sister was apparently
done. "And?" she said.
"You don't want him going to jail over an accident, do
you?"
They all turned and looked at Hikaru.
"Pitiful sight, eh?" said Ukyo.
"Gee, Hikaru. I hope you plan on buying plenty of soap-
on-a-rope," Nabiki said.
"It was an accident, I swear!" exclaimed Gosunkugi,
dropping to his knees.
"I just don't see how moving Ranma's body is going to
help?" Nabiki said to Akane.
"Don't you see? If somebody finds him this way,
they'll call the police!"
"Again, `And'?"
"I didn't mean to kill him!"
"So you left a glass of poison out for Ranma to drink.
why the hell are we doing this!" shouted Ukyo.
"Because I believe him," answered Akane. "As much as
it pains me that Ranma is dead. I believe him."
"Well there's your weak side showing, sis," said
Nabiki. "Me, Chujo-go Penitentiary, `mediatly."
"Nabiki!"
Nabiki shook her head, eyeing Hikaru again. "Hmm.
There is one thing we can do though."
"What's that?" asked Ukyo.
"Pick a new name for him. I don't think `Hikaru' is
going to fit his role in the pen."
"No!" moaned Gosunkugi lying prostrate on the floor.
Too their surprise, Tatewaki went over and help the
sobbing man up. "There, there, my good man," he told Hikaru
while brushing the dust from his clothes. "There is nothing
to worry about. The Kuno Clan will be more than happy to
relieve you of this burden."
"You will?" questioned Hikaru timidly.
"Why yes! I'll just take Saotome down to my personal
taxidermist and have him stuffed and mounted. He'll make a
fine addition to the-."
The heel of Akane's foot slammed down on Tatewaki's
sensing him hopping painfully around in pain.
"You are not mounting or, or stuffing Ranma, Tatewaki
Kuno!" she shouted. "He is not a trophy for you to show
off."
"No, he's just dead," whined Ukyo.
Akane spun around joining her in her tears.
"Stop it!" shouted Nabiki. "Ukyo, don't be getting her
started. The desk will be floating around this room before
you know it!"
"But Ranma's dead, and we're helping his killer!"
replied Ukyo.
"BWAHHHHH!" sobbed Akane.
As they continued to flood the room, Kodachi finally
moved from her silent vigil walking over to Ranma. The rest
of them watched as she began moving his head around, tipping
it from side to side, back and forth, lifting an arm
watching it sag slowly back down to his side.
She laughed deviously, turning around. "Can I have
him?" asked Kodachi.
Akane let out a huff, gesturing incredulously back and
forth between her and her brother. The others stood
bewildered by the question.
"And, uh, I know I'm going to regret asking this
question, but what are you going to do with him, hmm?" asked
Nabiki.
"Hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo, hoo. Now that my beloved
Ranma can no longer run from me, I'll take him back to my
home and keep him in my room so I can look upon his handsome
features every day!"
Ukyo, Akane, and Nabiki shuddered in disgust imagining
how Ranma would look and smell after a few months.
"NO, he's mine, sister!" exclaimed Tatewaki. "I bought
and paid for him already!"
"No you didn't," said Hikaru. "Nabiki took my bounty,
remember?"
BAMPH!
"Here! Now you're paid off!" Tatewaki replied,
thrusting another roll of money into Gosunkugi's hands.
A sharp snatch, Nabiki furiously taking it away with
blinding speed. "Will you stop giving him my money!" she
said, pushing Hikaru closer towards Tatewaki.
"I want Saotome!" cried Tatewaki.
"He's mine!" countered Kodachi, wrapping her arms
around Ranma's head.
"He's nobodies!" shouted Ukyo. "Ranma's dead and you
two are fighting over nothing."
The Kuno siblings traded looks then Tatewaki stroked
his chin thoughtfully.
"Hm, you are right, Kuonji. I can compromise with my
dear sister."
"Really?" said Kodachi.
"Yes. I'll just take his head. She can have the rest."
Akane literally jumped between Tatewaki and Ranma
spreading her arms wide. "You're not taking anything off of
Ranma either, Tatewaki!"
"She's right, brother!" added Kodachi. "That's the
second most valuable part of him."
The rest of Akane's words stuck in her throat, body
starting sharply before coming around to face Kodachi.
"You are sick, Kodachi Kuno," she told her calmly.
"Very, very, very sick."
