[The following text is in the "iso-8859-1" character set]
[Your display is set for the "US-ASCII" character set]
[Some characters may be displayed incorrectly]
At 09:36 AM 1/22/01 , you wrote:
Greetings,
Hello.
Say, 'Hello', Flit-chan.
[!!!]->�<-[!!!]
Oh, yes, I forgot.
Silly me.
Flit-chan is a butterfly!
[(:]->�<-[:)]
Butterflies can't talk.
//�\\-(MyaaaaA!)
And Neither can spiders.
//�\\-(Prrrrrrr!)
Though spiders can, at least, make noise.
>�<-======ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!==(X_X)===
Owie!
...
..
Perhaps I shouldn't have mentioned that?
(@_@)''''
Anyway, butterflies and spiders can't talk.
But who needs to talk?
That's why they have me.
''''''(@_@)'''''
So I can interpret for them.
...
What do Flit-chan and Myria want to interpret?
Well ....
As you may know, Flit-chan and Myria have an Author.
(@_@)-(Hi!)
Their Author is working on a fic, called R&A-ALS.
But sometimes his eyes start to glaze over.
And then they need something else to do.
(*_*) //�\\''''' >�<''''
And also ....
...
..
.
Can you keep a Secret?
>�< //�\\
Of course you can.
It's Myria's Secret.
<whisper>She's got a boyfriend!</whisper>
Well, more than a boyfriend.
Tibetan Cat-Eating Tarantulas mate for life.
Or else.
//�\\'''' //�\\''''''
His name is Max.
//�\\-(MyaaaaA!)
Yes, like in Robotech.
But Max can't stay around.
He has to go out and hunt down a big animal.
Like a Gnu, or a Wildebeest, or a Hippopotamous, or a Warthog.
A Warthog would be good.
Then he could bring home the bacon.
>�<-======ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!==(X_X)===
Owie!
It wasn't _that_ bad a joke!
===(X_X)==ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!======->�<
Owie!
Okay, maybe it was.
(#_#)'''''
Why does Max have to hunt a big animal?
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\Oh,/�\/�\no/�\/�\particular/�\/�\/�\reason./�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\These/�\/�\/�\/�\are/�\/�\/�\the/�\/�\/�\Spiderlings./�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\They/�\/�\are/�\/�\much/�\/�\/�\smaller/�\/�\/�\than/�\/�\their/�\/�\
/�\Mom/�\/�\/�\and/�\/�\/�\Dad./�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\They/�\/�\are/�\/�\only/�\/�\six/�\/�\inches/�\/�\across./�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\Which,/�\admittedly,/�\is/�\/�\_still_/�\_One Big Spider_./�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\/�\
Anyway, it's /�\/�\/�\Myria's /�\/�\/�\day to babysit./�\/�\
So there may be /�\/�\ a few Spiderlings /�\ underfoot./�\
But don't /�\/�\/�\ worry.
Spiderlings are quite harmless. /�\/�\/�\
/�\/�\Unless something makes them mad./�\
Anyway, Myria needs something for them to do.
So she and Flit-chan will be reviewing a fic! /�\/�\/�\-[!!!!]
And the Spiderlings will be helping /�\/�\ Mom.
How will they help her?
They will hunt their favorite food.
What do Spiderlings like?
They like .
They will hunt ...
/�\(speeling misttakes and grammar wrrors)/�\
Hey!
Come back with that!
Those were Ironicly Intended Mistakes!
Put those back!
/�\''''/�\''''
Thank you.
They like speeling misttakes and grammar wrrors.
They will hunt them down and pounce upon them.
Then they will web them up and haul them off.
Like that.
(Kids.)
Anyway, Flit-chan and Myria are reviewing a fic.
They are reviewing Come In From The Cold, Chapter 1, by Mad Hamlet.
They wanted to call this Mystery Spider Theater 3000.
But I told them not to.
....
...
..
.
They made me keep the doors, though.
(6) >�<
(5) (@_@)
(4) >�<-======ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!==
(3) ==ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!======->�<
(2) //�\\
(1) //�\\
(0) /�\
Ok here we go.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
>�<-[:)] //�\\-(Mya!)
