Subject: [FFML] [SLR] Synopsis List RETRO-REVIEW! for the week of November 3
From: "Glazius Falconar" <GlaziusFalconar@peoplepc.com>
Date: 12/27/2000, 6:36 PM
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                   The FFML Synopses List RETRO-REVIEW! (wokKA!)

                   ====================== ( < ......O..



For the week of: November 03, 2000

Reviewer on Duty: Glazius "Clyde" Falconar

Synopses Reviewed: 19 [none rejected that were not

		       rejected already]



- Little lesson, folks. Even if you're only using floppies to

- shuttle files between two machines, always back them up.

- They fail at the worst times. If some of the reviews seem

- clipped, you'll know why.



- - - - -

Title: Republic of Desire

Chapter: 5

Series: Megacrossover, Original

Genre: Humour, Autobiography

Author: Subi

Email: subi@gameart.com

Homepage: http://www.gameart.com/4ca

Archived At: http://www.gameart.com/4ca/rod/rodff05.txt



Date Sent to FFML: October 24, 2000



Series Summary:



I was eight, living with the parents in a village that had been

transported brick-by-brick from its original position in middle

England to just outside Tokyo. My father worked for the Japanese

government, fooling visiting foreigners about the true nature of the

product of the vast silicon chip mines.  One day a girl called Tuzi

turned up and claimed to be my sister.  Somehow, everyone believed

her, even my parents, despite the markings on her face and the rabbit

ears. But _I_ knew, oh yes.



Episode Summary:



A few days had passed since our little trip to the big old house on

the hill, which I had decided was best forgotten.  While I was curious

what Tuzi had done with Nova's creature, I felt it best that I didn't

know. A little peace and quiet would not go amiss, so I could really

concentrate on finding out more about her.  As long as I didn't get

distracted...



- Okay. I can understand writing something to get it done, but...



- Hmm.



- What needs to be done here is perhaps a conversion into script

- format. A lot of the humor comes from the contradiction between

- the tone of the narration and the action currently unfolding.



- That's very hard to pull off unless you're working from an

- entirely objective third-person viewpoint, and a script is

- one of the easiest ways to achieve that.



- Script format works very well for comedy.



* * * * *

[Dragonball Z / Ranma 1/2]



- - - - -

Title: A Tail To Remember

Series: Ranma and DBZ

Genre: Adventure/Romance

Author: Gie

Email: phowah@cs.com

Archived at: fanfiction.net



Date Sent to FFML: 10-28-00



Summary:  Ranma and Dragonball Z merge to form one heck of a lengthy series



- ...quite, yes.



- Folks, this is why these things come out late. Ye cats.



- Alright. So. Ranma and Akane are now suddenly inextricably linked because

- of a promise they made to each other when they were... two. Or younger.



- Boy, they grow up fast. ...well, I imagine they'd have to.



- But even so, Ranma and Akane are Ranma and Akane. Even after Mount Phoenix

- and all that, the revelation just seems too cut and dried.



- If Sorting Out the Fiancee Mess is necessary for you to pursue the all-out

- war against the invaders, I'd rethink that necessity. Other writers

- (Alan Harnum and M. A. MacKinnon) have interwoven supernatural war with

- cast relationships, and it's worked out pretty well. Having Ranma and

- Akane fall hey-presto in eternal love seems a bit jarring, and having

- them spiel about it to the fiancees even more so. I know this newfound

- emotional maturity didn't come from their Saiya-jin heritage...



- Er, it _didn't_, did it?



- Speaking of Saiya-jin heritage, the Nerima crew are taking this with a

- little more aplomb than they should. With the notable exceptions of

- Cologne, who shouldn't be surprised by anything anymore, and Kasumi, who

- would cheerfully provide Ranma with his native cuisine even if he were

- from Jupiter -



- Adrian Tymes will now write this scene. BUT ONLY IF HE WANTS TO.



- - and Soun, Genma, and Nodoka, who know about it _anyway_, I don't see

- anybody else looking at this as anything more than a dream after too

- much mayonnaise-and-squid pizza.



- You think I'm joking there. I'm not.



- There are several effective measures in-place for denying reality -

- just because this reality comes with a tail doesn't make it any

- harder to deny as well.



