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For those who missed or have forgotten what went on in the earlier
parts... you might want to visit my webpage and refresh your memory. You
may be tested.
www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Pokemon.html will take you directly to the
Pokemon stories page.
POKENET - The Armenhammer Armageddon part 7
ASH: Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. May I say what a fine pleasure
it is to entertain you with my witty internal monologue?
MISTY: A full hour of subliminal dignitary training, and he STILL can't
keep his monologues to himself!
JENNY: Tell me about it. If he starts gloating to himself about how well
he's fooling the government of Armenhammer into thinking he's the
Archduke, our cover's blown!
BROCK: Oh, don't worry. That's never going to happen.
JENNY: Are you sure?
BROCK: Of course. He'll never fool the government of Armenhammer enough
to be able to gloat over it.
ASH: My friends do not appear to hold my abilities in very high esteem.
Fortunately, I am completely confident in my ability to perform the task
adequately. That is, once I figure out what that task is.
Everyone facefaults.
MISTY: Is it too late to make up a wax dummy of the Archduke?
JENNY: I'd say it is! Here comes their limo!
MISTY: Okay, Ash. Whatever you do, don't screw this up!
ASH: Have no fear, madam. You will not be disappointed with my
proficiency.
The limo pulls over and the window rolls down. Ash bows in front of
the open window.
ASH: Greetings. My name is Ash Wednes-
Misty grabs Ash by the ears and hauls him away from the limo.
MISTY: Excuse us for just a moment.
She drags him around the corner.
MISTY: You idiot! What are you thinking?
ASH: She asked me what I was thinking... I had to come up with something
quickly. If only I could think of something to think about!
Misty bashes Ash with her mallet.
MISTY: Too bad the training didn't increase your intelligence at all!
ASH: What training? Where am I? What's going on? Who are you? Who am I?
MISTY: Oh no! I gave him amnesia!
ASH: No thanks. I'm not hungry.
MISTY: Well, you haven't changed much.
ASH: Nope. I'm still the same old Ash Thursday.
MISTY: Close enough. Now, do you think you could possibly just TRY to
pretend to be the Archduke?
ASH: Sure. No problem.
MISTY: Great! Now, this time, don't screw it up again!
They return to the limo, where the dignitaries have just emerged.
MAN: Ah, there you are at last. Fashionably late, I suppose?
ASH: That's right, I was just -
MISTY: (whispers) Not Ash, stupid!
ASH: What? Oh, that's right...
BAKING: Yes, I always try to be just a little bit late when I meet...
you.
WOMAN: Surely you haven't forgotten your childhood friend, Treize of
Cookies?
BAKING: Of course I haven't! I also haven't forgotten who you are...
once you remind me, that is.
WOMAN: I'm Lady Une Forgivable, assistant to President Treize.
BAKING: Of course you are. I was just testing you.
President Treize stares at Ash -
MISTY: Psst!
- sorry, Archduke Baking Soda - and then laughs heartily.
TREIZE: Good old Baking! I can always count on you for a laugh, can't I?
JENNY: (wipes brow) That was a close one! We might actually pull this
off!
BAKING: So, how would you like to go get something to eat?
TREIZE: Oh, come now! Aren't you forgetting something, Baking?
BAKING: No... usually I forgot something baking if I need to get out of
an appointment. (looks at watch) Oh, you're right! I did forget
something baking!
Misty grabs Archduke Baking Soda as he tries to run away.
TREIZE: I meant our old spirit cheer. Have you forgotten that too? The
Archduke I know would never forget the words to our old spirit cheer...
BAKING: (quickly) No, I think I remember it now.
MISTY: We're dead.
BROCK: Not necessarily. If he can guess the right words, we're fine.
JENNY: What are the chances of that?
TREIZE AND BAKING: YAY YAY YAY! HIP HIP HOORAY! BRAVO, WHOOPIE, WHAT A
DAY!
MISTY: Well, with words like THAT...
TREIZE: (sighs) Just like the old days... remember how we always used to
think it was such a mindless cheer, but we did it anyway?
BAKING: I don't see what's so mindless about it.
UNE: President Treize, we should be getting on with our plans. Our
private plane awaits after this visit...
TREIZE: Quite right. So, Baking, what have they been feeding you since
you got here?
