Subject: [PMFFML] [FFML2] Insertion[part 5][R.5/X-over][Parody]
From: Ryoga P Hibiki
Date: 3/18/2001, 10:59 PM


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    Part 5

    Venus Attacks!


    Ranma Saotome was walking home from school. Nothing unusual about
that, accept for the fact that the school day had just begun. They had
just walked away from their rather interesting talk with Tatewaki
Kuno, and had decided to do a bit of exploring.

    "Where are we?" grumbled Ranma as he glanced around himself.

    "I dunno," replied Carrot cheerfully.

    "We're still in Nerima," replied Dan casually.

    "Oh," said Ranma with a small sigh.

    "Hey, an arcade," commented Carrot as he looked at a nearby

    "Wanna go in?" asked Dan.

    "No," said Ranma flatly.

    "He's right, we don't have much money on us at the moment," agreed
Carrot. "I'll have to remember it's here though."

    "You're right, places like this are a good source of information,"
agreed Dan. "We'd do well to remember any bars we pass too."

    Carrot nodded their head in agreement.

    "Information?" said Ranma in confusion.

    "You'd be surprised how useful having some can be," said Dan
casually as they looked around at the crowds of people wandering by
around them.

    A voice called out behind them, followed by a whistle. "Hey! Stop
right there!"

    Ranma paused and turned around; a police officer was approaching
them from behind.

    "Shit," muttered Carrot.

    "Wasn't expecting this," agreed Dan calmly.

    "Now what?" cried Ranma nervously.

    "Relax, let me handle this," said Carrot calmly as the man
approached them.

    "What are you going to do?" said Ranma nervously.

    "Relax, we don't need to hurt him. Just a little creative truth
telling," said Carrot with a small chuckle.


    "Why aren't you in school?" snapped the officer as he grabbed
Ranma by his shoulder.

    "Huh?" said Ranma innocently as he looked up at the man. "Hello!"

    "Answer the question!" snapped the officer.

    "I just returned to Japan a few days ago," said Ranma with a
shrug. "I haven't even been home yet."

    "What?" said the officer dumbly.

    "I've just returned from a training trip, in China," said the boy
as he looked at the man for a moment. "I'll be in school tomorrow."

    "What's your name kid?" snorted the officer.

    "Ranma Saotome," replied the boy cheerfully.

    "Come with me," said the man as he looked at the boy for a moment
and frowned. Ranma merely nodded and followed.

    "Where do you live kid?" said the officer as he turned to face the

    "I'm not sure, I haven't been home in ten years," said Ranma with
a small shrug.

    "Don't get smart with me kid," said the officer.

    "I'm not being smart. I've been on a voyage of training with my
father for the last ten years," replied the boy with a shrug.

    "Where is he at?" said the man with his frown deepening.

    "I'm not sure, I went off to do a bit of exploring. I'll meet him
later today," said Ranma calmly.

    "Saotome huh?" muttered the officer as he opened the door of his
squad car and pulled out the radio. "What's your mother's name then?"

    Ranma smirked; this was going better than he had thought. He had
expected the officer to release him after he told his story. "Nodoka."


    "What's he doing?" said Ranma nervously as they watched the
officer for a moment.

    "Checking up on us," said Carrot with a small shrug. "It'll only
take a minute."

    "We shouldn't have lied," said Ranma sternly.

    "We didn't lie, nothing we told him was a lie," said Carrot
calmly. "We just withheld information from him."

    "We know where Genma is," commented Dan.

    "No we don't. We know where he probably is; he and Soun could have
gone out for a drink or something. There's no way to know for sure,"
said Carrot with a small chuckle.


    The officer looked at his radio with a frown on his face. The
office had put him through to the Saotome home, and he had expected an
angry mother. Instead, he found a woman frantically asking him strange

    "My son is here?" gasped the woman desperately. Hope was clearly
straining her voice.

    "Yes Ma'am, I've got him standing next to my car right now," said
the officer.

    "What's he look like? Is he manly?" cried the woman.

    "Um, I guess so," muttered the officer as he looked up at the boy.
The kid was still standing there, grinning at him like an idiot.
"Look, I'm calling because..."