- Vegeta and Bulma I don't have as much of a problem with, mainly because

- I've only seen the dub, and that spottily at best. The infighting is

- true-to-form without being repetitive, and their emotion seems a little

- more genuine. Two quibbles. First, Bulma's prophetic dream seems

- unnecessary, since Kami took care of most of the character

- foreshadowing and the bits at the end of the chapters take care of

- reader foreshadowing. Even if it's canon, it doesn't seem to mesh well.

- Second, I don't know if you're familiar with "Man of Steel, Woman Of

- Kleenex", but it's thought of as the most notable outside-DC source on

- the effects of a Superman/Lois Lane relationship. Specifically, it

- says that many natural activities, like climax, don't come under

- conscious control, so they're done as powerfully as the body can manage.

- Assuming Superman's strength to be unilaterally increased, Lois is going

- to be a nice bag of splintered bones come the honeymoon. There is,

- admittedly, canon precedent in Goku and Chichi, but the woman had the

- ki strength to bring down a tyrannosaur.



- And set it on fire.



- Sometimes I wonder what Toriyama-san was smoking.



- The other issue I have with the story is the Japanese. My personal view

- on the inclusion of Japanese is that names, honorifics, and the

- occasional untranslatable word (how do you say "katana" simply? Or

- "kimono"?) can be ported over, but nothing else really needs to be.



- Unless you're writing for a fluent audience, which comprises some but

- not all members of the FFML. It certainly doesn't include me.



- What, exactly, is there to gain from saying "Onna no baka" instead of

- "stupid woman"? Or "Chikyuu" instead of "Earth", especially since

- "Mars" and "Venus" (and "moon") made it through intact?



- Not that there aren't good parts to this story, don't misunderstand me.

- The opening few chapters, before we hit Ranma and Akane, feel very...

- real to me, for lack of a better term. Like the characters are

- people as opposed to collections of character traits. I just wish that

- could have continued.



* * * * *

[Evangelion]



- - - - -

Title: The Fate of Hearts

Chapter: Chapter 3

Series: Evangelion

Genre: Elsetimes

Author: Joshua Trujillo

Email: gargoyle@glasscity.net

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Towers/1509



Date Sent to FFML: November 01, 2000

FFML Archive Number: 15546

Size: 34K



Series Summary:



Evangelion as told from the point of Imperial Rome. The characters and

situations were NOT changed because NONE of them are innocent!

BWAHAHAHA...;P



Episode Summary:



Part V - A formal introduction to most of the cast. Caeles begins his

formal training. Flustra has problems.



Part VI - Bath time. Caeles ain't alone. 'Nuff said.



- Oh, he'll regret telling _everyone_ he heads to the baths at

- midnight...



- Rei is... an oracle now? Thinking on the required "price" for such

- things. She's got rather more... emotion to her. Wondering why.



- Also (still) wondering what the analogue to the EVA series is here.



- Though I must say, it's a very good port you've done.



* * * * *

[Magic Knight Rayearth]



- - - - -

Title: Caught Between Worlds

Chapter: Part Four: Just Beyond the Sky

Series: Rayearth

Genre: Alternate Universe

Author: Rob Barba

Email: rob@yogipigs.org

Homepage: Mitsukai! - http://www.mitsukai.com



Date Sent to FFML: November 04, 2000



Series Summary:



Who is Hikaru Shidou?  She's not sure, either....



Episode Summary:



Months have passed, and Hikaru is back to normal, completely recovered

from her bout of mental troubles.  So if that's the case, why do

things seem to be far more unusual?



- Poor Hikaru. The virus isn't for her, it's for Priss.



- This is a very good example of how to mess with the reader's, and

- the characters', senses of reality. I have no clue what's going on

- but that's okay because I rather doubt I'm supposed to.



- You want to have your head messed with? Read this.



* * * * *

[Pokemon]



- - - - -

Title: Jane

Series: Pokemon

Genre: Spamfic

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Jane.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 30, 2000



Summary:



Why does James always dress up as a woman? This probably isn't the

answer, but it's as good an explanation as any...



- James dresses up as a woman because he's supposed to be a ninja, and

- crossdressing ninjas are wacky! At least in Japan.



