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Ok, first off, I normally do not send C&C but I thought I would send some on
this story.
"... I'm her sister and I love her but and can say that."
- This should read, "... I love her and I can say that."
Nabiki had briefly entertained the idea of fleeing with him after she
informed him but his reation wasn't exactly what she wanted.
- I believe you meant 'reaction' instead of reation.
The exertions of the work-out had caused his drawstring trousers to his
muscular legs and she watched him leave.
- Um, something is missing from this sentence. It is incomplete.
Although Japan in in general wasn't a big milk consumer Ranma was.
- A comma should go after consumer.
- Other than those minor points, this is a good story. Keep up the good
work.
Zushi
-------
Only birth and death are destiny, all else is choice and consequences...
Life is comfort, joy, love -- all these things. But life is also pain.
Without it, we do not hope, we do not dream. Nor live
Devil Hunter Yohko: http://zushi.megami.net
Wonderful World of Zushi: www.zushiworld.com
Tales of old Japan: www.monogatari.org
Studio Yogipigs: www.yogipigs.org