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
(ASCII theater seats, folks.)
Tain't THAT much bigger then the teaser but at least I have chapter two half
typed..or a bunch of it typed at any rate. Who knows how big it'll be.
C and C is appreciated..tasted...savored...lovingly collected and..carefully
preserved..
Scuze me, I gotta have a lie down.
Enjoy.
I remain, as always,
Mad-Hamlet
Oh, good.
Should be another chapter out quickly, then.
//�\\ >�<
...
..
.
What?
************************************
Disclaimer: (Buckling under the pressure.) These characters are not my own.
They are the creations of Rumiko Takahashi. I'm merely using them.{Authors
voice takes demonic edge while his eyes begin to glow}.Distorting, twisting,
changing them at my whim.. dance puppets..DANCE!!! (I obey the letter of the
law, not the spirit.)
Drain Bramaged Inc. Presents,
A Mad-Hamlet Production
General Advisory: This fic is...not nice. Dark would be a good term. Yes,
we'll go with Dark. I suppose a heavy lime label could also be slapped on it.
However as I equate 'lime' as somewhat erotic it wouldn't apply here as some
of the goings-on herein are so far from erotic the light from Erotic will
never, ever reach it.
Uh-oh.
Flit-chan and Myria are scared.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
>�<-[:)] //�\\-(Mya!)
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Well ....
The Spiderlings are scared, anyway.
/�\/�\/�\''''''
Come in From the Cold
She hovered near the entrance of an alleyway. No other place seemed
appropriate to one such as her. Here she hid in the darkness, surrounded by
waste. Things she knew well.
/�\(Breeding ground for pain and betrayal.)/�\
//�\\-(Mya-aaaa-a!)
This sentence no subject, or object, either.
Also, you need a new paragraph about here, and you should have a newline
between paragraphs, so the SPiderlings can run around.
It was dark, always so very very dark. It was part of her, she held it in her
arms, her heart..her soul. She was in black, void; cold...she was dark.
Need another new paragraph, probably.
Soon though, soon she would find her light; all she had to do was wait. Her
light would pass here soon and the Dark would be pressed back. Her light would
help her, would protect her, and with her light, the wounds would heal. She
could feel them, great gaping maws in her soul. Tattered edges flapping like
old clothing in a storm. But they would heal, would heal and be whole, in the
warmth, in the light. Wouldn't they?
[>:]->�<-[;}]
Good writing though. Evocative, if a bit angsty.
Chubby little hands fumbled at her breast, seeking comfort and nourishment.
She had to push away though, for she had neither to give. All she could
/�\(they)/�\
Suggest them.
do was hide in the alleyway and wait for her. Her light.
Eighteen year old Akane Tendo trudged home from yet another day at Furinkan
High, Soon she would be
/�\(alone. Like she had for nearly twenty months now.)/�\
//�\\-(Mya-aAAa-a!)
We suggest you make these one sentence, cut the previous sentence after 'High'
and replace 'like' by 'as'.
going to a University and putting more and more distance between her and the
past. At almost twenty she felt she had quite a past to distance herself from.
[!!!]->�<-[18<>20]
At the top of the paragraph, you said she was 18. Which?
If she's eighteen, has there been enough time for Ranma to have been gone?
If she's twenty, she's not in Highschool anymore.
At least when compared to other young adults.
Should be another paragraph here.
Her eyes idly drifted to a chain link fence that ran parallel to the canal and
for just a brief instant she allowed herself to remember a certain arrogant,
yet naively charming, young man who could walk along it like she did upon the
sidewalk. Mental defenses and old anger slammed down on any affectionate
reminiscing. He had disappeared nearly two years ago, and taken with him
love, dreams, and respect. Proving himself to be, to her regret, much like his
father. Her good mood now thoroughly crushed she began stalking home in great
angry strides. Her jaw was clenched tight and between her teeth she was
muttering a litany of curses that would have made a sailor blanch. It had all
been said before but, it didn't help the pain much. It still hurt, even after
twenty months, ninety-nine weeks...six hundred and ninety-nine days...sixteen
thousand, seven hundred and seventy-six hou- she almost didn't hear the voice
calling her name.
