Part 2 as promised.
Rick Spiff
Master of Insanity
Head of Insanity Productions
Email=rick_spiff@yahoo.com
_________________________________________________________________
Get your FREE download of MSN Explorer at http://explorer.msn.com
-- Attached file included as plaintext by Listar --
-- File: SE02.txt
INTRODUCING: SIDESTEP:EVANGELION... again. Give me a break, people!
Following warnings apply: Language, suggestive language, possible
lime/lemon content, violence, Sidestep-related stuff, Eva-like darkness
(in places). Well, watch, wonder and enjoy!
C&C, Flames, Anything, welcome at: rick_spiff@yahoo.com
Check out Insanity Productions' home page:
http://www.geocities.com/rick_spiff/
{Note: This will be a continuing series. Suggestions also welcome.}
~ Begin fic ~
[Opening Music is Metallica's 'Enter Sandman' as loud as you can play
it. A montage of shots flash by to the bars of the song, mostly of the
Sidestep cast and various Eva characters dressed in kick-ass clothes and
shooting things out of frame. Splattered here and there among the
characters are various explosions for variety.]
----------
Title Flash:
SIDESTEP:EVANGELION
Episode 2: Memiors and Failures/
Is That My Car or Yours?
----------
[Music cuts out.]
[EXT. TOKYO-3 SKYLINE - NIGHT.]
[Overlay date and place:]
T O K Y O - 3 , 2 0 0 7 .
[Cut to a street downtown. It's late, but we see James and Miko walking
down here at a leisurely pace. James' trenchcoat is around Miko, but he
looks comfortable and confident. They're talking in soft tones, but
since there isn't much background noise, they can be heard easily. Most
of the shops and small restaurants look closed in this area.]
Miko: First question?
James: Bomb away.
Miko: Thanks for making me a part of your little team, but I have to
wonder. Was that safe?
James: With Dave around, it's always safe. He's invented the ultimate
bug-proofer. If he talks openly about it, no one can listen in... at
least, no one that can cause trouble. Dave's a sharp guy, and we all
carry around stuff the military could only imagine they might wish
for. Second question?
Miko: What about you guys being 'CT' people?
James: The Counter-Terrorism stuff. Ah, well, that's the real heavy
stuff. I started out as an assassin, but got out of the business.
Godless bunch of fucking hypocrites. Dave at least had some direction.
Then, with him, Ed, and plenty of others, we sort of just worked
together fighting off Takona's goons for about a year. After that, we
realized we could work together well, but only in the middle of
conflict. As soon as things settled down, we all went our own ways.
Years passed. Second Impact came. Us three goons got stuck in the middle
of it. Since then we've been like this city's protectors. After SI, the
whole world just went to shit. Then, out of the woodwork crawl all of
our old buddies. It's like an old Gundam series where you think the main
characters are long gone and then they just keep showing up everytime
there's another conflict; and there's always another conflict. So know
we hunt down terrorists with goals and objectives that the basic
military and police divisions can't deal with. We fill in the crack
where the big boys let things slip through. We're a private enterprize,
but we're pretty rich, so it evens things out.
Miko: You three privately run a counter-terrorist group under the noses
of the Japanese government out of your own pockets?
James: Yeah, pretty much.
Miko: And you fight terrorists, like, on a regular basis?
James: Yes.
Miko: And you aren't dead?
James: I've been killing people since I was eighteen. I trained with the
best, I've fought the best, and I've beaten the best. In my day I was
the world's top assassin. I know things the military would--and has
tried to--kill to understand. I do it really well.
Miko: Now I'm curious.
James: Well, enough with me being an assassin, let's talk about
something else.
Miko: What about life before Second Impact?
James: That was life before Second Impact.
Miko: Can you be more specific?
James: Okay, okay. I have a few stories to tell, but you won't get the
details out of me tonight.
Miko: (frowns, then perks up) What about Second Impact? Where were you
then?
James: Why do you want to know?
Miko: ... Sounds like that changed you guys a lot.
James: (curious) It did. But how did you figure that out?
Miko: Have you been listening to yourself? You talk around Second Impact
like it was a big turning point in your life. You say you guys just slid
into the position of being defenders of your home, but it was like you
were made for the role and just waiting for a trigger.
James: (obviously elevating his evaluation of her intelligence)
That's... about right.
Miko: James, sometimes you talk too much.
James: I can live with that.
[Miko sighs and looks up into the starry night sky. It's clear out and
the heavens sparkle like the city might float away on the soft, sweet
spring breezes that ebb lightly down the wide streets.]
[After a moment, her vision returns unsteadily to the horizontal, then
to James.]
Miko: So tell me already.
James: About what?
Miko: About Second Imapct.
James: Now?
Miko: I've already asked you to twice.
James: But you said I talked too much.
Miko: And I'm asking you to talk some more. Talk about Second Impact.
James: But you only asked me once.
Miko: (smiles sweetly) I just asked you for a second time.
James: I--but... Well, okay. The year zero-zero...
[Cue flashback effects.]
[INT. THEATER PLAYING ANIME - DARK.]
