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----- Original Message -----
From: Gary Kleppe <kleppe@mediaone.net>
To: <ffml@fanfic.com>
Sent: Wednesday, January 10, 2001 10:25 AM
Subject: [FFML] [Spamfic] Ranma Makes a Decision
RANMA MAKES A DECISION
A Ranma 1/2 spamfic
by Gary Kleppe
with apologies to Cyberdine
Hehe! Good parody of those 'Ranma makes a choice about his
fiances' fics, Gary! Now for the specifics:
<snipped>
Akane grumbled to herself. As if she cared who Ranma chose. He could go
marry
the dog next door, for all she cared. Looking down, she noticed the mangled
hunk
of tin in her hand. Oh well, it was just an old spare cup anyway.
I like the way you have this written. Good way to 'show not tell' what she
feels. However, you might want to try to make the defining line between what
she is thinking and how she is acting more obvious. Her thought and actions
can be
chalked up to her usual 'anime' reaction towards Ranma as well as her
conflicting
feeling and it makes it a little confusing I think.
<snipped>
All eyes fixed on Ranma as he began to speak again. "Right, then. Here we
go.
Nabiki, I want YOU..."
You might want to consider having Nabiki be momentarily surprised. Everyone
thinks that
this is his decision for a fiance and having him say Nabiki's name would be
something of a
shock. Maybe have her eyes grow wide then change her expression to what you
have.
<snipped>
The room fell silent. But only for a moment.
Think fast Ranma!:)
***
A mangled blob lay on the floor of the Tendo living room. It struggled to
raise
its head, and it spoke.
"Then again, chunky peanut butter's pretty good too...."
Gary Kleppe
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html
Nice fic!
David Lindquist
fido@rma.edu
Quote= "Fanfic writing is like building a car with C&C being the tune-up!"'