//�\\-(Mya-aAaa-A!)
This is a good section and defines the background pretty well.
But it should be two or three paragraphs, and not one undifferentiated mass.
Look for the breaks in thought.
"Kane....".
Akane spun on her heel and dropped into a defensive crouch /�\. Instincts honed on
the battlefield called 'school'. The foe was not one she had anticipated.
//�\\-(Mya-aaaaAAa-a!)
The period at the Spiderling should be a semicolon, this is one sentence.
And this should be a new paragraph.
The...person was lurching out from the maw of a darkened ally/�\. Covered by,
Replace the period at the Spiderling with the word 'was'.
what might have been at one time, a cloak It once had been dark purple but
/�\(?)/�\
This should be a period.
the color had long been destroyed by stains, time and...was that blood?
/�\(His)/�\
Replace by 'It's', since Akane doesn't know the gender of the figure yet.
//�\\-(Mya-AAa-ai!)
And replace 'he' with 'it' in the following lines, too.
features obscured by a mangy hood. Then the smell hit her and Akane had to
visibly struggle not to recoil. Whoever he was hadn't bathed for a very long
time. The stench of waste, garbage assailed her. The
/�\(H brow creased- pain)/�\
[???]->�<-[H==&?]
Not sure what you mean with this.
'waste, garbage, & brow-creased pain'?
Possibly replace 'brow-creased' with 'long-held' or 'brow-creasing'.
Or similar.
figure held out one hand in a plaintive gesture or maybe he was seeking some
support to rest against. Either way, Akane wasn't about to let some stranger
paw at her.
Replace 'he' with 'it' again. and a newline for the paragraph.
[>:]->�<-[:)]
And a good description of someone on their last legs.
"Back off!" She warned.
"Akane, no...please...." The figure's voice was hoarse, tired, and desperation
seemed to echo. Akane got the impression the stranger barely had strength
enough to speak/�\ much less stand. He kept lurching toward her though.
Comma at the spiderling, and replace "He' in the next sentence, and newline.
"I'm warning you! Another step and you'll regret it!"
Newline.
Akane didn't want to hurt this person, whoever he was, but she was prepared to
defend herself, even though it had been a while since she had gotten much
practice.
Newline.
"Akane..help.....hel...me..." The figure slumped to the ground. Akane slightly
relaxed out of her stance.
Newline.
"Great." She thought. "Now what?"
Newline.
She wiped the nervous sweat from her brow with the back of one hand and looked
around to see if there was anyone around who might help her. The street was
deserted though and she wasn't about to check the recesses of the ally. She
was on her own.
//�\\-(MyA-AAAAaAaa-Aaa!)
In Nerima, which is in Tokyo, there aren't going to be many areas between
Furinkan and the Dojo where she couldn't at least yell for help.
If she _is_ twenty, she would be going to college, which might require her
to take the train, and/or walk through a light industrial area, which might
suit. Possible versimilitude issue.
She approached cautiously, just in case a game of possum was being played. It
wasn't like she could just abandon someone in pain.
"A true martial artist defends the weak. Defends the weak...the
weak...defends...martial artist, defends the weak...defends.."
The mental litany ran through her mind as she took another hesitant step
forward. She wrinkled her nose as a fresh wave of stench assailed her.
She cautiously knelt beside the prone individual who was laying face down with
the one arm still outstretched. Akane slowly reached out toward their shoulder
with the intent of giving them a good shake when a weak cry rent the air.
Akane cursed under her breath upon hearing it.
Good sequence, but written as though you intended two paragraphs.
It should be just one.
With little fanfare Akane gently turned the figure over, all hesitation cast
to the winds. Parting the wretched fabric that passed for a cloak Akane saw
that the mysterious woman, for now that cloak lay open the mangy shirt did
little to hide the gender of its wearer, still held her other arm curled to
her breast. Cradled in that protective embrace lay an infant.
Newline.
Cooing softly Akane slowly pried the woman's death grip open and pulled the
child into her lap.
"Come here little one." Akane soothed. "Shhh...I've got you, don't cry. You're
safe."
Carefully she pulled the baby closer to her chest and got her first good look.
Her breath caught in her throat.