[Overlay date and place:]
T O K Y O , 2 0 0 0 .
[James, Ed, and Dave are watching anime on the big screen, and quite
frankly, enjoying it. There aren't many people in the theater, which is
unusual because this _is_ Tokyo. We can't see what they are watching,
but in the light from the screen, we see they have definitely entrenched
themselves for the long haul.]
James: (quaking with joy) Anime... on the big screen... (he looks about
ready to wet his pants)
Dave: It's just more Sailor Snatch, James. Calm Down.
James: (rising above Dave dramatically) _LOWLY_ _INSECT_...
People: Get down... We can't see... You in front, sit yo' ass down!
James: (ignoring the rest of the audience) YOU [DARE] QUESTION THE
GREATNESS OF 'MAGICAL GIRL 3: CURSE OF THE MAD MASK'?!!
Dave: It was a one-episode OAV, if you could call it that even, and it's
just second-rate....
[James' eyes are glowing a firey red, his Coat billowing onimously in
the sudden wind from behind him...]
Dave: (deadpan) Fine. I'll watch it.
[End flashback.]
James: Aheh... (slightly embarassed look) Well, there was a bump or two
and we pulled out the secret weapon... nothing much to tell beyond
that...
Miko: (strained sweetness) James...
James: Ah... okay. Look, a long time ago, Dave and I stole a
super-secret weapon from the US government, modified, and ever since it
has been our personal play-toy.
Miko: And?
James: It can blow up the world and it saved our asses when the first
Angel attacked.
[Overlay semi-transparent scene of a massive explosion ripping up
Japan. Fade out the explosion. James looks around the city and to the
mountains in the distance almost listlessly.]
James: Shame it had to happen here...
Miko: James, I said it before and I'll say it again...
James: What?
[Miko loops her arm behind James' back and hooks one of his feet with
hers.]
Miko: You talk too much.
[She then tips him back and kisses him deeply on the lips. Fade out.]
[INT. LARGE CONFERENCE ROOM - STUFFY, LATE AFTERNOON FEELING.]
[James, Gendo, Dave and Ed are seating around a gray metal conference
table that looks like one of those crapy 'post-modern' furniture
P.O.S.'s. On the plus side, it is sturdy. Set in front of each person
are small, flat computers, like the notebook of today, except the
screens are much smaller and they set on the same plane as the keyboard.
Fuyutsuki is nowhere to be seen and the heavy doors look sealed shut.]
Gendo: This is how I want things. Handleton, you're administration,
information gathering and correlation, that sort of thing. You work out
the numbers, logistics, and situations.
Dave: I prefer to let my field agents have some leeway, Sir.
Gendo: Granted, but they report to you. Understood?
Dave: Quite.
Gendo: Flemming, you handle interior security. (Ed frowns) You watch
Handleton's back, keep an eye on the facilities, look over Section 6's
shoulder. You'll also have to organize equipment for field operations and
keep
it ready at a moments notice. Mr. Handleton has noted that you are
well-suited to this task.
Ed: Okay.
Gendo: Mr. Rahn, you're field operations. Spies, wetwork, foreign
problems, interior problems, police liaison, that sort of work. You'll
work with Flemming for supplies and Mrs. Jones for personnel.
[Uncomfortable pause.]
Gendo: Speaking of her, why is she not here?
Dave: Missed my message. James has some errands to run anyway, I'll have
him pick her up.
James: Sir?
Gendo: Yes.
James: What personnel? It's just the five or six of us.
Dave: Nine.
Gendo: (continuing) You'll have lots more if things go well. You see, I
need someone here to keep an eye on NERV itself, that's why you people
don't even have a section number. For starts, you'll work mostly with
NERV personnel directly, get them comfortable with the idea of you being
around here. But, I would be wary of hiring them without a thorough
background check.
Dave: That's my area of expertise.
Gendo: Excellent. Remember, don't tell anyone in NERV, excluding myself,
what you're up to. Ultimately, you all report to Handleton.
[James and Ed nod thoughtfully.]
Gendo: Goben is American field operations with German liaison. Rahn,
she's your subordinate. Keep her in line. (Dave snickers. James raises
his hand) Yes?
James: I already have subordinates.
Gendo: (looks at him) Then you'll have more. Jamison is weapons, NERV
has located her employer. Handleton?
Dave: Yes?
Gendo: Find her.
Dave: Sure thing, boss.
Gendo: We obviously still have some ground to cover, but I'll leave the
rest up to your discretion, Handleton.
Dave: Gotcha.
Gendo: Remember, the less anyone knows about you and NERV, the better.
[James, Ed, and Dave share and understanding glance.]
James: Fine with me.
Ed: Whatever.
Dave: Done and done and done.
Gendo: Questions?
James: Well, I used to be an engineer around here, so I'll be working
with Ed quite a bit. Since we're both in the area of security, that
wouldn't be suspicious, would it?
Gendo: (looks at Dave) Work on your job descriptions and come up with a
different reason. Something believable. It would be best if no-one knows
you work in that area as well.
James: Ahh, excellent.
Ed: Mecha?
Gendo: Excuse me?