BAKING: I've had plenty of knuckle sandwiches and more mallet burgers
than I can stand!
Misty raises her mallet, but Jenny quickly holds it back.
JENNY: We can't bash him in front of President Treize!
MISTY: But... but... HE'S SO STUPID!
JENNY: But at least he hasn't blown his cover yet. Who will be the
stupid one if you blow it for him?
MISTY: You have to ask?
JENNY: Look, if he gets under your skin, try counting to ten.
MISTY: What good will that do?
JENNY: Not much, if I know Ash. But generally it gives you time to cool
down so you don't take it out on him physically.
MISTY: It also gives him a chance to say something even stupider.
JENNY: If he does that, then go ahead and bash him.
They turn back to the conversation.
TREIZE: Well, I was rather hoping that you could suggest a place to eat.
BAKING: Oh, right! I know a couple of great fast food places in the
city...
JENNY: Um, Archduke, I think the president might like something a little
bit more sophisticated.
BAKING: Nah. Treize ol' buddy probably just wants to eat somewhere with
class.
TREIZE: That would be preferred. Fast food doesn't sit well in my
stomach.
BAKING: I know. Chairs are so much easier.
MISTY: (quietly) One... two... three...
UNE: You may all ride in the limousine with us.
Everyone climbs into the limousine.
TREIZE: I'm glad to see that you're well, Baking. Confidentially, I'd
heard some vicious rumors that you were dead.
BAKING: Yep, it was a pretty vicious attack.
TREIZE: (eyebrows furrow) By your political opponents, you mean?
BAKING: No, I'm pretty sure it was a Scyther.
MISTY: One... two... three...
TREIZE: I've never heard of the Scythers. Is that a local political
faction?
BAKING: No, it was a whole Scyther.
TREIZE: I'm not sure I understand...
JENNY: Limo driver, that looks like a good spot to eat! Right there!
The driver slams on the brakes and the limo screeches to a halt.
TREIZE: Was that really necessary, Officer?
JENNY: Sorry. I wasn't paying attention.
TREIZE: This is the police department we're depending on to protect our
ambassador?
JENNY: A minor lapse, Mr. President. I promise you it won't happen
again.
TREIZE: It had better not. Let's go eat.
They enter the restaurant.
MAITRE D': Welcome to Chez Sophistique. How many in your party?
BAKING: Oh, we're having a party? Why wasn't I invited?
MISTY: One... two... three...
TREIZE: Let's see... there's myself and Lady Une, the officer, the
red-haired girl, the squinty one with his hands on the officer...
Officer Jenny pounds Brock.
TREIZE: And last but not least, Baking. And his Pikachu... when did you
get a Pikachu, Baking?
BAKING: Oh, do they serve baked Pikachu here?
PIKACHU: PIKA!
Pikachu zaps Archduke Baking Soda.
MAITRE D': Table for six. Right this way, please.
BAKING: No, that's left. Right is that way.
MAITRE D': Just follow me.
BAKING: Misty, this guy can't tell his right from his left. Are you sure
we should be following him?
TREIZE: Baking, we all know you're quite a card...
BAKING: You know about that too? Is Sakura still around?
MISTY: One... two... three...
TREIZE: ... but you really should try to tone it down a little while
we're in this fancy restaurant.
BAKING: Right. (in a deep voice) IS THIS TONE LOW ENOUGH FOR YOU?
Officer Jenny grabs Baking's arm and drags him along as they follow
the maitre d'. Once they've all taken their seats, the maitre d' hands
them all menus and quickly returns to his post.
TREIZE: Anyway, I'm relieved to hear that you're doing well, Baking. I
was afraid that Armenhammer would have to employ its anti-military
tactics to retaliate against Indigo Island for the demise of our
Ambassador.
BAKING: (scratches head) Just as long as you don't blow us off the face
of the Earth, you can do whatever you want!
MISTY: Four... five... six...
JENNY: Mr. President, does Armenhammer really have that much power?
TREIZE: Of course! We have a full deployment of missiles ready to launch
at the first sign of any aggression by Indigo Island, including even the
slightest harm befalling our Ambassador.
JENNY: Doesn't that seem a little... hypocritical?
TREIZE: Of course not! Armenhammer has always taken an aggressive
attitude toward aggression.