This should be one paragraph, too.
It could have been because the child had stopped crying and was now staring at
her with a carefully scrutinizing expression. Or it could have been the fact
that the child's stare was so unnerving; as the child had one blazing blue eye
and its mate was a deep, ominous purple. But no, the real attention getter was
the shock of pure, blazing red hair that curled across the infant's head.
[???]->�<-[:)]
Ahh! Kawaii!!
Turning to the still unconscious figure Akane firmly grabbed the hood that
concealed her features.
"I don't know why." Akane thought. "But I'm not surprised."
Still holding the child with one arm, Akane hesitantly reached down and
slowly caressed the emaciated, tired, and thoroughly female face of Ranma.
[>:]->�<-[:<]
This should be one paragraph again.
And no, it isn't a surprise.
But who could be mean to poor Ranchan?
"KAAASSUUMMIIII!!"
Newline.
Startled by the unexpected shout the eldest Tendo daughter lost control of
the knife for a fraction of a second and was rewarded with a small cut.
Hissing at the pain she quickly tied a handkerchief around the wound before
entering the living room.
//�\\-(MyA-a-Aaa!)
Aiyah! When Kasumi-chan misses with a knife, you _know_ the situation is dire!
"Yes Akane?" She asked calmly. "What's wr-" The question died on her lips.
Kasumi saw her youngest sister carefully laying a figure on some cushions.
That in itself was not all that strange. In the past Kasumi had seen plenty of
unconscious people stretched out on those selfsame cushions/�\. Though some time
Comma at the Spiderling, instead of a period.
This is one sentence.
had passed since the last one. No, what robbed Kasumi of the breath to speak
was everything she saw at once. The figure's red hair/�\, the baby still curled,
The comma at the Spiderling should be an "and', unless there's
a third thing in the list that you didn't mention.
protectively by Akane, also with flaming red hair.
Newline.
Kasumi took one look at the baby, then a quick glance at Ranma, then another
back at the baby. She shook her head in slight denial at that line of
thinking.
Newline.
"Oh my goodness." Kasumi exclaimed. "Ranma, what's happened to him?"
Newline. (I know! I know! Spiders are anal-retentive.)
===(X_X)==ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!======->�<
Owie!
...
..
.
Well, make _her_ stop, then!
===(X_X)==ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!======->�<
Owie!
....
It's not _my_ fault!
===(X_X)==ZZZZZAAAAAPPPP!!!!!======->�<
Owie!
.....
"I don't know Kasumi." Akane replied. Her anxiety clearly heard.
"She..he..just came out of an alleyway at me on the way home! I didn't know
who it was at first but when collapsed I heard the baby cry and ...
/�\(they)/�\
Should be a 'he', or a 'she' depending.
and..."
Newl....
Okay! Okay!
Akane's voice dwindled. Kasumi sympathized with her sister. She too had, once
again, been yanked out of her emotional equilibrium by this sudden twist in
life. But the storm she felt must be nothing compared to what Akane must have
been going through.
"First things first Akane." Kasumi had to raise her voice slightly as the
child decided to start crying again. "Give me the baby, I'll go warm some milk
up. Why don't you get Ranma out those..'clothes'."
With an almost wistful look on her face Akane carefully handed the still
squalling baby to her sister. Then, with her face set in determination/�\ turned
Comma at the Spiderling.
to conquering her next foe: /�\The incredibly smelly garments of the still
Should be a lower-case 't'.
comatose Ranma Saotome.
Kasumi was carrying the child in the crux of her arm and just had grabbed a
bottle of milk from the fridge when the second scream of the afternoon sent it
crashing to the floor.
�<-[Ara?]
"OH GOD, NO!!" The shriek rang throughout the house.
Kasumi, as quickly as she dared, rushed back to the living room.
"Akane! What's wro-" For the second time this day the same question died on
Kasumi Tendo's lips. If she hadn't been holding a helpless infant Kasumi would
probably have fainted at the hellish scene before her. As it was, she had to
grit her teeth to fight off the wave of dizziness and nausea swam over her.
