On Fri, 26 Jan 2001, Don Granberry wrote:
Given the
Japanese penchant for conformity, how many Japanese girls would want to
be burdened with a dragon for a husband?
This is the first of several conformity references. I'm curious at this
point to see if Ko Lon is setting herself up, or if the author truly
believes this.
Ko Lon found herself clamping down on a belly laugh at Kasumi's
First belly laugh...
Among the Joketsuzoku, Ranma's behavior would be
considered manly the point of frigidity.
This sentence is somewhat awkward.
To the Joketsu, a real man did
not throw himself at the feet of any and every woman that came along.
Here in Japan, among his own people, Ranma was a peculiarity and sadly,
peculiarities were disliked if not hated in Japan. Doubtlessly, the boy
would be better off among the Joketsu than among his own.
Another conformity/derisive remark from the hag-on-a-stick.
Ko Lon clamped down hard with her self-control in order to
stifle a belly laugh before answering.
Belly laugh #2.
A loud gasp could be heard from the far side of the screen, then
at least one stifled chuckle. The chuckle sounded as though it were
Tofu's.
I think Soun and Genma would be sneaking out on a training trip right
about now...
Whatever offer they made, it would have to be acceptable to
this incredibly harsh woman.
I think it's a little odd that she's calling Nodoka so harsh. I just don't
see 'harsh.' Perhaps uncompromising, but I still feel that she's the knife
wrapped in velvet. Sweet and gullible to a fault, but respected
nonetheless. No character debate intended, but even in the Cold Dragon
context, this Nodoka feels off to me.
"Anything to get warm!" Akane said with yet another, involuntary
clack of her teeth.
"Oh, God that's hot!" Akane shouted when the water touched her
skin.
Perhaps more of a transition between these two sentences. It's slightly
rushed how it is.
"I don't think we can call dragons a myth anymore, Nabiki,"
Akane said. "I'm betrothed to one now and you spent what was it? Two-
hundred thousand feeding one today."
Two hundred thousand yen, correct?
"Oh, my God!" Akane shouted. "Why didn't we see it before now?"
Perhaps substitute exclaimed for shouted.
Now Nabiki was thoroughly impressed. Not just with Ranma, but
with her younger sister as well. Ranma the "dumb jock" and her little
sister, also "a dumb jock," had come up with a secret, secondary plan
of action own their own.
on their own.
"Ah ... I think I had better get something to eat," Nabiki said.
"I'm feeling a little light-headed."
"What did you do, miss lunch?"
"Nothing at all, Miss Dinner."
----
Just a few notes. Otherwise, I really enjoy this story. I'm curious to see
where it will go.
Colleen
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