Colleen Leah Morgan wrote:
Oooh! Oooh! An Inu-Yasha fan fiction!
Yeah, there aren't too many, are there....
Otherwise, at best
she wouldn't tell me anything. At worst, well... I knew what she'd done
that had gotten her locked up in this place.
This reads somewhat awkwardly to me. I'd suggest substituting "she
wouldn't tell me anything" for something like "she'd just rant
incoherently" or something similar.
OK, good point.
The
Kagome Higurashi story.
Oh you bastard! I was hoping against hope it wouldn't be her.
Nya ha ha!
Hmmm, ways to get back at Mr. Kleppe...
Hm... well, you could hire away my MSTing team. That would be a real bummer if I
didn't have Hiroshi and Daisuke around here anymore, yeah, that's the ticket.
Everyone wanted to
know what could have driven such an innocent-looking young woman,
someone who could have been anyone's next door neighbor, to murder five
people -- chosen at random, as far as anyone knew -- and in such a
grotesque fashion.
Let me guess. Ranma, Akane, Ukyo, Shampoo, and Ryoga, right? :P
Oh yeah, those are completely random choices. Nobody'd ever deduce any
connection. 9.9
But only if I could get her to talk to me.
I don't sense enough intensity on the part of the reporter. They still
only seem vaguely interested in hearing the story. Perhaps if you inserted
some sweaty palms or other signs of nervousness...
Not sure if I want to go that far, but I'll think about this. Maybe I'll put in
more about how he expects to make a ton of money off this book, or something
like that.
It was the response I'd hoped for. So why did I feel as if she were a
spider and I had just blundered into her web?
So it's not Kagome, but Yura of the Hair! Okay then.
And to the rescue... Principal Kuno! I was thinking of doing that as a spamfic a
while back, actually.
In the center of the
storm, a pair of eyes could be seen, their fluorescent red gaze piercing
through the blackness.
Isn't fluorescent red pink in color? Did Inu-Yasha give everyone a case of
pink-eye?
KAGOME: Not to worry, I've got my trusty bow and arrow....
KAEDE: Now remember, don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes!
KAGOME: HEY!
"I am saying," she replied with the serene acceptance that only the aged
seemed able to achieve, "that only something beyond the two of us can be
victorious here."
Nice scene, and a good line. Yes indeedy.
Thanks. I was having a hard time keeping this dialog from being too expository.
"No trick." The skirt of her school uniform flapped in the howling wind.
"Take it."
"Your skirt? I suppose I did always covet that supple green material!"
KAGOME: Not THAT! Geez, how obvious do I need to BE!
KIKYO: You mean....
KAGOME: Take my virginity! I mean, we are kinda sorta the same person right? So
who better?
KIKYO: Oh, brother. How far does this author have to go to avoid being
out-hentaied?
"Yes, take it...and the rest of my clothes!"
The girls squared off to do....NAKED BATTLE!!
Hiroshi: I didn't know there would be hot GIRL ON GIRL action in this fic!
GARY: HA! She fell for it! They're her problem now! Wheee!
DAISUKE: Nah, we're just temping.
GARY: Oh.
"Kagome!" Inu-Yasha rushed to the fallen girl, with Kaede following
behind him. "You fool, why did you have to sacrifice yourself?"
Nobody can ever take a damn pulse.
MIROKU: I can, but she gets mad when I touch her there.
"What's going on?" she said. "Am I late for school or something?"
See, I love Kagome. How can you be mean to her? (says the author of
Olvido...)
Hey, I love her too. I'm always meanest to the ones I love. You should know that
from my other fics by now. :)
Acknowledgements and other author's notes to follow part two. All C&C is
welcomed and appreciated.
These early fics about an unfinished series are interesting to say the
least. I'm enjoying it so far, and absolutely want to see more!
Thanks for the comments and encouragements, Colleen. I'm working on both this
and HaM as time and energy allows.
Gary