Kodachi only chuckled, hugging Ranma's head tighter to
her bosom.
"Uh, lets work on getting Ranma out of here before I
throw up," commented Ukyo.
"You're determined to do this, aren't you guys?" said
Nabiki. She glanced over at Hikaru and shrugged. "You must
be having a lucky day, Gos."
"Not in the finance department," he muttered under his
breath.
"So where to now?" asked Akane.
"Let's start by standing Ranma up," answered Nabiki.
Ukyo and Kodachi grabbed Ranma by each arm and pulled
him up. He legs briefly remained in the sitting position
before finally dropping.
"I think this is why they call them `Stiffs'," said
Kodachi.
Nabiki smirked. "Tatewaki," she called motioning for
him to come over. He did and she turned him around facing
the door. "Girls," she said waving Ukyo and Kodachi over.
They came up behind Tatewaki and Nabiki took Ranma's
left arm, forming his hand into a hook-like position and
draped it over Tatewaki's left shoulder. She did the same
to the right, stepping back to examine her work.
Tatewaki's eyes cut from side to side at the lukewarm
arms around him. "I suppose there is a reason why I've
become the pack mule for all of this?"
"Because you're the tallest, the strongest, and you
wanted him," answered Nabiki.
"Not on my back!"
She ignored him. "Okay, the rest of us will walk
closely around Tatewaki down the hall and out the building."
"Now?" said Akane. "The next bell should be ringing
here shortly."
The bell signaling the end of the current class went
off.
"Right on time," commented Ukyo.
"That's not a problem," continued Nabiki. "We'll wait
until the next class starts. There should be nobody around
to stop or see us."
"Why wait?" said Ukyo.
"Because we'll be seen?" countered Nabiki.
Ukyo shrugged. "Won't be anything they've not come to
expect. They'll think it normal and ignore us."
"Hmm. You might be right, Ukyo," said Nabiki. She
grabbed the doorknob. "Shall we?" she said to them.
Tatewaki hefted his shoulders adjusting Ranma into a
more comfortable position before heading out the door.
"Now if there was only some way we could get that smile
off his face," Akane said as she followed him along.
"Why? I think it's cute," said Kodachi.
"And like it is known, dear sister," replied Tatewaki,
"you have a very deep and disturbing problem."
* * * * *
Great flick. Wonder if there's any popcorn around.
* * * * *
True to Ukyo's word, not a soul bothered to question
the odd conglomerate walking down the halls. So used to the
oddities that befell Ranma and company, the students simply
shrugged it off as another unfortunate episode in the daily
lives of the Saotome/Tendo story. There were a few brief
questioning glances at Ranma and the way he hung draped
around Tatewaki's back, but it appeared he was enjoying
himself and that the leading upperclassman of Furinkan held
no objections to the arrangement.
Most of the students vacated the halls by the time the
group reached the next level. They were but moments away
from the main entrance when suddenly a blurred figure
appeared next to Ukyo.
POP!
"HI, Ukyo!" exclaimed the cross-dressing Tsubasa
Kurenai.
Ukyo literally went through the lockers in surprise.
"Tsubasa!" she shouted, quickly returning to her position.
"What do you want, and leave me alone!"
Kurenai's bottom lip quivered. "But, Ukyo. I thought
we could meet for lunch after class and-."
"No! Can't you see I'm busy?"
"Can we move on!" shouted Tatewaki.
Tsubasa leaned to the side looking around Ukyo at
Ranma. His brows furrowed and just like before he was blur
of motion.
POP!
Akane and Kodachi jumped back as Tsubasa stood looking
over Ranma. He scratched his head then shook his long locks
back, turning to face Ukyo again.
"He's dead," said Tsubasa, voice shifting down into his
male tone.
Nabiki pounced, placing a hand across his mouth as she
put him in a tight headlock. After a brief struggle,
Tsubasa finally settled down.
"Hush. Hush?" said Nabiki, and he slowly nodded. She
let him go and stepped back.
Tsubasa glanced around at the faces around him with
eyes full of surprise.
POP!
"AAAUGGGHH!"
"Ukyo, what's going on here?"
Ukyo lowered herself from the overhead light, snatching
Tsubasa up by the front of his dress.
"Will you stop that popping around stuff!" she snarled
at him.
"But Ranma is dead, and, and I don't think I quite like
what I'm thinking!"
