--
Jack and Jill Staik
(Yes, we know...)
http://home.earthlink.net/~jstaik1043/otaku.htm
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: owd06.txt
DISCLAIMER: Takahashi is a Goddess. I am merely her
priestess, channelling her will of the characters' fates.
Honest. Ask my psychoanalyst.
--------------------
Our Wedding Day - Part 6
By Lady Tesser and Jack Staik
--------------------
The next morning was humid and mostly cloudy. The smell of
rain was in the air, and many of the Jusenkyo Alumni Society
decided to stay indoors.
Shampoo was in the kitchen of the Nekohanten, preparing the
morning orders. She and Ryoga kept silent as they worked,
their eyes never meeting. Conditioner was sick, spitting up
whatever he was fed. Shampoo spent most of the morning
worrying over her baby.
Ichiro was meditating in his home, watching the hazy sunrise
from his porch. Jiro settled next to him and both meditated
on their father-son relationship. Jiro struck his fist out
at his father and Ichiro absently caught it, then got up to
get ready for work.
Nabiki, toothbrush in mouth, passed by the laundry room and
noticed her new stooge - er, employee - Sasuke was
*still*
washing his hands from holding his former master's bokken.
And in another part of Nerima, a foreign girl was having a
nightmare ...
Ina Sophia was in delirium, seeing the mean, scary, violent
woman who had tortured her in her mind since her birth. She
had red hair and could wield magic, always in destruction
and death.
Her mind whirled with the past day's events and the
subconscious memories, blending them into one. How could she
not have made the connection before??
She snapped awake, her head completely clear. "RANKO SAOTOME
IS
*HER*! THE EVIL WOMAN!" <Not only is the whore trying to
take my man away, she's been torturing me all my life! She
will die! DIE DIE DIE!>
First, she had to get out of the hospital.
* * * * * * * * * *
Nodoka came down to breakfast, still feeling ill, but having
nothing to upchuck at present.
Ranko and Akane glared at each other across the table,
surrounded by the light that Nodoka had been informed was
called a 'battle aura'. Ranma sat at the head of the table,
looking afraid to try and pick anything up off the table if
it would bring the attention of either of them.
Kasumi served breakfast with her usual good cheer.
Nabiki came downstairs, not
*quite* as grouchy as usual.
"Well, you look chipper this morning, Nabiki-chan," Kasumi
commented. "Did something nice happen this morning?"
Nabiki shrugged. "Sort of. It happened last night." She
smiled; gaining the services of a trained ninja qualified as
a coup for her, especially for as little as she was paying.
Nodoka smiled. "Perhaps Nabiki-chan found a boyfriend?"
Nabiki rolled her eyes. <Nodoka-obaasan is a nice woman, but
why does she have to think that all happiness has to come
from men??> "Well -"
Sasuke came down. "Nabiki-sama, do you know where I can put
my laundry?"
"Sure - the hamper's in the bathroom."
"Arigato."
Nabiki turned back to answer Nodoka, but everyone in the room
had facefaulted.
"Na-Nabiki-chan," Kasumi stammered. "Isn't he a little ...
old for you??"
"And I thought she liked Kuno," Ranma commented. "Heck, I
will
*never* figure out women."
"Never mind that," Ranko said, "He's
*ugly*!"
"Yeah!" chimed in Akane. "
*And* he's been working for the Kunos!
He might have cooties!"
"For goodness sakes - I am
*not* dating Sasuke!" Nabiki
complained. "It's a business arrangement! Money changed
hands and everything!"
Everyone looked at Nabiki with shock and horror.
"Nabiki," Akane said sadly. "If you needed money so badly,
Ranma and I could have loaned you some. You didn't have to
stoop to ...
*THAT*!!"
"Oh, poor girl!" Nodoka wept. "Becoming a fallen woman!"
"It was just a matter of time," Ranma muttered.
"I thought you said you didn't do that for money," Ranko
said, blinking.
"You degenerates!" Nabiki snapped. "Get your alleged brains
out of the gutter! It's shujuu, not sex! He's my new employee!
As a ninja and lackey! Get it!
*Just* a lackey!" She went back
to eating breakfast, mumbling about the house full of perverts.
"What do we need a lackey for?" Ranma said. "We've got Kasumi!"
<WHAM!!><WHAM!!><WHAM!!><POP!!>
Ranma was driven like a tent spike by three mallets and a rice
spoon.
Nodoka ignored what just occurred - he
*definitely* had that
one coming.
Nabiki muttered something about some things never changing,
and went on with breakfast.