Ed: What about building mecha? I've heard that NERV has it's own staff
for that. Would I be raising suspicions by building a few... test
models.
Dave: You'd raise suspicions going to the pop machines. Mr. Ikari, I
think we can work discretely enough.
Gendo: Then I see no reason why he can't.
Dave: (to Ed) You can't.
[Ed pouts.]
Dave: Do I get an office?
Gendo: If you can build one.
[Fade out on Dave's frown.]
[EXT. WIDE-ANGLE OVERHEAD OF A PLANE OF ICE - DAY.]
[We pull back to see James leaning out of a helicopter. The scenery is
somewhere in the North Pole--it being summer this time of year--and
James is dressed for the weather in a royal-blue arctic suit.]
[After a moment, he apparently sees what he's looking for and signals
'down' to the pilot, whom we can't see. The helicopter lowers and comes
to a stop slowly, only ten feet above the ground. James jumps off and
lands lightly on the hard ice. He steadies himself and stands, only to
suddenly fall flat on his ass.]
James: Damn, man. Why'd I have to come out here? 'It's _summer_ in the
Arctic Circle, James, you'll love it!' My ass. Lookit this place, it's
like my fridge, but with less food and no semi-intelligent descendents
of yogurt to converse with.
[James turns to the camera and gets to his feet. As he walks, the camera
follows. We are now in rant-to-the-audience mode.]
James: You see this place? (motions to the scenery) Beautiful, isn't it?
Not that I wouldn't mind a vacation, but this isn't exactly my idea of
fun. Sure, it's gonna be neat to bug Carrie, but I'd rather not have
such a push. What's the big hurry for, anyway? My sources say nothing
un-kosher is due for quite some time, and yes, I'm talking about our
little dinner conversation. I just don't get it. We could always wait
for her to come back down on her own. I hate it when Dave acts like he
can hide shit from me.
[He shakes his head, calling off the rant with the wave of one gloved
hand.]
James: I just hate it when this happens. It's been a bad week so far and
the rest doesn't look any better, that's all.
[Fade over to several hours later. James is walking into a small
encampmen. Curiously, no signs of heavy construction equipment are
abound, James takes notice of this and offers us a mini-rant.]
James: No big earthmovers or catapillars or anything like that. These
people aren't out looking for oil or crap like that. No boxes of
scientific gear either. No weapons, but I haven't started digging
yet. Final analysis: Mercs in training. It's time to say hello to our
first member from outside Japan.
[He waves the camera over to one of the tents, walking up to it.]
James: THE RUSSIANS ARE COMING!!!
[General Panic makes an appearance, as expected. People in white armor
pop out of the snow everywhere, some with green armbands, some with
red. It appears they have been playing a wargame of some kind to James,
but to the layman it just looks like a bunch of stormtroopers getting
ready for Christmas.]
James: (freaking out, pointing off in the distance) Egads! They've
already landed!!!
[A silence sweeps across the assembled before the sound of many guns
cocking echos over the wind-swept plain.]
James: Was it something I said?
Woman's voice: Well, well, well... look what the cat dragged in.
James: There aren't any cats in the Arctic, Carrie.
Carrie: (looks around, then shrugs) _You_ never had to make sense.
James: I'm not complaining.
Carrie: (mock shock) NO?!! Actually _NOT_ complaining?!! (a completely
fake 'I am soooo shocked' face overcomes her) LOOK! Everybody! He
_ISN'T_ _complaining_!!!
[James crosses his arms over his chest, frowns, then huffs indignantly.]
James: (flat tone) Ha. Ha.
[The soldiers look on expectantly, though we can't see that through
their helmets.]
James: ....... Ha.
Carrie: (flase cheer) C'mon, be a good sport!
James: Blood temperature must be above freezing for that, Carrie. It's
the first rule of villainy, you know.
Carrie: (waving him off) Right... right. Okay boys, drill's over. Put
it up and clean yourselves off. Magazine check in a quarter. Move it!
[The troops salute quickly, then perform a Chinese Fire Drill to get
to... well, wherever they do their important stuff.]
James: Cold... food.
Carrie: James, you act more and more like a cat every time I see you.
James: (smirks) Keep making comments like that and they'll become
self-fulfilling.
Carrie: Yeah? Well, I'm still pissed at you, so don't start that
cuddling crap or I'll have to pound your face in.
James: That deserves a retort, but my teachers said to save fighting
until after the food is presented.
Carrie: Oh, how curteous of them.
James: Not really. If the food comes out, kill your opponent and get
twice the grub. Of course, conventional rules state--
Carrie: (walking out of earshot) Whatever...
James: Err.... hey! I wasn't ranting, honest!
[James and the camera chase after her.]
[INT. CRAMPED ARCTIC BASE - SOME TIME LATER.]
[The base looks like bare metal on the inside, with numerous sensors and
electronic equipment attached to the walls. Among them are many smoke
detectors and pieces of a large fire suppression system--sure signs of
an enclosed environment. James and Carrie are wearing BDU pants and
short-sleeved shirts, sipping coffee at a small conference table. There
aren't many people around, and the place is relatively quiet.]
