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The FFML Synopses List RETRO-REVIEW! (THUDDDDD!)
====================== \oo/ /oo\ \oo/
For the week of: November 24, 2000
Reviewer on Duty: Glazius "Invading My Space" Falconar
Synopses Reviewed: 16 (3 for weeks before, and 2 for days after)
Hi, folks. I'd just like to remind you before we begin that I am not God. At
least not the Judeo-Christian God, as conventionally interpreted. I may be a
minor god in some pantheon and not, in fact, know it, as my folks are from
near Greece and who knows what might have happened.
Specifically, I am not omniscient. I may question something that happens in
your story which is, in fact, Actual Series Canon. I have precious little
experience with Actual Series, and many of my perceptions are an
agglomeration of years of fanfics, scream sheets, and assorted other
tidbits. ("Scream Sheet": a FASA-designate cyberpunk term for an Essential
Information Only flyer that sums up popular opinions and "general
knowledge")
Further, I am not omnipresent. I will say things shaped by my experiences;
other people more than likely have different experiences. If you've got 500
responses saying your story is the greatest things since sliced bread and I
pan it, that's not indicative of any greater knowledge on my part, merely a
different perception/expectation/what have you. Alternately, if I pan a
story, that doesn't preclude the possibility that other people reading it
later will think it's the greatest thing since sliced bread, so to all you
readers reading this, don't let me stop you.
Finally, I am not omnipotent. If I say something should be changed, you do
not, in fact, have to change it, if you don't want to, and you will not be
visited by plagues of frogs or anything of the sort. If you're satisfied
with a story the way it is, or with any factors I've said should be
corrected, then leave it.
Oh, and sometimes I'll rant. God generally doesn't.
* * * * *
[Dirty Pair / Iria: Zeiram, the Animation]
- - - - -
Title: Should Old Acquaintance Be Forgot chapter 5
Genre: Crossover
Author: D.B. Sommer
Email: sommer@3rdm.net
Date Sent to FFML: November 24, 2000
Archive Number: 15987
Size: 73 KB
Summary:
Pieces of the Zeiram puzzle start to fit together. Kei and Yuri have a
little disagreement. More fighting and bloodshed as the body count
rises. And the introduction of another 'old acquaintance'.
...eh.
The discussion of How The Plan Came Together feels considerably... off. What
was it again... right. Show, Don't Tell.
"the large tiny projectile" <-- I'll assume you missed that. It breaks the
flow of what was otherwise a very nice scene.
Why do authors persist in referring to characters by their hair color/eye
color/other distinguishing features? There are proper names and pronouns
freely available.
Adrian Tymes will now write a fanfic, using only oblique inference, that
seems to talk about one character but instead refers to _someone else
entirely_, and it's _funny_!
Or not.
(The "not" can apply to whichever you choose.)
I guess the gist of it is that I like the _situations_, but all over the
place the prose tends to fall rather short of potential.
* * * * *
[Pokemon]
- - - - -
Title: POKEMON: The Portal
Genre: Dark, Fantasy
Author: Nidoking
Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu
Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp
Archived at www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/ThePortal.html
Title Summary:
Ash enters a portal to a world of magic, where he and his friends become
entangled in a dangerous web of evil that threatens to destroy
everything they hold dear.
- - -
Episode: Chapters 6-11
Episode Summary:
A friendly magician leads Ash and his friends to the path that leads to
Triesha's palace, but the path holds more danger than our heroes are
prepared for.
Misty's imminent death casts a pall over the mission to rescue Dominic,
but it is when Ash and his surviving friends reach the Tower that their
enemy demonstrates a great power, with devastating consequences for
someone close.
After Pikachu is forced to evolve, Ash releases all of his Pokemon
before proceeding to the fateful confrontation with Triesha.
Gary relates the final round of the Pokemon League Tournament from his
own perspective. Ash asks for Gary's help in rescuing his imprisoned
friends from Triesha.
Ash, Gary, and the twin magicians begin their journey to Triesha's
palace once again to rescue their friends from the sorceress's control.
