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Moving along on this fic with all possible speed. Enjoy.
Oh, I am. :)
[snip]
San was taken somewhat aback. A human who could see the wolfish parts of
her? Even Ashitaka, who believed her to be both human and wolf, who loved
her dearly, and who felt that she was beautiful had never mentioned any
physical traits that made her appear human. In fact, mere moments
beforehand they had been talking about a human trait he believed to be in
her (and which she knew, from experience, was not really the case- she had
tasted 'human' food before, and didn't have any more appreciation for it
than she did for the roots and the raw meat which her mother and brothers
had offered her. She did not say anything about it to Ashitaka, however,
as she was having too much fun making the bowl to spoil it with such a
pointless concern). Perhaps the human was lying, but San did not get that
sense from her. This was something worth considering in the future, when
she could be alone with her thoughts.
This is the only part that even remotely seems off-kilter, and that only
because it seems a bit forced. I don't have any concrete suggestions on how
to fix this paragraph, but there's something about it that makes it hard to
read, for me.
Just my $0.02.
[snip]
That interjection piqued his curiosity, but he merely nodded. "Go on."
"Ashitaka... San is... well, was... my daughter."
Oh, hell.
*blinkblink*
Oh, HELL.
You do realize you've just destroyed the idea I'd been tossing around
ever since last week, when I rented Mononoke and watched it for the first
time (after reading your fic, I might add - that was the catalyst), don't
you?
Sigh.
Guess I'll have to come up with something else, now. :p
Great work on this so far. I'm really looking forward to what's coming
next.
Brian Payne
sofaspud@sofaspud.org