James: So...
Carrie: Don't start. What do you want?
James: We're forming a CT strike group for NERV. Heard of them?
Carrie: Yes, and I don't like them one bit.
James: Ah, something I too am not in the mood to discuss.
Carie: No.
James: You haven't even--
Carrie: (cutting him off) I don't have to. I know what you want and
you're not going to get it.
James: But this won't be like last time!
Carrie: (eyes go wide) Don't even TALK about 'last time'!
James: (head in hands) Oh dear...
Carrie: (icy voice) Since the world was all but destroyed and I was a
wanted woman--and not in a good way... I sold my skills out to the
highest bidder. I'm not happy about training young men to be ruthless
killers because that's all you bothered to teach me.
[James looks at Carrie. His eyes began to water. A Long Pause(tm)
ensues.]
Carrie: James?
James: I'm just so... so proud.
[Fade out as Carrie starts banging her head against the (steel) table.]
[EXT. A SMALL AIRFIELD IN THE ARCTIC - BRIGHT DAY.]
[James and Carrie, still in full cold-weather garb, are waiting for an
airplane. James seems to notice the camera after a minute and stops to
talk to it.]
James: (to audience) She was quite aggreable in the end. I just had to
promise not to start and elite group of assassins and then kill them
when I failed to teach them restraint.
James: (looks into the sky, his sunglasses glinting) It could have been
much worse... but this way is better...
[Cue flashback effects. We're in the meeting room again. The mugs of
coffee are much lower now, indicating some time has passed since the
first scene in this room.]
James: It's not like we want you to sign away your soul, that only
happens once you have tenure.
Carrie: I don't WANT tenure! Get out of here!
James: (Montana-Way) I'll call you!
[He runs into the nearest wall and collapses on the ground.]
[Cue transition effects...]
James: (rubbing forehead) Anyway, that one went pretty easy. She's
flying solo back to our temporary HQ. (pulls out a pocket computer)
Memo: build faster planes, soon. This sub-sonic shit is for the birds.
[Satisfied, James returns to what he was doing... standing around
doing nothing.]
[EXT. DIRTY CITY - AFTERNOON.]
[The smog is the same, the streets are cleaner, but this is still--]
James: Detroit. Damn, this brings back memories.
[He is dressed in his 'assassin' getup: a white wifebeater underneath a
red-and-black checkered dress shirt with an electric blue tie. The shirt
is left unbuttoned and the tie hangs loosely around his neck. Charcoal
slacks and slightly scuffled leather shoes complete the ensomble,
allowing him to look stylish, messed-up, and lethal all at the same
time.]
James: This is the right place...
[He looks at the run-down building in front of him. Despite the metal
doors and computerized security system, it still looks dirty and worn
out. For a moment, James' vision overlays a similar building, but one
made of brick, not industrial concrete. He shakes his head as if gently
chiding himself for something and knocks on the front door.]
[A wind mysteriously blows by...]
[And presently, he realizes the buzzer for the desired apartment. His
hand comes up, one finger hovering over the button, frozen in
place. Finally, James pulls his hand back and pulls out a tiny device,
palming it in one hand. He taps a few buttons and the front entrance
obligingly opens.]
James: (proverbing) Never go the mundane route when a more adventurous
path awaits.
[He walks in, a dramatic breeze rustling his coat this time.]
[INT. SMALL APARTMENT.]
[This is the place a man named Trey Jones calls home. It's comfortable
for one man, affordable, and a little messy. Messy, but clean. The man
himself is seated at a huge desk over-loaded with various electronic
equipment, reading a pile of computer print-outs. He grunts every now
and then, pausing to take notes as well. As he reaches for a can of beer
nearby, a knock is heard. The sudden noise breaks his concentration, and
the can goes tumbling to the floor.]
Trey: Aww, shit.
[Thankfully, the can is empty.]
Trey: (heading for the door with the can in hand) Hey, this was empty!
[He pulls open the door to see James in his wrap-around sunglasses with
a slightly testy expression on his face. Trey starts, an action which
causes James to silently smile a cold smile.]
Trey: Yeah, yeah, nice to see you too. How's Hell been?
[Trey is a match for James in everyplace but the looks area. While
James' face shows his english side, Trey looks like a wild cross of the
european nations blended together. Black hair and a wide, rougish grin,
which isn't around at the moment. Green eyes, like the warm Pacific
seas, and a sly look make him look downright dangerous.]
James: Cold. Very cold.
[Trey gestures for James to enter the apartment. The assassin complies,
giving the desk a glance before making a beeline for the kitchen.]
Trey: So--hey! That's lunch!
James: (from the fridge, which he is enthusiastically raiding) When we
get out of town, I'll take you to this little bristo, you'll love the
place.
Trey: Out of town? What the fuck did you do this time?!
James: I got hungry, came by...
[Trey folds his arms belligerently, giving James a damn good 'so what?'
look. For a while, the man in the coat ignores him, then comes out of
the fridge with a roll of summer sausage in one hand and a wedge of
cheese in the other. James then proceeds to ignore Trey's look anyway
and starts rooting through the cupboards.]