    "Ranma? He's finally come home?" said the voice in shock. "Where
are you? Where is he?" cried the frantic woman.

    "Um...I...Ma'am, he isn't a runaway is he?" muttered the officer
in shock.

    "His father isn't with him?" said Nodoka with a sudden tensing in
her voice.

    "Um, no ma'am. Your son said he was meeting with him later..."
stammered the officer. It appeared as though the kid wasn't lying.

    "Where is he!?" cried the woman desperately.

    "Look, I'll bring him to you. Just give me your address again and

    "My son is coming home?" said the voice on the other end of the

    "Yes ma'am, I'll bring him over if you'd like," said the officer
nervously. He heard the sound of something hitting the ground on the
other end of the line, and the line went dead. "Ma'am? Um, hello?" He
turned back towards Ranma. "Get in the car kid."


    "I've got a mother?" said Ranma as he sat in the back of the car
as they rode towards the Saotome home.

    "Apparently," muttered Dan lazily.

    "We've got to let him know about the contract, before he does
something stupid," said Carrot.

    "Right," grumbled Dan.

    "What contract? What are you talking about?" said Ranma dumbly.

    "Well, your father did something really stupid just before you
left," said Carrot sheepishly.

    "What?" said Ranma with a sudden fear growing in his gut.

    "Why are you so surprised?" commented Dan.

    "He's right Ranma," agreed Carrot.

    "What the hell did that old man do now?" growled Ranma.

    "Calm down, and we'll tell you. That cop is looking at us funny,"
said Carrot. "It was just before you left on your training trip. Don't
worry, I've got a way out of it for us. We'll seem manlier than ever
before I'm through with her."


    The police officer stood at the door of the Saotome home and
opened it. "Hello? Miss?"

    "RANMA!" cried a voice from inside, it was quickly followed by the
sound of feet pounding against the floor. Before the officer could
even blink, Nodoka Saotome shot out the door like a bullet, quickly
shoving him aside and taking the boy standing behind him into her

    "Gak!" cried Ranma as the woman lifted him off his feet and
crushed him painfully.

    "My son!" wailed Nodoka.

    "Huhhhh..." groaned Ranma painfully.

    The woman put him down and bowed deeply to the officer. "Thank you
sir! You have brought my son home to me!"

    "Um, it's no problem ma'am," muttered the man as he stood up and
backed away from her. "I'll just let you two alone now. Just make sure
he's in school tomorrow, all right?"

    Nodoka nodded her head almost violently. "Thank you again!" She
bowed to him deeply once again and he gave a short bow in return
before walking away. Ranma smirked as he noticed the man was shaking

    Nodoka turned towards the boy and smiled. "Is it really you my
son? I'm not dreaming?"

    "Um, yeah. It's really me mom," said Ranma as he scratched the
back of his head.

    "Please! Come inside!" she led him into the home and smiled.

    "Mother?" said Ranma in a hoarse voice quietly as he followed.


    Nodoka was staring at her son in shock for a moment. "You rescued
a young girl from a cursed spring?"

    "Yeah, it wouldn't be so bad, but there's a catch to it," said
Ranma calmly as he looked at the glass of water she had brought him.

    "Are you feeling well my son?" said Nodoka as she put her hand
across his forehead.

    Ranma moved her hand gently away and poured the water over his
head. "You must be Mrs. Saotome! It's nice to meet you! Tee hee!"
Ranma bowed to her mother deeply. "I'm Ranko! Wow! You've got a nice
house! It sure is neat! I like your son! He's so nice, and really
cute! He's got a nice, I'm sorry. Don't you think his butt
is nice though? I've wanted to meet you for so long! Are you really
Ranma's mother? Wow, that's really nice. I didn't know his mother was
still alive. Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say something like that."

    Nodoka was simply staring at the overexcited redhead in front of
her. After a moment, her eyes rolled into the back of her head, and
she fell to the ground in a heap.

    "That went well," commented Ranma as she looked down at the woman
for a moment.

    Inside their collective head, Ranma Saotome was still screaming


    "Oh, I had the strangest dream," muttered Nodoka as she slowly
woke up. "What would my son think? Having such an odd dream about him.
He looked quite handsome though, I hope he looks as such in reality."
She paused and looked around for a moment. She wasn't in bed, but
rather was laid out on the floor, with a cold rag placed across her

    "Hello Mom," said the boy who was sitting next to her.

