"Miller, Bert" wrote:
Ah! An Inu-Yasha fic; intriguing!
I hope so. :)
"Here's a question for you," she said. "Where do the shadows
go when you switch on the light?"
Odd opening, but I think it works, as a hook as least. ("Why
such an odd opening," the reader thinks. "I'd better read
farther and find out!")
Well, it's an important theme of the story, though why that's so probably won't
be evident until the end.
Several interesting points here: "young woman" can imply that this
takes place a number of years after the manga.
That's correct. (Or at least after the possible end of the manga represented by
the flashback scenes in this part; your guess is as good as mine as to how and
when the series will *really* end.)
Also, there's a
certain unpleasant ruthlessness that this reporter is displaying.
Author bias creeping in, I suppose. I'm not a big fan of the corporate media.
It was the response I'd hoped for. So why did I feel as if she were a
spider and I had just blundered into her web?
Because you are?
Oh sure, go for the obvious answer. :)
You're keeping Takahashi's tone intact here, too. I-Y, unlike some
other Takahashi series, has more than its share of horrendous moments,
and you convey them well.
Thanks; I tried hard to keep this part of the story, at least, in line with the
sort of things that go on in the series. (Obviously it branches out more in the
present-day scenes. ^_^)
"What's going on?" she said. "Am I late for school or something?"
Loss of (at least) short-term memory? Or is this now the corrupted
Kikyo?
Um, it's Kagome, not Kikyo. :) But you'll have to wait until the second half to
find out.
"So you didn't die after all?" I asked. Stupid question, of course, to
ask someone who I was speaking to. "Why not?"
"ask of someone to whom I was speaking"? It's not quoted speech, so
maybe it should be proper grammer? Then again, maybe not... It reads
a bit awkward to me as is, but a not-quite-formal tone seems appropriate.
I wasn't very happy with the phrasing here either, but couldn't come up with
anything I liked better. I'll think about it some more.
Intriguing start; I'm looking forward to more.
Many thanks for your comments!
Gary