Here we go again. Lotsa punctuation stuff ahead; the rest of you might
want to just skim through and look for the jokes. :)
Quick review of how to punctuate quoted dialog, since that seems to be
the biggest source of trouble. Compare these two examples:
1: "Bite me, ya stupid jerk," he spat.
2: "Man, I got a bad taste in my mouth." He spat.
The question to ask yourself is, does the verb (outside the dialog)
refer to the line of dialog as its object? In the first case, the
speaker is spitting out the words "Bite me, ya stupid jerk." So "he
spat" is part of the same sentence; the quote ends with a comma, and
"he" isn't capitalized. In the second case, he isn't spitting his words
-- he's just spitting. So "He spat" is a separate sentence, and is
punctuated accordingly.
Allyn Yonge <ayonge@yahoo.com> wrote:
"Ask Nabiki." Ranma grumbled, wincing as his split lip
Nabiki," (assuming he's grumbling those words, as opposed to grumbling
after he says them)
"Oh, quit being such a baby," Akane couldn't seem to
baby."
stop grinning. "are you a man or aren't you?"
"Are
RANMA: I *am* a man! I'm just out of sorts because my period's this
week!
"They didn't have to gang up on me like that," Ranma
that."
sulked, fingering the bruises he'd accumulated from the
Amazons. "It wasn't _my_ fault."
"I am sorry," Akane bit her lip. "they shouldn't have
sorry."
"They
blamed you. I . . .I'll go talk to Shan Pu after we visit
grandfather Happousai. OK?"
"Nah," Ranma jumped down from the fence, walking
Nah."
facing Akane, a small bundled balanced on his head. "I don'
bundle
think you should go see 'em right now." he thought for a
He
moment. "Ucchan neither. Give 'em a chance to cool down."
Twiddling his fingers for a moment he appeared to be looking
moment, he
"Ahhhh maaaan," Ranma resisted an almost
"Ahhh, maaan."
Normally he was of the opinion there was no problem
that couldn't be solved by ignoring it. Or better, letting it
become someone else's problem.
That's selling him pretty short. Ranma quite frequently tries to solve a
problem once he figures out that he *has* one.
"I'm not going to _kill_ him." Akane assured him.
him,"
"Why we gotta go see the old fart anyway?" he flipped
He
the bundle in the air with a toss of his head and caught it behind
his back. "It's not like he didn't deserve whatever happened to
him." Ranma sniffed the delicious odors coming from the
bundle. "They ain't gonna let him eat this stuff in the hospital,"
hospital."
he fumbled with the knot Kaumi had tied, "_we_ outghta eat it
He
tied. "_We_ oughtta
so it don't go to waste." He smiled ingeniously. "An' it ain't
fair to the old guy to temp him with stuff he can't have."
tempt
HAPPOSAI: That's what I keep telling all these women! How can they be so
cruel as to wear such lovely undies around me and not let me fondle
them!
"I'm afraid you'll have to wait,"the harried receptionist
wait." The
looked up from her computer screen. "Happousai-san isn't
allowed but one visitor at the time and someone is already with
him."
"Someone?" Ranma had a bad feeling about this. Only a
certified psycho would _voluntarily_ visit the old freak.
AKANE: *I'm* visiting him voluntarily, Ranma.
RANMA: Um... y'know, present company expected.
"No more chances, old man," the honey smooth voice
man." The honey-smooth
made the absolute hatred all the more powerful. "I'm tired of
playing. I'm going to kill you, but if you give me a new name,
I'll make it quick."
HAPPOSAI: Okay, you're Garter-belt Taro! Hah! And if you kill me now,
that's your name forever!
"C'm on," Ranma edged closer to the two, "why
"C'mon."
two. "Why
do'ncha come home with me. Kasumi 'll have lunch ready."
Kasumi'll (no space)
He ducked a back handed slap but ran into a side kick that
back-handed
slammed him into the wall.
"If you get in my way," Tarou glanced over his shoulder
way," Tarou said, glancing over
as Ranma struggled off the floor, "I'll kill you."
