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Check Back Later
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
by MrThou
Disclaimer: I refuse to disclaim that I do not own any of these
characters. Rather, I remain firm in my disbelief that Rumiko Takahashi
didn't create them.
Disclaimer (Serious): This story is based on characters created by
Rumiko Takahashi.
Chapter 3
==========
There is a relatively common state of being -- or unbeing, depending
on how you look at it -- in which one steps outside of one's body, and
sees it from above, or the side, or some other direction that you
wouldn't normally see your own body from.
For reasons that should be fairly obvious, this is called an out-of-
body experience. It was also not the condition Dr. Tofu Ono currently
suffered from.
Right now, he was dancing around his clinic, a model skeleton he
liked to call Betty clutched in his arms, humming a happy little tune
and breaking things left and right.
Out-of-body experiences are sometimes called Near-Death experiences,
because they are often associated with patients who nearly die(1).
Again, this was not what Dr. Tofu was currently suffering from. It was,
however, what his patients feared they would suffer from whenever he was
in this not-out-of-body condition.
Ranma and Akane entered the clinic, not knowing that Dr Tofu was
suffering from this not-out-of-body experience. Ranma quickly exited
the clinic, after a desk lamp, propelled by a wildly swinging skeleton,
struck her full in the face.
Akane decided it might be wise to do the same, minus the light
fixture.
Outside, Ranma started to swear. Akane ignored it, however, since
she was doing it in Mandarin. She cast a glance back through the door
at Tofu, who was now ineffectively trying to disco with Betty.
Apparently it was difficult to disco when your partner kept falling
over.
"I think my sister Kasumi was just here." Akane said.
"Tall girl, brown hair?"
Akane nodded, then sighed. "Yes. Dr. Tofu always does this after
she visits."
"I hadn't noticed." Ranma rubbed the lamp-shaped mark on her face.
"Didja notice anything layin' around that she might've just given him?
You know, a book, or some cookies, or something?"
"Umm... I think I saw a plate of cookies on his desk. Why?"
"I met another guy with this problem once. To get him back ta
normal, we hafta find his mind."
"... What?" Akane was confused. How could you find a mind?
"Are you deaf or something?" Akane frowned indignantly, and shook
her head. "Look, you've heard of out-of-body experiences, right?"
Akane shook her head again, but Ranma continued regardless.
"Well, this is kinda like that, only in reverse. He's having an
out-of-mind experience. So we gotta find his mind and stuff it back
in."
"You're really weird, you know that?" Akane said, not for the last
time.
Ranma gave a rather exasperated sigh. "Look, just follow my lead,
okay."
Without further word, Ranma ran back into the clinic. Two seconds
later, Akane followed.
----------
The first sight that greeted Akane Tendo upon her entrance into the
clinic was that of Dr. Tofu trying to the Cha-cha. The second, more
relevant sight was that of Ranma talking to a plate of cookies.
"You've got to get a grip on yourself," the redhead said to the
cookies.
The plate of cookies, being a plate of cookies, said nothing.
The inaction of the plate of cookies was ignored by Ranma, who
continued her lecture. "I mean, sure, she's pretty an' all, but still,
she's only a girl. She ain't gonna grow fangs and bite your head off.
You shouldn't be so afraid of her." Ranma ducked quickly as Dr. Tofu
danced around and kicked a stapler off the counter.
"Look, after I fix you up, I want you ta pick up that telephone and
call her. Thank her for the cookies. Try ta hold a conversation.
You're never gonna get over this if you can't talk to her."
The plate of cookies remained silent. Ranma dodged the skeleton's
feet as it was swung around by the doctor.
"Glad we had this chat, Doc." And with that, the girl stepped up to
the dancing doctor, and smashed the plate of cookies into his face. He
collapsed to the floor. Ranma knelt down to check on him.
Akane watched with a concerned expression. "Do you think that might
have been a little bit... harsh?"
"Nah, I didn't hit him that hard. Besides, he'll thank me for it in
a minute."
The doctor sat up. "Thank you, Ranma."