    "It wasn't a dream!" she gasped.

    "Um, no. Sorry about Ranko, she gets...excited easily," said Ranma
with a slightly nervous twitch on his face.

    "Hey!" said one of the voices inside his head indignantly.

    "You mean?" stammered the woman.

    "Yeah, I'm still cursed," said Ranma sheepishly.

    "Is there no cure for this horrible curse?" said Nodoka quietly.

    Ranma's features changed slightly. "Short of killing her, none
that I know of."

    "So, you must suffer for the sake of this young girl?" said Nodoka
with a small nod. "Manly indeed," she muttered quietly.

    "Seems like it," agreed Ranma.

    Nodoka took him into her arms again, squeezing him tightly. "Oh!
My son!"

    Ranma hugged her back, the two other voices inside his head looked
on silently, and patiently now.

    "Where is your father? When are you moving back in with me again?
I've missed you so!" said the woman as she finally released him.

    "Pop is at the Tendo's place, we've been staying with them for a
while," said Ranma calmly.

    "So, you know of the engagement?" said Nodoka cheerfully.

    "Um yeah," said Ranma sheepishly.

    "Look, Mom. Pop doesn't know I'm here," said Ranma as his features
changed slightly again.

    "Pardon?" said the woman.

    "Pop is afraid to come back, he thinks that Ranko is a breach of
that contract you made. I don't agree with him, but..."

    "I see," said Nodoka with a small frown. "You know of that do

    Ranma nodded in reply. "I'd like to let him know that we've met.
That moron got cursed too, he turns into a giant panda."

    "A... Panda?" muttered Nodoka.

    "Yeah, it's really weird. I think he wants us to stay at the
Tendo's for a while too," said Ranma as he looked away from her for a

    "I see...because of the engagement?"

    Ranma merely nodded. "I'll come visit of course. I know where you
are now."

    "As shall I," agreed Nodoka as tears welled up in her eyes for a

    "Great. I've got to go now," said Ranma as he stood up and walked
over to the door. He paused by the door and turned towards a small
table with a telephone on it. He quickly scratched down a number and
an address. "Here's the number and address to the Tendo's house. Give
me a day or two to let Pop know that we've met. He still thinks you're
going to kill him."

    Nodoka frowned at this, and nodded her head. "I still might," she
muttered under her breath. "Worthless coward."

    "I'll come back and see you soon," said Ranma as he walked out the


    Ranma was on his way back to the dojo. He had wandered around a
bit after the meeting with his mother. Dan and Carrot were silent for
most of this time, allowing Ranma some time to think.

    "Well, we're almost back," said Carrot finally as he looked over
at a familiar street sign.

    "Right," agreed Dan.

    "You two sure have been quiet," said Ranma.

    "You've got a lot to think about," said Carrot with a small shrug.

    Ranma punched himself dead in the face. "Don't ever do that to me

    "Ouch! What the?" stammered Carrot.

    "Hey! That hurt!" growled Dan.

    "My mother thinks I've got a girl inside me you ass!" snarled

    "Look, if I hadn't done that, you'd be sitting in her back yard
with a knife on your belly! Don't be so ungrateful!" snapped Carrot as
he punched himself in the gut.

    "Why couldn't you act like a normal girl?" snapped Ranma as he
pulled at his own hair.

    "That was more fun! That's why!" snarled Carrot viciously as he
put himself in a headlock and began to shove himself into a telephone

    Dan swept his own feet out from underneath him. They all landed
face first on the concrete. "You idiots leave me out of this!"

    "Not till he apologizes, and promises not to do that again!"
snapped Ranma as he rolled over onto his back, and began to hit the
back of his head against the telephone poll.

    "Fat chance, Pigtailed Girl!" snarled Carrot as he started to
choke himself.


    On the street, the young boy beating the hell out of himself was
given a wide berth by all the passers by, who merely ignored the scene

    A little girl pointed down at the boy and shrieked. "Mommy! What's
he doing?"

    The woman holding her hand turned the girl's head away and said

    The beating abruptly stopped when a voice called out over the
crowd. "Hold villain! At last the hand of justice has found you!"