"Geeez," Ranma wiped blood from his face, "get a
"Geeez."
face. "Get
grip." Cracking his knuckles he jerked his head toward the
knuckles, he
"A name old man," Tarou ripped an IV out of
name, old man."
Inhumanly fast, Tarou grabbed her by one starched
sleeve and flung her against the wall. "Don't interfere in things
you don't understand."
NURSE: You mean like logarithms?
"C'mon panty-boy," Ranma taunted, sliding in front of
"C'mon,
Without pausing Tarou kicked up with his free leg,
tearing free of Ranma's grip as he flipped in the air to land
facing his opponents. The hospital guards, having no idea of
what they were facing, pushed past Ranma, intent on doing their
duty. Unfortunately this wasn't like the fights they'd seen in the
movies, or even like their training. Real fights are fast, brutal
and the first blow to strike home ends the fight with death or
crippling injury. They didn't understand this, but Tarou did.
This reads rather like direct author explanation. Could the point be
made through one of the characters' internal narrations instead?
As trained, one guard attempted a side-arm blow to
Tarou's shoulder, to stun or at least distract while his partner
came in from the other side and applied a joint-lock
take-down. It was a text book perfect application of their
textbook
training. Unfortunately Tarou was reading from a different
book.
PANTYHOSE: See spot. See spot run. See spot beat up some orderlies.
He didn't even blink as the baton slammed into his
shoulder, so hard that it almost bounced out of the hand of the
attacking guard. Brushing aside this feeble attack he slammed a
attack, he
Not caring if the man were alive or dead Tarou turned
dead, Tarou
"C'mon Tarou, ya can't do this sorta stuff in a hospital.
"C'mon,
"A _name_ old man," Tarou hissed as he slid an IV
_name,_
needle in and out of Happousai's arm with slow sensuality.
"You've tainted my whole life with your twisted sense of
humor," he jammed the needle home, his eyes moist with
humor." He
pleasure as he felt it pierce the bone. "Now it's my turn," the
turn." He
"I warned you fem-boy." Tarou snatched an IV bag and
you,
"Baka!" Akane stood panting after her run, an empty
coffee pot dangling from one hand. "What did you think you
were doing? You should have known that Tarou would
transform. Why didn't you----"
"Bitch."
Akane had almost enough time to register Tarou's
words before he slammed her against the wall with a powerful
word (it's only one)
"You wanna a new name panty-boy?" Ranma grated
wanna new name,
"You're awake? Good." The crisply professional voice
grated on her nerves. "Let's just see how our pupils are
reacting." Her eye lid was pulled up suddenly and an aircraft
eyelid
"Now, now,"the obnoxiously cheerful voice chided.
now," the (space)
"We mustn't be so childish when people are trying to help us."
Akane pried open her right eye, the left one didn't seem
eye; the
to want to work. Fumbling at her face the entire left side felt
swollen to the size of a grapefruit.
"Wh' happ'n?" She slurred.
she
"baka." Akane wiped her vomit slimed mouth with the
vomit-slimed
back of her sleeve. Holding onto the wall with one hand she
hand, she
stumbled down the corridor, her head swimming from the blow
she took hitting the wall, heading toward the sounds of a fight,
all the way muttering under her breath, "bakabakabaka
baka . . ."
NURSE: Note... must note on Ms. Tendo's chart... patient suffering
from... gratuitous fanfic Japanese... uh. [thud]
******************************************************
Tarou Pantyhose was having a surprisingly hard time of
Isn't it "Pantyhose Tarou?"
it. On the one hand he had strength, speed and skill. On top of
that, his cursed form could take amazing amounts of
punishment, had eight enormously strong tentacles that
projected a moderately toxic ink over long distances, while his
opponents cursed form was smaller, rounder and only
opponent's
"I'm gonna rip you a new asshole," Ranma-chan
asshole."
stepped out of the spray of the broken water fountain and
launched herself into the air after Tarou. The bull-headed
monster contemptuously moved just out of reach with one lazy
beat of his wings. Anticipating this the pig-tailed martial artist
this, the
spun in mid-air, bringing her vacuum blades into play like a
power saw. The forbidden technique he'd sealed away as too
dangerous to use, until the son-of-a-bitch hit Akane, bit deeply
into the monsters calf muscle.
monster's
Tarou bellowed as Ranma somersaulted to the ground,
drenched in a scarlet spray of blood.