Ranma glanced at Akane, and gave her a look which was meant to say
'Why does everyone always question me?', but was instead interpreted as
'I told you so'. This misinterpretation, while accurate enough, pushed
up Akane's irritation level, which was already quite high because she
had been having a very bad day.
Tofu removed his glasses, and polished them with his shirt. "So,
Ranma, what can I do for you?"
"Well, actually, Doc, I'm hopin' you can help me explain some things
to Akane, here."
Tofu replaced his glasses. "I assume you mean your... condition?"
Ranma stood up. "Yeah. Um... I guess I'll go start the kettle."
And with that, she left for the small kitchen at the back of the clinic.
As soon as the redhead had departed, Akane asked the foremost
question on her mind. "What was she talking about?"
"I think it would be best if we wait for her to return before we
discuss her... problem."
"That's not what I'm talking about," Akane said. "Why was she
talking to the cookies? It sounded like she was talking to you."
Dr. Tofu looked slightly embarrassed.
"She was," he said after a moment. Seeing Akane's confusion, he
elaborated. "She was talking to me. My mind was... attached, you could
say, to them. It's a sort of out of body experience, but in reverse.
Instead of my mind leaving my body and wandering around, my body leaves
my mind. Or at least, that's how it was explained to me."
"So when Ranma hit you with the plate..."
"She was putting my mind back into my body, yes." Tofu looked
toward the kitchen door. "Ranma's apparently seen the condition before.
She calls it an out-of-mind experience, but I don't really like that
term. It's like saying I'm insane."
"But aren't we all, just a bit, Doc?" Ranma commented as she
entered the room, balancing a tea kettle on her head, with a simple tea
set in her arms.
Akane boggled. The weirdness of the day was starting to take its
toll.
"Doesn't that hurt?" she asked.
Ranma raised an eyebrow, and Akane pointed to the kettle atop her
head.
"Y'know, I never thought about that." Ranma said. "Now that you
mention it, though, it does seem ta tickle a bit."
Akane watched as Ranma expertly twirled the tea tray on a finger,
setting gently on the desk, and reached up to take down the kettle.
However, her efforts proved to be none too successful, as she missed the
handle completely, burning her hand. She screamed, jerking her hand
away and flinching, which in turn unsettled the previously settled
kettle, spilling the contents all over her, and changing her to him.
The girl-turned-boy grimaced in pain, and bowed his head.
"Um... my real name is Ranma Saotome... and I'm looking for my
father. Sorry 'bout this..."
Out-of-mind experiences, despite the similar name, are not really
very much like out-of-body experiences at all. For example, out of mind
experiences have zero correlation to near-death, and out-of-body
experiences have no correlation to being given a plate of cookies(2).
Also, whereas out-of-body experiences tend to happen only once to any
given person, out-of-mind experiences tend to happen repeatedly.
Akane Tendo almost chose that moment to have her first, but thought
better of it at the last second, and decided to simply pass out instead.
----------
(1) These experiences are a little different, however, as they usually
involve dramatic music and an eerie voice telling one to 'head toward
the light'.
(2) There are a few incidents which suggests at a correlation between
OOB experiences and a plate of cookies, which is somewhat disputed. One
such incident involved Kasumi Tendo bringing over some freshly baked
cookies to say thank you to a neighbor while Dr. Tofu happened to be
making a house call. This was also a near death experience, however,
which leads some experts to discount it. Akane's cookies don't count,
for much the same reason.
----------
The first thing Akane saw when she came to was the face of Dr. Tofu.
"I think she's coming around," he said. "I'll leave you alone now,
if you like."
"Yeah, go ahead, Doc." Another male voice. Not Dr. Tofu's, so it
must be Ranma.
She tried to sit up, but a gentle hand held her down.
"Don't try ta get up yet," he said. "If you try ta get up right
away, you'll just fall back over again."
Akane started to reorganize her thoughts. She tried to speak. "I
like cats." No, that wasn't the right one. She tried again. "What
happened?" Good. That's what she meant to say the first time.
"You passed out," Ranma said. "Geez, what's with that? You've seen
my Pop change inta a panda, haven't you? 'Course, you probably fainted
then, too."
How dare he! She didn't have to stand for that! Another part of
her mind dryly pointed out that she wasn't standing. She was flat on
her back.
_Oh, shut up! He's being a jerk._
<Yes, but it's not that big a deal. Besides, he's a hunk.>
_So what? He's a boy._
<Well, he makes a rather cute girl.>
_Shut up! I'm not like that!_
<Then why are you thinking about it?>
_But he saw me naked in the locker room!_
<Oh, so you do like men.>
_What do you mean by that?_
<Well, obviously, if he saw you naked, it's only fair that you see
him naked. My, Akane, you're such a naughty girl.>
_Why, you!_
"Whoa, Akane, no need ta hit yourself," she heard Ranma say.
"You're not dreamin' or nothing. Doc, help me out here."
Meanwhile, Akane's mind had reached a compromise.
_Alright, I get to hit him and call him a pervert for peeping..._
<Right. But you have to explain why you hit him. And you can't hit
him for being a jerk, unless he really insults you.>
_Okay, we've agreed, then._ Akane struggled against Ranma, and
threw off his arms. She sat up.
*Slap* "You pervert!" she shouted.
Ranma stood back and rubbed his cheek. "Geez, what was that for?"
"You saw me naked in the locker room, you pervert!" Perfect logic.
"You saw me, too," Ranma said defensively. "I wasn't ogling you, or
nothing."
"But you were a girl. I've seen lots of naked girls."
"So have I."
"Ha! I was right!" Akane felt rather smug. Clearly, she'd won
this argument.
Ranma looked thoughtful for a moment, then smirked. It was a very
wicked smirk. "Oh, I get it. You're just upset 'cause you didn't see
my guy side naked. Turnabout's fair play, an' all that."
"What! How dare you!" She raised her hand to strike him. In the
back of her mind, Akane heard a soft <I told you so!>
Ranma caught her arm. "Are you always this angry?" he asked. "You
should learn ta laugh at life, and laugh at yourself. It's the most
important lesson I've learned in the past year."
Akane jerked her arm free, and lay back down. "What happened?"
"Hmm... that's a long story, an' I don't want ta tell you just yet."
He looked sadly at her for a moment. Then his expression brightened.
"But look at me. I coulda either hated this curse, or learn ta live
with it, and laugh at it. I chose to laugh, and I don't regret it."
"How did it feel? To change?" Akane asked. "You don't seem to hate
it."
"I did at first." Ranma chuckled. "But that got kinda beaten outta
me. So, how about this. I'll tell you how I got the curse, and then,
we go talk ta your father, and see what he has ta say about mine."
"That sounds alright."
"Good. So, where ta begin. It all started a little over year
ago..."
----------
No more footnotes. Sorry.
==========
Author's notes:
Well, that took a bit longer than I had hoped. Also, it only got
beta-read by one person, so it may be a bit rough. It also didn't seem
quite as funny to me, personally, but I hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
I need some suggestions for an upcoming part. What I want is a
humorous curse for Ryouga (note: no crossovers, please. Although I
might consider cabbits...). It doesn't have to be serious; after all,
Pantyhose Tarou fell in the spring of drowned Yeti-riding-a-bull-while-
carrying-a-crane-and-an-eel. Try to keep it somewhat reasonable in
size, though. I don't want him knocking over buildings every time
someone spills water on him. Also, the creature must be able to breath
air for an extended period of time, so no spring of drowned salmon, or
anything like that.
In the next episode, the first annoying flashback! And Ranma meets
the rest of the Tendos. What will Soun say? All this and more on the
next installment of "Check Back Later".
If you notice any serious grammatical or spelling errors, or see
something that, no matter how you turn it, refuses to make the slightest
bit of sense, please email me.
Comments welcome, flames ignored. If you're going to rip apart my
story, at least be constructive. Send more extensive comments and
Ryouga's curse suggestions to mrthou@juno.com.