"We know he's dead, Kurenai," said Nabiki. "That's why
we're taking him off campus."
Tsubasa's brows arched up. He relaxed and Ukyo
released him.
"So, uh, which one of you did it?" he asked nervously.
Gosunkugi raised a hand. "Uh, that would be me."
Tsubasa blinked and suddenly broke out laughing. "(Ha,
ha, ha) You?"
"Well I did."
Clearing the tears from his eyes, Tsubasa leaned up
against the wall to steady himself. He looked up; chuckling
briefly and then shook his head.
"Oh, oh, Gos, man! This is all too much, but nice try.
Okay, Akane. Why did you kill him?"
"I did not kill him! Hikaru did!"
The laughs died away, Tsubasa slowly realizing that she
was serious. He frowned, glancing at Ranma's frozen smile.
"Boy, Hikaru. Whatever you did it must have been good
to him."
Akane burst out in tears at his remark.
"Oh now look what you've done," Nabiki angrily said.
"She's flowing again."
"We're going to need a boat after this," commented
Kodachi; Akane punching her in the arm as her cries
increased.
"So I assume the police have been called?" asked
Tsubasa.
Dead silence followed, Tsubasa waiting expectantly for
someone to answer. When there came none, he raised a
thoughtful finger up into the air.
"Oh, this must be my queue to flee," said Kurenai,
preparing to exit the growing disaster.
"No you don't. Ukyo!" said Nabiki, and Kuonji pounced
putting Tsubasa back in a firm headlock.
"Let me go, Ukyo! I may love you, but I'm not going to
jail with you!" shouted Tsubasa, struggling to break free.
"Oh no you don't, Tsubasa," she said, increasing the
pressure. "You're now a witness, and that we can't be
having."
"Great," said Nabiki, throwing her hands hopelessly up
into the air. "Now add kidnapping to your charges, Hikaru."
"Me? You ordered the action, I'm just an innocent
bystander."
"Excuse me!" Tatewaki suddenly shouted. "Remember our
original problem growing heavy on my back!" he said pointing
over one shoulder.
"Oh yeah. We should be going," replied Nabiki.
"He's probably getting heavy because all of the fluids
in his body are going to his feet," added Hikaru.
Ukyo wrestled with Tsubasa like a cowboy wrestling down
a wild steer trying to keep him from escaping. "Ta'hell
with. nnngghhhaa. that! What do we do with him?"
"We'll just bring Tsubasa along," answered Nabiki.
"Right! Kicking and screaming all the way down the
street! What a sight that will be!"
"And I will too!" exclaimed Tsubasa, increasing his
struggles.
"We could just kill Tsubasa and make it easier for us
to handle him," suggested Gosunkugi.
He realized his mistake, holding out the front of his
shirt, Akane snatching him from the floor.
"You did kill him! You did kill Ranma on purpose!" she
shouted, shaking him around.
"Will you guys stop!" exclaimed Nabiki. "Sheesh! What
more could happen to us now?"
"Tahi-nee Bah-buls. by de shoore. Tahi-nee Bah-buls.
fo'evah mo."
Nabiki flinched sharply, placing her hands to her ears
against the sound warbling from around the corner ahead.
"Ow, what is that horrible screech?" she asked turning
around.
Everyone stopped as the singing continued.
"Tahi-nee Bah-buls. frahm da sea. Tahi-nee Bah-buls.
bring you back to me."
"Ooo, that's worse than your poetry, Tatewaki," said
Akane, smirking.
But he was not listening, staring fearfully at the far
end of the hall. Kodachi too stood aghast, and then
Tatewaki turned.
"Father!" they both said together.
Principle Kuno, the one thing they did not need right
now, Nabiki cursing their luck. His voice was getting
louder and it looked like their goose was about to be
cooked.
"What now?" asked Hikaru.
"Surrender and take your execution like a man!" replied
Tsubasa.
Ukyo gave him a sharp nuggie on the head. "Nabiki?"
she called desperately.
Nabiki could hear Principle Kuno opening and closing
doors. She looked over to their left and spotted one of the
study rooms. Quickly, she opened it up. The room was empty
and Nabiki waved the rest of the group over.
"No, no, nooo!" shouted Tsubasa fighting Ukyo's pull.
"I'm not going in there, I'm not going in there!"