The path offers more danger in the form of elemental creatures for our
heroes to fight.
Considering that the medical and law enforcement professions in Ash's world
are staffed entirely by identical people, twins should come as less of a
shock to the boy.
"That's not the right answer, choose again." I realize Archetypal Fantasy
Plots often involve a certain amount of railroading, but really...
Uh huh. Going into evil territory and lies wrench your stomach. Better hope
these are the _lawful_ evil sort of people...
Pacing. Is that too much to ask? Not DragOnBall ZZZ-style pacing,
necessarily, but there are two general philosophies of cirumventing
barriers/obstacles, what have you.
a) Charge the hell through (or let something inanimate go charging the hell
through) and take your lumps/hope the traps don't kick in until you're gone
b) Take your time before each trap to analyze it, its trigger mechanism, the
surrounding terrain, the phase of the moon, the airspeed velocity of an
unladen swallow (African), and slowly inch past/remove it
You can combine the two to come up with two others:
ab) Sneak through. If something triggers, run the hell back the way you came
ba) Take a look at the traps as far as you can go, plot a fairly safe
course, and then run the hell through
Or you can have the traps themselves be proactive and defeated. The mishmosh
you have going here doesn't work for me, because I'm having to shift
mindsets every few paragraphs. To say nothing of that I have no idea where
the traps _are_, in relation to each other.
Again with this whole Pokedex-gets-information-from-nowhere thing. Perhaps
your interpretation's more Tricorder than databank, but if this little
half-evolution thing _were_ known, you'd think there'd be some warnings in
the Stone shops, and people would approach their Pokemon about such things a
lot more carefully in the canon. Oh, and those little stones must be the
most concentrated energy source since protoculture if it takes all that
magic to duplicate their effects.
...again, pacing. There's this thing you have with taking plot points with
excellent potential and then just glossing over them - Triesha's control of
Dominic and attempted deception, for one. Unless she's got no confidence at
all in her own powers, why not give Ash time once he declares himself to no
longer be a threat? Or is it someone else's turn to try for world domination
at the end of the month?
...now that's an idea.
Oddly enough, this Gary is pretty close to second-season Gary. Only problem
being he's abandoned the more childish aspects of his rivalry with Ash by
the time the season hits. Getting smeared in the qualifiers can do that to a
boy. Make his awarding the first-place badge to Ash a more Deep
Pseudo-Philosophical Dialogue moment and you've got him dead-on.
Hmm. Is there even such a word as Raika? Pika and Rai are informal units of
electric power, so adding "chu", which is the sound a mouse makes, onto the
end gives punny electric mousey names. You're doing the equivalent of
cutting a letter down the middle.
...bahah. ...sorry. But that final ending scene came out of nowhere. _Why_
do they always wait until the big climactic battle scene for the declaration
of love in these movies? It's not as though that makes it meaningful.
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2]
- - - - -
Title: Ranma 1/2 -- The Contract
Episode: Chapter 8: Going Our Separate Ways Together
Genre: Drama, Fantasy
Author: Nidoking
Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu
Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp
Archived at www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/TheContract.html
Date Sent to FFML: November 22, 2000
Archive Number: 15949
Size: 26 KB
Title Summary:
Marriage contracts signed in blood provoke a series of strange events
and unlikely engagements in Nerima, overseen by the strange cloaked
merchant who seems to have plans of his own for the contracted couples.
Episode Summary:
As evening falls, the couples bound by the contracts must retire to
their beds; but, because of the new condition imposed by the contract,
those beds must be shared...
Hmm. Have you read Alan Harnum's... gragh, I don't remember the name. But
the series he did before Waters Under Earth. It's got a Gosunkugi/Kodachi
matchup, too. Did you just do it because you couldn't think of anyone else,
or because it would be wacky to have two such opposite people together.
"I get it." That's one of those things you don't expect to hear out of Ranma
in a non-training session. Have you been pitching him as different thanks to
the events of the previous series?
Ranma would try something out of a sitcom, yes. I question whether Ryoga's
actually been near a television enough times to pick up on something like
that...