UNE: What does your country do about the possibility of threat by other
nations?
JENNY: We have battalions of trained Growlithes ready to repel invaders.
TREIZE: Growlithes? Don't make me laugh! What do they do, slobber on
their opponents?
BAKING: Of course! That's why they call it the Salivation Army!
MISTY: Seven... eight... nine...
TREIZE: Why does she keep counting like that?
BAKING: I don't know. Maybe she's trying to remember what comes next. I
think it's negative two, but I'm not sure. It might be a half.
MISTY: TEN! THAT DOES IT!
She pulls out her mallet and beats Archduke Baking Soda senseless.
President Treize leans over the twitching body of the Archduke.
TREIZE: It's nice to see you haven't lost your touch with the ladies,
Baking.
BAKING: I just wish they'd lose their touch with me...
*
BAKING: The rest of dinner proceeded pretty much without incident...
largely due to the fact that I was unconscious the whole time.
TREIZE: Who are you talking to, Baking?
BAKING: Nobody in particular. Or out of particular, for that matter.
TREIZE: Still, that was some dinner, wasn't it? You used to have to get
drunk before you'd lose consciousness for that long.
BAKING: Getting drunk would solve all of my problems.
TREIZE: That's all right, friend. It was a joy seeing that you're alive
and well, and your chaperones are quite entertaining.
BAKING: Especially on a pizza.
President Treize scratches his head.
TREIZE: Sometimes, I really don't understand you, Baking.
He gets into the limo and it drives away.
MISTY: We did it! We fooled the President of Armenhammer!
She gives Archduke Baking Soda a huge hug.
MISTY: You're the best, Ash Wednesday! I could kiss you!
BROCK: No! Kiss me!
BAKING: Now to get rid of this ridiculous disguise...
ASH: That's better. I thought I was going to suffocate in there.
JENNY: All you did was change your name to Baking Soda. There wasn't any
costume.
ASH: Wow. I even fooled you. That's some costume!
MISTY: Ash covers everyone around him with his own personal Cloak of
Stupidity (TM).
JENNY: Well, however he did it, I'm just glad our deception worked. Now
we can get back to our case.
*
Deep in an underground military base in west Armenhammer...
GIRL: Kiyone, why are we here again?
KIYONE: For the last time, Mihoshi, we're waiting for President Treize
to give the order to launch our missiles and destroy Indigo Island!
MIHOSHI: He gave the order? Then I'd better launch the missiles!
Kiyone bats Mihoshi's hand away from the control panel.
KIYONE: You idiot! Not yet!
MIHOSHI: Sorry. I messed up, didn't I?
KIYONE: Darn right you messed up! (to herself) Why do I have to have
such an idiot for a partner? I could be driving a tank by now if she
wasn't constantly holding me back. There I was, ready to launch my
career...
She grabs Mihoshi's hand as she reaches for the button.
KIYONE: I wasn't talking to you!
MIHOSHI: Then who were you talking to, Kiyone? There's no one else here
but me!
KIYONE: Someday, I have to learn how to hold a private internal
monologue.
MIHOSHI: It's easy! Watch, I'll show you!
Mihoshi screws her eyes shut and concentrates.
KIYONE: Looks good. What are you saying?
MIHOSHI: Oh, I couldn't think of anything to say.
KIYONE: (sighs) I didn't think so.
TREIZE: Hello, girls.
They snap to attention and salute.
TREIZE: At ease. Looks like you've been doing a fine job.
KIYONE: Yes sir! Only the best job from the best of the Missile
Launching Squadron!
She smacks Mihoshi's hand away from the controls, hiding the action
with her body, then grins sheepishly at President Treize.
MIHOSHI: Ow, Kiyone! Why did you hit me?
KIYONE: (whispering) Shut up! This could be my big break!
TREIZE: As you were. I've just come to inform you that the Archduke is
quite well and having a wonderful time on the Indigo Island.
KIYONE: (crestfallen) You mean...
TREIZE: There will be no attack on the Indigo Island. You are to remain
at your posts and await further instructions. That will be all.
KIYONE: Just one question, President Treize.
TREIZE: Shoot.
Kiyone grabs Mihoshi's arm before she can press the button.
MIHOSHI: Kiyone, let go!
KIYONE: What was that, sir?
TREIZE: I said, fire away.
