Disclaimer: As always, the paints belong to Mrs. Takahashi. I myself, am
simply a peasant with an easel.
"Not fair..." A lone figure trudges down a deserted street, while a thin
haze of snow flits downwards from the heavens.
Of course it's not.
"Why me?" The road ends, and the figure turns, following another empty
street aimlessly.
Why not? It's your fault, you know.
"It's not like I _meant_ it to end up like that." An old wooden bridge
interrupts the smooth layer of snow in front of the figure, as it plods
on aimlessly.
The road to hell is paved... but you already knew that, didn't you?
"Bah. It's not like anyone _cares_ anyway. They'd all be better of
without me." The figure pauses for a moment, looking across the railing.
That's your fault too, of course.
"They'd all be happier without me, I bet." The figure leans over, and
peers into the icy, swirling waters that flow beneath the bridge.
Coward. That's an easy way out. You're better than that. Or are you?
---------------------------------
Durandall presents:
"A Woeful Life"
A Ranma 1/2 Fanfiction
---------------------------------
Ranma snorted, clearing his sinuses slightly, and turned away from the
railing. "What am I thinking... this is stupid. I'd better get back
ho... to the Tendos."
He stepped forward, peering about for a familiar sign to lead him back
to the dojo, when he heard a voice behind him. "Or maybe, you're a
coward for living. Ever think of that?"
Ranma spun around, landing in a defensive stance. Sitting on the railing
calmly, one leg draped over the other, was an odd woman. Her dark eyes
and the odd clothing she wore set off her light hair, giving her an aura
of control.
The pigtailed martial artist slipped out of his defensive stance
slightly alarmed that she was able to sneak up on him so easily. He eyed
her clothing, noting how scantily clad she was in the cold weather.
She leaned forward provocatively, "Cat got your tongue, boy?"
Ranma snapped his attention away from the woman's charms and scowled,
"What's it to ya?"
The woman hopped off the railing, and sauntered towards Ranma lazily.
She reached out one hand, and lazily traced a line across his jaw with
one finger, "Too bad... you're kind of cute."
Irritably, Ranma batted her hand away, "I don't gotta deal with you
right now. I got enough problems."
Lips quirking in a smile, the woman nodded, "I'm sure you do. But did
you ever wonder.... what the world would be like if you hadn't been
born?"
Ranma scowled, and tried to take a step away, only to find his body
refusing him. "What... what's goin' on here?!"
The woman turned away, her odd clothing swirling around her, "My name is
Marller, Ranma. I'm a demoness. I've been sent to show you what a good
job you've been doing."
After a moment of shock, Ranma found his voice, "How didja know my name?
And what the hell are ya talkin' about, anyway?"
Marller grinned broadly, "I know all about you, Ranma. All about your
curse, your fiancees, I know _everything_. And I know you were
considering jumping off of that bridge. I need to show you how much
you've helped us, and what the world would be like if you hadn't been
born."
Ranma blinked in surprise, "What's that supposed ta' mean?"
The demoness rolled her eyes, "A bit thick, aren't you? Come on... well,
it's not like you have much of a choice in the matter, now, is it.
Remember, they can't see you."
"Huh?"
His question was answered by an amused snort, "Never mind. You'll see
what I'm talking about in a moment."
***
Ranma came to his senses on his knees, his stomach heaving. He drew the
back of one hand across his mouth, resisting the urge to retch, and
looked around. "Huh... what... what's this?"
Marller appeared next to him, floating a few inches above the ground.
"Don't forget," she cautioned, "they can't see you."
Blinking, the pigtailed martial artist rose to his feet and glanced
around. "This... this is Mom's house, isn't it?"
The demoness nodded, "Yep. And your mom and dad... well, they never had
you. The Saotomes are about to arrive. Let's watch."
***
Genma walked into the room, a weary yet content expression on his face.
After setting down a briefcase, he removed a wide-brimmed hat and a
black coat. Whistling to himself, he stretched a bit, then walked over
to a soft chair and picked a newspaper up from the table.
A moment later, Nodoka entered from the other room, and picked up the
briefcase. "Hello, dear! How was work?"
The man grunted, setting down the paper, "Same as always, darling. The
office is always really hectic this time of hear. It's a big holiday in
America, and they always give us more work..."