- Yes, even crossdressing ninjas in inflatable bodysuits. Especially

- when they're better built than the female lead.



- Soooo... cliche cliche cliche cliche-twist fandom-cliche. I'd make

- ASCII accent marks but I don't think they'd be universally received.



- I've read many such explanations for the many facets of Team Rocket,

- and they all seem to have the same problem - they make the material

- a whole lot more serious than the source they're drawing it from,

- while still saying it's supposed to reflect the source.



- They're a running gag and they know it. What more do you need?



- - - - -

Title: Where's That Pokemon?

Series: Pokemon

Genre: Spamfic

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Wheres.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 30, 2000



Summary:



Pikachu's missing, and Ash has to search for it while its cries echo

through the city...



- Uh.



- Erm.



- Well.



- No comment.



* * * * *

[Pokemon / Dragnet]

Title: POKENET - The Big Egg Scramble

Chapter: 1 - 5

Series: Pokemon, Dragnet

Genre: Comedy, Detective

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/Pokemon.html



Date Sent to FFML: October 31, 2000



Series Summary:



Ash Wednesday and Brock Oli must track down Misty Skies' kidnapped

Togepi (so that she will stop hitting them with her mallet).



Episode Summary:



Ash, Brock, and Misty investigate the Pokemart, where Togepi was last

seen.



Episode Summary:



A trail of chloroform leads the detectives to unconsciousness... then

to the Pokemon Center, where Nurse Joy seems to have something to

hide.



Episode Summary:



The detectives confront Jessie and James in an abandoned concrete

factory.



Episode Summary:



An unexpected clue leads the detectives to a secluded cabin and an

unfortunate encounter with an old rival.



Episode Summary:



Ash and Brock must rescue MIsty and Officer Jenny from jail before

they can confront the Pokemon thieves.



- This is reminiscent of the Marx Brothers, who were funny without being

- overly stupid, but more reminiscent of the Three Stooges, who were both

- funny and stupid and had to deal with people who were neither.



- Adrian Tymes will now write a Pokemon/Marx Brothers crossover, or a

- Pokemon/Three Stooges crossover, but not both. Unless he's feeling

- spry, or Henry J. Cobb gets in first.



- At any rate, this is passable light comedy.



* * * * *

[Ranma 1/2]



- - - - -

Title: The Contract

Chapter: Prologue

Series: Ranma 1/2

Genre: Drama, Fantasy

Author: Nidoking

Email: Matthew.P.Katinas@Rose-Hulman.Edu

Homepage: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp

Archived At: www.rose-hulman.edu/~katinamp/TheContract.html



Date Sent to FFML: November 05, 2000



Series Summary:



Marriage contracts signed in blood provoke a series of strange events

and unlikely engagements in Nerima, overseen by the strange cloaked

merchant who seems to have plans of his own for the contracted

couples.



Episode Summary:



Shampoo conscripts Razor the backwards boy to get Ranma's signature on

her marriage contract.



- Now this is a bit more worthy of classic Takahashi misfires.

- Although we can see it coming a mile away, we don't know exactly

- where the pieces are going to fall when it all goes kaboom.



- Nerima is like that.



- - - - -

Title: The Three Saotomes Part 7

Series: Ranma

Genre: Adventure

Author: Carrot Glace

Email: Carrotglace@juno.com

Homepage: Http://www.geocities.com/misatira



Date Sent to FFML: 10/31/00

Size: 11KB



Summary:



Ranma and Xianghua recover, and an unusual secret of Ranma's is

revieled.



- How many author name changes have you gone through, now?



- Just asking.



- Anyway, not much happens. I see this all the time, chapters I

- could summarize in three bullet points that really don't do

- much in the way of advance the plot _or_ develop the characters.



- I wasn't aware there was a "write another chapter or we'll shoot

- this kitten" policy out there.



- Henry J. Cobb will now produce twenty lines on this topic, involving

- Tin Nyanko, Nuku Nuku, and/or Anna and Una Puma.



- (Anna: Get out of that tank or I shoot this kitten! Una: ::sweatdrop::)



- Seriously, when there _is_ a chapter like this, it's not really a

- chapter, it's just setup for future events. Trail a couple paragraphs

- of this into those future events (two tellings of tales - 'tis a

- tongue twister, me word-for-readers-that-begins-with-t) and forget

- about this.