    "Huh?" muttered all three voices inside Ranma at one time. They
all looked up and saw a young girl standing on top of a wall. She was
wearing a sailor fuku, and had a strange looking mask over her face.
The girl's long blonde hair billowed in the wind dramatically, and she
jabbed a finger at them.

    "The defender of love and justice has found you at last demon!
Prepare to be punished by Sailor V!"

    "Hey, it's the senshi of Venus," commented Ranma dumbly from the
ground as he looked at the girl in shock for a moment.

    A small white cat that was standing at the girl's feet gasped in
shock, and quickly jumped down to the ground in front of them.

    "Cat..." stammered Ranma.

    "You know more than I expected," said Venus as she narrowed her
eyes at him. "You really are one of the enemy, aren't you?"

    "Huh? Enemy?" said the boy dumbly, his gaze was still locked
fearfully on the feline that was standing in front of him.

    "Destroy it quickly V! This thing is dangerous!" said Artemis.

    "Talking cat..." muttered Ranma fearfully. He then blinked and
looked up at Venus. "Destroy?"

    "Take this!" screamed the girl as she jumped down and kicked him
dead in the face.

    Ranma skid across the pavement, and landed headfirst in a wall.
"Ouch! Why that dirty little..." He shook his head and saw Venus
standing over him, her face was an angry looking scowl. He paused and
snorted for a moment, staring at her legs from his prone position on
the ground. "Wow. Those go all the way up."

    Venus blinked and looked down at where he was staring. "Pervert!"
She kicked him again, pushing him into the wall harder, and creating a

    Ranma grunted in pain and slumped forward for a moment. "If you
hadn't been standing right in front of me, I wouldn't have been
looking there!"

    "Venus! You have to destroy it!" cried Artemis from just behind

    The only voice that had been silent thus far in the battle,
suddenly made a sound. "Niyau!"

    "What?" gasped the senshi as she looked at the strange position
the boy had taken up. He was sitting on his hind legs, with one hand
on the ground, and the other curled up in a cat-like paw beside his

    "Heh, you've unlocked the Nekoken," said Ranma with a dangerous
and feral looking gleam in his eyes. He bolted into the air, easily
clearing Venus's head and landed just behind her.

    "All right, come on!" snarled Ranma as he stepped back slightly.

    "What?" muttered Venus as the boy waved his hand. She was suddenly
thrown back into the wall. Hundreds of sharp blows slammed into her
body as she created a crater of her own.

    "Such power!" commented Armetis in horror.

    The blonde girl looked down at her fuku, several tears had
appeared inside the fabric, and her skirt was in tatters. She growled
angrily and glared at the boy for a moment, he was still sitting
quietly opposite her. An occasional catlike growl escaped his lips as
he gazed at her calmly. Despite his calmness, something feral burned
in the back of his eyes.

    "Looks like I'm gonna have to go all out," muttered Venus.

    "Come on Minako, calm down. I don't want to fight you, you're
kinda cute," said Ranma with a slight chuckle.

    "He knows?" gasped Artemis in shock.

    "No way!" said Venus as she stepped back for a moment.

    "Let's play nice," said Ranma as he seemed to force himself to
stand up.

    Venus narrowed her eyes at him. "Monster."

    "Hey! I am not a monster," snapped the boy irritably.

    "Take this! Venus Crescent Beam!" snarled the girl as she lashed
out at him with her attack. The arc of energy rushed towards Ranma far
to fast for him to dodge.

    The boy slashed upwards with his hand, but the Nekoken did nothing
to the blast, and he was caught in the chest and thrown back, clear
across the street. He slammed into a nearby clothing store window, and
blew through the glass, landing painfully on the floor in a shower of
debris. A few racks of clothing fell on top of him and customers
scattered like roaches away from the scene.

    Venus was also thrown into the wall again, the Nekoken had not
stopped her attack, but hers hadn't stopped it either. She landed
inside the crater from her first impact, and the wall cracked even

    "Hurry up Sailor V!" cried Artemis as he scurried towards the
shattered window.

    "Easy for you to say," muttered the girl as she staggered to her
feet again. She jogged over and peered inside, Ranma was gone.