Trey: (coldly) Something I can help you with?
James: Need crackers.
Trey: (sighs) You aren't that hungry, are you?
James: Carrie wouldn't feed me.
Trey: (mildly shocked) She's alive?
James: Duh. It would take a little more than world devistation to get
her out of the picture.
Trey: Yeah, I guess it would. So, now that I have your full att--
[But James isn't listening to a damn thing Trey is saying, which Trey
isn't taking too well.]
Trey: HEY, I'M TALKING HERE!!!
James: (pops up from behind counter) Dude, I can hear you just fine.
Trey: Dude, look at me when I'm talking to you.
James: Get dressed.
[Trey glances at his grey slacks and wifebeater.]
Trey: We aren't going outside.
James: No, we aren't.
Trey: No? James, what have you done?
[James pulls off his sunglasses and comes around the counter to shake
Trey's hand.]
James: (officious tone) Congratulations: You're hired!
[Trey looks at James suspiciously, who starts to sweat.]
James: Uhh... what?
Trey: (throws his hands up) Fine. It's pointless to argue with you
sometimes.
[James puts his sunglasses back on, resuming his 'kick-ass and take
fingerprints assassin' look.]
James: (evil voice) You see the power of the Dark side...
Trey: (from bedroom) Cut that out, asshole.
James: We're burnin' daylight, man! Move out!
Trey: (to himself) Why me?
[EXT. TRAINYARD, NEW MEXICO - EARLY EVENING.]
[Stars sparkle above the horizon in this twilight scene. The trainyard
looks deserted at this hour, no lights or motion visible throughout the
dozens upon dozens of great metal boxes parked throughout the plain.
James and Trey come walking up the center of the area, looking as casual
as possible in their onimous black leather trenchcoats.]
Trey: This the place?
James: (gestures to the entire area) This is it.
Trey: I'm surprised there's so many.
James: It was quicker to run new rail than network roadways after SI.
Electrical power sealed the deal. Now most goods around the world are
moved by rail.
Trey: I know, I've heard it all before, but still... this _is_
impressive.
James: Let's start checking here and sweep east at ninety-degree
intercept.
Trey: Huh?
[James frowns at his partner, who is smriking knowingly. He then points
to the darker part of the horizon.]
James: We'll go that way, moron.
Trey: Whatever you say, nutcase.
James: That's my little omnivoid.
Trey: Omni-what?
[But in a swish of wind, James is already gone.]
Trey: Pussy.
James: Look! It's the Queen of the Boneheads.
Trey: ARRGH!!! You Rat-fucker!
[The wind blows again. Trey knocks loudly on the door of the nearest
car, then yanks on the latch--which doesn't give.]
Trey: Shit! John!!!
[He pulls harder, then bangs on the door again.]
Trey: (shrugs) Must not be home.
[Meanwhile, not far away, James is repeating the same basic process on
another run-down railcar. Curiously, this one makes a soft keening
sound. James, being an intelligent human being, realizes this is not the
kind of noise box cars should make when one bangs one' knuckles against
it's side.]
James: Hello?
[He knocks again, absently, but this time his fist strikes something
warm and none to soft.]
James: What the...?
[The creature holding the door open has the head of a crocodile and a
guant humanoid body covered in brown feathers. James blinks, looking at
the thing.]
James: Um... excuse me, sir...
[The creature shoves James out of the way and bolts into the night,
laughing manically.]
James: (brushing himself off) Well, that was... weird.
[Another figure bursts out of the railcar, this one also near-human in
form. A large, well-kept beard coveres most of it's face, and small beady
eyes poke out from underneath a large red bandana. It's body is built
like a tank, shorter than James by a head with a broad, iron-hard
chest. With arms like construction derricks and a wide cocky grin
plastered on it's face. After a second of meeting it's manic stare with
a clear gaze of his own, James blinks, recognizing his friend.]
James: John!
John: (shaking James by the shoulders) WHERE DID IT GO?!
James: What?
John: The Chipocabra!
James: Oh, it's long gone.
John: WHERE?!!
[James points in the direction of the earlier creature's departure.]
James: That way.
[John squints into the distance as Trey runs up to the pair, two
shotguns out and ready for action.]
Trey: Who? Where? Which body part?
James: It's John.
[Trey squints at the figure, who shrugs and jumps back into the train
without further word.]
Trey: Huh? Who?
James: (points) In the car. I'll get him.
[Trey nods and stands guard. James is about to pull himself into the
railcar when John comes jumping back out, right into James' arms. The
startled assassin catches John easily and the two pause for a moment.]
James: Going down?
John: Sure.
James: (dropping John) You've gained weight.
John: (holds up one arm) That's solid muscle, pal.
James: (also holds out his arm) Then throw me.
[John is the cobra, moving faster than the eye can follow, but James is
ever the mongoose, turing the Judo move against his friend and tossing
John to the ground.]
John: Damn, I thought I had it that time.
Trey: What's the bag for?
John: Oh, (holds up a small canvas sack) just my things.