"A'right ya sonuvabitch, ya wanna come down here and
"A'right,
"Great-grandmother . . ." Shan Pu trotted to keep up,
up.
"Faster, Mr. Part-Time," from her perch between his
Part-Time." From
"Mind your manners, boy!" Ke Lun glanced down at her
great-granddaughter, frowning slightly at the brightly coloured
scarf that covered her bald pate. "I've put this visit off long
enough." perhaps too long she thought, more worried than she
Perhaps
long, she
"It was not skill," Shan Pu protested. "She was just
lucky," at her great-grandmothers darkling look she ducked her
lucky." At
head and blushed. "and I was careless. But it won't happen
"And
"Not until your hair grows back." Ke Lun replied dryly.
back,"
"She shouldn't have done so the first time," Ke Lun
time."
leaned into the curve as Mu Si rounded a corner, "unless she
"Unless
"With Happy," Ke Lun bopped Mu Si, just on general
Happy," Ke Lun said, bopping
Ke Lun appeared thoughtful for a moment, watching the
buildings whiz past as Mu Si huffed down the sidewalk. "This
isn't for your ears," she tapped a shiatsu spot, rendering him
ears." She
"There are not many martial artists stronger than
Happosai," she began. "It's possible the senile old goat simply
stole the wrong panties and got the stuffing beaten out of him
while he was distracted by his 'pretties'."she paused while
pretties.'" She
"It's possible the two events are unrelated . . .but think.
Happosai is defeated, badly. Tendou Akane is beaten, badly
but not so badly she cannot defeat you. Shan Pu snorted, but
you." Shan
wisely kept quiet. "and finally there is her treatment of you."
"And
"She _could_ have killed you," Shan Pu made a sharp,
you."
instinctive motion of negation, "but she showed the same
negation. "But
forbearance you have shown." Ke Lun affected to not notice
Shan Pu look of disgust at the notion she could show charity to
Pu's
an outsider. "However that could simply be acknowledging a
debt. It _is_ interesting that out of all of the things, short of
murder, that she could have done, she chose . . .," Ke Lun
chose...."
"Pervert girl hit with big rock until something break."
break,"
"Happousai always _did_ know how to have a good
time. Even unconscious and in intensive care." Ke Lun said
care,"
Heart in her mouth she watched Ranma crouch, one arm
mouth, she
shielding her eyes from the shower of toxic ink, waiting to
receive the attack of the giant beast. As it roared in Ranma fell
in, Ranma
Folding one wing and flaring the other Tarou spun,
other, Tarou
faster than should have been possible for so gigantic a form.
Bellowing in anger he smashed a section of paving stones with
anger, he
his hooves and began using his tentacles to hurl the rubble with
lethal force. Staying on the ground this time he followed the
time, he
Tarou was waiting for her. He'd made a mistake letting
fem-boy distract him, make him angry. It was time to finish this
so he could get back to Happousai. Even the thought of the
ancient pervert made him shake with anger so that he had to
force calm on himself. Fighting angry was fighting stupid. And
that was fem-boys speciality, not his. Coldly, now, he watched
boy's
Tarou lashed out suddenly with his tentacles, forcing
Ranma to respond to them, rather than carving Tarou's heart
>from his chest. The gigantic bull face twisted in pain as the ch'i
attack cut away the terminal three feet of a tentacle. But the
intentional sacrifice of a limb that would regenerate had served
it's purpose. Ranma was focused on attacking Tarou's
its
Akane staggered to the gaping hole in the wall,
stumbling a little over bits of broken masonry and ceiling tile.