No one noticed the figure wearing a black fedora, sunglasses, and a
long black trench coat walk out of the restroom and out into the
street. A familiar looking red pigtail flopped about just over the
coat's collar as she walked away.

    A few frightened onlookers pointed Venus towards the bathroom. She
rushed inside, and found an open window. "Damn!" she screamed as she
climbed through it. Artemis met her in the alleyway behind the store.

    "He's gone! Vanished!" cried the cat.


    Carrot frowned deeply. Ranma was awake again, thanks to the cold
water. "I guess Cat's really don't like getting wet, eh Ranma?"

    "Shut up," said Ranma in retort.

    "That was not good. The two of us were barely able to stay in
control," muttered Dan angrily. "Sailor Venus could be a problem. Why
does she think we're a demon?"

    "I don't know, but we've got to think of a way to change her
mind," said Carrot coolly.

    "I say we just get rid of her, this could quickly become annoying,
especially if the other senshi join in it with her," said Dan with a
slight growl.

    "Hey! I ain't killin nobody!" snapped Ranma defensively.

    "I'm afraid Ranma's right, Dan. We can't kill her," said Carrot

    "You two are pansies," snorted Dan irritably.

    "I for one don't want to go toe to toe against Beryl and her
minions," said Carrot firmly. "Especially not alone, which is what
will happen if we kill the senshi. To say nothing of the stuff that
comes after Beryl."

    "What's a Beryl?" muttered Ranma in confusion.

    "Big, mean, and very powerful. Not something we want to fight
Ranma, if we can help it that is."

    "We've got to defend ourselves though," said Dan firmly. "I
promise we won't kill her."

    "Oh, I get it," said Carrot with a small smirk. "You want to bring
them out again."

    Dan nodded, a predatory grin appearing on his face. "Captain
Destructo returns again."

    "Who?" said Ranma in confusion. "You never did explain why we
called ourselves that before."

    "That was what they called me when I was working for the Denver
Police Department," said Dan with a small chuckle. "Things had this
weird tendency to explode around me."

    "Sounds like one of those cheesy nineteen thirties sci-fi serial
shows," commented Carrot.

    "That's right, the guy who started calling me that was a fan of
those things. It sort of just stuck."

    "Well, we'll need to be careful from now on then," said Carrot
firmly. "Don't forget, no matter what, we can't kill the senshi. Our
objective is to convince her we aren't a youma, which has happened

    "Right," agreed Dan with a smirk forming on his face. If Ranma
could see the look he had at that moment, he definitely wouldn't have
liked it one bit.


    An hour later, Ranma was sitting in his father in his room.

    "You what?" said Genma in shock.

    "Mom found me!" cried Ranma desperately. The look of complete fear
was quite convincing. "I couldn't get away...she saw...EVERYTHING!"

    "Do you have any idea what you've done boy!" cried Genma in

    "We're doomed Pop!" cried the pigtailed boy desperately.

    "Come on! We're getting out of here!" said Genma as he stood up
and grabbed his traveling pack.

    "No!" said Ranma dramatically.

    "What?" said Genma with fear in his eyes.

    "I shall face my a man!" said Ranma firmly. A look of
determination burned in his eyes.

    "Son! Don't talk crazy! We can still be cured! It's not too late!"
cried Genma desperately.

    "No, I will not run away from my destiny old man," said Ranma with
righteous tears in his eyes. "You can run if you want. I will not be a
coward! I shall die with honor!"

    "Boy! Are you out of your mind!?" cried Genma as he took his son
by his collar.

    "No, I am not," said Ranma firmly as he pushed the man's hands
away and walked out of the room.

    Genma stood and stared at the doorway, completely numb with
terror. He could barely move, and his legs felt like they were made of
jelly. "What have you done boy?" He fell down and sobbed into his


    Nabiki raised her eyebrow as Ranma's firm looking face changed to
a cheerful smile the instant he walked out of his room. He strolled by
her, whistling a tune to himself with his hands in his pockets as he
walked down the stairs. He turned and spared her a small wink as he
passed and chuckled to himself.

    "What was that about?" she wondered out loud.



    Next Time: Captain Destructo?

C&C to

Previous parts can be found at Http:// and R&C Books
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