(Trey nods and puts away the shotguns, making the large weapons
disappear into his coat with an ease that speaks of long practice.]
Trey: So, what are you doing out this way?
John: Finding some Chibocabras.
Trey: What?
James: The South American devils. A mountain legend of a creature that
steals cattle and frightens farmers. Forty years ago we'd call 'em the
US military. Dave said some reports were still going around, but...
Trey: I know what a Chibocabra is, James. John, did you say you were
finding them?
John: Yep.
[He opens the bag and holds up a fine Pentax camera. Trey nods
knowingly, then glances at James.]
James: (ceremonious arm waving) You're hired!
John: (grins) Great, what's the pay?
[James throws one arm over John's shoulders and one arm over Trey's,
then starts walking them off in a random direction.]
James: Let's figure that one out when you guys get to our headquarters.
[EXT. COASTAL CITY - EARLY MORNING.]
[It's just after dawn in a small cove on the West Coast, USA. The sun
sets lazily on the horizon, casting rays of gold, pruple, and pink
across the lightly clouded sky. It looks to be a beautiful day.]
James: (dead-flat monotone) This sucks.
[James is dressed in the ever-present trenchcoat and scowling at the
newly-rised sun. A cold wind blows in his face, the waves upon the silver
water in front of him seem to stretch into infinity. The dock he stands
on rocks gently with the marching waves.]
James: (to the camera) It's morning, it's cold, I'm unhappy. Kat had
better make this easy. I HATE mornings.
[It starts raining. James pulls a hood out from the collar of his coat
to avoid getting wet. The ice-cream cone which he has been cleverly
holding off-camera is shortly tossed to the sea.]
James: We commit this sweat cream to the sea, in the hopes our sugary
goodness might one day be returned, amen.
[He walks off the cold, lonely pier, and to the distant town, a sliver
of darkness upon grey.]
[EXT. BUSY STREET, COASTAL CITY - LATE MORNING.]
[We're on the main drag with James, who is looking in the window of an
old-fashioned taffy store, mesmerized by the intricate workings of the
taffy-pulling machine. Presently, a tall woman in a pair of jeans that
fit like they were sewed on her walks up behind James and chuckles
mysteriously.]
James: Huh?
Woman: (extra-cheery voice) GOOD MORNING!!!
[As James turns around slowly, a solid right hook slams into his check,
flinging him back against the glass storefront he was staring at just an
instant ago. James bounces off the glass and lunges at the woman with
inhuman speed. She easily sidesteps his charge, but is then flung into
the glass herself, face-first. Behind her, James sets his foot back on
the ground.]
James: Good Morning, Kat.
[He rubs his jaw. Kat turns around and rubs her nose. Neither looks very
hurt; every person within ten meters is staring at them.]
James: You're hired.
Kat: (snarls) Get out of here!
[James looks genuinely confused.]
James: Tsk, tsk. Why is everyone so NEGATIVE?!
Kat: Everyone?
James: (points at her) Just you and Sherridan.
Kat: You know, Carrie called and asked me to yank your head out of your
ass, tear it loose and mail it back to her in a small metal box with
some fava beans.
James: Very funny. (he pulls out a cell phone and throws it to her) Call
him. We're leaving.
Kat: (arrogantly drops the cell phone) Don't like the coast?
[James glares at her, somthing deep and evil smoldering in his eyes.]
James: We're going.
Kat: Something wrong?
James: ...
[Kat's eyes widen. In the glass pane behind her, we see the reflection
of a small guided missile heading right for them. James grabs Kat and
the whole street-front goes up in flames. From the roof of a low
building three blocks away, the pair watches a man dresed in urban
comoflauge {yes, there is such a thing} toss his stinger missile
launcher aside.]
[The camera fast-pans by many rooftops, and suddenly Kat and James are
standing behind the man, who's armed like a Marine despite the loss of
his rocket launcher. James' face is featureless as the void, and Kat
looks a the man as if sizing up a cockroach for her boots.]
Mercenary: Fuck!
[The man goes for his M-4 rifle, but James kicks it out of his hands,
then kicks the man off the roof, where Kat grabs him by the collar with
one hand. James and Kat then speak at the same time.]
James&Kat: Not on the first date.
[They then pause to glare at one another while the merc goes for his
pistol. Kat drops the man absently and leans away from the edge of the
roof. The silence between her and James lasts until there is a crunching
noise from below.]
Kat: Pervert.
James: Violent tomboy.
Kat: Around you, it's a way of life.
James: Riiight. Let's get off this roof.
[James jumps off the edge while Kat takes the stairs.]
James: Time to go. Call Sherridan.
Kat: Got a phone?
James: You dropped mine.
Kat: Go pick it up.
[James grabs Kat around the waist and dives behind the closest car. A
sudden burst of gunfire tears up the spot they were standing in.]
James: I'll be on top next time, you're heavy.
Kat: Thanks. What about the phone?
[Despite his claim, James easily picks her up in one hand and dashes to
the next car as the first one gets blown up. He then pulls out a small
black box.]
James: No problem.
[When he pushes the lone button on the box, their meeting palce goes up
in another explosion.]
