On Thu, 25 Jan 2001, Zushi wrote:
Ok, first off, I normally do not send C&C but I thought I would send some on
this story.
"... I'm her sister and I love her but and can say that."
- This should read, "... I love her and I can say that."
akkk...'tiss alkward.
Nabiki had briefly entertained the idea of fleeing with him after she
informed him but his reation wasn't exactly what she wanted.
- I believe you meant 'reaction' instead of reation.
I was writing fast :)
The exertions of the work-out had caused his drawstring trousers to his
muscular legs and she watched him leave.
- Um, something is missing from this sentence. It is incomplete.
see above...I'll fix it.
Although Japan in in general wasn't a big milk consumer Ranma was.
- A comma should go after consumer.
- Other than those minor points, this is a good story. Keep up the good
work.
thanks.
N.
Zushi
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Seraphim, the Restless Angel with a (borrowed) sword.
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Nene, Ami,
Girls with glasses. girls with computers. Pink hair. blue hair
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Robyn, Duke of Amber. Agent of Chaos.
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