"Well, at least there's one good thing about it," Ranma said,
pulling himself out of the hole.
"WHAT?!?" Ranko and Akane said.
"You two aren't fighting anymore. You even agreed on something."
Ranko and Akane almost shouted again, but then started giggling.
"Wanna talk about it?" Ranko asked Akane.
"Okay," Akane said.
Akane and Ranko went out back and walked around to the far
side of the koi pond.
"Um ... Akane-chan? I'm sorry I ... interrupted you and
Niichan last night." Ranko blushed. "I was mad at him, and I
let my temper get the better of me."
Akane nodded. "I understand. It always ticked me off when
someone would try to fight my battles for me."
"That, too," Ranko muttered.
"Still jealous?"
"HUH??" Ranko exclaimed. "How - I don't know what you mean."
"One of the things you and Ranma have in common, Ko-chan -
you're both lousy liars."
Ranko blushed.
"You had such high hopes for Tofu, and he turned out to be a
crumb."
Ranko sighed. "I give up. Men are jerks."
"Not all men." Akane put an arm around the redhead's shoulder.
"Let me tell you something, Ko-chan; In junior high, everyone
was starting to date. Everyone except me. I didn't want to
date because all the boys I knew were jerks."
"Aren't they always?"
"More so. All through school, I was called 'fat' and 'ugly'
and bullied by the guys because I had braces and wasn't
athletic. They frequently picked fights with me, stealing my
lunch - saying I didn't need to get any more fat - and threw
spitballs at me in class."
Ranko drew her arms around Akane, feeing a shared sense of
alienation with her sister-in-law.
"Whenever I tried to fight back to defend myself, I was
always the one caught. 'Causing fights,' the teachers said.
I wasn't even a good fighter back then, and I frequently had
black eyes and bruises. Doctor Tofu always patched me up -
that's why I was kind of fond of him for several years.
"I finally asked Daddy to teach me martial arts so I at least
could injure them before I got in trouble. He always told me
that the way of the warrior is never revenge. I didn't care,
so I learned all I could. I never became as good as Ranma
because all I wanted was revenge - it got in the way of the
True Art.
"Then, one day in junior high, I had to wear a training bra
for the first time. It was very uncomfortable, which I told
Yuka in the lunchline. The boy behind me grabbed my strap
and snapped it as hard as he could, breaking the hooks. I
turned around, picked him up, and threw him right into the
serving trays. I told him if he got near me again, I'd break
his neck. He laughed and said no guy would ever want to get
near me, that no one would ever date me." She frowned, the
sadness almost radiating off of her. "It's not that he said
that, but a 'knowing' that I was not one of them, that I never
would be, that I would always be alone."
Akane shrugged, wiping her eyes.
"But it only got worse as they sent me 'love' notes in class.
More hentai than love, they sexually harrassed me with
graphic drawings and descriptions of what went on. My anger
only got worse, and I welcomed beating them up to prove that
I would never let them dominate me in that way.
"When Kuno announced that stupid 'Beat-Akane-To-Date-Her'
challenge, I snapped. I was so sick of boys that any guy that
came along saying something stupid or perverted - or that I
could take that way - knew my wrath. I was also afraid that
any guy that
*could* beat me could do anything he wanted to
me. I prevented that as much as I could by keeping a short
leash on Ranma - I
*knew* he could beat me. Then ... when I
heard you two in the attic ... I was wrong about him in so
many ways ... "
Ranko hugged her tightly, letting her breathe deeply to
regain her composure. "Niichan always loved you, he never
wanted to hurt you. He just didn't know how
*not* to."
"I know that now. And even if he didn't, I wouldn't have
known how to accept it. I realized he and I were equals, not
one dominating the other. That's what I always wanted, deep
inside. An equal who respected me, loved me, just as I could
love and respect him." Akane hugged Ranko. "I'm sorry, but when
you told me about Tofu running off, all I could think of was
some bastard hurt you, and he needed to get pounded."
"I know," Ranko replied. "I'm sorry I took it out on you."
"Nothing to forgive," Akane said. "And you don't have to be
jealous. You have a special place in Ranma's heart, something
that I can never be a part of. If anything, I should be
jealous of
*you*."
Ranko lowered her eyes, feeling ashamed.
Kasumi, watching from nearby, smiled. At last, her imouto-
chan was coming into her true womanhood. Soon, she could
leave, knowing Akane would be woman enough to be mistress of
the house.
* * * * * * * * * *
Ryoga sulked in the back of the restaurant while Shampoo
served the few pre-lunch customers.