Head pounding she peered blearily through the hole, looking
for ----A piercing shriek, the tortured sound of a familiar voice
made strange and terrible by fear and pain, brought the green
fire that had been bubbling just below the surface roaring into
life. The torrent of emerald flames blew away the pain and
confusion of her injuries, leaving her as cool and focused as a
falcon sighting it's prey.
its
"Jian Yao Guai means death," Ke Lun hissed, her face
twisted in a grimace of fear and loathing.
SHAMPOO: What Great-grandmother talking? Chinese word for "death" is
"Siwang!"
Tarou rumbled angrily deep in his chest. All he wanted
All he had wanted
Suiting thought to deed Tarou whipped his tentacles
deed, Tarou
Unexpectedly, emerald fire flashed and the thick ropes
of muscle and barbed suckers spasmed as if he'd grabbed a
power line. Howling in pain Tarou grabbed for her again, and
pain, Tarou
Rage burned in her blood, hot and sweet like poisoned
honey. Akane slid forward, aware as she had never been in her
life of every blade of grass, the singing of insects in the trees,
the heady perfume of sweat, blood and pain that filled the air.
Seemingly unaware of the danger, she moved inside Tarou's
defenses and slammed a hard left-right combination into a tree-
trunk sized thigh. The giant grunted in annoyance and swatted at
the girl, as if she were a pesky fly. But like a fly she wasn't
there and the blow was wasted on empty air.
And she's a poet who doesn't know it. (The accidental rhyme there is a
bit awkward. You even got the meter to match up. ^_^)
Frowning hugely Tarou lumbered forward, intending to
hugely, Tarou
smash this annoyance before getting on with his real business.
Akane danced aside from his charge but Tarou, moving faster
than should have been possible with his great bulk, followed
her move for move, backing her into a corner of the hospital
buildings. Once he had her pinned he'd finish her, then sissy-
building.
"N . . .not bad," Akane panted, wiping the sweat from
her eyes. "for a pervert named after women's underwear." She
"For
AKANE: o/~ And all the fighters say, he's pretty fly, for a pan-ty. o/~
grinned nastily, making a rude gesture that simultaneously cast
doubt on his parentage and sexual orientation. "Paaantieeee
pervert," she lilted, mockingly, "little paantie boy. Better run
back home to your mama, OH!"she covered her mouth in mock
OH!" She (space, and caps)
Akane stood motionless as Tarou charged; then like a
serpent, lashed out, drawing blood from Tarou's side.
Blindingly fast Tarou struck back, smashing a wall to rubble
fast,
but leaving Akane unharmed as she pivoted aside.
"Too slow panty-boy," Akane ducked under the cluster
slow, panty-boy."
"akane?" Ranma's mouth fell open in shock.
"Akane?" (caps)
"It's all over the news," Nabiki pointed to a gathering
of television camera's as she wiped the sweat off her brow.
cameras
"She's . . . green?" Ranma watched wide-eyed as
Akane darted in and around Tarou, like a sparrow fighting an
eagle. "Why is she green?"
RANMA: I know! She musta ate her own cooking!
AKANE: What was that, Ranma?
"That's what _I_ want to know!" Nabiki grabbed the
petite red-head by the collar and shook her like a rag doll.
"What did you _do_!?"
"ME!?" Ranma jerked away, shaking her head
violently. "I didn't do nuthin'. It ain't my fault." Grabbing a
tattered end of her shirt she ripped off a long strip and pulled it
tight around her waist. Grimacing at the pain he kept telling
himself it could be worse----It _should_ be worse he thought
worse, he
suddenly, frowning as he tested himself, twisting gingerly at the
waist. He'd broken ribs before and this didn't hurt nearly
enough.
"My sister was never green until _you_ showed up."
up,"
Nabiki countered with implacable logic.
RANMA: Yeah, well, my hair was never red until this fanfic thing
started. At least not that anybody could notice. So there.