Akane, in her typical efficient manner, had decided the best way to remove
Ranma's clothing was the direct approach and had torn the shirt open down the
middle. /�\From the neck up, other than appearing filthy and slightly starved/�\
New paragraph at the first SPiderling, comma at the second.
�<-[?:?]
And the paragraph seems a little awkward.
Not sure how to rephrase it, though.
Ranma appeared perfectly fine. It was the that began just below her
/�\(scaring)/�\
Should be 'scarring'.
Scaring is when you say, "Boo!".
collarbone that demanded attention. Kasumi's eyes followed the curving of the
scar tissue as it twisted to the right and neatly bisected Ranma's left
breast, leaving it a mangled horror of tissue, before continuing down the
sternum and finally tapering off just above her navel. The scar tissue was at
least an inch wide over the breast leaving no doubt, even to those with zero
medical understanding, that when it had been received, the wound had nearly
cut the breast in twain.
[>:}:]->�<-[!!!!]
Well, you got Flit-chan mad at _somebody_.
Better hope it isn't you.
Kasumi found herself completely numb. The hysterical sobbing of her sister
didn't reach her; the cries from the babe she carried didn't touch her. She
could only stand and watch. Watch as Akane, still sobbing, with her fists
pressed over her mouth, sank to her knees beside her former fianc�.
Watch as with a shriek of her own, Ranma sat bolt upright with fire, and fury
burning in her eyes.
Watch as the panicked, topless figure lashed out instinctively and backhanded
her youngest sister across the room before leaping at her with another shriek
on her lips.
Akane slammed against the wall, blood leaking from her split lip. Lights
danced in front of her eyes but she ignored them and focused on the events
going on beyond the lights. She watched the berserk redhead hurtling at
Kasumi with her hands pulled back in a killing blow. Akane had to react,
protect her sister, stop Ranma, do something!
"Move you stupid tomboy, MOVE!" Screamed Akane's mind.
But there was no time..no damn time.
A flicker of purple.
Akane realized things had changed.
Ranma /�\ now pinned beneath someone who had not been there a second before, still
There should be a 'was' here.
screaming.
Kasumi losing /�\ balance to land on her butt with a slight 'whoof'.
There should be a 'her' here.
The screaming of the child.
Ranma screaming.
Child screaming.
And Akane realized she was screaming along with the others. A final voice in
the chorus.
Kasumi now was sobbing as she squeezed the baby closer.
Everyone still screaming...
//�\\-(MyAAaaaAAA-aAAAaaaAAAaa-AaaaaAaAaa!)
Good sequence.
It took a few seconds for some semblance of coherence to reassert itself in
Akane's mind. She took in the scene before her and, in that bizarre way
/�\(again)/�\
This word is misplaced.
that people in a crisis do, calmly took stock of the situation.
Kasumi crying? Check.
Baby crying? Check.
Ranma screaming? Check.
Strange person standing in her home restraining said screaming Ranma? Check.
"Gee," Akane thought to herself. "Seems things are getting back to normal."
//�\\-(Mya!)
Needed humor: check!
Very good.
Akane screaming? No.
"Well that's good." She decided.
Akane's head ringing while pain carved new and interesting patterns along her
nervous system? Check.
"Well that's diffrent. Never actually got hurt before, specially by Ranma."
With the grey matter reporting that, while she hurt, everything seemed to be
in working order, automatic reactions shut down, letting Akane resume a little
more control of herself. Time unfroze.
"Kasumi!" With a shout Akane rushed to her sister's side.
"Kasumi, talk to me..are you alright?" Akane demanded.
She gripped her sister's shoulders and gave her a firm shake.
"Kasumi!"
Kasumi blinked a few times while slowly pulling back from that black place
minds flee too when they are sure they are about to die.
"Akane?" She inquired weakly.
"Akane you're hurt!" She exclaimed while grasping Akane with her free hand.
"Let me see that."
Kasumi began to make fussying noises while trying to make a closer
examination of Akane's condition.
The baby was still screaming.
"I'm fine Kasumi." Akane replied, slightly annoyed. "The question is: Are you
all right"
Kasumi paused as if considering this. She unconsciously began to lightly jog
the baby in effort to get it to stop crying. Seeming to come to a decision
Kasumi nodded slightly and reached out for assistance from Akane.
Awkwardly, as if unsure of her limbs still being there, Kasumi allowed Akane
to pull her to her feet. She swayed a bit but remained stubbornly upright.
In an odd coupling Ranma's continued shrieks mingled well with those of the
child's.
//�\\-(MyAAAA-aAAAaa-a!)
Another good sequence.
"Kasumi, go to the kitchen, take care of the baby." Akane ordered, practically
shoving her sister in the right direction. Nodding numbly, still somewhat lost
in a , Kasumi complied and vanished into her shelter. Akane could now
/�\(fouge)/�\
Should be 'fugue'.
afford to focus her attention on Ranma and the stranger still pinning her to
the ground.
Ranma was bucking and writhing, trying to get free but was held firmly by a
white-knuckled grip. Akane became aware of the strange sing song language the
stranger was using, it sounded like she was trying to console the struggling
redhead.
//�\\-(MyAAAA-aAaaAAaa-a!)
Are you intending to mean that Shamps is using Chinese, here?
Because her normal Japanese would be a strange accent, rather
than a strange language.
The intruder was dressed simply enough. A plain black T-shirt with a brown
travelling vest over it providing basic protection from the elements. The
pants were of simple design, being made of silk, in an unoriginal dark grey
color.
The gender of the stranger was easy to guess at as her breasts strained
against the T-shirts fabric, that and the long-
Akane's eyes narrowed. The stranger's long ponytail hung to the small of her
back, but that wasn't what got Akane's attention. The ponytail was a bright,
purple color.
Her fists instinctively closed. Akane, in the privacy of her own mind alone,
could admit she wasn't the most observant person in the world. But she knew
the amazons had disappeared from Nerima at the same time Ranma had, and now
that Ranma was back, so were they?
[(:<:]->�<-[!!!!]
The penny drops.
But Flit-chan hopes that it wasn't Shampoo's fault.
Flit-chan sort of likes her.
It was probably the other Amazons.
They're almost as bad as Musk!
Akane's aura snapped on faster than G.E's best product and through clenched
teeth the name hissed out in a tone that embodied pure, black hatred.
"Xian Pu!"
Without looking over her shoulder the so identified intruder said "No. Not
Xian Pu. Xian Pu dead. I kill Xian Pu."
[(:]->�<-[:)]
It _was_ the other Amazon's!
I _knew_ Shamps was smarter than that.
"Cut the crap Xian Pu, I know its you. You can change your hair all you want
but life isn't like a soap opera, there are no 'long lost twins'."
"I NOT XIAN PU!" The purple-haired girl practically shouted. "Xian Pu dead.
Her name dead, Xian Pu as Amazon dead. There no more Xian Pu!"
Akane almost took a step back. If that was true than that meant...
Her thoughts were interrupted.
The girl visibly swallowed her anger. "Akane, please. Sit. No shout at me.
Wait. I explain later. We help Ranma now. Explain later."
Akane blinked a few times. Xian Pu had been polite...called her by name..and
not referred to Ranma as 'airen.' Reluctantly, Akane slowly knelt next to
where Ranma lay pinned.
Her ex-fianc�, by this time had exhausted herself trying to break free. She
lay spent and gasping, her chest heaving with effort. The light coming in from
outside cut a wicked bias relief over her scarred chest, revealing in all too
So, what's a 'bias' relief?
Did you mean a 'bas-relief'?
realistic detail the puckering of the flesh and myriad discoloration; again
Akane felt tears threatening to spill over.
Ignoring the drama going on beside her the purple haired girl firmly grasped
Ranma's head and forced the redhead to look at her.
"Peace Ranma." She intoned. "Quiet. Shhh..you safe. Baby safe. Ranma safe.
Shhh..Good Ranma."
With a gurgling sound Ranma attempted to wrench her head away, her eyes
swirling widly in their sockets. Xian Pu gave Ranma a fierce shake forcing her
to reestablish eye contact.
"Ssshhh..." She started again. "Sshh..Ranma. Look. Look who here. You find her
Ranma. You find Akane."
Akane gave a small start. Ranma had been looking for her?
"Look Ranma..Akane's here. See?"