Nodoka set the briefcase down on a small table, then paused to
straighten out Genma's coat. Once done, she sat in a chair opposite
Genma and smiled at him, "I'm proud of you, Husband. You always work
hard, no matter how tough the work gets."
The man frowned slightly, then nodded, "Nodoka, dear... I've been
thinking..."
The woman smiled, "Yes, Husband?"
Genma smiled, "Have you... given much thought to children?"
***
Ranma stared at the scene slack-jawed, "Pop... in a suit... working...
what... what... I don't get it... how?"
Marller shook her head, grimacing in distaste, "Ugh! What a scene. See
how much better you made things by being born?"
The pigtailed boy whipped his head towards her. For a moment, their eyes
met, as he searched hers for some sign of humor. Finding none, he
scowled and shook his head, "No, I don't. They look happy. What's better
about the way things were?"
The demoness shrugged, "Think about it! With you as an excuse, Genma was
able to escape Nodoka's clutches before she turned him..." She trailed
off, shuddering slightly, "Turned him into an honorable man. Nodoka's
happy here! Where's the lovely stress and agitation that you caused her,
simply by not _being_ there for ten years! Ugh. Domestic tranquility my
ass. Oh, gross. Let's get out of here while they're busy."
The boy blanched and stiffened, not turning to look at them.
***
Ranma lurched slightly as the next transition swept across his
perception, but remained standing. He glanced around apprehensively, not
recognizing his whereabouts.
>From her position in the air near him, Marller sighed, "Your dear
friend, 'Ucchan.' Let's see how she is without you in her past."
The boy nodded, watching the room expectantly.
***
Ukyou marched into the room, bristling with anger, "The _nerve_ of that
boy! On the third date, no less! Ugh."
Shaking her head, the girl smoothed her dress out, then donned an apron.
She muttered to herself as she bound her flowing hair with a ribbon,
"Save it for the easel, girl... save it."
After a moment of preparation, she turned towards an artist's easel, and
gathered a small palette of paints. She stared at the blank canvas in
front of her for a long moment, as though she was seeking out a pattern
in its bleached surface. Nodding decisively, she slashed the brush
across the white expanse, and within minutes, a portrait was forming
before her; no longer a collection of splotches of paint, but a vibrant
image, full of life and meaning.
***
Ranma stared over Ukyou's shoulder, gaping at the image that was being
constructed. "D... damn. She's good... I never figured... I didn't think
she'd wear a dress, either..."
Marller sighed, clicking her tongue, "Without you to help, she never
became obsessed with martial arts. She never decided to further our
cause by lying, and... worst of all, without you, her true potential as
a painter emerged."
The boy furrowed his brow in through, "You... she's not happy though, is
she? She was complainin' about a boy."
The demoness shrugged, "Eh. She's got boy problems. That's normal. A
girl like her... well, instead of throwing her life away in pursuit of
someone who doesn't care about her, she's looking for someone who
actually does care. What did you expect?"
Ranma tore his attention away from the painting, "I don't... what... I
guess everythin's better without me, ain't it?"
Marller shook her head, "Are you blind? Look at how much _worse_
everything is without you! It was _way_ better when you were around. Now
come on, let's see how the amazons are faring."
***
Catching himself instantly, Ranma was briefly pleased to note none of
the nausea from the first trips across reality. The pleasure faded, as
Ranma remembered everything that he had seen, and expected to see more.
Still near him, Marller shook her head, "So much wasted potential here.
I mean, _look_ at them!"
***
Shampoo sighed, placing one of her hands atop Mousse's. Smiling slyly,
she glanced at his face, noting his goofy expression. "Husband. Are you
happy?"
The hidden-weapons expert nodded vigorously, "Of course! I love you more
than anything else!"
The purple-haired amazon grinned, then jerked on Mousses arm, flipping
him over and pinning him against the floor with one foot.
***
Ranma smiled slightly, "See? They ain't happy here. Things are worse
without me."
Marller shook her head, "Um... no... that's just a little game they play
before they... well. They're busy, so lets take a step though this wall
for a moment, hmm?"
Eyes widening, the pigtailed martial artist allowed himself to be hauled
to a point several meters above the house they had just levitated out
of. "Oh. I guess they're happier here..."