"I didn't _do_ nuthin'!" Ranma protested automatically,
momentarily distracted from wondering about his rib.
"Well, you'd better do _something_ about it," Ranma
it."
started to protest the unreasonable order, "or figure out how to
order. "Or
explain it to daddy." Nabiki finished triumphantly.
Daddy,"
"Ahhh geeez," Ranma deflated at the thought of having
Ahhh, geeez."
"Great-grandmother, what is it?" Shan Pu was torn
KE LUN: It's a female relative three generations removed. But that's not
important right now.
"Great-grandmother, what is wrong?" Shan Pu had
never seen the ancient Amazon like this before. If she didn't
know better she would think Ke Lun was afraid.
Isn't Shamps the least bit curious about Akane's green-ness?
The ground shook when Tarou's great bulk hit the
ground and a geyser of dirt hid the scene for a few moments.
When the dust cleared Tarou had gained his feet, and a pair of
cleared, Tarou
wildly lashing tentacles ripped a power line from a pole in a
shower of sparks. Quickly they formed a loop and tied off the
raw end of his arm, slowing the red arterial fountain to a
trickle. Baring his teeth he ripped a street-light from the
teeth, he
ground, whirling it one handed like a giant spear. Tarou
one-handed
"Kill her. Kill Jian Yao Guai!"
RANMA: Us?
COLOGNE: Yes, you. I'd help, but... um, my favotire soap is on in five
minutes.
Dazedly Ranma fumbled to his feet, already battered
Dazedly,
body creaking and groaning like some withered ancient.
"Kill?----great grandmother! We can't kill Akane!"
Great-grandmother! (caps)
Ranma's Chinese wasn't very good. He had picked up a
few words in recent months, in self defense. Just to keep a step
ahead of the Chinese Amazon's. Enough, at least, to get the gist
Amazons.
"That is not Akane, boy," Ke Lun switched to Japanese
boy."
for his benefit, "not anymore."
benefit. "Not
Shan Pu's head rocked back from the force of Ke Lun's
back handed blow. She stared uncomprehendingly at the old
back-handed
woman who had practically raised her.
"That is not Tendou Akane," Ke Lun forced Shan Pu
Akane."
"Kill it," she thrust her staff toward Akane, "Kill it
it."
Akane.
now." as Mu Si hesitated, torn by conflicting emotions, she
As
offered an incentive. "Kill it and I give you Shan Pu to wife."
SHAMPOO: Oh? Then what *I* get?
COLOGNE: You help him, and I give you Mu Si to kill as well.
SHAMPOO: Okay, that fair.
MOUSSE: At last, an arrangment that will satisfy us both!
"Truly?" Mu Si squeaked over Shan Pu indignant
protest.
IMO, he ought to have a stronger reaction to this. At last! The
fulfillment of my life's hopes! Oh, Shan Pu, I'll make you so happy!
Happy happy joy joy!
"Kill her and I will perform the ceremony myself. I will
give you a place on the council," Mu Si's jaw dropped at this
council."
"Now, boy," Ke Lun let a thick leaf shaped blade drop
boy."
leaf-shaped
>from her sleeve and slide into her hand, "distract her. Keep her
hand. "Distract
occupied and I will do the rest."
Somewhat shakily Mu Si nodded. The customs and
shakily,
laws of the Amazon nation were confusing and often
contradictory. But, like any predatory pack, outsiders,
especially fertile females or potent males were driven off or
killed, lest they pollute the gene pool. Only the strong could be
You've got some weird blank lines in here. This is one of them.
He followed this cry with a flurry of steel needles,
tipped with poison. Zig-zagging, low to the ground, he swirled
his robes in a complex counter pattern that confused the eye,
making it almost impossible for an enemy to tell where he was
or what direction he would move next. As Akane turned toward
him he flung, rapid fire, a series of base-ball sized spheres.