- - - - -

Title: Wheel of Fire

Chapter: Special #3: Identity

Series: Ranma 1/2

Genre: Continuation

Author: Razorclaw X

Email: spiceoflife@hotmail.com

Homepage: http://www.crosswinds.net/~slythe/ranma/ranff.html



Date Sent to FFML: 11/2/00

Size: 40 kb



Series Summary:



What ends marks a beginning, and the wheel burns evermore.



- Thank you, Robert Jordan.



Epsiode Summary:



Shizuka fears she is becoming a weakling now that a demon is rampaging

across Tokyo and her incompetence prevents her from stopping it.

Nobody leaves Ranma alone.



- But nobody _ever_ leaves Ranma alone. Especially not demons.



- This would fit nicely into a half-hour show - folks, you'll

- notice this drops the reader right into the middle of the action

- without leaving anybody grabbing for setup? The technique's called

- _in_medias_res_, and it's used effectively here.



- We're given _just_ the events that shape the story and that mean

- something to the characters, and the story is stronger and more

- effective for it. And Shizuka is Just Another Character, cut from

- a slightly different cloth than the Ranma cast, but no different

- for it.



- JAC. Would that work as an acronym?



- Anyway, the flashbacks are effective and concise, and I find myself

- symapthizing with the girl. Ranma makes a good sounding board for

- her, too. Nice work.



* * * * *

[Ranma 1/2 / Battletech]



- - - - -

Title: Battletech: The Saotome Gambit Part 24

Series: Ranma 1/2 - Battletech

Genre: Fusion

Author: J. Austin Wilde

Email: wildeman@gci-net.com

Homepage: http://www.gci-net.com/users/w/wildeman/

Archived At: http://www.gci-net.com/users/w/wildeman/TSG-24.txt



Date Sent to FFML: 3 November 2000

Size: 96K



Series Summary:



A fusion of Ranma 1/2 and Battletech pitting the Tendo Family of the

Nerima Confederation against the dreaded Furinkan Combine and the the

League of Five Nails. The only chance the Tendos have lies in the

hands of two Dispossessed mechwarriors named Saotome.



Episode Summary:



A plot is hatched by Confederation Loyalists to force Nabiki's

abdication. Hikaru contemplates the death of his cousin as well as his

assignment to break the spell over Akane, who is lost and alone on

Ryuugenzawa. Kodachi and Tarou, er, continue getting to know each

other... The _Dragonfly_ faces the Orochi, and Ryouga finally makes a

choice.



- You know, when the minor characters start developing personalities

- in your brain, that's a sign the story's got a world of its own

- to run with.



- And they are here, in case the inference flies by. It can in text.

- I know.



- I feel like I know the strike team fairly well, and we won't even

- have to see them again. But the effort is much appreciated.



- As far as the main cast goes...



- Wow. I mean, _wow_. They feel like real people, and I feel for them.

- You folks who haven't been reading this don't know what you're

- missing.



* * * * *

[Ranma 1/2 / Variable Geo]



- - - - -

Title: Variable Half, or "I Can't Believe Our Fathers did this to Us!"

Series: Ranma/Variable Ego



- As opposed to Ranma's ego, which is set permanently on "Cleveland"?



Genre: Crossover/Fusion

Author: Christopher J. Olsen

Email: gamers@prodigy.net

Homage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Dojo/1449/fanfics/html



Date Sent to FFML: 10-30-00

Size: 25 KB



Summary:



Ranma and company discover the sport of Combat Watering, but what is

the cost of participating?



- ...well, if you fall down, you could get mud on your overalls.



Episode Summary:



Ukyo and Shampoo find out the news, and Ranma fights her first match.

Does that waitress look familiar?



- Okay, good work bringing the other characters in - I imagine they

- may want part of it, especially Shampoo who is, at least in theory,

- used to it.



- Aside from that, I know approximately jack about VG, so whoever Jun

- is is unknown to me. Sorry.



* * * * *

[Record of Lodoss War]



- - - - -

Title: Through the Eyes of Infinity

Series: Record of the Lodoss War

Genre: futuristic

Author: D.B. Sommer

Email: sommer@3rdm.net



Date Sent to FFML: 10/30/00

Size: 28K



Summary:



Pirotessa and Deedlit get together to talk about old times.