A kick to the rear from Kodachi sent him along. Nabiki
stopped Akane and Tatewaki at the threshold of the door.
"You stay here, Kuno-baby," she said, pulling Ranma from his
back.
"Me! Why?"
"Because he's your father, and he checking rooms."
"So?"
She rolled her eyes. "Don't you get it? He'll check
this one, and then all hell will really break loose. At
least with you at the door he might pass us by."
"But!"
"Thanks, Kuno-baby. Grab an arm, Akane."
They dragged Ranma inside, Nabiki blowing Tatewaki a
kiss before closing the door in his face.
Tatewaki stared at it for a second, and then started
knocking.
"I, Tatewaki Kuno, demand you open this door! Do you
hear me? Open this door, Nabiki Tendo! A Fellow
Upperclassman has spoken! Open this-."
"Tahi-nee Bah-buls."
Tatewaki flinched, spinning around. Principle Kuno
appeared clad in his usual Hawaiian shirt and shorts,
singing brightly as he walked down the hall. It was to late
to run, Tatewaki shifting into a relaxed position leaning
against one arm.
"Tahi-nee Bah-buls. on Da Sea," sang Principle Kuno as
he walked past. He made but a few more steps then did a one
eighty, stopping close up in front of Tatewaki.
"'Eloo, Tah-chi. why you gahding dat door?" he sang.
Tatewaki shuddered from the point blank blast for a
second. His pains subsided, and he placed a cheery smile on
his face."
"Hello, Father. Uh, great weather we're having?"
"Yeesss, not bad for florescent lighting. So, ah, who
behind door numbah one?"
Tatewaki looked innocently skywards. "No one, Father.
Just a study room, that's all."
Principle Kuno chuckled. "You know, Tachi, I not
believe you?" he told him.
"Wha-, Father I am shocked you would not believe the
word of your only son!"
"I would, but I not scheduled dis room for use until
tree, so if you are using it, you not supposed to be."
"Hmm. Remarkable," said Tatewaki.
"What?"
"The Kuno Mind. Such an observant machine we possess.
Never missing a thing no matter how small or fleeting." A
sharp kick from the other side of the door staggered
Tatewaki. "But, uh, there's nothing behind this door to
trouble yourself with, I assure you, Father!" he quickly
added.
"Step ahside, Tachi," said Principle Kuno.
"Must I?"
"You want one good short buzzcut, Hm?"
"Allow me to open the door for you," answered Tatewaki.
He opened the door and Principle Kuno stepped inside.
There were four tables in the study room and seated
around one were the fugitives staring calmly at him. Ranma
sat immobile with Kodachi's headphones on, Akane next to him
grinning from ear to ear. Kodachi and Gosunkugi sat with a
book lying on the table between them, Tsubasa smiling with
one arm behind his back, Ukyo close at his side with eyes
wide. Nabiki stood next to the door shooting daggers of
death at Tatewaki as Principle Kuno walked further into the
room.
"Oh, if I not see guilty faces here, I not know what I
see," he said. "Why you not all in your regulah classes,
eh?"
"We're. cramming, Principle Kuno!" Akane answered.
"Crahming?"
"Yes, you know," said Nabiki, "last minute studying
before our exams."
"Oooh. And what you crahming for?"
"Necromancy," answered Hikaru.
Kodachi's painful kick to the shins doubled him over,
her arm pulling his head into her chest before he could cry
out.
"Hoo, hoo, hoo, such a kidder he is," she said,
smacking him in the face.
"Ah-ha. Kochi, what you doing here? You not student in
my school."
"Helping my friends, father. Especially my beloved
Ranma!"
Tatewaki and Nabiki both placed worried hands to their
foreheads, heads shaking slightly.
Principle Kuno's eyes drifted over to Ranma then over
at Tsubasa.
"Hey, girlie-boy, why you sitting in dat chair like
some Gumby Doll, eh?"
"I'm being held-." A slight twitch on his arm by Ukyo
brought Tsubasa's voice briefly up a few decibels. "I mean,
I've got a slight crick in my back and, and Ukyo here is
helping me reach it!"
"I see. Well, even though you not legahly using my
study room, I like seeing kids showing effort to learn.
Evan you, Saotome."
Ranma remained inert, smiling lifelessly at the far
wall. Principle Kuno leaned closer and the other began to
worry that the jig was up.
"I thought you say you all studying," Principle Kuno
asked them. "Why Saotome listening to music?"
