Slayers
Mou Ikanaide
It still hurts.
Looking down at her gravestone, I marvel silently at
that. Don't the wise say that pain fades with time?
And yet...
"I still miss you," I say softly, then chuckle. "But
I guess you know that, don't you? Not a day goes by
that I don't think I see you on the street, or hear
you call out my name, or..."
I stop talking for a moment, lost in memories of her
smile, her laugh, the odd way she had of viewing the
world not as it was, but as it should be. Then, I
start talking again. "And each time, when I stop and
know that it isn't you, that it can never be you. I
can't help but cry. After I'm done, I dry my tears and
tell myself, 'That's the last time. I won't cry any
more. I won't!' It's been a year! Then, it all happens
again..." I touch my cheeks. They're wet. I choke back
my tears and continue. "We've been trying to live up
to your example, but it's hard. So hard..."
I start sobbing in earnest. My words garbled so badly
that I can't even understand them, I ask, "Why didn't
you tell us? Why did you keep fighting? Why didn't you
just stop and say that you were hurt real bad? All it
would have taken was one healing spell." I scream,
"Just one!" My voice gives out as I go to my knees by
her graveside. Several minutes later, I whisper, as
though she was just sleeping and I didn't want to wake
her, "You wanna know what the worst part is? You
didn't get any last words. I thought that real heroes
always got last w-w-w..."
That makes me start weeping again. Then, I hear a
shout. "Hey Lina, you all right?"
I turn around and fake a smile for Gourry's benefit.
"'Course I am. Why wouldn't I be?"
I stand up and read Amelia's epitaph aloud. "'Justice
should be the only ends, heroism the only means.' You
tried to teach us that. I only wish I'd've learned
sooner." Strangely, I felt no urge to cry as I stood
up and walked back to Gourry and adventure's road.
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