Ryoga came out of the kitchen, carrying his backpack and
umbrella.
Shampoo looked at him curiously.
"Yesterday, I asked Ranma about love," he said, not giving
her a chance to do anything but react. "He told me two things
about love - that I didn't really understand until just now."
"I want you to be happy," he said, "I know you don't want me
here, so my leaving will make you happy ... but I can't live
without you. If you want me gone, I'll leave. But I don't
want to. I'd rather have you treating me like you did Mousse
than leave. What do I do, Shampoo?"
<Poor Ryoga,> she thought. <Even on the medication, he still
has a tendency to be dramatic about everything. Males always
take being kicked out of bed too seriously.>
She took his face in her hands and kissed him.
Finally, she broke the kiss. "[I won't treat you like Mousse,
Airen. You are my husband, you dip. I want you to stay.}"
"{I think I love you,}" he said. "{I think it's love. I
think I can make you happy.}"
"{You think too much,}" she said. "{I'm sorry I let it go
this far. I should have known you'd never let anything bad
happen to the baby.}"
"{May I hold you?}" he asked.
"{Yes,}" she said quietly.
They held each other for a long time, ignoring the world
around them.
Little Conditioner, meanwhile, no longer feeling the tension
around him, slept through the applause from the customers.
* * * * * * * * * *
A few hours later, Akane, Ranko, Nodoka, Shampoo, Kasumi,
Nabiki, her toady Kikuko, and Akane's friends Sayuri and Yuka
were gathered around the dining room table, mulling over
dress patterns and decorations.
"Full Shinto ceremony?" Yuka asked. "But Western weddings are
*sooo* romantic."
"We tried that," Akane said, "Remember?"
"I didn't arrive until after the place was wrecked," Yuka said.
"Precisely."
"But it's kinda pricey," Kikuko commented. "What sort of budget
have we got?"
"It comes out of the inheritance my father left Ranma," Nodoka
said. "Several billions of yen. Consider it unlimited for all
practical intents and purposes." She smiled. "And many
impractical ones, as well."
The three normal schoolgirls blinked in shock. <More grist
for the rumor mill,> Nabiki noted.
"Anyway," Ranko stated. "Akane-chan wants a wedding she can
remember as being beautiful and largely non-violent."
Akane swatted her with a kimono pattern. "I don't want any
violence, imouto-chan! Zero! No monsters, no crazy fiancees,
no revenge-seeking weirdos. And no explosions!"
<piku-piku> "I thought you were marrying Ranma?"
Akane casually threw the redhead into the koi pond.
"Hey!" Ranko-kun popped up through the water. "What'd ja' do
*that* for?!"
"For your alleged sense of humor!" Akane said.
The guests were bug-eyed at the sight of a Ranma with unbound
hair and clad in a dress that was too small.
They stared as Ranko-kun went past, heading upstairs and
grumbling about how his bra-straps always needed re-
adjusting after these episodes. "And the panties
*hurt*!
Mebbe I should wear boxers ..."
"Blu-bla-lu-bla ... " Yuka commented intelligently.
"She has the curse, too?" Kikuko asked.
"Yep," Nabiki replied, yawning. "Close your mouths, she's
into guys."
All three blushed and went back to the wedding planning.
"What should the menu be?" Kasumi asked.
"All Chinese!" Shampoo announced. <Unlimited cost-plus
catering contract! 'When the ship's in, everybody rides!>
"Any pork dishes?" Nabiki asked snidely.
"No. Shampoo think duck."
Akane and Nabiki chuckled, while Kasumi refrained and the
comment sailed over everyone else's heads.
"Duck sounds just fine," Nodoka confirmed unknowingly.
"I don't really care for duck," Akane said. "The knives get
stuck in my teeth."
The Tendo women (and one Amazon) broke into giggles.
"I don't think I want to know," Sayuri whispered to Yuka.
Ranko - back to her normal gender - entered the dining room
again and asked, "What'd I miss?"
"We can't have duck because the knives would get stuck in
our teeth," Nodoka commented calmly.
Ranko nodded. "True. Not to mention the training potty."
At this point, multiple facefaults resulted.
The doorbell chimed and Kasumi asked, "Ko-chan, can you go
answer the door? It's for you."
"Ohhhh-kay ... " she turned back around and made her way to
the front door.
On the other side was Doctor Tofu, clad in various bandages
and supported on a pair of crutches.
Ranko checked herself, resisting the urge to grab him in an
embrace and tend to his wounds.