"He's taking a break," Akane quickly said. "All that
studying has him pretty well wound tight."
"Stiff as a board really," added Tsubasa, letting out
another groan as Ukyo pulled further up on his arm.
"Yeah. He must be really enjoying his music. Look at
dat smile on his face."
Akane huffed and stuttered, hanging her head to muffle
her sobs.
"Gesundheit," said Tatewaki.
Principle Kuno leaned closer to Ranma, trying to hear
some of the music. "Eh, Saotome. Let me hear what you
listening too," he said, tapping him on the shoulder.
Ranma's head slumped towards him; Nabiki sharply
drawing in a gasp, and Principle Kuno pulled the headphones
from Ranma's ears. He barely got them off when he caught
the ragged strains of electric guitars and loud screaming,
shirking away.
"Oi! Take de's back!" he said. Akane reached up and
put the headphones back on Ranma's ears.
"Music? What he listening to anyway?"
"The latest from Skinny Puppy," answered Kodachi.
"'Trapped In Heaven'. It's going to be a classic you know."
Principle Kuno smirked. "Skinny Pahpy. noise like dat
melt your brain. Kill ah person it will."
Akane cupped her hands to her face, shoulders heaving
repeatedly.
"Gesundheit," Tatewaki said to her again.
"Well you kids cahn stay and finish studying, but next
time ask me if you need a room, okay."
"Oh sure, sure!" they all replied cheerfully.
"Later," said Principle Kuno as he walked out.
Immediately Akane grabbed the headphones, fussing with
the cord as she pulled them off.
"Oh, and Saotome," called the Principle, sending her
scrambling to put them back on seconds before he returned.
Principle Kuno stopped in front of Ranma again. "Say,
Saotome, a word of advice. Get some sun. You look dead."
Akane cried into her arms, head hung low.
"Bless you," said Principle Kuno. "Get dat checked
out, Miss Tendo, okay?"
She nodded and Principle Kuno walked back out.
Everyone waited, Tatewaki watching his father walk down the
hall. A signal from him had Akane and Ukyo scrambling to
remove the headphones from Ranma's ears.
"You weren't supposed to be playing that garbage!"
scowled Ukyo at Kodachi.
"Well I thought Ranma would enjoy listening to New
Wave," she replied.
Tatewaki shut the door and joined them. "Well I'll
tell you this. If Ranma wasn't dead then, he is now after
hearing that," he said.
"Did you see how Ranma's head turned around," said
Nabiki. "Hikaru, are you sure he's dead?"
"Quite sure."
Akane reached across the table throttling the boy.
"Akane, Akane let him go!" shouted Ukyo, pulling her
back.
She released Hikaru, glaring at him, and then was back
across the table to continue her assault. As Ukyo and
Kodachi pried her away from Gosunkugi, Nabiki knelt down
before Ranma and looked him over. She took hold of one
wrist and tried to pull up, but the arm resisted the motion.
"Uh-oh. Ranma's really getting stiff now," she said,
standing back up.
"That will make carrying him now almost impossible,"
said Tatewaki.
"We're going to have to put him into some sort of
position where he won't be to difficult to move around.
"Might I suggest curling him up in a ball," Tsubasa
said.
"A ball?" replied Ukyo.
"Yeah. Then we can just bounce him down the sidewalk
and out into one of the dumpsters. You know, two points."
"Ranma is not a basketball!" shouted Akane.
"He won't feel it," replied Tsubasa. "He's dead."
"BWAAHHHH!"
Ukyo slapped Tsubasa repeatedly across the face.
"Idiot! See what you've done?"
"Somebody better get a mop," commented Tatewaki.
"Alright!" exclaimed Nabiki. Letting out a huff, she
looked back down at Ranma. "Let's put Ranma in a standing
position. Then we can all carry him outside."
"But you said he's getting stiffer," said Akane.
"It will take a little effort, kay? Now come on lets
do this before we have anymore trouble."
They gathered around him. Nabiki told Tatewaki to
stand behind Ranma and lift him up. He did, but Ranma
remained locked in his seated position.
"Hm, looks like redwood to me," said Tsubasa.
Nabiki paused. "Here, let me push one of his. legs
here like. maybe down this way."
She placed her hands on his right knee and pushed down.
KRRRIIICCKKK!
Nabiki grimaced, carefully drawing away from Ranma.