The demoness nodded solemnly, "Sadly enough, yes. Neither of them got
cursed, Shampoo never resorted to dark magic to try and capture you...
so much wasted potential. It's almost as bad as the Hibiki boy. He's not
cursed, and he wanders the earth helping people! Without you, he doesn't
give in to his rage. It's sad, really."
Ranma slumped forward listlessly, "This sucks. What _else_ is there?"
"Hmm... the Tendos, I guess. Let's go see them now, hmm?"
***
Ranma stared around at the undamaged building before him. "It ain't all
torn up."
The demoness shrugged, "Property damage isn't a big deal. Emotional
damage, now, _that_ is what we like... and there isn't much left here
without your interference."
Sighing, Ranma floated towards the house, "Joy. Any other good news?"
"Maybe. We're hiring, you know. But let's watch the Tendos a bit,
first."
***
Akane stared at her father sullenly, then sighed and shifted her gaze to
her feet. "Fine... I... I give up. You win. I won't make any of my own
choices. Happy? I'll do whatever you say."
Soun smiled brightly, "I'm glad to hear it! You know, if Saotome had a
child, you'd already be engaged to him, but even if he has a son now,
it's a bit late for that... at any rate, your marriage to the Kuno boy
will insure that the dojo has an heir!"
The youngest Tendo sister grumbled, and trudged up the stairs. In her
own room, she sighed, "I guess it could have been worse."
***
Ranma winced, "That... I'm not sure that this is better than when I was
here..."
"Well, Akane's a big one, so I'll talk about her sisters first." The
demoness scowled, "Of course, Kasumi's pretty much the same... though
you did cause her stress... anyway. Nabiki never got a chance to explore
her mercenary side as thoroughly as she could when you were around. Not
exactly a goody-two-shoes _here_, but not nearly as bad as she was
_there_. I have to compliment her on sending the invitations to your
attempted wedding to all your enemies... but you're much more efficient
than she is."
Shaking his head, Ranma tried to ignore the knot of tension in his gut,
"So. What about Akane, then?"
Marller shrugged, "Without you, things went quite differently. She never
had anyone to shame her constantly. No fiancee to take her position as
the best martial artist away. No fiancee to tell her she wasn't even
good at being a girl..." The demoness smiled at Ranma, "You did a damn
good job of hurting her emotionally, you know. Constantly insulting her
with your words, and then acting like you might care through it behind
all that, and insulting her even worse while pretending not to mean it!"
Face coloring in anger, Ranma shook his head, "What the heck are you
talking about? I don't... care... about A... Akane..." Flustered, he
turned his back to the demoness.
She sighed, "Now... come on. You know you hurt her feelings. When you
weren't mocking her, you were better at doing _everything_ Akane
considered important. You were prettier, sexier, you could cook... hell,
you were a better girl than she was, and complained that you were a guy
all the while! That was smart. Made those 'tomboy' remarks hit a couple
hundred times harder! I have to admit, evil as subtle as that without
has to be respected. You never even had to resort to killing anyone."
Ranma turned a dull gaze to the demoness, the color having fled his
face. He blinked twice, then shook his head, saying nothing.
Marller droned on, seemingly oblivious, "And she never even managed to
get in decent trouble without you! Ryugenzawa was unimportant to her,
since she wasn't trying to defend her reputation as a martial artist. Of
course, Shinnosuke and his grandfather died, but you can't even count
the blood of innocents, since technically you weren't born. I guess that
cross-dressing ninja might be unhappy, but it's not nearly as bad as you
were at torturing him in your world."
Turning a haunted gaze to her, Ranma managed, "What... what about
Konatsu in my world?"
"Oh, you know. Doomed to pine after Ukyou, even though she's hopelessly
in love with you. Nice symmetry, there. I love your style. Heck, a lot
of my superiors are impress... whoops. Forget about that when we get to
contract negotiations. Too bad about Happosai. Without someone like you
to amuse him, he got bored and left the Tendos alone."
"Huh?"
Marller waved a hand absently, "Not important. Back to Akane. _Here_
she's actually going to end up marrying someone who loves her. Sad,
really. Though there is the added benefit of the fact that _here_ she's
not denying part of herself, it's just not as big compared to the damage
you did _there_."
Ranma sank to the floor in an unceremonious heap, "Huh?" He blinked a
few times, feeling the despair that had built up crashing down all at
once.
The demoness shrugged, "Oh, you know. Akane was curious about
bisexuality. A small thing really, but you managed to bring it to the
fore. Since you already destroyed her confidence, it began wearing away
at her. Beautiful how you managed to make her torture herself with that,
with your changing gender and all. Very clever."
Ranma felt as though the floor had been taken out from underneath him,
and squeezed his eyes together. "I... don't want to see anymore. Take me
back."
***
Marller drifted down to the railing, still smiling, "So. You have three
choices here. You can come work for us, and leave all this behind."
Ranma coughed, and lurched over to the opposite railing. Once there, his
stomach emptied its contents into the river below. The retching was
caused not by teleportation, or whatever the demoness had done, but by
the things that he had seen. "Uh... am... I really that evil?"
The demoness sighed, "Not really. But you have a hell of a lot of
potential, and even though you didn't always _mean_ too, you did a hell
of a lot of damage. We can use someone like you."
Ranma shuddered, then shook his head violently, "I ain't gonna work for
you. I don't wanna be like that."
Pouting, Marller shrugged, "Then you really only have two choices.
Either go back and continue what you're doing, or..." She trailed off,
pointing down towards the flowing water. "So. What's it going to be?"
The boy licked his lips nervously, "What... was that about being a
coward... before this all began?"
Marller's face acquired a feral grin, "Are you a coward, and going to
run from death? It's easy, but you're afraid of it, aren't you? You
don't have the courage to jump in."
Ranma growled, and climbed up on the railing. Swallowing nervously, he
stared down into the river. Muttering under his breath, he said, "I'm
not a coward."
The demoness drifted towards him, still floating, "Then why aren't you
jumping."
Ranma stared into the river for a long moment, then turned his gaze to
the demoness, "'Cause I ain't a coward." He jumped away from the
railing, and landed on the middle of the bridge, "I don't care what you
said. I don't care. You know what?"
The demoness looked mildly amused, while Ranma slowly whipped himself up
into a frenzy, "What's that, Ranma?"
The boy's voice began to rise in volume, "I know what everyone can be,
now! I know what's goin' on, and I know that everyone can be happy! I
know! I'm gonna..." Trailing off, he shot Marller a piercing gaze, "You
know what I'm gonna do?"
Marller shook her head, feigning interest, "Do tell. I'm just _dying_ to
know."
Ranma shouted, "I'm gonna fix things! I ain't givin' up, and I ain't a
coward!" Drawing in a deep breath, he roared, "I ain't gonna be evil,
and I ain't gonna hurt people anymore, and there ain't _anything_ you
can do about it!"
With that, Ranma spun on one foot, and marched away, resolute in his
conviction to set things right.
Marller watched him go, then sighed.
Another figure faded into view, just as Ranma disappeared from sight.
"You want to explain that to me?"
Startled at the other's arrival, Marller jumped to her feet, "Urd! What,
I, uh... I..."
Urd sighed, "It's not like I would miss someone making up history and
taking someone along with them." Then she embraced the demoness, "Now
turn off the illusion, Skuld. I want to know why you did that."
Wincing, 'Marller' dissolved, reforming as a small girl with a hammer.
"How did you know?"
The Norn of the Past smirked, "Marller would never have done that."
Frowning, she added, "I'm still having trouble believing _you_ would do
something like that."
Skuld stared at her feet, and hugged herself tightly, "I... saw a future
where he realized everything he had done too late, and then he _did_
kill himself. At first, I thought I would just try and show him to
future, but... then I realized that I couldn't force him to accept
something like that. So I had to find a w-way to t-t..." The young
goddess finally broke down into tears, sobbing into her older sister's
chest. "I didn't want to hurt him!"
Urd frowned, "I should hope not. Let's sneak in and see what they're
doing now. Maybe he's not hurt too badly... if we're lucky, maybe he's
even trying to fix things."
***
The Tendo family, plus the elder Saotomes turned as one, to face Ranma
as he entered. Her chest was heaving, and she managed to gasp out
between breaths, "Bad... didn't mean... sorry... gotta fix..."
Kasumi was the first to respond. "Oh, my, you'll catch cold like that.
Would you like some hot water, Ranma?"
Blinking, Ranma shook her head, and focused for a moment, to catch her
breath, "No time. Akane! I gotta talk to ya!"
Akane frowned uneasily, still hurt by the verbal blows that had preceded
Ranma's departure, "What do we have to talk about, Ranma."
The redhead marched forward, grabbed Akane's wrist, and hauled her
towards the dojo, "I gotta explain! Come on!"
Shrugging, Kasumi set the kettle of hot water back down. "Would anyone
like some more rice?"
***
Akane watched warily, as Ranma paced back and forth nervously, like a
caged cat. "Ranma... what's this all about?"
Ranma nodded to herself, "Akane, I gotta say I'm sorry. I never meant ta
hurt ya, but... you know how bad I am with all that... talkin'...
stuff... And... I gotta say some things ta ya."
Nodding suspiciously, Akane said, "So talk."
Sinking to a sitting position near Akane, Ranma explained, "I been real
careless with my words, an' I said a bunch of things that really hurt
ya, but I never... well... I never meant em, but I said em anyway. I
feel real bad now that I know what kind of things I was sayin', and I
wanna make it up to ya. Before I can do that, I gotta explain somethin
to ya."
Drawing a deep breath, Ranma said, "The first thing I gotta say is...
you ain't uncute. Er... well... I mean, you _are_ cute. You ain't a
tomboy. I know I say things like that all the time, but I don't mean
'em. I... don't want to hurt you, cause... cause..." She flushed,
staring at her knees, but continued, "Anyway. I'm always sayin' you're
not good at martial arts, but you're really not that bad. I bet if you
were to train with me an' Pop, you could be almost as good as me."
The youngest Tendo sister reeled, "Uh... uh..." Narrowing her eyes, she
collected herself, and demanded, "Who are you, and what have you done
with the real Ranma?"
Ranma looked shocked for a moment, then scowled, "Stupid tomboy, I was-"
Ranma clapped her hands over her mouth, a horrified expression on her
face. Swallowing, she lowered her hands, and blurted out, "I didn't mean
it! I only call ya that 'cause I ain't good at saying that I like ya!"
Akane froze, mid-slap, "What."
The redhead frowned, "Was that a question? I mean... I said... I like
ya. Heck, I almost married ya. I wouldn't have done that... if I
didn't... oh hell. You were right. I lied. I did say that..." She
swallowed, "I _did_ say that I loved you at Jusendo." She raised her
eyes from her knees, meeting Akane's, "An... if you can forgive me for
all the crap I put ya' through... I still do. I'm just... real sorry
about... always hurtin' you."
The hand, reaching for Ranma's face, twitched once. Akane made a muffled
choking noise, and dropped the hand, "What... what do you mean about how
much you hurt me? You..." Her sad tone suddenly became shocked and
curious, "You... you love me?"
Ranma nodded, "I... do." Fidgeting nervously, Ranma muttered, "Shoulda'
got the hot water when I had the chance."
Akane looked up, wondering at the change of subject, "Why is that?"
Flushing, the redhead explained, "'Cause... I'd like ta hug ya..."
***
Urd moved one hand to cover Skuld's eyes, "Well. I must say, that worked
pretty smoothly. Good work, little sister. Now let's give these two
lovebirds some privacy."
Skuld sniffled, "I'm... glad, but I'm still sorry about hurting Ranma."
As the two walked away, Urd said, "Pain brings growth, little sister. It
hurt him, but I think that in the end it made him a much better person.
Belldandy wouldn't do it that way, but... you did good."
Author's note:
A very close friend of mine talked me out of committing suicide quite
recently. I guess... in this story, I'm putting myself in as Ranma. It's
easy to see in hindsight when you make a mistake... or in my case, lots
and lots of mistakes, but owning up to them is really hard. I've calmed
down a little, and realized that the pain I was running from really
_did_ make me a better person. But I found a fic like this is much more
cathartic than writing a fic and committing suicide by proxy... that
would just be projecting my pain on others, and... well... I don't like
to hurt people.
Oh well. I hope that this fic brings a little cheer to your hearts.
Happy Holidays, and Goddess bless.
--
Haiku of my lament:
Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.