- - - - -
Title: Memories and Clarity (revised and reposted)
Genre: Dark
Author: Valandar the Red
Email: Valandar_the_red@yahoo.com
Homepage: http://valandar.tripod.com/Hello.html
Date Sent to FFML: November 18, 2000
Archive Number: 15866
Size: 8 KB
Summary:
A look at a debilitating condition, from the point of view of one of its
victims. And, no, I don't hate Genma.
Otherwise you would have had people laughing at him. But the disjoint...
well, it worked fairly well. Right up until the end - you need to refine
that just a hair more. As another author has put it, one of the troubles
with trying to get outraged over being dead is that the bits aren't there
anymore that give you the right chemicals _for_ outrage. I realize you're
trying to sound meaningful with Genma at the end, and it does come through,
but... well, at least have him admit to himself that he _is_ dying, and
don't chop the sentences off. Little things, yes, but little things mean
_everything_ when you're trying to fade a story to black.
- - - - -
Title: Path of the Wolf
Genre: Dark
Author: Jeremy Harper
Email: DorianVal@aol.com
Title Summary:
For twenty years, Okami-sama made his living as a master thief and
assassin. Now, a chance commission compels him to seek vengeance on
those who drove him down the Path of the Wolf. In doing so, he is
confronted by the one being on Earth he still cares for... Akane Tendo.
- - -
Episode: Part 1 & 2
Episode Summary:
In which a commission is offered and a past is reluctantly remembered.
Okami-sama comes calling to the House of Kuno, and discovers there a
woman he never dared to hope to see again.
In which Okami-sama strikes and Akane Tendo struggles to protect her
family, despite her resentment and anger towards them. An offer of
atonement is interfered with, and an enemy hunting Okami-sama reveals
himself.
Hmm. Cologne wouldn't cry, at least not initially. She'd probably let out a
nice stream of epithets and then break down, but her damning the gods would
be the first thing Ranma'd manage to hear. I mean, the situation's ideal for
him to go back to China, and he's young yet, but he's thrown his life away.
But despite that little skip, which is perhaps just my own preference, this
story is structured very nicely indeed. I don't have trouble buying into
what happens for a second, and you create some very nice emotions in your
characters. I look forward to more parts.
Oh, and you should try and wrap to about seventy columns in the future. Just
a quibble.
- - - - -
Title: Sizing Things Up
Genre: Lime
Author: Ginrai
Email: ranmafics@hotmail.com
Date Sent to FFML: November 23, 2000
Archive Number: 15980
Size: 10 KB
Summary:
Just how much of a man is Ranma?
...yes. Er. Well.
On the plus side, I imagine kicks to the crotch don't affect him as much.
Perhaps it's a side effect of Anything Goes Effective Bar-Fighting training.
- - - - -
Title: A Vampire In Nerima
Genre: Silly
Author: Gary Kleppe
Email: kleppe@mediaone.net
Homepage: http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
Archived at http://www.akane.org/gary/fanfic/vampire.txt
Date Sent to FFML: October 31, 2000
Archive Number: 15536
Size: 5 KB
Summary:
The Nekohanten is stalked by that most fearsome of undead creatures.
AH! AH! AH! Will Cologne come up with a plan to defeat it? Will
Shampoo be able to drag her away from the television long enough to put
it into effect?
How long has that punchline been rattling around in your head, Gary?
Never mind.
Anyway, the style here felt rather old-school Hollywood comedy, which is a
sort I rather like, so I laughed. What more explanation do you need?
* * * * *
[Ranma 1/2 / Saber Marionette]
- - - - -
Title: Strangers in a Strange Land Chapter 8
Series: Ranma/Saber Marionette J
Genre: Crossover/Continuation
Author: Christopher J. Olsen
Email: gamers@prodigy.net
Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/1449/fanfics.html
Archived at http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/1449/ssl.html
Date Sent to FFML: November 23, 2000
Archive Number: 15967
Size: 40 KB
Summary:
Akane is on the way to rescue Lorelei, Otaru is out to discover what
Godai is up to. Will our villain finish his evil plan, or will our
heroes find out the truth in time to prevent it?
