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If this is a *span*fic, why is there English at all?
While straddling the fence is completely acceptable in
certain endeavors or points of, er, belief -- Ahem! -- I
think you're hurting your story by using equal amounts of
English and Spanish. Sprinklings of a foreign language to
color the prose is fine, so long as the meaning is clear
from the context.
However, to be fair, there is a significant enough
population of Spanish-only speakers in America (and here I
make the assumption that you reside in America), who would
appreciate not having to wrangle with the English
descriptive prose, that you should render this fic entirely
in Spanish (Castillian or Tex-Mex, your choice). You need to
think about your target audience and tailor your fics
accordingly.
*******************************************
D.F. Roeder
FanFiction - http://home.flash.net/~dfroeder/index.html