"Um... hello ..." he said nervously.
"So," she commented, "how have you been?"
"Oh, fine. I was assaulted by several of your family members
last night as well as by Kuno. I think he has a crush on you."
"Old news. What brings you by?"
He took a deep breath. "To beg for forgiveness."
She considered it, then said "No," and shut the door.
He opened the door and hobbled in. "I admit it! I was wrong!
I shouldn't have left! I left you behind when I should have
been a man and faced the bitch!"
"'Should have been a man' is right," she growled.
"But I want to make it up to you," he said, pleading. "I want
to start over."
She shook her head. "I don't know. Not now. I trusted you,
and you - excuse me," she said suddenly. "I don't want you to
see me crying."
"Ko-chan -" he asked, reaching for her ...
* * * * * * * * * *
The women were discussing fabrics for the first kimono when
Doctor Tofu sailed over their heads, imbedding himself in
the wall.
The women looked at the hindquarters of the doctor, mounted
on the wall like a moose-head.
Ranko stomped in, yelling about him taking advantage of her
sensetive and fragile nature, grabbed the doctor by his
waistband, and yanked him out of the wall.
Or tried to. His pants weren't very durable, and tore off in
her hand.
The doctor favored boxers, it seemed.
The women all held up scorecards, ranging from Shampoo's 5.5
to Nodoka's 9.8, with the visitors giving scores in the
middle 8's, and Akane bestowing a 7.5.
"HEY!" Ranko commented.
"If Magical Girl not want man be commented on, don't display
man," Shampoo said.
Akane looked at Nodoka's high score, eyebrows raised. "He's
no Ranma, Auntie."
"Never underestimate the effect of a man's butt on a woman,"
Nabiki said.
Nodoka just blushed.
"DO YOU MIND??" Tofu shouted. "Can I leave this with
*some*
dignity?"
"NO!!" The Saotomes and Tendos shouted together.
"I had that coming," Tofu admitted, pulling himself out of
the wall. "But, Ranko, If you Ju-ju-ju-" he stammered, his
glasses fogging.
"Oh hells," Ranko commented, "He's having a Kasumi-attack.
Kasumi, do you mind?"
"Hmph!" Kasumi said, mildly offended, as she got up and
left. (She understood why, but it was annoying - not to
mention vaguely insulting.)
Ranko pulled the doctor outside as he started singing nursery
rhymes and making grandiose hand gestures.
"What the hell was
*that*?" Kikuko asked.
"One thousand yen," Nabiki said automatically.
* * * * * * * * * *
As the heavily-bandaged man in his shorts was tossed over
the garden wall, a large figure in a trenchcoat was observing.
Some casual observer may have thought this was a huge gaijin
in a bad disguise, but if they looked closer, they would have
noticed that the figure was in fact a pig standing on its
hind legs.
Grunting to itself, the pig rushed along the alleyways to
report the latest developments to it's mistress.
Meanwhile, a man watched a similar pig that was observing
the Nekohanten. Both observers watched the bandana-clad boy
who was cooking in the kitchen, seemingly happy to be doing
the menial tasks of food-preparation and cleaning.
The pig continued to observe, while the man pulled out a
card from his pocket. Then he was surrounded with a halo of
rainbow light, turned two-dimensional, and vanished.
* * * * * * * * * *
Kasumi was half-way up the stairs when the doorbell rang
again and she turned back down to answer it.
In the doorway appeared to be a Christian nun wearing purple
robes rather than the traditional black. Her aura was calm
and peaceful, a glow of feminine delicateness about herself.
Kasumi could not see her face through the thick veil, but
was able to discern a kindly and wise woman from her voice.
"Good morning. I seek audience with Ranma Saotome."
"Welcome to the Tendo - sorry, the
*Saotome* Dojo. Please,
come in. And bring your friend in, too."
Liitak peered around nervously.
"Where is this Amazon with distemper?" Aga asked.
"I swear, one attacked me last night!"
"Oh, was that you?" Kasumi chirped. "I'm sorry, but you
*did*
invade our home; I had to do something about that."
"That's your opponent?" Aga asked, allowing a giggle to escape.
"Would you like some tea while I fetch him?"
Liitak hung back, ashamed by his pride. He followed his Lady
and Kasumi into the dining room, where several ladies were
engaged in 'discussion' regarding the need for Akane's
ceremonial hat. All became silent as they looked up to see
the man from Pheonix Mountain and the Veiled Lady.
"Ranma!" Kasumi called out to the dojo. "You have visitors!"