Kat: The PHONE?!
[James pops up and uses a pair of semiautomatics to great effect. After
rapidly emptying both full cips at his targets, he drops back down and
reloads.]
Kat: (still shocked) You have a self-destruct device on the PHONE?!
James: (shrugs) It's a portable.
Kat: What did you bring for me?
[Bullets pepper this car.]
James: Shit, I missed one.
Kat: Thank you for being considerate.
[James hands her one of his pistols. Kat takes her turn, empying a full
clip at her target while James relaxes.]
Kat: You really know how to treat a lady, James.
James: Thank you.
[The pair stands. The street and anything still standing opposite them
is filled with watermellon-sized holes. Kat looks blankly at the pistol
James handed her, than at his twin gun.]
Kat: Did Ed load these?
James: Of course.
[Kat hands back his gun, no longer surprised.]
Kat: Home, then.
James: Good.
[Several blocks later, a large group of mercenaries come around the
corner to surprise them. As expected, James starts pointing and shouting
maniacally.]
James: There! THERE!!!
[The mercs hesitate, then seem to blink in unison, snapping out of a
trance.]
James: (doing Jedi hand movement) We're not the assassins you're looking
for...
Lead Merc: Yeah, right. DIE!
[Moments later, dead bodies surround them.]
Kat: You KNEW that wouldn't work!
James: (hand-wave brush-off) Details, details, details.
Kat: Jeeze!
[Several city blocks away, another explosion rocks the city.]
Kat: James, you know, if you weren't such a MORON, we wouldn't be in
this situation!
James: You had a better idea?
Kat: Maybe if I just pounded on you for a while...
James: Maybe if I locked you in a rubber-walled room for a while...
Kat: (rolling up her sleeves) Just try it!
James: (reaching into coat) I just MIGHT!
Sherridan: Children!
James: Sherridan!
Sherridan: James!
Kat: Honey!
Sherridan: Dear!
James: Shwing!
Kat: James!
James: Kat!
[Kat decks James.]
Sherridan: Ouch.
[James notices Sherridan's clothes are smoking and torn.]
James: Oh, sorry, dude.
Kat: Sorry, honey.
James: Any holes there?
Sherridan: Just fine. Kat, the bags are packed. We're leaving.
[Kat pouts.]
Sherridan: They just attacked the house.
Kat: (eyes go wide) What's left?
Sherridan: (sheepish) A few chunks of the driveway...
Kat: JAMES!!!
James: Hey--OW! How is this my fault?!!
----------
Title Flash:
SIDESTEP:EVANGELION
Episode 2: Memiors and Failures/
Is That My Car or Yours?
----------
[INT. LARGE CONFERENCE ROOM - LATE AFTERNOON.]
[A large, utilitarian meeting table made of metal sits in the center of
a large conference room with a bay window overlooking Tokyo-3. A
construction crew is errecting a skyscraper in the distance. Dave sits
at the head, a pile of disorganized papers in front of him. Ed is
looking for something in his coat, a pile of gizmos, gadgets and
thingies in front of him.]
[Sherridan stands in the corner, looking across the room and out the
large window. Kat is mysteriously absent, but Sherridan looks like he's
eyeing the place for her arrival. John is freshly shaved and feeling the
wall up for... well, something. Trey, still in his coat, is sulking at
the table, occasionally glancing around the room.]
[Then the door bursts open, permitting the missing members to enter: Kat
and James. Kat just walks into the room casually, dressed in the same
clothes as we last saw her. James is in the Coat and picking at some
imaginary dust on his sleeve. They sit down and Dave calls the meeting
to order.]
Dave: Glad to see a sizeable portion of you are here.
James: ...
Dave: James, why are you smirking?
James: (puzzled) Smirking?
Ed: Insufferably smirking.
James: I'm not smirking intentionally.
Dave: Probably not. You got laid last night, didn't you?
James: Well, I guess the secret's out.
Dave: (shuffling papers) What secret?
James: Oops.
Ed: Can't you be a little more careful?
James: Careful?
Ed: Always letting some crucial piece of information slip through you
grasp at the worst possible time just isn't becoming of one of our top
agents.
James: And I suppose flinging continents into space will raise the
public's opinion of us?
Ed: It wasn't a continent, it was Texas! And it was an accident! AND, I
put it _back_!!!
James: Still...
Ed: Still what?
James: (shrugs, gestures incoherently) ...
Ed: WHAT?
James: (shrugs 'nothing') ...
Ed: (throws his hands up)
Dave: (nodds sadly) Well, Lisa should be showing up any minute now, and
Randy is busy with the U.N. General Assembly at the moment.
[Pause, blank stares around the table, except for James, who has become
bored and is fiddling around with a rubix cube.]
Dave: Oh... shit. I knew I forgot something. (he loudly clears his
throat) Ummm..... Randy is alive.
[As Dave nervously shuffles his papers, the doors bang open to reveal
Lisa in her fighting gi. James BOLTS from his chair to greet her.]
Lisa: James!
James: Lisa!
Lisa: Muchacho!
James: Senorita!
[Slap.]