- Ah, the problems with being a Chaotic character in a

- Lawful world...



- Old, old D&D reference. Pat yourself on the back if you get it.



- It does deal very nicely with a drawback of immortality I've

- seldom seen dealt with, and the characters are well-drawn here,

- if not necessarily true to the original.



- Which, again, I've never seen.



- It manages to be happy and bleak at the same time, which

- reflects very nicely on the author.



* * * * *

[Slayers]



- - - - -

Title: The Slayers: Reward Chapter 7 - Lost! The Infinite Mansion

Series: The Slayers

Genre: Continuation

Author: Lord Archive

Email: archive@mich.com

Homepage: http://www.geocities.com/Tokyo/Fuji/9061/anime.html



Date Sent to FFML: 10-31

Size: 16K



Summary:



The group is seperated, but they are not alone in their dreams.



- Yes, you should have made it longer.



- As it is, this fits nicely into the space before the first

- eyecatch, building up the characters and situations but, sadly,

- not giving us any idea of what they're all going to do when

- they're about and awake.



- Are you trying to work off a writer's block, or did your

- schooling pick up? I've noticed a lot of the more recent

- stuff seems like... only half a chapter, for lack of a better

- term.



- The dreams I can understand, and Gourry's scene made me smile

- a bit, but this still feels half-finished.



* * * * *

[Transformers]



- - - - -

Title: Megatron's War

Series: Transformers G1/BW/BM

Genre: Alternate Universe

Author: Dave Menard

Email: deibu_kun@sympatico.ca

Archived At: http://spghome.tripod.com



Date Sent to FFML: November 04, 2000

Size: 27kb



Summary:



In a universe where the Autobots lost the Great War, who will stand

against Unicron, the devourer of worlds?



- Well. This has promise.



- Oh yes, this has promise.



- The scenes so far were quite thrilling without being confusing,

- the cast of characters familiar enough to visualize yet acting

- decidedly differently...



- Honestly, I can't wait for the next part. I hope you can see

- this puppy through.



* * * * *

[Utena / MST3k]



- - - - -

Title: Mystery Science Theater 6.7: 'I Want To Marry A Prince....'

Episode: 29

Series: Utena/Mystery Science Theater 3000

Genre: MSTing/Lemon

Author: Megane 6.7

Email: megane67@home.com

Homepage: http://www.nabiki.com/mst

Archived at: http://www.nabiki.com/mst



Date Sent to FFML: 11/1/00



Episode Summary:



It's monkey business as usual on the Satellite of Love as the bots

attempt to declare martial law while Dr. Forrester sends up a Utena

Lemon that's almost as gratutious as it's title with fangirl service

aplenty.  Concludes with a very special episode of Presidental

Jeopardy.  ;P



- Megane, did you tick off the archivist? Can't track this down

- at Meridun...



- What is it about Utena that activates the No-Sense-Making gene?



- Besides it not making sense, I mean.



- And the sign over the gates that says "You Must Have Charisma 16

- Or Higher To Ride This Educational Institution".



- And the fact that the average Kinsey score hovers around 4.



- Anyway, the fic was cracked, I'll give you that. And the riffing

- was certainly madcap, and I couldn't stop grinning.



- Until the final host segment. Man, that went down hard.



- Political humor so often isn't very funny at all. It certainly

- wasn't in this case.



* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *



- And that's This Week In Retro. Remember, everyone, these are only

- my opinions. Yours are likely to be different. If a blurb piques your

- interest, read the darn thing.



- And a special note to all you authors out there. Remember, everyone,

- these are only my opinions. Any and all of my comments about

- improvement or correcting discontinuity directed to you are for the

- selfish purpose of making your story sit easier in my brain. If you

- don't want your story to sit easier in my brain, which may or may

- not reflect the makeup of the average FFML brain, then you don't

- have to bother reading them or taking them seriously. If you're

- satisfied with the way your story turned out, then you don't have

- to bother reading &c. either.



- If you want to publish your stories, may I suggest fanfiction.net.

- Last I checked, this was where you sent your drafts for people to

- comment on.



- Thank you, and goodnight.



- --G. Falconar







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