"Nope, that sounded like splintering bamboo," Tsubasa
said.
"Will you shut up and help us think a way out of this!"
Ukyo shouted at him.
Ranma's leg rose eerily back up into its original
position sending a shudder though them all.
"Rubber tree. Definitely a rubber tree," finished
Tsubasa.
"Oh boy this is going to be harder than I thought,"
Nabiki said.
"Well I hope not. Saotome is getting heavy here," said
Tatewaki.
"Here I'll take one side," said Akane.
Nabiki placed her hands on Ranma's right knee again and
despite all the creaks and pops, forced it back down. Ukyo
forced the other leg down and an odd struggle began between
them and Ranma's legs.
"Greif! Even dead Ranma's got the strength of a bull,"
uttered Ukyo as she fought to hold the appendage down.
"We can still cut him up," suggested Hikaru.
"You're not cutting anything!" shouted Akane.
"Not until we get him to my taxidermist," said
Tatewaki.
"And you're not stuffing him either!"
Ranma's torso suddenly began to bend forwards, Tatewaki
letting out a fearful cry as he fought to hold Ranma erect.
"Wow, looks like his back muscles are starting to
contract," said Gosunkugi.
"This is not a science project!" Tatewaki said amidst
his grunts and strains. "Kodachi, Gosunkugi, find something
long and sturdy to place behind his back!"
"I still say ball him up," Tsubasa said again.
"Will you stop with that ball stuff and get over here
and help us!" Ukyo shouted back at him.
"I'm not touching that!"
"Don't make me have to come over there, Kurenai! Get
over here and grab his feet."
Tsubasa rolled his eyes and went over to help them.
"Here, brother," said Kodachi holding up one of the
table legs she broke off. "Will this work?"
"It might. Gosunkugi, yank down the cords to the
blinds."
Hikaru jerked on the cords, bringing the entire
construction crashing down to the floor. "Heh, heh, sorry,"
he said with a light shrug, pulling the rope out.
They tussled with the body, pulling and bending Ranma's
body around. It was in this position that the school
secretary found them in when she walked into the room.
Everyone froze; staring at her knowing that this meant more
trouble was earmarked their way. The secretary's terror
filled eyes took in the scene, the flutter of falling paper
marking her spot as she ran out screaming `murder' at the
top of her lungs down the hallway.
"Well now don't that just beat all," mocked Tsubasa.
"We're screwed," said Akane.
"Now what makes you say that, Akane, hm?" Nabiki
replied brightly.
They finished tying Ranma's limbs down, the table leg
bracing his back rendering him rigid and straight. Now the
only thing left was how to get him out. Calmly, Nabiki
closed the door and locked it.
"Well that finalizes things," she said to them.
"Finalizes what?" asked Akane.
"We're all committed now. Mrs. Sajika saw us all, and
any second now the police will be screaming down the
street."
"You must be daft, Nabiki," said Tatewaki. "She's
barely been gone two minutes. The police will not-."
The cry of a siren cut the air, Nabiki leering
haughtily at him.
"She's a professional secretary. Things happen faster
for them than us normal citizens," she said.
"No! I'm not a murderer!" shouted Tsubasa. "Let me
out of here!"
"And where are you going to go?" asked Ukyo, stopping
him in his tracks.
"Hoo, hoo, hoo, you've been seen with us, Kurenai
ol'boy," added Kodachi.
Tsubasa huffed, crossing his arms, dejected. "Damn it,
Gos. This is all your fault!"
"I didn't tell Ranma to drink my experiment."
"Let's argue about that later," continued Nabiki. "We
need to get out of here."
The din of voices could be heard from out in the hall
spurring them on. Ukyo went to the window and opened it up.
She stuck her head outside and peered around. The grounds
looked empty and the surrounding hedges would give them
enough cover to sneak away across the grounds.
"Let's go," she said climbing out.
Tatewaki and Gosunkugi hefted Ranma up onto the ledge
and Ukyo pulled him out.
"We're not going to get home without somebody asking
questions, Nabiki," said Akane as she hopped up onto the
sill.
"This wasn't my idea, little sister," she replied. "I
was hoping you would have some kind of a plan?"
"No."
"Should have figured you wouldn't," said Nabiki as she
pushed Akane out. "Why do I allow myself to get caught up
into these ticking traps of yours.?"
End Part One :9
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