Hmm. The back-and-forth between Ranma and Otaru feels _way_ too back and
forth. Ranma poses and speaks, Otaru poses and speaks.
The combat scenes are decent enough. The Nabiki-Lorelei scene needs... a
little work, though, really. I'd expect regaining consciousness to be a
rather complex process involving hella data streams, so I rather doubt
Nabiki'd just snap back afterwards. And you've got the back-and-forth going
there too. Pose, speak, pose, speak. It makes for a fast read, but a little
variety wouldn't hurt either.
* * * * *
[Original Series]
- - - - -
Title: It's A Rainy Day Sunshine Girl
Episode: Episode 04: Signify
Genre: Romantic Comedy
Author: Matthew Johnston
Email: caravan@cafe-pierrot.net
Homepage: http://www.cafe-pierrot.net/
Date Sent to FFML: November 23, 2000
Archive Number: 15978
Size: 40 KB
Title Summary:
Kenji Terada had writer's block. When his teacher offered him a
solution, he tried it immediately. Only, his teacher never told him
what really happens after you wake up...
Episode Summary:
Kenji makes a move, Ichiro makes an entrance, Tanako makes a phone call,
Masao makes a snide remark, and Caravan makes a new friend. All this,
and Renaissance kissing a gargoyle!
. . . whoa. Nice bit right at the end there. Very nice bit. I have to wonder
where it's going to go from here - will you still be posting to the FFML? It
feels... well, I'm not sure what word there is for the everyday and the
supernatural mixed so cleanly the lines seem to blur. "Clean", I suppose, is
one way to put it - regardless of what else this has there are no jagged
edges, no imperfections - it all feels real and fully described.
The plot... I don't think it's fully set up yet, or we're seeing another
glimmer of the motives that really lie beneath all these interactions. The
muses are starting to add some intrigue of their own...
I want to keep reading this. I don't care if the FFML is the proper place
for this or not, I can see this as a manga.
- - - - -
Title: Okaeri, Kaori-chan!
Genre: Romantic Drama
Author: Mathew Johnston
Email: caravan@cafe-pierrot.net
Homepage: http://www.cafe-pierrot.net/
Date Sent to FFML: November 26, 2000
Archive Number: 16018
Size: 157 KB
Summary:
It was a dark night in November when Satoru Nobata received the phone
call that would change his life. Kaori was back from America, and
waiting for *him*. But something was not right about her return. And
finding out what brought Kaori back would either bring them together as
one, or create a rift between them too wide to ever close...
The definitive version of the epic romantic drama two years in the
making, with substantial new scenes, and a fully realized ending.
...I'm not sure what to make of the framers. I can see the story in between
their world and the one with Satoru and Kaori still in college, but that's a
whole hell of a lot of story to leave to the imagination. Even if you did
drop trailers for the rest of it in the main story... (I can make out that
the booze is going to figure into it _somehow_, and there's the matter of
"his song")
The thing I really enjoy about this story and _all_ your works is that they
seem to be, in and of themselves, very, very true-to-life. That must take
some doing.
The problem is, as with a lot of things true-to-life, that life itself is a
wonderful and interwoven thing, and pulling one scene or one series of
scenes from a life to show the reader always leaves them connected to the
rest. You did a good job showing the earlier connections and the later ones,
but... it's still missing something.
Heh. I might still see something missing even if you'd fill things in more.
You're not planning a sequel, are you? It'd be something to see... if I knew
there was more, I could rest a lot easier than I did when I first hit the
end of this.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Fin.
...geez, and while I was putting this together, I found out there might not
even be a place to post it _to_ in a couple days. My first reaction was
"thank goodness. I hope it's down for a while so I can clear my backlog."
But then I thought about it for more than five seconds.
I've enjoyed... four years here. Geez. It's been that long. I think I came
on to a discussion of whether Slayers magic would work in the Wheel of Time
story and how something like "Dragon Slave" would be interpreted. My, how
it's grown since then.
Godspeed, finding someone else to host this place - I know I've enjoyed the
ride.
--G. Falconar