Akane cocked her head, studying them closely. The woman
worried her more than the man; there was power in that
cloaked body.
She caught Ranko's eye and the redhead slowly nodded.
Shampoo grunted to herself.
Nodoka remained silent, watching the tension closely. The
school girls wondered if they could all hide under the table
if this was going to turn to violence (logic was simple:
Akane sees other woman in contact with Ranma, someone gets
pounded).
Liitak swung his head from the back of the house to Ranko
and blurted, "But aren't you - ?"
"Nope. I'd appreciate it if you idiots would understand that."
"We are here on other business," the woman answered. She felt
a twinge of familiarity from the redheaded sister of the
Godslayer.
Ranma sauntered in, grinning. "Who wants to see me?"
The woman bowed her head and stated, "I am Aga - "
" - Lady Aga, the Violet Dove of Peace - " Liitak added
pompously.
"Liitak, please! You're embarassing me!" She continued. "-
and I have come to ask for your help to save the world."
Ranma shrugged. "Is Gojira attacking or something?"
Nabiki shook her head. "This is the off-season."
"This gentleman came by last night looking for you, Ranma-
kun," Kasumi offered.
"I understand now. So, you're going to sacrifice me so I
can't be a threat anymore?"
"You're not that important, Niichan," Ranko commented.
"Important," Aga corrected her. "But not for the spilling of
blood. To be able to save the world, there must be unity
between both the male and female aspects of the human race.
Ranma Saotome, the Godslayer, is the masculine aspect. I
have been chosen as the feminine aspect."
Ranma chuckled. "Wait a minute, you're not sayin' - "
Akane reached out for a mallet.
"We must be united - " she began.
"NO MORE FIANCEES!! YAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!" Akane shrieked,
swinging the mallet down.
"EEEE!!!" Aga squealed. "Violence! I can't stand violence!"
Liitak shouted, "How dare you strike the Violet Dove of
Peace, you violent child?!" as he threw himself over his
Lady to protect her, his wings covering her.
Akane stopped in mid-swing, looking at the cringing girl. She
blushed, muttered an incoherent apology, and stepped back.
Nodoka and the schoolgirls were too busy gawking at the
obviously-functional wings to be scared.
"I think I can help," Ranko said.
"Why would you want to help
*them*?" Akane asked.
"I was talking to
*you*, sister-in-law," Ranko said sweetly.
"Oh."
Ranko stood up and went into the kitchen, then returned with
a kettle of hot water and a pitcher of cold water. She poured
the cold water over herself then Ranma, altering their genders.
"Do you see this?" Ranko-kun asked. Then he poured the hot
water over himself and Ranma-onna, changing them back to their
normal forms.
"
*We* are the balance of male and female principles."
Liitak performed a doubletake while Aga remained unfazed.
"Then it does not matter whom we take with us, as - I can
feel - you both have comparable power."
"It matters to me!" Akane stated. Nabiki and Nodoka nodded
determinedly and the guests hid under the table.
"I don't want to go. I'm sorry," Ranma said.
"And you should know that you can't force me," Ranko stated.
"Besides, you've already stated that a union of such
principles is required, and that's already happened."
Nodoka blushed. "Is that the sort of thing you should be
telling strangers?"
Everyone looked at her oddly.
Aga nodded. "I only asked for help, not a chain of servitude.
Since you have turned down my offer, I shall leave you.
Blessings upon you, Godslayer, may every happiness be yours."
Liitak opened and closed his mouth several times. "Bu- bu-
bu- bu- "
"Let's
*leave*, Liitak," she repeated.
Stammering, he bowed clumsily and followed his Lady out to
the street in front of the dojo.
"We just can't give up, my Lady!" he exclaimed.
"I am not giving up," she replied. "I am simply going to use
another option."
"What option?"
"Send a messenger to Jusenkyo," she said, "To bring us the
waters of the Shuanshontsuniichuan."
Liitak nodded in understanding.
* * * * * * * * * *
Inside, Yuka asked Akane "Is it always like this?"
Akane looked at her. "Is
*what* always like this?"
The visiting schoolgirls facefaulted.
* * * * * * * * * *
(Elsewhere ...)
"She's becoming unstable," the dark man said. "The template
is breaking down."
"You want her,
*you* take care of her!" the girl complained.
"I wanted to kill the little freak when I first met her, but
I don't want to hunt her down! That would - ick! - bring her
into contact with me!"
"You are the best suited for the task."
"Why can't
*you* do it?!?"
He smiled enigmatically. "That is a secret."