HI,
I'm going to send this to FFML as well, since I think
it might be of general interest. This will be the last
one though.
1) I am NOT telling the author how to write her/his
story. My C&C is just that, comments and criticism.
I'm telling the author what I would like to see, how I
would write it, if I were writing it.
IF, and ONLY if, the author agrees with what I have
written should he/she make a change.
2)I am NOT suggesting that ALL should be revealed at
one time.
My point was, and I may have made it poorly, regarding
senshi vs. Bad Guy's, the idea that "your powers don't
work because they were tailored for the Negaverse" is,
IMO, simplistic and a cop-out. JUST my opinion. I'd
prefer a little more detailed reasoning.
Example:
If you have a Sherman Tank vs Tiger (WWII) the Sherman
doesn't get killed simply because its gun wasn't
"designed" to kill Tigers. It gets killed because it's
got a little, low velocity 75, the Tiger's got THICK
armor AND its 88 has almost three times the range.
There are a whole series of things involved.
Recall the the Sherman won WWII, because there were a
LOT more of them than the Tigers. Because THEY had
fuel, the Tigers did not. THEY had air-cover, the
Tigers did not, etc, etc, etc.
Now, let's do a Ryoko v. Jupiter fight.
I don't know a lot about Ryoko so bear with me if I
make a mistake.
Ryoko can fly, move through objects, has some sort of
"shield" I think and shoots energy? Also fast and
strong.
Jupiter . . .Lightning bolts, Oak Evolution, etc.
Don't know how strong or fast in comparison to Ryoko
but she's tough if her past battles are any
indication. (she can fly by the end of the last
season, btw. OF course she's naked and has big white
wings, but she's air-born.)
Starting with this, you throw them into a fight and
see what happens. It's NOT just brute force either.
Luck, plays a part. And the personalities of the
fighters.
However, while Ryoko MIGHT be tougher one-on-one, the
Senshi fight as a TEAM. Sailor Planet Attack, while
slow to power up is nothing to sneeze at.
My point in all this is, IMO, build in a LOT of detail
on why or why not attacks work or fail.
Jupiter does a Supreme Thunder on Ryoko. Ryoko phases
through a wall out of the way or lets the bolt go
through her? OR, if it hits her shield . . .some
damage? No damage, or four solid hits and she'd be
toast?
It's the difference between the old cop shows or
westerns with "infinite repeaters"
OR
The hero/bad buy is crouched behind a wall, looking at
the last three rounds in his magazine.
NOW you've got suspense. ^_^
AND, if you START your fight, KNOWING you've only got
30 rounds for the entire fight . . .it's a very
different story than if you just keep shooting and
never have to worry about running dry. Or twisting an
ankle, or missing the target, or . . .
There's a logical problem here. IF R,R & L are
completely UN-affected by the Senshi's attacks, or
only minimally . . .end of story. Why bother even
looking for them? Just attack something, wait for the
Senshi to show up and toast them.
{I'm NOT taking into consideration "political"
factors. That's a different part of the story.
Again, in WWII, if the Germans had used their
nerve-gas they'd have won the war. Hitler wouldn't use
it. Because he was afraid the allies would retaliate
with THEIR nerve-gas. What he didn't know was. . .they
didn't have any. ^_^) The point in Fanfiction . . .if
YOU write about a supremely powerful fighter that does
NOT kill his/her enemy----you've got to guild in a
logical reason WHY. (logical in terms of the story and
characters. REAL people do illogical (by rational
standards) things that are VERY consistent by their
own internal logic.
IF R, R & L are not affected by the Senshi powers, WHY
would Beryl simply not say . . ."Bring me the head of
Sailor Moon."
There can be reasons. She might not KNOW they aren't
affected. She might be afraid it's a trick. Any number
of reasons. I don't care WHAT the reason is, as long
as it's believable in the context of the story.
This was a logical problem with the original SM, btw.
IF the Generals had attacked in force, they would have
crushed the senshi like a bug(s).
Some fanfiction writers have gotten around this by
postulating an energy limitation on the numbers of
Youma who could be transported at one time.
(It got a little better in later seasons.)
THIS is the point I'm trying to make. I'm not as
interested in "specifically" who has what powers or
who would win a particular fight. Make sure you have
DETAILED the powers and more importantly the LIMITS of
power for all your characters.
For example: It's pretty clear that Usagi, while
powerful, has an upper limit. go beyond that and it
kills her. THIS gives the story Dramatic Tension.
YES, Usagi can whip out the silver crystal and change
the universe with a thought . . .but that amount of
power will kill her.
(Similar limitation on Saturn. She can destroy worlds,
but it's a Kamikaze mission.)
Lina can do a dragon slave . . .but it's NOT a
precision weapon. It's not a close fighting weapon
either. For instance, if Venus held her with a
Venus-love-me-chain, while Jupiter and Mars closed for
some Interpersonal-Conflict-Resolution (ie, bitch-slap
her with a Buick)a Dragon Slave would toast her too.
And, the Dragon Save takes time to power up (Giga
Slave even longer)
She can throw fire-balls, but how many, how fast for
how long? And, how is she if she gets hit with a Mars
Flame Sniper (or if Mars just does a Demon
Banishment?) Lina uses DARK magic? How will that fare
against a Miko?
THIS gives Dramatic Tension. The reader KNOWS, at the
start of the fight . . .
Well, if Lina can _just_ get a little distance and a
few seconds grace, she can crispy-critter the Senshi
with a Dragon Slave.
OR
If Jupiter can _JUST_ hold on a little longer, she can
wear Lina down BEFORE she can pull back far enough to
do a Dragon Slave.
I am NOT offering these as suggestions on WHAT you
should do. I don't care about the specifics.
I AM saying that these are the sort of detail I'm
looking for in a story.
IF you have that sort of detail . . .IF, early on in
the story, you have set these limitations, IMO, it's a
stronger story.
(David Eddings used that to great effect in his
series. His magicians had a LOT of power, but he spent
a lot of time and effort DETAILING exactly what could
and could not be done--the consequences of a mistake.
Made for a much tighter and more exciting story.)
I realize you're working from the first season dub.
Still, the senshi are no pushovers. R,R & L MAY indeed
be stronger. But I want sufficient detail to make it
believable. AND, if R,R & L are THAT powerful . . .
well, it's not very exciting to watch a Pit-bull vs.
Blind Kitten fight. Sort of takes all the suspense out
of it. ^_*
=====
"When I get a little money, I buy books;
And, if any is left, I buy food and clothes."-Erasmus
"A man is a small thing, and the night is large
and full of wonders." -Lord Dunsany
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