Kiyone leans against the control panel, preventing Mihoshi from
reaching it.
KIYONE: Have you heard anything about my upcoming promotion?
TREIZE: Yes, I have. After that debacle last month at the air show,
we've decided that you need another year or two of training here before
you move up in the military.
KIYONE: Understood, sir.
President Treize leaves. As soon as he's gone, Kiyone jumps up and
down furiously.
KIYONE: I CAN'T STAND IT! MY IDIOT OF A PARTNER RUINED MY PROMOTION ONCE
AGAIN! BLAST IT ALL TO HELL!
MIHOSHI: Roger, Kiyone! (pushes the launch button)
KIYONE: NO! All my hard work and dedication! All the time I've spent
doing an impeccable job, just waiting for my chance to impress the top
brass, and what does it get me? Nothing! My promotion is ruined!
MIHOSHI: Not to mention that everyone on Indigo Island is going to die.
KIYONE: Can't you forget about all of those people's lives for a measly
two seconds! This is MY life we're talking about!
MIHOSHI: Don't be so selfish, Kiyone. All of those people are going to
die, you know.
KIYONE: And whose fault is THAT?
MIHOSHI: Well, I don't really know, it could be mine I guess, but I was
only doing what you told me, I mean after all, it's not like people
don't make mistakes, although maybe I make a few more than some people I
know, but I try I try I really know I do -
KIYONE: SHUT UP, MIHOSHI!
MIHOSHI: Sorry.
KIYONE: What are we going to do? We can't just let those missiles fire!
I'll be demoted to lavatory cleaner for sure! (pause) And all those
people on Indigo Island will die...
MIHOSHI: Well, we could always just shut down the system...
KIYONE: We can do that?
MIHOSHI: Of course! The missiles don't fire for a few minutes after the
button is pressed. That's to give the operator time to shut the system
down in case of a mistake, or...
KIYONE: Fine, fine! How do we shut down the system?
MIHOSHI: I don't know. Let me check the operator's manual.
Kiyone stares in horror at the indicator above the instrument panel.
"TIME TO LAUNCH: 00:15"
KIYONE: Hurry up, Mihoshi!
MIHOSHI: It's hard to read while you're yelling at me, you know.
KIYONE: Then I won't yell! Read! READ!
MIHOSHI: I am! Please don't get angry at me!
KIYONE: We don't have much time! What's taking so long!
MIHOSHI: I forgot. I can't read this language.
Kiyone screams and snatches the book away from Mihoshi. For five
seconds, she looks back and forth between the book and the clock, until
the clock hits zero.
KIYONE: Time's up!
She dives across the room and yanks the power cord out of the wall.
MIHOSHI: Kiyone! The panel went out!
KIYONE: Whew! Just in time!
MIHOSHI: Well, the disaster's over! Now what do we do?
KIYONE: We go home, I guess. And we wait for another opportunity for
promotion.
MIHOSHI: Okay! Let's go!
Kiyone leaves the room. Mihoshi starts to follow, but turns halfway
out the door.
MIHOSHI: Oh, look at that! Someone accidentally unplugged the console!
How careless.
She reaches down and plugs in the console. The panel emits a single
beep, and a whoosh echoes through the missile base as the missiles are
launched toward Indigo Island.
MIHOSHI: Oops! I think maybe I shouldn't have done that...
She unplugs the console.
MIHOSHI: There! All fixed!
KIYONE: Thanks to my brainless partner, it looks like Indigo Island's
doomed after all! Such a shame, after all the work they did to cover up
the Archduke's death. But that's the least of our worries! I've just
found out I've gotten a new assignment... PATROLLING THE SANDY DESERT!
There's nothing out there but Sandshrews!
MIHOSHI: And sandwiches! But don't worry, I'll be right there with you
the whole time!
KIYONE: I can hardly wait...
-----------------------------------------------------
BURNS: What is this? Some kind of force field around these vegetables!
HOMER: That's the sneeze guard. You have to lean under it to get food or
sneeze on stuff.
JOHNNY BRAVO: *sigh* The only woman I ever really loved... and she's
gone. I wonder if I'll ever get over - Hey! Nuggets!
JACKIE CHAN: Oh, sorry. I broke your spy camera! (pause) SPY CAMERA?!
My webpage: http://www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp