Subject: [FFML] Quickie Reviews
From: Gary Kleppe
Date: 12/29/2000, 8:28 PM
To: ffml@fanfic.com
CC: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>, "Flores, Stiffanie Junne K." <stiffaniejunne.flores@ph.unisys.com>, Aaron Bergman <iamfanboy@yahoo.com>, "KaraOhki" <karaohki@snet.net>

Here we go with a massive attempt to clear out some of my backlog.

Needless to say, all comments are my own opinions only, and are likely

to contain spoilers for the story in question. (And yes, these ARE all

Ranma fics; if you don't like it, you're welcome to post your *own* C&C,

thankyewverymuch. :P)



If you didnt' receive any of these fics and would like to, PRIVATELY

mail either me or the author's listed address -- NOT the list.







Cinders, chapter 6

From: "KaraOhki" <karaohki@snet.net>



Unexpected visitors show up at the hospital, and Akane's condition

worsens.



I didn't much care for the previous "Genma tries to marry Ranma to

Nabiki" plotline in this fic, and happily this series seems to be

heading in a much more interesting direction. The fight to keep Akane

alive promises much suspense, and (hopefully) more internal conflicts to

develop her and Ranma's characters even further. Looking forward to

seeing what happens next.





Eyes on Me

From: "Flores, Stiffanie Junne K." <stiffaniejunne.flores@ph.unisys.com>

http://www.angelfire.com/sd/Ranmafanfic/index.html



At a party, Ranma and Akane each examine their feelings for the other.



Not much in the way of plot here, but the quailty of the writing made

this a very enjoyable read. To the story's credit, it didn't go too far,

just leaving us with a hint of things that might come.







Good Plans

From: "DB Sommer" <sommer@3rdm.net>



Ukyo, Kodachi, and Shampoo band together in a plot to do away with Akane

once and for all... and from there, it gets complicated.



Overall, I liked it quite a lot. A tightly-plotted storiy with a lot of

intrigue and surprises.



My gut feeling after reading is that the ending is too heavy with

explanations. To some extent, these are necessary to get the readers to

accept the final twists, but after a certain point it comes down to each

reader either accepting them or not.



On another matter, the constant references to "the figure" (and

referring to this person as "it") didn't really sit well with me,

especially when we're seeing the scene through this selfsame person's

perceptions and/or an omniscient narrator. IMO, you could have used

"her" and not really lost much of the mystery, considering that just

about every character with a significant role in this story happens to

be female. Alternatively, you can at least reduce the number of

references to the figure, especially ones using pronouns. For example,



'The figure had lost some time in gathering the items it needed when

Shampoo had changed the plan.'



could be



'Shampoo's change of plans had been a surprise, and gathering the items

needed to compensate had taken some time.'



or something like that.



These are just minor issues; all in all, a very good work.







Hidden Motivations  Shampoo

From: Aaron Bergman <iamfanboy@yahoo.com>



Another look at the initial battle between Ranma and Shampoo.



Interesting new interpretation of the Kiss of Death... but I'm not sure

what consequences, if any, this would have. Does it really make any

practical difference in the end?







Gary Kleppe

http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html





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