Lisa: Jerk.
James: What the Hell was that for?!
[Slap.]
Lisa: You didn't come and get me.
James: Oh.... And what was THAT one for?!
[Slap.]
Lisa: Talking back.
James: Eh?
[Lisa hugs him.]
Lisa: It's good to see you.
James: (rubbing his cheek) I would have never guessed.
Dave: Now that we're all--
Miko: Am I late?
[Eyes swivel to Miko, wearing her college uniform. She's smiling
nervously, looking back and forth between James and Lisa.]
James: Hello, we're just getting settled. Pull up a chair.
[Presently, they are all seated.]
Dave: Now, I know this is all going to come as a shock to you, but we
haven't gathered here to kill anyone or knock out any para-governmental
agencies... yet.
James: Aww...
Dave: What I have here is a list of proper assignments, which I'll dish
out AFTER the meeting.
Trey: Then why are we here?
Dave: (folding his hands in front of his mouth onimously) Just to see if
I could do it.
Trey: Figures.
John: What's the pay?
Dave: You're all richer than Repulicans, so I don't see why you'd be so
concerned about pay.
John: So the cash isn't an issue?
Dave: The cash is not an issue.
John: Goody.
James: Well, since we're here to kill time, might as well sound off with
the assignments while I snooze.
Dave: Fair enough. Okay, we have no office, so that's our first order of
business. John, there have been some random threats coming in to
NERV. They have their publicity staff working on it now. Use your NERV
I.D. card and pretend that we don't exist. Standard squeeze deal. We
know more than they know.
John: Piece of cake.
Dave: Trey, you get to play truck driver. You have four hours to become
familar witht the military's large transport trucks. Carrie will fly the
C-199s if we need any.
Carrie: We're delivery people?
Trey: Could be worse, toots.
Carrie: Right, 'cowboy.' Dave, how about something a little less...
Dave: Boring?
Carrie: Demeaning?
Dave: I'll have Ed whip up some cool robotic suits.
[Carrie pouts, which she does surprisingly well.]
Dave: Okay okay, I'll hire some help, just not right now. I need you two
for some sensitive stuff, and I don't trust anyone else. You don't just
deliver; you gotta find it. Think you're up to that?
[Trey and Carrie look at each other, the cat and the goldfish.]
Dave: Good, now that's settled. James, Ed.
James: Hai!
Ed: Yeah?
Dave: Robot loading suits.
Ed: Like from 'Aliens'?
Dave: Exactly, but with a little more style. AND NO WEAPONS.
James: (raises hand) A suggestion here.
Dave: What?
James: If they get to grabbing sensitive shit from insensitive people,
it might be wise to carry protection.
Dave: You can't armor the bots because the transports need to carry
cargo, and that extra strength is enough of an advantage for those
two. No weapons.
James: Fine, fine.
Ed: RRRRRRRRRRRRRRR...
Dave: Getting back on track: Kat, Miko, Lisa, Sherridan?
[The four look at Dave.]
Dave: (holding out car keys) We do have fleet vehicles. After our tour,
tell James where you want our temporary parking lot. Then, get outside
and beat the streets. I want to know about every local legend in Tokyo-3
and I want to know it by this time tomorrow. And at _that_ time, you
four have some other assignments waiting.
[Everyone at the table trembles in fear as Dave chuckles in a perfectly
sane manner.]
Dave: (extra-cheery voice) Now, I hope everyone got some sleep, because
we are going for a _little_ walk!
[Freeze frame on the entire group exiting, looking quite dramatic and a
just a little bit worried.]
[Cue Metallica's "Better Than You" faintly in the background as the
narrator drawls on.]
NARRATOR: NEXT TIME, ON SIDESTEP:EVANGELION!
[Pan-away shot of an exposed elevator descending within a giant cavern.]
NARRATOR: A WALK THROUGH THE NEW BASE OF NERV...
[James in Gendo's small, cubicle-like office, looking quite aggitated.]
NARRATOR: SOME HISTORY BEHIND IT'S FORMING...
[Black-and-white shot: Kat and Lisa wearing Fedoras and trenchcoats.]
NARRATOR: AND OTHER USELESS FILLER CRAP!
[James' female form gives the camera a suggestive wink... a shame we
can't see the rest of her, because her shoulders are bare....]
NARRATOR: OKAY, [OKAY], MAYBE SOME FANSERVICE TOO....
[Ending credits:]
Ranting, Sidestep, lots of other stuff:
Jared Waddell, HQ
Consulting:
Insanity Productions Staff
Remarks:
John Genoni, Pullman Branch
Nothing at all:
Andy Mucha, Kennewick Bunker
Miko Mido is right out of the anime 'La Blue Girl'.
Tokyo-3 and all things and characters present regarding Eva are from
Neon Genesis: Evangelion.
No copyright infringement is intended. This work is copyrighted but
non-profit.
All other characters, unless noted, are copyright Insanity Productions.
Original characters created by Insanity Productions may be used in freely
in other non-profit works.
Special effects provided by Insanity Productions Technical Department.
And thank you, the reader, for... well, reading.