Instead of the traditional mix of ground stinging-nettles and
blow-fish toxin Mu Si had substituted modern flash-bang
toxin, Mu
glance of Ke Lun coming up behind the distracted girl, knife
held low at her side for an upward thrust into the girls
girl's
Disbelieving Mu Si lowered his arms to see Tendou
Disbelieving,
"crap." the expletive spilled involuntarily from his lips.
"Crap." The
"Potty mouth." Akane opened her fist and Ke Lun
dropped in a heap to the ground.
MU: Hey, it's my potty and I'll cry if I want to!
"Forgive me, husband," Shan Pu arranged the still
husband."
paralyzed boy comfortably on the ground, "Mu Si is stupid, but
ground.
he is of the Amazons," She kissed Ranma softly on the
Amazons."
forehead. "and great grandmother needs me."
"And
"Damn that old ghoul." Groaning he flopped over on his
Groaning, he
belly as he tried to push himself to his feet, feeling weak as a
new born kitt . . .shuddering as he almost scared himself, he
found the fear induced adrenalin rush cleared the last of the
fear-induced
effects of the Amazonian pressure point. Shaking his head to
clear the cobwebs he focused on the fight just in time to see
cobwebs, he
"You see boy," he turned toward the harsh whisper to
see, boy." He
see Ke Lun drag herself awkwardly to her feet. Her right arm
didn't seem to be working properly and there was a smear of
blood on her cheek. "That is no . . .not Akane." Groaning she
Groaning, she
"All right ya old ghoul, what's goin' on? What did you
right, ya
"What did I do?" she looked at him with pity in her old
She
eyes. "I have done nothing. And all I can tell you," she
you..." She
forestalled the question she saw in his eyes, "is that a creature
eyes. "... is
>from legend, destroyer of the Amazon nation, eater of souls," a
souls..." A
trembling hand pointed at Akane, returned to ripping the life
>from Tarou, "has returned. And if we don't stop it, we are all
Tarou. "... has
"Hurt . . .child," Ke Lun looked at him in amazement.
child."
"Somethin's wrong with her," Ranma massively
understated. "but we gotta help her. Ya gotta promise you'll
"But
Akane, momentarily bored with killing Tarou, darted
in, slamming a rapid left-right combination at Mu Si's belly,
doubling him over like a used newspaper. Shan Pu whirled like
a mountain cat, but for all her blazing speed, she might as well
have been an insect in amber. Insultingly Akane didn't even
Insultingly,
With a scream of rage Mu Si lurched off the ground,
driving an iron Buddha-Hand into the base of Akane's brain.
With a flash of green fire the heavy killing tool rebounded
without touching the Japanese schoolgirl. Ignoring Mu Si, as
one would the buzzing of a fly, Akane ran the edge of her thumb
across the helpless Amazon warriors chest, leaving a line of
warrior's
"Delicious." Akane licked her lips as she tasted the
other girls shock.
girl's
"Tha's enough!" A red-headed thunderbolt slammed,
gently, into Akane, scooping her out of the way of the injured
Amazon. "C'mon Akane," Ranma looked down at the girl in her
"C'mon, Akane."
arms. "this ain't right. Ya gotta----"
"This
Whatever Ranma thought Akane "gotta" remained
unsaid as the dark haired girl twisted in Ranma's grip and
dark-haired
Well over two centuries of martial training honed the
training had honed
old woman's reflexes to a preternatural quickness. Instantly she
Imstantly, she
struck again, what would have been a killing blow for any
again, with what
"All right boy," Sighing she lowered her staff and
right, boy."
carefully stepped away from the unconscious Akane. "We don't
want her to wake up until we can take precautions. You better
go get a doctor to give her a sedative." Sighing again at
Ranma's cold unwavering stare she moved painfully toward the
hospital entrance. "Or _I_ could go find someone," She smiled
someone."
Still pretty heavy with fight scenes, but we're getting into the thick
of the plot now. Lots of interesting possibilities ahead as the cast's
loyalty to Akane gets put up against the need to destroy the green
thing.
Looking forward to the next part if your hardware holds out that long :)
Gary Kleppe
http://www.akane.org/gary/comics.html