::shudders::

this is bad....lol... not the story mind you the writer :P

Your a very bad man Eslignton.  you for got some of Ranma's other

"Friends"



<snip>

Alternate ending to the "Ranma Gets Weak" plot :Toufuu's glasses fog up

when Kasumi enters his office.He winds up accidentally destroying the

book with the moxibustion cure.Genma and Souun BOTH commit seppuku.A

weakened-for-life Ranma becomes Ukyou's love slave.

WOW!  I would love to be Ukyou's love slave.  <god I need to get out more :P

Now I couldn't just pass this idea up, so I wrote the spamfic which

follows.

I wrote this in about ten minutes, gave it a quick spellchecking and

posted it. This was done in a rush, which may explain why it's so

crummy. If people's characterisations seem a bit off or the grammar is

unbearable, then I blame it on not taking my time.

I'm a slow author by nature and I'm not used to going from an idea to a

finished product in one day.

Let this be a lesson to others not to rush fics.

Okay point taken.    I think......

Ginrai asked me to post it onto the FFML, because he thought it was

funny and to draw attention away from his fic. So that's what I'm doing.

So here it is. Enjoy!

Oh, and if you're offended/not amused, blame Ginrai. It's his fault.

Again.

No its your fault.  Its his fault for sugjesting this.

Eslington.

***

Torn pages.

A spamfic by Eslington.

Idea supplied by some other guy, I swear.

Normal disclaimer applies. You know, all that ownership stuff.

The torn pages floated to the ground, as Doctor Tofu stood shaking

before Kasumi. Everyone's face bore an expression of shock, as they

watched as the torn pieces of the Moxibustion chart floated from the

Doctor's fingers away on the prevailing wind current.

"Oh no..." said Genma. "OH GOD NO! I've got to kill myself, quick!"

"Calm down Genma," said Soun. "Just because your son is the weakest man

alive doesn't mean you have to kill yourself."

Genma:  No its not that its the IRS they found out about my secret Bank
account and How I haven't paid taxes since I was 16!

"No, it's not that!" said Genma. "Look at who's writing this fanfic!"

Soun looked.

Soun's face contorted in horror.

Ouch.

"AAAAAAGH!" shouted Soun. "Not him! The concept of it is terrifying to

me!."

"I know, Soun-kun," said Genma. "I've got to kill myself before I wind

up paired up with Principal Kunou, or worse!" With that, he raced off

into the distance.

or Kodachi Kunou!

"Wait for me!" shouted Soun, following his good friend Genma.

Ranma meanwhile, was standing with his mouth open, saying one thing over

and over again.

"No cure... No cure... No cure..."

Ranma: No beer.... No beer... No beer...

Cologne frowned.

How can you tell when that dried up old monkey frowns?  Her whole head is
one giant wrinkle.

"If you can't be cured, I'm afraid that leaves you open to anyone who

wants to defeat you."

"Really?" asked Mousse. "Great!" And with that, the Myopic boy hit Ranma

in the face with a yo-yo, knocking him to the ground. "Wahoo!" cried

Mousse. "Shampoo is mine!"

Thats when The Blue Thunder walks in and yells Ranma you foul sorcerer I
shall smite thee and win the hand of the red headed goddess and sweet Akane
Tendo!!

"Damn!" said Cologne. "Well, I suppose I have no choice to go back to

China with you so you can tell Shampoo the good news."

Mousse smiled. "Great, we'd better get to the docks and get on the first

boat to China."

And so the blind guy and the old bag walked off as Ranma stood up from

his defeat at the hands of Duck-boy.

MMMM Pking Duck anyone?

"Ranma..." said Akane. "Are you alright?"

Ranma: No, How would you feel getting your butt kicked by a guy who can
bearly see in front of him!

"I have no choice..." said Ranma. "I am weak... Too weak to be a man."

Ranma grabbed a convenient bucket of water and splashed himself with it.

"As the weakest human alive, I must live out the rest of my life as a

woman!"

Or as a little bald guy handing out flowers at the air port.

"That's it," said Akane. "I've had it with your neanderthalic, sexist

views! If you're going to stick with such stupid opinions, mired in the

Feudal era, then there's no way that I'm going to be your fiancee any

more!"

"A... Akane..." said Ranma. "I know you can't love me... as weak man..."

so get me a beer woman!

"I could Ranma," said Akane. "But I can't love a sexist baka. I don't

need a boyfriend to be an interesting character. I'm off to star in my

own series about a headstrong celibate female martial artist who runs a

dojo!" she declared, storming off.

um ... um .... Next on Fox.  When Hell Freezes Over.

Ranma turned to his final, cute fiancee. "Ukyou... I've seen you as a

friend before... But now, I need a lover. MAKE ME YOURS!"

What about his Ugly Fiancees?  Kodachi, And all the others GEnma lined up
during their training joruny?

"Ranma..." said Ukyou. "I love you too, but despite how I've been

characterised in most of Eslington's other spamfics, I'm not interested

in girls that way."

WOW you are a pervert Aren't you?

"I don't care," said Ranma as he glomped Ukyou. "I swear to be your love

slave for all time!"

Um.... Ranchan a sex slave?  No.

"Damn," said Ukyou, annoyed at the irony of her situation.

***

A few weeks later...

***

A few LONG weeks later...

Ukyou smiled as her friend Akane walked into her restaurant.

wearings a tight leather outfit.

"Hello Akane," said Ukyou, beginning to fry Akane's usual order.

???  Fry her usual order?  Grilled Nuts?

"Hi Ukyou," said Akane. "How are you?"

"I'm great," said Ukyou. "I finally got rid of Ranma."

"Really? How?" asked Akane.

"Well some gambler guy turned up yesterday asking for my dad's Yatai and

Ranma's dojo."

"But that's my dojo," said Akane.

"Yes, and I don't have the yatai any more because of Genma, may he burn

in hell."

***

"AH-CHOO!"

"Genma, please don't sneeze like that. I don't want to spend my

afterlife with a cold you know."

"Sorry Soun-kun."

Yea like they really need to worry about haveing a cold in hell. :P

***

"So," said Ukyou, "I just gave him Ranma as a sex slave and that was

that."

"Nice," said Akane.

Sort of teh guy brought him back twice already.  Said he was too whiney.

"How are you then?" asked Ukyou.

"Pretty good. Since father left me the dojo in his will I've been able

to take on a few students. I'm hoping to go on a training trip after I

finish school and before I go to university."

The door slid open again and Ryouga collapsed inwards dramatically. "I

made it..." he said in between gasps for air.

"Ryouga, how nice to see you," said Akane. "How are you?"

"Before I answer that, answer me this," said Ryouga, his tone turning

hopeful. "Will you go out with me tomorrow night?"

I am P-Chan!  I am the Cute Pig you love Akane!

Akane's expression shifted to one of shock, then one of sadness as she

shook her head. "I'm sorry Ryouga, But I've sworn off dating men until I

go to university."

"Oh," said Ryouga, his spirits falling faster than an aerodynamic lead

weight released over the surface of Jupiter.

"Hey Ryouga," said Ukyou. "I'm not busy tonight, I could go out with

you."

"Really?" said Ryouga, his spirits lifting a little.

"Yes," said Ukyou. "I've got a soft spot for hard-luck stories like

yourself."

"Thanks," said Ryouga. "I'll wait here until then."

"That was kind of you," said Akane with a smile.

"Yeah, well the guy needs a break for once in his life."

"I hope you can make him happy," said Akane. "That's something I'd like

to see."

THE END

APOLOGIES. ^_^;;;

ARGH...

Had to do this.

Robert

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