Slowly, with her hands guiding her Ranma turned her head to look at Akane
seated beside her. Akane met that gaze with difficulty. Staring into those
wild, insanity filled eyes brought back memories; memories of a fanged boy
screaming the words 'Because of you've I've seen Hell!'. Somehow Akane now
doubted the Lost Boy's claims. The specter before her, she had seen Hell,
mayhaps even stayed there for a while. Akane met Ranma's gaze and looked at
her, looked into her, into her eyes. Sadness met pain, grief met hurt, and
betrayal greeted betrayal.
An understanding was reached.
[ ''']
�<-[;) ]
Another good sequence.
Ranma's mouth opened and closed a few times. She closed her eyes for a few
seconds then tried again.
"A..Akane?"
"Right here..I'm here." She reached out slowly and lay a hand on Ranma's
shoulder.
"Really..Akane? Not another dream? Really real? Really really real?"
Xian Pu (Who was not Xian Pu) nodded and softly replied, "Is so Ranma. Is
real. No dream now, you home. That is Akane. Baby here too. Safe now, we all
safe now."
"Yes," Akane agreed. "You're safe Ranma I'm right here with you."
The hand moved up to cup the redhead's cheek and Ranma's eyes fluttered at the
sensation.
"Really real.." She muttered. "Akane's really real..She's real..she's
realshe'srealshe'srealshe'srealrealRealREAL....AKANE!!!"
Ranma tossed the purple haired ex-amazon aside like flypaper.
Xian Pu impacted the far wall at the exact same time Akane found herself with
a double armload of half-naked, crying martial artist.
"Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry Akane, please..I'm sorry." Ranma wrapped
herself around Akane, burying her face in Akane's shoulder.
"I'm sorry." She kept saying. Over and over, and Akane had no idea what to do,
or say or think. She did the only thing she could. Pulling Ranma closer, so
the smaller girl was cradled in her lap, Akane started rocking slowly, back
and forth.
"Shhhh...." She began.
"Sorry, so sorry."
"Shhh..its alright."
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
"Sorry, please, I'm sorry."
" It's ok, it's ok...shhhh....."
Back and forth.
Back and forth.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."
" I forgive you Ranma."
�<-[!]
Took her long enough!
Stop.
"You..mean it?" Came the querulous reply.
Akane nodded. "Yes. I forgive you, for everything."
"Now if only I could figure out what I was forgiving you for." Akane thought
to herself.
However, Fate did not give her the opportunity to reflect on this mystery.
"I love you Akane." And before Akane's mind could even register 'The Words',
before she could even begin to consider a reply to 'The Words' Ranma had
pulled her head down and kissed her.
[!]->�<-[!]
Ranma's being _awful_ coherent here, for her condition.
It was quite a kiss. Ranma's tongue danced between her lips and feelings
coursed through Akane's mind; new sensations tingled along nerve endings she
had not known she had.
It was sweet, and hungry, with a blazing fire coursing along her spine, yet at
the same time icy chills swept along beside the heat. Fire and ice all wrapped
up in a lovely package of sensation with tiny motes of pleasure sweeping
along her flesh. She was lost in the swirling miasma of new sensation and
powerful emotions that consumed mental barriers like a fireball would a
forest.
Slowly, ever so slowly, the kiss ended and Akane hung there, savoring the
moment. Ranma was resting her head on Akane's shoulder, a small smile on her
face and a light rumbling sound at the back of her throat. Almost like a purr.
Pride, anger and pain came screaming back with reinforcements. They roared
across Akane's mind, sweeping aside facts like Ranma's condition, her
confession of love and the pleasant activities afterwards.
He had kissed her! When she was a girl!!
Ranma had hit her and almost hit Kasumi! How DARE he?
After vanishing for two years he think he can just waltz back into their lives
with a smile and a wink? After leaving with the..the...Amazon?
Akane began to get angry, her muscles tensed and a sneer started to ripple
across her face, she opened her mouth to scream and cocked an all to ready
fist to strike down the offender.
//�\\-(MyAaAaAaAa-aAaAaAaa-a!)
Umm. I don't know.
Akane is almost always ready to believe the best of people,
unless she gets _repeatedly_ pushed.
I agree that an instant conversion is too much, but ...
I think she needs to be more ambivalent, here.
An iron claw clasping her shoulder stopped her cold.
Turning she came eye to eye with Xian Pu whose face was no more than an inch
away from her own.
"I know what you thinking." Xian Pu hissed into Akane's ear.
"And I know you wrong. Ranma tell truth. Ranma love you, Ranma die for you,
Ranma already been through Hell. Worse part is, Xian Pu take her there. Now
she back. You say you forgive, you say she safe. Now you want to hurt? You
hurt Ranma, she die. If Ranma die," She paused for emphasis. "You I kill!"
Akane listened to the words, but she focused on the eyes. Words can lie, but
eyes... Xian Pu's eyes glowed with all the warmth of the coldest side of a
frozen rock. They held but a promise, no compassion, no humanity, just one
single promise.
Believe or die.
Akane believed.
"She tell you the truth, she loves you." Xian Pu pressed on. "Now you tell her
truth. No lie to her, no lie to self. Do so, now." She squeezed Akane's
shoulder painfully hard to add weight to her command.
Akane nodded dumbly and looked at Ranma who, during the hushed conversation,
had turned to look up at Akane.
Those large... huge, impossibly huge, blue eyes bored into Akane. They were...
uncomfortable for Akane to gaze into. The Eyes are windows to the soul/�\ it is
Should be a comma at the Spiderling.
And the dependant clause should probably move earlier in the sentence.
said. Well, these eyes showed a soul that had been brutalized, bent, wasted,
crushed, clawed, beaten and a/�\ used by a large host of nightmares.
Abused?
Yet still that soul kept hoping, and loved and still waited. Waited for her.
Suggest, 'Yet still that soul kept hoping, still loving, still waiting.'
She couldn't deny it. Pride died first, wailing and screaming into the
blackness of her mind, banished for the meantime. Anger was next, now crushed
by that incredible will it had regularly fed on and used for its own ends. She
gulped audibly.
"I..." She began.
Those eyes bore into her.
"I...I lov..."
Bore, bore, bore.
"I love you too Ranma."
Ranma's eyes snapped shut and she slumped in Akane's arms. Surprised Akane
saw Xian Pu removing her finger from a particular spot on Ranma's neck.
"She rest now." Xian Pu explained. "Rest for first time in weeks. Maybe, now
knowing how you feel, she finally rest well, rest deep."
She paused and gazed at Ranma's now slumbering form still in Akane's arms.
"Yes, Ranma finally able to sleep."
Xian Pu sat down, indian style directly across from Akane. "And while she
sleep," Her eyes narrowed. "We talk Akane Tendo. We talk."
//�\\-(MyAaAaAaAa-aAA-a!)
Interesting.
So, did she screw up all by herself, or is it Cologne's fault?
And, where _is_ Cologne, anyway?
For that matter, where are Genma and Soun?
End Cold-01
Authors notes: Welcome to chapter one of my newest project. Ok so it's not
much bigger than the teaser. That's ok though as I've already started working
on chapter 2. No this does not mean COS has been forgotten. Actually after I
post this I'll begin typing out COS 1.4 at last. This is, as I've mentioned,
my first attempt at 'Dark Fiction'. I'm trying to set the mood her y'know and
if there is anything here that destroys that feeling that I've missed in
proofing it and having it proofed, let me know. My goal is a story that would
have Torquemada running from the room, screaming. (Nobody expects the Spanish
Inquisition!)
If the C&C isn't positive or I get people telling me to chuck it and go back
to COS.... Nahhh... I'll write em' both!
Good.
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
>�<-[:{] //�\\-(Mya-aaa!)
nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Flit-chan is warming up the Zapper for the bad guys.
Myria says four legs up.
Keep going.
/�\-fin.
As always,
yr. vry. hmbl. & obt., &c &c,
Eric Hallstrom
--
A party of mostly clerics and magic users, who noticed ... that Silence,
Darkness, and Fireball all have roughly equivalent radiuses. Cast them
all simultaneously, and you get: "Dwarmigi's Inconspicuous Fireball--
I don't know what it was, but it hurt like hell..."